|No Turning Back
Author: shulesaddict77 PM
An accident finally brings all the suppressed feelings to the surface.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Harvey S. & Donna - Chapters: 8 - Words: 27,941 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 01-15-13 - Published: 10-20-12 - id: 8627245
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Thanks for the reviews! Love them!
This is a long one. The longest chapter so far. I just couldn't stop. I'm sure you don't mind. Enjoy!
"Let's go back to bed." Harvey murmured against her skin as he nibbled his way down her throat.
"I can't." Donna sighed, tilting her head to give him better access. "I have a very demanding boss. He hates unpunctuality."
"I'm sure he can make an exception." Harvey's lips trailed along her jaw and his hands slipped under her blouse as his mouth closed over hers.
"I don't think so." Donna lifted her hands to his face, her thumbs caressing his cheeks as she traced his lips teasingly with her tongue.
Harvey stepped closer, pressing his hands on the counter beside her. She had laughed at him when he had swung her on it just two minutes ago but she was just too sexy in the morning so he couldn't resist to steal a few kisses from her before they had to go to work. If it would lead to a hot make out session on the kitchen counter he wouldn't say no.
Actually he wanted to drag her back to bed. He hadn't been joking. He could already feel his blood racing south when her tongue slipped into his mouth. You would think that they would have cooled off by now. They'd been together for almost two months but he still had to restrain himself all the time. When he was around her all he could think about was having his wicked ways with her until she screamed.
His blood was roaring in his ears and his hands wandered up her stomach, his fingers brushing along the underside of her breasts. He could feel her shiver and he knew she wouldn't put up much of a fight when he would carry her back to bed. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. Who cared about being late to work.
He shifted even closer to her and grabbed her ass, already lifting her up from the counter as he suddenly heard a key in the lock of his door and he jerked back his head in surprise, furrowing his brows, cursing the unknown intruder.
"Harvey?" Mike's voice shouted from the door and Harvey growled out an expletive that made Donna chuckle.
"Shit, what is he doing here?" Harvey asked quietly, taking in a deep breath in an attempt to get a grip on the desire that rushed through his body.
"Did I forget to mention that I gave him a spare key?" Donna said innocently, a big smirk plastered on her face.
"Donna!" Harvey groaned as he heard Mike walking down the hall. He would round the corner any second now and Harvey tried to step back so that Donna would be able to hop down from the counter. Not that it wouldn't be suspicious anyway that she was at his apartment at seven in the morning. But Donna grabbed his waist and drew him back.
"I think it's time to let him know. Let's give him a little show!"
"What do you have ..." But Donna didn't let him finish his sentence as she crushed her lips on his, forcing her tongue aggressively in his mouth and Harvey completely forgot about Mike as he kissed her back ferociously, his fingers digging into her thighs.
"Harvey, are you ..." Mike rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks as his gaze fell onto the couple in the kitchen. "Wow … ahemm." Mike looked uncomfortable as Harvey didn't make a move to stop the kiss and he expected them to rip each other's clothes of any second. The air was filled with pheromones and the passion radiated from them in waves. He wasn't even aware that Harvey was seeing someone but then his brain caught up to the image in front of him and he took in a sharp breath. "Donna?"
Their kiss slowed and they pulled back from each other slowly, both surprised that the passion had overwhelmed them that easily. They stared into each other's eyes for a few more seconds and Harvey leaned forward again to give her a quick peck before they both turned around to face Mike.
"Hey, Mike." Donna said calmly, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth as she saw the dumbfounded look on his face.
"How … when ..." Mike gulped hard and Harvey raised one eyebrow as his arm snaked around Donna's waist. Mike's eyes dropped to his hand before he looked back up and blurted out. "I knew it."
"Knew what?" Harvey asked. "That it's impolite to barge into someone's living room at seven in the morning?"
"You are sleeping together!." Mike said, his voice full of reproach. They had been playing him all along. He was sure this didn't happen just yesterday.
"Are we?" Harvey raised an eyebrow in question, having a difficult time to keep his face straight.
