|Boyfriends Are The Best Friends
Author: Rambutans PM
Wally and Dick decide it would be hilarious to troll the team (mostly Artemis) into thinking they are boyfriends. Then they maybe accidentally become actually boyfriends. Eventual Dick/Wally, but lets be real it's Dick/Wally the whole time.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Wally W./Kid Flash & Richard G./Nightwing - Chapters: 5 - Words: 26,577 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 251 - Updated: 04-03-13 - Published: 11-12-12 - id: 8698331
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Authors note shamelessly copy/pasted from tumblr: I haven't decided if I want to add a plot beyond romance to this but I probably won't because then I will never finish it. So like I am guessing there will be maybe two or three more parts. It's likely there may be four. Five is also a possible outcome. Six is not unreasonable. Seven is unlikely.
Ugh why don't I have a 24/7 person to edit my things and tell me when my writing is great and when it is the worst because I CAN'T. TELL. Don't judge me, my moist play-dough heart would never be able to take it.
I am just kidding. Judge me please. Give me critiques if you so desire. I am a brittle brown leaf fallen from the sycamore in your backyard. Crush me beneath your worn winter boots. I am dust in the wind.
Wally loved his team-mates, really. Even Artemis - when she wasn't being a huge B - could be fun to hang with now and then. But that didn't mean he always shared their interests or passions, and as a result Movie Mondays were hard to sit through sometimes. Particularly when certain very grumpy, monkey hating individuals joined forces with certain laid back, oceanic fairing individuals and decided that 2001: A Space Odyssey was the thing to watch.
Wally had been subjected to 2001: A Space Odyssey every single year on Barry's birthday since he moved in with Wally's Aunt Iris. How a speedster could stand to sit through that two-and-a-half hour excuse for a film, Wally would never know, and he could say with honest certainty that it was not the thing to watch. Despite how vehemently Wally tried to communicate this to Conner and Kaldur, everyone - even Dick - insisted that it was a "classic" and therefore "worth a try", so Wally resigned himself to a night of agony and intense boredom at the hands of his friends' poor taste in movies.
By the time the overture was finally over, Wally expected his teammates to begin showing the classic signs of apathy, distaste, and disgust that went along with watching 2001: A Space odyssey, but Conner, who could often be found watching static when no one was in the rec area, looked enraptured, and Kaldur was sporting the same passive expression that he always did.
Artemis at least looked discontent, her head lolling back and forth in disbelief every now and then against the wing of her chair, and M'gann had been making more and more frequent excuses to check on her currently baking pie. Soon both of the girls would be down for the count and that just left Dick who, after the overture, had slumped against Wally's shoulder and whispered into his ear, "They should call it overtorture."
It wasn't much, but Wally could work with it. If he timed things well, he could have the majority vote in favor of a movie switch by the time M'gann's pie was ready to chill. All he had to do was play his cards right.
Wally inclined his head towards Dick's and said, "Don't forget, Rob. You wanted to 'give it a shot', if I remember correctly."
"How was I supposed to know it would be this bad?" Dick said, shifting closer and lowering his voice. Wally wasn't sure why though, Kaldur may not have been able to hear them, but there was no point trying to keep Conner from listening.
"It just gets worse, I promise." Wally said.
"How can it get worse than this?" Dick motioned to the tv where actors in monkey suits who were supposed to look like hominids danced and flailed around a large obelisk.
"Do you really want to have to find-"
"Hey, lovebirds, quit talking. We can all hear you." Artemis turned in her chair and trapped them in the vice grip of her dark eyed stare.
Wally made a face at her. "Don't tell me you're enjoying this, Blondie."
"Look, it may not be my favorite, but you and your boyfriend wonder pick the movie almost every Monday. Give somebody else a chance."
Dick clutched Wally's arm between his hands and said, "Don't hate us 'cause you ain't us, Artemis. We're just fools in love."
For a few seconds, Artemis looked at them like she was trying to figure something out. Then she turned back around in her chair and muttered, "Doesn't mean you have to be dicks in love."
"Isn't that what boyfriends are?" Wally said.
Dick cackled and held out his fist for Wally to bump. "Nice one."
This provoked Artemis to face them again with a snarl creeping onto her lips. "Really, Wally? Really?"
"Perhaps," Kaldur's voice echoed loudly over the surround sound of the movie and it made Wally jump. "Those of us who are not enjoying the film should leave, so that those of us who are enjoying it can enjoy it."
"Oops," Dick said in a tone that seemed only half sincere.
Wally sunk into the cushions of the couch. "Sorry, man…"
Next to them, Artemis sighed and turned one last time to glare at Wally. For a moment he could almost hear the words I'm not apologizing, this is your fault ringing through his head. Maybe Blondie was part Martian. He stuck his tongue out at her for good measure before she looked away.
