Author: TheSealer PM
Londo Mollari reveals to Garibaldi and Vir his opinion on the reasons for the designs of the Earth Alliance war ships. Dissing the Humans. One-shot!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - & Londo - Words: 822 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11-13-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8700157
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I only own the plot and nothing else. Short I know, but I found it funny.
Londo Mollari was at a bar in the Zocalo, drinking a generous glass of Brivari, his favourite drink. Unlike most of the times, he was not alone. Vir Cotto, who had returned from Minbar two days ago, was with him. However, Vir wasn't enjoying his drink. He was pleading to Ambassador Mollari to see how the original version of his report was better than the one Londo had corrected for him.
"Londo, just look at this." – Vir began reading another excerpt of his report. – "The Minbari don't disdain the others for their differences in culture; they instead embrace them."
"Yes, Vir I'm sure that's true, you were always very observant. But this is about politics, not truth." – Londo replied dismissively – "You should scratch that and put it like 'The Minbari have no sense of culture whatsoever that they're ready to adopt the costumes of others.' That will make the Emperor think the Minbari are completely blind when it comes to making alliances. He will enjoy that."
"Vir, Vir, Vir." – Londo shook his head, taking a sip of his drink. – "To the Royal Court, what matters is what we say, not the truth. If we want to keep our position, we have to say what they want to hear. Unless you want to end up like Lord Jano."
"What do you mean?" – Vir questioned, confused. He remembered Londo spoke about Lord Jano briefly before G'kar had attacked him, a few weeks ago (Episode: Dust to Dust). – "You said he was married to Lady Arno so he was never sterilized."
"Yes, Vir. He was never sterilized. He was castrated, instead." – Londo responded, which made Vir shake. Still, the younger ambassador persisted.
"But if I'm the only ambassador that actually reports the truth, maybe that would be good for the Republic. To compensate for the lack of honesty." – at this, Londo chuckled.
"Vir, if you want compensation go talk to an Earthforce official. The Human capital ships are all about compensation." – the older Centauri's comment attracted the attention of a certain Human who was standing in the bar.
"And what's that supposed to imply, Londo?" – Michael Garibaldi whispered sternly holding a glass of water. The two Centauri only then noticed the man's presence.
"Ah, Mr. Garibaldi" – Londo greeted loudly. He was rather surprised; lately, Mr. Garibaldi hasn't been very friendly towards him. – "I didn't know eavesdropping on conversations was your pastime."
"I'm head of Security for some reason. Now why don't you spill it out?"
"I'm sorry, but no. This is Brivari and I wouldn't spill a single drop of it, even for you my good friend." – Londo grinned, though he knew what Mr. Garibaldi was implying. When the man gave an even sterner look, he obliged. – "You see, the design of your war ships intrigued me ever since I saw one of them. It's as if your engineers only focus on building war ships with a greater length and a relatively small width than any other ship."
"A few years ago, I realized they probably do it to compensate the small self-esteem of your race, Mr. Garibaldi."
Londo's explanation didn't clarify Garibaldi at all. And neither did it to Vir, who listen the conversation in his corner.
"Londo, what makes you think Humans have low self-esteem?" – Vir asked. Garibladi returned to his water, not bothering to fully listen to the Londo's apparent senseless further explanation. Londo turned to Vir.
"Just picture a male Human in your head. Then picture an Earth Alliance capital ship, but much smaller, inside that same Human's pants." – Londo's answer made Vir, who knew a little about Human masculine genitals, to gasp. Garibaldi who overheard the last part choked on his water and spit the all thing out. Londo chuckled at both their reactions.
"Hey!" – Garibaldi faced the ambassador, his male-pride urging him to it. – "I'll have you know…"
"Don't be so insulted, Mr. Garibaldi." – Londo grinned. – "There is no shame on that. It's perfectly acceptable for your race to try showing a…more respectful show of your manliness when you go into battle."
That however didn't turn off Garibaldi's irritation.
"I'll have you know, Londo, that my people have a longer 'self-esteem' than all your 6 'self-esteems' combined."
"Oh?" – Londo spotted another chance to tease the man. – "And does that also applies to Human females?"
For those who don't get the idea, Londo was implying that Human males have incredibly small penis. That's why Humans build long war ships. To compensate for their relatively small reproductive appendages. So Humans try to show a better exhibition of their manliness to the galaxy through their warships. Let's not forget that Centauri's male genitals are six long tentacles, ok.