Author: J-Beckks PM
She hadn't meant to come. Not after he hurt her in some ways she thought impossible. And yet, here she was again, pushing this door open, because she needed to see him, again.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Carrie M. & N. Brody - Words: 1,498 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10-22-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8632462
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I wrote this before New Car Smell aired, so (of course) it happens differently. I hope you'll like it anyway!
Thousands of thanks to Kellie.
Disclaimer: Still nothing.
She saw him, sitting at the same place where she found him that night, a few months ago.
She had come even though she had sworn to herself she wouldn't. Why go back this road? Everything was looking up for her and it wasn't the time to fall. Especially not because of him - for him. Not when she was so close to bring him down.
She had come, she had given in, but she wasn't going to yield more than that.
No alcohol tonight.
Are you still thirsty?
Not at all.
The words flew in her mind. She didn't want them to, she wanted to forget, forget them, forget him.
Her head hurt.
It had happened. Even sober she had been completely under his charms. What would stop her tonight?
Like this morning.
She had just been given the green light to operate a new surveillance mission on him. Estes finally began to take her seriously again. And a few minutes after that, she bumped into him, her mind suddenly blank, her heart suddenly awake.
She was still at the door. He hadn't seen her yet. She could turn back. She should.
But her heart was guiding her steps.
As she was coming towards him, she felt the nostalgia of that night. At that time, she still would have no idea how the night would go, the impact it would have on her life.
She briefly thought of the feeling of his lips against hers, of the passion of their kisses. Of the heat of his boday against hers, of the union of their movements...
Wow. She sighed and ran her hand through her hair.
It was bad. She had it bad.
And alcohol wouldn't help her tonight.
She discreetly came up behind him. Apparently he hadn't waited for her to start drinking. She took the time to appreciate the fact she could come so close to him without him noticing. That she could observe him without him knowing. She had done it before and about to do it again. It gave her courage and hope.
This time, she wouldn't miss anything.
As she got much closer too him, she spoke, softly. "Hey."
"Jeez. Don't sneak up on me like that!"
It didn't prevent him from greeting her with a smile. A smile so dazzling she couldn't look away.
"Sorry." She laughed lightly.
Barely two words and it already felt like flirting.
She broke the eye-contact before it could get worse. She looked down at his glass, made a face, then at the barman.
"Do you have something more... drinkable than that?" she asked, pointing towards Brody's drink.
Brody, whose eyes had barely left her, seemed surprised of her boldness. He soon recovered and remembered quickly who he was talking to. He chuckled. "I see politics are still not your key point."
The barman handed her what looked like a Martini. Brody looked down at it then back at her, teasing and serious. "So you're not following me on this anymore?"
The innuendo, although undeliberate, wasn't lost on both of them.
She decided to play the game. It was dangerous and easy at the same time. He wouldn't dare to talk explicitly about their relationship. He was the one who had wanted to stop everything. Who ruined her career. Who ruined her. How could he dare?
"Nah, once was enough."
She said it lightly. She was almost smiling, tempting him to answer back. His eyes darkened in what she thought was a mix of arousal and sadness.
She quickly changed the subject.
"You're not afraid some journalists may find you here, drinking and fraternizing with a crazy CIA agent?"
She meant to say it on a joking tone but his smile disappeared.
"I don't think you're crazy."
She didn't want to go there. Even if she now knew it didn't affect her judgment and her job. She was still somewhat ashamed. Especially because he had seen her at her worst. And almost forced her into the hospital.
"Not the point... But thanks."
Here it was. His eyes. All his feelings for her, all his sincerity.
They were saying something more tonight. They were telling her he respected her.
That was new.
She felt again the freedom that won her as soon as she had met him. The pleasure of being with someone only because it feels right. Someone who understands and doesn't judge.
His answer to her previous question brought her back to the reality. "Well, it seems I'm not that interesting yet... Can't say I blame them," he said ironically.
He finished his drink down in one and ordered a new one, for him and for her. She began to protest but he hushed her.
His voice told her he already had too much. His speech wasn't slurred just yet but he was more freed.
"You seem to be perfect for them though. You're a hero, a survivor. Someone who went through hell and came back triumphantly. That's what people want, don't they?" She hadn't been able to hide the disgust in her voice when she said "hero". It was obvious she didn't mean it but if Brody noticed it at all, he passed it off as provocation.
"Can we not talk about work? It seems it's the only thing I can think of at the time and I'd really, really like to think about... something else."
As he talked, he moved closer to her. Dangerously – closer. His brain may not have been filtering his words but his eyes were dead serious. She had drunk just enough to want to answer him and to know she should not. His presence was arousing some effects in her she couldn't have anticipated.
"We're not having sex."
"Maybe not here..."
He looked deflated.
"I just want to be with you. Everything is so simple with you. Why can't it be always like that?"
She knew what he meant, and it hurt even more. They couldn't be together, there were so many reasons they wouldn't work... Then why were they so amazing together?
She just shook her head. She couldn't answer him.
Apparently, he wasn't waiting for a reply.
"How was it at the hospital? The electroshocks?"
That... she was not expecting.
"Why - why are you asking me that?"
He caught her off guard, again. She was shocked he dared to ask.
"Did it hurt?"
Yeah, it hurt. I've probably never been more emotionally hurt than at that time when you just completely broke me and sent me there while the only thing I could think about before fading away was you.
"Brody, I don't want to talk about it."
She was still seeing all the pity looks she received.
His face when he rejected her.
The memories of kisses shared next to the lake.
Memories she couldn't bear anymore.
To each one his torture.
"I think it's time we call it a night. It was great seeing you. Goodnight, Brody."
He didn't have time to react as she was already on the leave. She hurried into the chilly night, the air cooling her down. She took a deep breath.
She was close to her car when she heard his voice.
"Carrie! Carrie, wait!"
No. No – he couldn't. She couldn't.
She wanted to turn back, but she walked straight to her car. She searched for her key and heard him calling her name over and over.
As she wanted to avoid drawing too much attention and his voice kept reverberating, she finally turned back.
He was much closer than she expected.
In no time, her back collided with her car door and the only thing she became aware of was Brody kissing her. One of his hands firmly clutching at her hip while the other was wandering on the nape of her neck, pulling her even more into him.
It was everything she remembered. It was passionnate and meaningful, more than ever.
It was one of these moments they didn't want to stop.
She didn't realize her own arms had snuck behind his back, her hands clutching his shoulders.
At last the kiss got slower, sweeter, promising. Never ending.
Their lips broke apart but their forehead stayed put, while trying to catch their breath.
She wondered how they got out of control easily, what would happen next...
"I wanted to show you it's not over. It can't be."
With that he was gone, and she was left alone with her thoughts and new memories.