"Harvey, stop teasing him." Donna swatted her hand across his chest and pushed him back, jumping down from the counter.
"It's not my fault that he is such an easy mark." Harvey replied, rubbing absently over the spot where she'd just hit him.
"And we are not only sleeping together!" Donna said, pinching her finger into his chest.
"So what do you call last night?" Harvey replied, grabbing her with one hand at her waist to pull her into his body while he wrapped his other hand around her finger to stop her from pinching him again.
"I'm not talking about that." Donna told him, squirming in his embrace. "I'm talking about the fact that we are living together. I consider this more than only sleeping together. I would call it a serious relationship."
"You would?" Harvey teased, a laugh escaping his throat when she slapped him on his ass with her free hand.
Mike could only stare at them as he watched them being the same Donna and Harvey he knew from the office except that now they weren't only invading each other's personal space. Their bodies were plastered against each other and Donna curled her fingers around Harvey's hand, leaning further into him before Mike realized what she just said and blurted out. "You are living together?"
"Way to tell the kid." Harvey smirked at her, still not letting go of her.
"Stop it." Donna hissed before she addressed Mike. "Yes, Mike. We are living together."
Harvey could feel Donna stiffen in his arms and he shot a curious glance towards Mike. Normally he could read him very well but he'd never seen this expression on his face before. He could see the hurt in his eyes and Donna slipped out of his embrace, stepping towards Mike but he just held up one hand, stopping her in mid-stride.
"I believed you. You ..." Mike balled his hands into fists, surprised by the feeling of betrayal that hit his body. "It was all a lie?"
"I lied to myself too, Mike." Donna said calmly, her focus now solely on his associate as if he wouldn't even be in the same room.
"You told me the feelings would go away eventually." Mike said with a shaking voice. "They never went away, did they?"
"No. They never went away. But what should I have told you?" Donna said, trying to stay calm though her voice shook slightly as she tried to explain it to him. She'd completely forgotten that Harvey was standing right behind her. She wouldn't even have considered to say what she was going to say if she'd been aware of his presence. "That your heart would bleed every time you would see her with another man, that you would try to hide behind jokes so that she wouldn't see how much you hurt, that there would be moments when you would be alone in your apartment and the mere thought of her would make it almost impossible to breathe? It wouldn't have helped you. You needed reassurance not another blow."
Harvey stared at her open-mouthed and Mike couldn't remember a time he'd seen such a vulnerability in his eyes. He hadn't had a clue and Mike knew he needed to leave immediately, so he stepped forward and put the file he had been holding onto the counter.
"The paperwork for the Hanson merger. I thought you wanted to look over it." Mike turned around but stopped for a second and looked back at Donna. "I'm sorry. I know the hell you've been through. So, I'm sorry."
When they heard the door click shut neither of them moved for another minute. Donna wrapped her arms around herself, staring to the ground. She couldn't look him in the eyes right now. She never wanted to let him know. She exhaled a shuddering breath as she felt him step beside her and closed her eyes as his hands cupped her face and pulled it up gently. His thumbs brushed over her cheeks and he waited until she opened her eyes.
"I'm sorry." Harvey said quietly, a storm of emotions flickering over his face. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm so sorry."
"It wasn't your fault." Donna whispered, giving him a shaky smile.
"Why?" Harvey asked as he took a step back to have a better look at her face.
"Why what?" Donna replied, not knowing what he wanted to hear from her.
"Why did you push me away when I came to your apartment all those years ago?" Harvey said. "I wanted you. I needed you. But you pushed me away. Why? Why did you do it? I thought you didn't love me, but hearing you say all those things to Mike ..." Harvey leaned his forehead against hers, huffing out a breath. "I thought you gave a crap about whom I'm sleeping with. I thought you didn't want me."
"I always wanted you, Harvey." Donna said hardly above a whisper. "I never stopped wanting you. I'm always gonna want you."
"Then why?" Harvey asked.
Donna could hear the slight desperation in his voice and she could feel a pang of regret jolting through her body. Maybe they'd wasted years in which they could have been together or maybe they'd crossed the line at the exact right time. But she knew he deserved an explanation and she'd lied to him for years, she lied to herself for years. It was time to stop with all the lies and just tell him the truth.
