|Wanna end this once and for all?
Author: Milflover07 PM
Patty/ellen (femslash): Ellen thinks about few words she's had with Patty and feels the urge to discuss the "assumptions" she's been operating under every since her attack. She cannot wait to discuss it so she shows up at Patty's apartment after giving her a call.Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama/Romance - Words: 1,315 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11-13-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8702139
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
*I don't own any of these characters, only ship them to death*
WANNA END THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL?
Damages : Patty/ellen
"Looks like you have a decision to make"
Ellen wasn't sure about which decision she was to make exactly, but there were many things she'd wish to decide if she had her say in it… Right now, she couldn't help thinking about that discussion. Words were echoing in her mind: You hate me? You wanna end this once and for all? Now's your fucking chance.
There she was, in front of her ex-boss' building, in the coldness, angry, and she couldn't wait until the flight tomorrow to discuss what was to get off her chest, with the woman whom she'd been obsessed with for years now. She wanted to discuss it now, for some impulse that she didn't want to question.
-I don't hate you.
-I hate what you did, okay?
-And what's that?
-Don't do this Patty. Don't play with me again. I should be hating you. What you did to me, who does that? I mean I can't just get over it and pretend nothing happened even though you'd like me to. Don't you think it's warrantable?
-Ellen, it's late, let's not have this conversation on the phone.
Ellen soon showed at Patty's door, and she was boiling like she'd been holding everything inside for too long. "Hi, you're cold. I assume that you need a drink."
-You look at me like you know better, you try to make me confused and make me believe I am, and you wanna know something? It works, sometimes it really does, in fact, I really would love to believe you, when you're so convincing, when you seduce me or when we have a little chat around coffee or bourbon. But I know you, and I'm sick of it all.
-So I suppose you won't come in?
-You act as if I was nonsense but I'm not the one who's having problems here, I'm not a psycho.
-Oh you don't have problems do you? Well I'm glad to hear that, because you certainly don't seem like it. You look like a child whining and begging for more than what she needs, a plague. You're a capricious girl and always have been.
"The begging for more than she needs" part was planned less innocent in Ellen's mind than she wanted to admit it. Still shivering from the coldness of outside, she finally made her way past Patty and the living room to the kitchen, and followed by her, still with her coat on, sat on the edge of a chair. She tried not to look so pleased by the sight of Patty in a tight sleeveless shirt and loose pants, basically her pajamas, and focused. "What I need, Patty, is to know the truth from you, and all of it. Why did you do it?"
-Don't ask stupid questions Ellen. Whatever I did in the past, I did it for a reason.
-What, your case? Your career? You didn't want me to blow it all up, so you asked Pete? You were so disoriented, that you let Pete in charge of having me killed, and now think you can just wash your hands of it? I wanna know, how, how did you get so carried away? All you did you did it for a reason? I mean can't you stop acting like you were in fucking control when we both know that you weren't, or else we wouldn't be having this conversation.
-Alright Ellen, I said I did all I did for a reason. Maybe at some point in my life, I wasn't seeing things as clearly as I should, and that made me base my decisions on not so good reasons. I lost something, along with your trust. I'm sorry about that. You asked me, many times, if I had any regrets and if it was worth it. Now you know; my biggest regret has always been towards you.
-So you're admitting, for real, but now you also regret it?
-I've never been in peace with it. I don't know what happened. All I know is that it's always been different, with you.
-You stuck around, I kept you around, despite what makes you so angry. So I gotta ask, why are you here now Ellen?
Not realizing the glass of bourbon Patty had put to her intention on the counter, nor the sip she took like her life depended on it, Ellen swallowed the burning liquid and went on : "Patty, you're a complex woman. Of all people, I've always loved to think that I knew you better, through the years, that I could understand you. I even felt confident enough to go up against you in this case. I played your game, not only to win, or to make a name for myself, but to beat you at your own game with your own rules. I wanted you to respect me. I wanted a fair shot with you, to be more than just another pawn on the great Patty Hewes'chess board."
-Ellen, that's not what you are.
-Does it always have to be an act with you? How long are we gonna go on like this? Being ambiguous?
Though anyone could see through the lines…
-Well you didn't seem to have any complaint with it until now, for you stuck around. And Ellen, haven't we always been like that? Sometimes you ask me things that I'm not even sure the answer you want really is the one you're asking for.
Ellen certainly knew what her body was asking for… She laughed nervously.
"Maybe you're right, I don't make sense. I'm here, telling you how angry I have been, when all I wanted was for you to know my worth. Your opinion about me, somehow, matters, and if you'd ask me why, I'm not even sure I'd know the answer. And you asked why I'm here? I don't even know myself.
Ellen's hand was shaky on the counter, she was getting emotional, and although bourbon was hiding some of it, Patty saw it and put her hand on Ellen's. She looked into her tearful eyes, reassuring.
"Yes you do, Ellen. You really wanna end this once and for all, and you know how",
Patty came across the counter, closer to a dazzled Ellen, and while moving a strand of hair behind the brunette's ear, put her left hand on her shoulder. "You know how, when and where." Ellen gasped at the sudden body contact and closeness of their lips, and finished Patty's statement: "now". They gazed deep in each other's eyes for few seconds, then they were lost in their kiss.
They weren't sure who started the kiss, but it made Ellen feel warm all in a sudden. Patty's lips were soft, while tasting Ellen with such gentleness, genuinely. Ellen had forgotten every ounce of frustration she came here with, if it really was what had brought her here in the first place.
"I guess you knew all along why I came here didn't you."
-I know you well enough.
-Can I ask you something?"
-Yes, but it's your last question.
-What is your worst regret towards me really?
-The fact that you're in my kitchen, while you should be in my bed.
-Well I'm sure we could work this out.