After a bit, Wally leaned back over Dick's shoulder and said, "Dude that was an open invitation. Can we please skip this movie night?"
Dick watched the screen for barely half a second before he blinked and said, "Yeah okay, let's go."
Artemis may have stayed to watch 2001: A Space Disaster but Wally saw the wistful look in her eye when he and Dick got up to leave. Maybe he couldn't woo her into voting for a movie-swap, but he came close… sort of. At least he got Dick to leave with him.
"Dude, why does your room smell like febreze and B.O.?"
Wally glanced away from his computer to look at Dick who lay flat on Wally's bed, his nose scrunched up with his hands behind his head. "Um, what do you want me to do, open a window? In case you haven't noticed, we're inside a mountain."
Removing his sunglasses and setting them on Wally's night stand, Dick scooted off the bed. He exhaled something that sounded like a foreign language as he crossed Wally's room and then said, "That's what the vents are for." After a few moments of fiddling with the keypad next to Wally's door, a holographic interface sprang up, similar to the one on Robin's glove. The air ducts above Wally's head and on the other side of the room began to whirr and rattle, and Dick turned around with a smirk.
"Wow, okay. Not all of us are world class hackers, Dick."
Dick's smirk slipped into a frown. "Dude, Secret ID! And you don't have to be a world class hacker to turn on your vents - but I'm flattered anyway."
"What? You took off your shades!" Wally slouched against his pillows. The computer in his lap began to hum in time with his now airing vents - an attempt to reclaim Wally's waning attention, no doubt.
"Yeah, and You-Know-Who has super hearing." Dick gave Wally a scolding look and it was somehow not as scathing as usual. Dick's exposed eyes made him appear younger than he really was sometimes. Or maybe they just made him look as young as he actually was. Wally tried not to think about stuff like that.
"Wow, did you even look in this drawer when you got here before you started filling it with crap?" Dick said in reference to Wally's night table which housed a fraction of his superhero memorabilia - mostly just the things he couldn't fit in his room back home anymore.
"Hey! That's not crap. Some of that stuff is collectable." Wally said, eyeing Dick cautiously as he rifled through the drawer.
"Just because you can collect it doesn't mean it's not crap." Dick pulled a slightly scuffed Robin action figure out of the debris and smiled. "Cute." He set it on top of the table and then dove back in, this time emerging with a thin staple bound book which he tossed at Wally.
"User manual for the room interface. If you actually read it, it's not that hard to operate." Dick climbed back onto the bed and flopped down next to Wally who was looking at the manual like it was a ticking bomb. "So did you notice Artemis totally thinks we're dating?"
Wally snorted. "Yeah. I can't believe she thought you were serous."
"I can't decide if it's astrous or disastrous."
"Probably both," Wally flipped through the pages of the manual, skimming them at super speed as they fluttered in and out of his line of vision. "Dude! There's a TV in my room?"
"Behind the wall panels, yeah. It's meant for video calls from the league and stuff like that, but I can rig it to pick up cable if you want."
Dick yawned over Wally's emphatic pleas of, "I need it, please Rob, yes, oh my god."
"Okay. Give me a day or two to jack one of Batman's Xfinity cable boxes."
At the end of its usefulness, the manual was cast aside and Wally said to Dick, "You are the best friend ever," before returning his attentions to the laptop on his legs
"You are truly privileged to have me." Dick sat up and yawned again, then groaned in what Wally assumed to be disgust. It was not uncommon for Dick to complain about how much time a person wasted sleeping due to the rigorous insomniac influences of Batman. Despite this, Wally knew Dick to be almost unable to stay awake at night if he wasn't on patrol or otherwise engaged in heavily strenuous mental or physical activities. Dick considered it to be a character flaw but Wally just thought it was mostly funny.
"Boyfriend extraordinaire," Wally said and typed Super Mario Bros live action into google search.
Robin laughed. "We should totally screw with Artemis over that."
"We should screw with the whole team over it. Nobody said anything."
"Yeah, that was kind of weird." The bed bounced when Dick fell back against the mattress and huffed. "Are we going to watch a movie on your shitty computer or are we just going to talk about how the team thinks we're going out?"
"I'm trying to find a link!"
Dick craned his neck over Wally's arm to look at the screen and grimaced. "No, Wally. Not Super Mario Bros. That movie is a disaster, extra heavy on the dis."
"Aw, come on. It's funny!"
"No. Give me that," Dick said and somehow reached both of his arms across Wally's stomach to type without sitting up.
"No rom coms, Rob. I'm serious."
"Dude, Super Mario Bros is a rom com."
"No way. It's an action sci-fi comedy that appeals to gaming culture."
"Wow. No it's not." Dick said, striking the enter key inordinately hard.
