Summary: Raishinshi wants to be a criminal! What will happen? 8D

Inspiration: Dane Cook's part about the B&E in the stand-up show, Vicious Circle.

Disclaimer: I do not own Houshin Engi/Soul Hunter, nor Dane Cook's stand-up shows, or anything of the sort. This is just for non-profit entertainment purposes only. B]

IT WAS RAISHINSHI AND HIS F*BLEEP* B&E!

A dark-skinned boy was pacing back and forth in his room. Damn... He was bored! He wanted to do something productive with his li- Oh, wait! No, he didn't. He wanted to do something UN-productive with his life. Something so UN-productive that it could ruin him...and others. The boy stopped his pacing and looked up at the ceiling. His half-lidded eyes and semi-open mouth gave the impression that he smoked something.

'Damn...I wanna be criminal...' He said.

Seriously...that was the WORST idea of them all. He was a troublesome guy, like Nataku and Taikoubou. But he was awfully sure that Nataku would never be a criminal because of his mom. And Taikoubou...err... Yeah, that weirdo CAN be a criminal. He loved to do scams. And he cheated. The guy CHEATED, even in his tests! Buuuuuut...he was much more into being a leader than a criminal.

So, Raishinshi started to think about what kind of thing he would do so he could become a damn criminal. Then, an idea sparked in his brain.

He started to scroll, randomly, his list of contacts from his Smartphone.

Tenka? Nah, he was too cool to do it. Nataku? Heck! His mom wouldn't let him! Tenshou? Nope. Too young. Sengyoku? No, she was probably with her 'boyfriend', Dokouson. Outenkun? No. He freaked him out. Chou Kei? F*bleep*! He was so damn whiny! And his girlfriend, Ranei, would kick the snot (and s*bleep*) out of both of them.

Raishinshi stopped scrolling. He desperately needed an accomplice. One that people won't suspect anything, not even his/her parents! One that would try to convince him NOT to commit the crime, but would fail on doing so! One...that his/her parents won't give a crap about it if they find out. That's when...his lips curved into an evil smile. He scrolled up and looked at his would-to-be accomplice. Then, he pressed the call button.

8D

A frail-looking boy was studying in his clean, quiet room. He was doing an exercise from Advanced Math...when his cell phone rang. The boy sighed and took it. He read who it was.

'Huh? W-Why would Raishinshi call right now?' He told himself, confused.

The boy answered.

'H-Hello?'

'Hey there, Bagen! Wanna go on a cool adventure?!' The dark-skinned boy's loud voice could be heard from the other side.

Bagen's skin became paler. When Raishinshi said a 'cool adventure', it meant trouble. Mind-numbing, spleen-wrenching trouble!

'N-No! Thank you! I-I don't like adventures!' He stuttered, frightened.

A snort was heard.

'Ah, come on! Man, you need to get out of that friggin' house! That old man of yours is turning you into a f*bleep* hermit!'

'I-It's not that bad, Raishinshi. He... He just needs some time. You know he's still upset about...Mom.' Ahem... Divorce...

Someone started to knock at his door, violently.

'STOP TALKING, YOU STUPID BRAT! I'M TRYING TO WORK AT MY LAB!'

The person stomped away. Bagen sighed, worried.

'Look, man. I'm trying to study for next week's test. Thanks for the invitation, but...'

'Bagen...' Oh, no. It's that tone.

'Y-Yes?' The boy's voice shook.

'Listen, you bloody douche. If you don't come with me...I will never talk to you, even in our next life! OUR FRIENDSHIP WILL BE OVER! FINITO!' He hung up.

The blue haired boy sighed, knowing he didn't have a choice. Besides, his school work could wait.

8D

'S-So...what are you going to do?'

Raishinshi was pleased... No. He was raging happy! Not only had he got to convince Bagen to join his quest for trouble. His friend had a car that drove away everyone's attention! An expensive Ferrari!

'Oh, nothing special. Just a B&E.'

'...Bacon and eggs?'

'Yes. Bacon and eggs. That's what we're going to do.' Rai said with a sweet voice...that was followed by a hard slap against the back of Bagen's head.