"I was so in love with you that it scared the crap out of me." Donna replied quietly, a sad smile appearing on her face. "I couldn't lose you. So I decided the best way to have you in my life forever would be if we would never cross the line."
"But we did cross the line."
"Because I couldn't push you away once again. I'm not that strong."
"You will never lose me, Donna." Harvey promised her, pulling her close, burying his face in her hair as he whispered. "No matter what happens. You will never lose me. I can't live without you."
"Pushing you away was the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole life and I still think it was for the best." Donna mumbled against his chest before she leaned back, lifting her hand to touch her fingers to his lips. "We weren't ready back then."
"Maybe you're right." Harvey reached up and pulled her hand down, entwining his fingers with hers. "But we are ready now. You just moved in with me and hell would rather freeze over before I'll let you go again."
"I'm not going anywhere." Donna said, leaning her head against his shoulder and she closed her eyes, listening to his steady heart beat under her ear.
They stood silent for a few minutes, just enjoying to be in each other's arms. Donna could stay in his arms forever and would never get tired of it. But they had to face real life eventually and with a sigh she stepped back, leaving Harvey's embrace. Brushing her hands over her clothes she straightened them out, trying to gather her thoughts. She knew what they had to do now but she wasn't sure she could convince Harvey that it was the only way.
Clearing her throat, she looked up again to face him and Harvey recognized immediately the determined look in her eyes. Whatever she wanted he wouldn't be able to say no to her. She'd been always able to wrap him around her little finger without any exception. Even before he'd admitted to himself that he was in love with her he could never deny her anything.
But from her whole posture he knew that he wouldn't like what she would suggest. He knew her body language inside out and he sighed inwardly as he realized that even if he would hate to go through with her plan, whatever it was, he would do it for her.
"Harvey, we need to fix it." Donna stated calmly.
"Fix what?" Harvey asked carefully.
"The Mike situation."
"He'll get over it." Harvey said firmly.
Granted they'd both lied to him. Harvey had told him that he would find the right woman eventually even though he'd known deep down that he himself had already found the right woman but couldn't be with her because of the circumstances. Donna had told him almost the exact same thing just with other words. Mike might felt betrayed right now but he would understand their reasoning eventually.
"Harvey, I don't think it'll go away that easily."
"I don't know what we can do to fix it." Harvey argued because there was no point in denying the obvious. "I can't give him a degree."
"No, you can't give him a degree …" Donna paused briefly before she concluded her sentence. "... but you can give him something else."
Harvey knew instantly what she meant and the color drained out of his face as his lawyer brain already calculated the possible outcome. What he came up with wasn't reassuring him in the slightest and he shook his head vehemently. "No, Donna. No way. I'm not … you can't be serious!"
"I am." Donna folded her arms in front of her chest, staring him directly in the eyes.
"It wouldn't only be my job on the line." Harvey tried to convince her. "There are more people involved in his lie now."
"I know. But she deserves to know the truth and Mike is miserable without her."
"Do you know what you are asking of me?" Harvey asked, pushing his hands into the pockets of his pants, gritting his teeth until his jaw hurt.
"I know." Donna said quietly, stepping closer to cup his cheek, her fingers trailing over his jaw until she felt how he relaxed under her hand. "But you are not doing it for me. You are doing it for Mike."
"Fuck!" Harvey cursed, closing his eyes for a brief second.
"So you are gonna tell her?"
"Yes, Donna. I will tell her." Harvey opened his eyes slowly, giving her a lopsided grin. "But you should probably get the moving boxes out of the basement. We might need them soon."
"You wanted to see me?" Rachel stepped into Harvey's office a little unsure of herself. Harvey hardly talked to her. Most of the times he sent Mike or Donna if he needed something from her. She had no idea why he'd called her at ten pm on a Friday night.
"Yes, Rachel. Come on in." Harvey waved her into his office and as she stepped closer she saw Donna standing at the window and she raised her eyebrows in question.
"What is this about?"