Somehow while Wally had been trying to convince Dick that Super Mario Bros was a great movie filled with humorous value, Dick had already found an HD link to The Princess Bride, and Wally ended up watching Wesley wrestle with R.O.U.S.'s though half-lidded eyes before he fell asleep.
The artificial sun lights painted Wally's room in a dim yellow haze and he hated the way it pried his eyes open against their will. His laptop had migrated from his thighs to the edge of the bed during the night and he dragged it away from its dangerous perch and turned to Dick who had at some point cocooned himself beneath Wally's covers and left absolutely no blankets for Wally.
Currently, Dick seemed to be experiencing some sort of twitching episode - probably a nightmare. Wally knew better than to wake him up from it, so since he wasn't going back to sleep with Mount Justice's stupid automatic lighting clogging up his head with early morning instincts, he booted up his computer and waited for Dick to return to the land of the living.
One of Wally's hands was resting on the crown of Dick's head when Dick jerked awake, groaned, and slowly fumbled into a sitting position.
"You okay?" Wally asked, moving his hand away from the dented pillow where Dick's head had been.
"Ugh, yeah, I dreamed that batman fired me. Then he married Supes and they both quit being heroes and I had to read about it in a tabloid to find out."
Wally laughed. "Sounds great."
"It was amazing." Dick said and stared at Wally's poster covered wall behind half lidded eyes. Wally noted that Dick looked like a giant burrito with a head poking out one end the way he had all those blankets folded around him. It made Wally hungry. "Is that a Flying Graysons poster?" Dick asked.
Wally pulled his eyes away from Dick the Robin burrito and looked at the wall across from his bed. "Um, yes."
"Is it new?"
Out of habit, Wally's hand rubbed the short hairs on the base of his neck. "Sort of. I ordered it like three months ago, but it just came last month."
Dick raised an eyebrow. "You could have just asked me for one. I've got a bunch."
"Yeah, I mean." Wally rolled his shoulders and it turned into a shrug. "I don't know, I kind of thought of that but... it seemed like it would have been weird... or something. Maybe?"
Dick snorted. "It wouldn't have been weird. It's totally astrous that you have one, dude."
"It's okay that I put it up here and everything, right?"
"Yeah, just say you asked me to get it for you when we had that mission at Haley's or something if anybody asks." Dick yawned and finally stretched out of his blanket burrito, revealing a black t-shirt and yellow flash pajama pants that he had definitely not been wearing when they fell asleep. "I don't know why you always do nice stuff for me and then not tell me like you don't want me to know you did it. That's weird."
The pajama's, Wally decided, were a great way to avoid having to respond to that statement, so Wally did the adult thing and ignored it. "Did you actually wake up in the middle of the night and make the conscious decision to steal my clothes?"
"Probably not." Dick rolled off the bed, landed on his hands and cartwheeled the rest of the way into a standing position.
"Those are my favorite pair of pj pants, dude."
The sunglasses that had been on Wally's nightstand appeared suddenly on Dick's face and he smirked. "Suck it. M'gann is probably re-warming her pie for breakfast you know."
Suddenly, Wally was over his pajamas crisis and across the room, standing next to Dick in front of his door. Wally's laptop, abandoned and tipped over on its side, watched him walk away with Dick. A silent beep of pain escaped its speakers as the door closed behind them.
Wally and Dick emerged from Wally's room as Artemis rounded the corner of the hall. Her hair was damp and done up in a bun to keep it from drenching the back of her Star City Stags jersey. She gave them both a pinched look that escalated into a frown when Dick's arms slithered around Wally's neck and he said, "Ugh, Wally why am I so tired."
Wally swallowed his initial reaction, which was to push Dick away and make whining baby noises about cooties. Instead, he slipped his hand into the pocket of Dick's (Wally's) pajama pants and said, "Dunno, dude. You hardly slept last night."
Artemis's eyes widened appropriately at this and she picked up her pace.
"You think that's why?" Dick said and then groaned in a long, drawn out and painful manner.
"By the way, thanks for letting me borrow your pants, dude."
As Artemis passed, Dick let go of Wally and tugged his arm. They began following her toward the kitchen. "No problem, Rob. Not like you could have slept in yours."
"Yeah, that would have been majorly uncomfortable."
"Stop!" Artemis's hands flew to her ears and she hunched her shoulders. "Enough, I don't want to hear about it!"
Dick scoffed and it had a distinctly offended tone to it. "Don't be weird, Artemis. We're just talking about s-"
Artemis expelled a guttural cry and sprinted down the hall.
"Sleepovers," Dick finished.
Wally was laughing through his nose when Dick untangled their arms. "This is going to be great," he said.
Dick smirked. "What are you talking about, it's already great."