|Final Fantasy: A Parody Novelization
Author: Quadraginta PM
This is a parody-novelization of the original Final Fantasy, giving the originally silent protagonists voices, and (if you can even call it that) personalities. This parody-novelization follows mostly the same story as the original Final Fantasy (what little story it had in the first place) but with lots of humor thrown in.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 13,773 - Updated: 03-25-13 - Published: 11-01-12 - id: 8664510
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Chapters 1, 2, and 3 may turn you off, because they don't really use much humour. Chapter 4, however, and the rest of the chapters switch to full-on comedy. So, keep that in mind. Anyways, enjoy.
Zeph! You the thief...
Quad! You the black belt...
Rain! You the white mage...
Moon! You the black mage...
YOUR ORBS DONE SHINING. YOU ARE JOURNEY TO SAVE ORBS AND MAKE SHINE AGAIN. HURRY, AND MAKE ORBS SHINE! FOR YOU ARE LIGHT WARRIORS!
They finally arrived on the continent, right outside of the gates to Coneria. Zeph turned to his team, and said "ok, guys, we're here. Let's go get some equipment and rest at the inn." The team agreed. Exhausted and ready to press R to try again, they trudged up to the gates. A guard, sporting nothing but a spear, marched over. "Business? Wait...are those...THOSE ARE THE ORBS! YOU MUST BE THE LIGHT WARRIORS! COME IN, PLEASE!" The group did nothing but grunt, and walked in. They walked to the inn, their feet as if a huge metal ball was attached to them, growing larger and heavier with each step. They paid their money and collapsed, falling into deep sleep on contact with the beds. The next morning, they bought their equipment and went to the king's castle.
(CUE ROYAL CASTLE MUZAK)
"You must be the LIGHT WARRIORS mentioned in Lukhans prophecy...those ORBS are proof...please, go save my daughter? She was kidnapped by Garland, a knight that was once in service with me, but he mysteriously turned evil...save my daughter...nobody can beat Garland...we tried...oh, we tried so hard...if you succeed, I order the bridge up North to be fixed, so you may continue your journey." said the King.
The group marched north, to Garland's castle. The castle at first appeared on the horizon...then grow larger and more threatening with each and every step. The group barged right in through the front door and found Garland with the King's daughter tied up in rope. The LIGHT WARRIORS raised their weapons and charged towards Garland. Garland stood there laughing. "Nobody takes my princess! LIGHT WARRIORS? Hah! Pathetic fools! I, Garland, will knock you all down!" Garland cackled and flourished his hands through the air, summoning a bolt of electricity to fry the LIGHT WARRIORS. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE, ZEPH, KEEP YOUR FACE OFF THE GROUND!" yelled Quad. He jumped over Zeph's terminated body and struck a deadly blow to Garland's head, cracking his knight's helmet down the middle. The helmet broke in two pieces, revealing a handsome face with flowing hair. Rain used a spell to revive Zeph. "Quad," yelled Moon, "fling me into the air, and I'll burn Garland's face with a ball of fire!" Quad did as he was told, with the situation ending with Garland's skin burned, bloody, and flaking. The LIGHT WARRIORS had succeeded. Garland lay dead on the floor, and the King's daughter was safe. "Come on," said Zeph, "we'll get you home."
END OF CHAPTER 1