Harvey looked over to Donna and she only nodded her head briefly and Rachel's heart fell into her stomach when she saw the serious expression on their faces. "Am I fired?"
Harvey's head swirled around to her and he said firmly. "No. It's not about work."
"Not about work. But why am I here?"
"Sit down, Rachel." Harvey said, waving with his hand in the direction of the couch.
"You know, that doesn't calm me down at all." Rachel told him, walking towards the couch and sitting down.
"It's about Mike, Rachel."
"What about him?" Rachel shot up again, feeling dizzy from the sudden movement. "Is he okay? What ..."
Harvey held up his hand and gave her a reassuring smile. "He is okay. At least he was the last time I saw him. But you never know with him."
"So what do you want to tell me?"
Harvey stared down at his desk, fumbling nervously with a pen and even though Rachel didn't know him very well she knew Harvey was never nervous, at least he never showed anyone if he was. This whole situation got weirder and weirder from second to second. Donna furrowed her brows and cleared her throat, waiting for Harvey to look at her.
"You promised to tell her. We agreed that Mike had been through enough."
"You know, it's not easy for me to trust anyone."
Donna walked towards his desk, sitting down on the edge and Rachel watched them intently. As Donna leaned forward and caressed his cheek, a big smile erupted on her face and she chuckled.
"So I guess 'never' became 'every day', huh?"
Harvey gave her a curious glance before his eyes returned to Donna and he saw a slight blush rising up in her cheeks. He could count the moments he'd seen her blush on one hand and he closed his eyes exasperatedly as he realized what Rachel was talking about.
"Is there anyone in this firm who doesn't know about our past?"
"If I remember correctly there wasn't anything to know about your past." Rachel threw in. "You've never crossed the line."
"Donna!" Harvey let out an exasperated groan.
"What? I'm not apologizing for who I am." Donna replied but when Harvey only raised an eyebrow she sighed and continued. "We had a drink in your office and one thing led to another and I told her that she couldn't touch the ball signed by Patrick Ewing because you would know immediately that someone touched it and then she said that I apparently know you well and ..."
"I asked her silently if anything ever happened between you two." Rachel told him, not waiting for Donna to answer him. "She assured me that you never crossed the line and I asked her why and she said because you can never go back. Well, apparently she doesn't want to go back anymore."
"No, she won't go anywhere." Harvey said possessively as he wrapped his arm around Donna's waist and pulled her to his side.
"Wait a sec. But that wasn't the reason you called me in here. You want to talk about Mike. What's with the cryptic statement that he'd been through enough?"
Harvey took in a deep breath before he pushed himself out of his chair and rounded the desk and leaned against it from the other side, crossing his arms in front of him. Donna stepped beside him and laid a supporting hand on his shoulder.
"Rachel, against my better judgment I'm gonna tell you something that could destroy every single one of us. But Mike trusts you and Donna trusts you. So I'm willing to try to trust you, too. It might bite me in the ass but ..." Harvey paused briefly and Donna squeezed his shoulder. "Mike loves you." Rachel's mouth fell open with surprise and she could only stare at Harvey wordlessly, his next words surprising her even more. "And he sneaked up on me, too. I …" Harvey took in another deep breath before he continued. "I love him, too. And I really wish I've been wrong all along."
"Wrong about what?" Rachel asked, a weird feeling settling into her stomach.
"I was the one who told him he needs to break up with you."
"What?" Rachel took in a sharp breath, narrowing her eyes dangerously. She knew Mike adored Harvey but she would have never thought that he would take his advice when it came to his personal life.
"Well, I actually didn't tell him to break up with you." Harvey clarified. "But I did tell him that he can't tell you the truth and he couldn't be in a relationship with you as long as he was lying to you."
"So you know his secret?" Rachel asked, slightly breathless. She always wondered what the real reason was that Mike broke up with her. It looked like she was about to find out.
"I've known right from the beginning which makes me an accessory to the crime." Harvey looked at her intently before he added. "And Donna. And Jessica."
"Crime? What are you talking about?"
"Rachel, I know you are gonna be upset but I'm willing to trust you. Do you understand?"