The car screeched to a halt.

'What was that for?!'

'You stupid sissy! We're going to do a B&E! Breaking and entering! You got it, punk?!' Bagen paled even more when he heard this. 'Now, keep driving. I don't have all day.' The boy added as his accomplice continued to drive.

'Damn, Raishinshi...' Said boy spoke, shaking while driving the car and looking at the passenger when he talked. 'We aren't supposed to do this! We're going to get busted! What will your uncle say when he finds out?!'

'Blegh! He wouldn't give a s*bleep*. He's downtown, getting his way with a girl.' The dark-skinned boy replied, bluntly.

Bagen blushed, imagining what the guy said about Uncle Hatsu. (Yes, everyone knew the guy as Uncle Hatsu...or, as the girls called him, Pimp Daddy Hatsu.)

Raishinshi ignored the boy's reaction and started to look at the houses.

Too crowded... Too many dogs... Too pink! Err...I don't wanna know what in tarnation's name is in that place... HAH! PERFECT! The boy grinned, evilly. He started to tap at Bagen's shoulder.

'Stop the car right a bit far away from that house. That's where we're going to do the B&E.' He pointed his finger at the house he chose.

This will be a long day, Bagen thought.

8D

They left the car behind. Raishinshi started to climb the fence and land at the other side. He was glad that no one was around (not even outside) to watch them.

'Gah! No! My shirt!' Bagen whispered, though it seemed like he was shouting.

The boy who came up with the B&E grunted, desperate, and walked up to the fence to help the other. The pale-skinned boy, after he got to land at the other side, whined; he was looking at his shirt, which got a ripped hole on it.

'Damn! And it was my favorite!'

'Then, you shouldn't have brought that damn shirt in a B&E! Use the one your mom gave you, instead!'

'But this is the one Mom gave me!'

Raishinshi turned around, slowly. His face said 'I'M-GONNA-F*BLEEP*-KILL-YOU-YOU-F*BLEEP*-BASTARD'. Bagen walked a few steps backwards, frightened.

'Then, put on a plastic bag, dumbass!' Raishinshi replied, with a funny, falsetto-like voice.

Both males ended up their little chit-chat and continued walking toward the front door of the house. The dark skin boy looked everywhere (including up and down) and turned to his scared accomplice, who was shaking uncontrollably.

'Okay. On the count of three, we'll bring this door now.' Rai said, excitedly.

Bagen shook his head in a frantic way. The other boy frowned.

'Alright, you pansy. You count and I'll take it down myself. Sheesh!' He turned towards the door.

'O-One... T-T-Two... T-T-Three...'

Both stood there, the blue hair boy with his eyes shut and the other still crouching and shaking his hands. Ten minutes passed...and they were still standing there.

'Uh...Ra-'

'Oh! I GOT IT!' A loud pam, snap and some faint clangs were heard, followed by a far away boom.

Bagen's eyes were as big as plates, and his jaw seemed to want to hit the floor. Yes. Raishinshi kicked the door open and sent it to the other side of the main room. Said rebel was panting. He crouched forward, his hands on his knees. The boy started to laugh a bit.

'R-Raishinshi! Let's get the hell out of here! We'r-!' Bagen shrieked like a girl...just to see his friend kick another door down.

'DAMN, THAT FELT GOOD! Let's get out of here!' Raishinshi grinned, goofy.

8D

They both went back to the car. Fortunately, Bagen (with plenty of guilt) took the piece of clothing that was stuck in the fence. In no time, they were driving straight to Raishinshi's. During the journey, Bagen realized something. He looked at Raishinshi, confused. The other guy stared back, blankly.

'What?'

'Uh... Why didn't you take something from that house?'

For the first time, Raishinshi realized it as well. He thought...and he thought...and he thought...until...

'Meh... I guess I didn't want to be a criminal at all. I just wanted to kick a door down!' He grinned, stupidly.

Bagen wanted to bang his head against something. His friend was hopeless!

8D

'WHO THE F*BLEEP* DID THIS TO MY HOUSE?!' The roaring voice of Bunchuu could be heard all over China.

Last notes: Whoa… That was…irreverent… O^o