Rachel only nodded, waiting for the bomb Harvey would drop on her. She could see the struggle in his eyes. Whatever he was going to tell her it was big.
"I want you to remember that he loves you and that you love him, okay?"
"Just tell me."
Harvey closed his eyes for a second, his hands clenched into fists before he forced himself to relax and open his eyes again. The struggle was gone, now Rachel could only see determination in his eyes.
"He doesn't have a law degree. He didn't even finish college."
"He never went to Harvard."
"He ..." Rachel gulped hard, pressing her hands together until her knuckles went white. "He is a fraud. All of this is a lie."
"Yes." Harvey said, watching her carefully, expecting an explosion any second. "But he never lied about his feelings for you."
"He is not a lawyer?"
"Well, he might not have a degree but he is a lawyer."
"Are you freaking kidding me?" Rachel's voice skipped as she struggled with the anger that was racing through her body. "I can't believe it. How could you hire him in the first place?" Harvey already opened his mouth to explain but Rachel just held up her hand. "You know what? I don't even wanna know. I actually think they were right all along."
"What?" Harvey asked, stunned by the venom in her voice.
"You are a reckless son of a bitch who doesn't give a shit about other people as long as you can amuse yourself." Rachel spat out.
"Rachel!" Donna shouted, throwing her an accusing glance.
"Of course you are defending him. You are always defending him. Guess what? The great Harvey Specter doesn't need your protection. Let me ask you something, Harvey. Is it even possible to give your ego the slightest scratch? The rules don't apply to you, do they?" Rachel hissed, her whole body trembling with hardly suppressed anger. "I … I need to go. You make me sick. All of you, you make me sick."
Harvey stared after her as she rushed through the door and he contemplated if he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life by telling her about Mike's secret. For once he had listened to his feelings and not his brain and it hadn't turned out so well.
"Well, that went just peachy." Harvey said sarcastically.
"She is just upset." Donna replied.
"Should we pack?"
"The office. I'm gonna get disbarred, aren't I?" Harvey sighed, rubbing a tired hand over his face.
"No." Donna said convinced. "She won't tell anyone."
"I'm not so sure about that." Harvey told her. "I rue the day the kid showed up in my life."
"No, you don't."
"How often will I put my job on the line for him?"
"Harvey?" Donna said quietly, lifting her hand to wrap it around his neck.
"You will put your job on the line as often as you need to. That's what people do for the people they love."
"Don't remind me that I actually said it out loud." Harvey groaned.
"What? That you love him?" Donna chuckled slightly when Harvey dropped his face into his hands. "It was cute."
"Cute?" Harvey let out an exasperated breath. "It was embarrassing."
"But it's the truth." Donna said plainly.
"Yes, it is." Harvey replied, slightly reluctant.
"You might not share the same DNA but you love him as if he was your brother."
"Most of the time he is a very annoying brother."
"And you wouldn't want it any other way." Donna stated.
"When did you get so smart?" Harvey asked amused.
"I've always been so smart." Donna smiled up at him and he gave her a peck on the tip of her nose, laughing as she wrinkled her nose.
"So, it's been a long day. What do you think about me and you and the jacuzzi?"
An excited flash crossed Donna's eyes and she grabbed his tie to pull him closer. "I love the jacuzzi."
"Because of all the wicked things I've done to you in it?" Harvey asked teasingly.
Her eyes glazed over and she licked her lips, making him hard in an instant before she rasped. "What can I say? I love the Harvey Specter treatment."
"And I love to treat you." Harvey said suggestively before he pulled her into a hard kiss, showing her exactly what treatment he had in mind.
"So, let's go home." Donna whispered. "I can't wait to get more of the treatment."
"Glad to be of service." Harvey replied as she pulled him out of the office, almost rushing to the elevator. He couldn't blame her. He was almost as eager as she to get to his condo and jump into the jacuzzi. The thought of getting disbarred wasn't as scary when he made love to Donna. Because the most important thing in his life was his relationship with Donna. He could lose his job but he couldn't lose her. As long as she was in his life nothing else mattered.