|Real Men, Real Friends
Author: Celestial Rainstorm PM
When Susan finds herself in a bit of a mess, she knows she has to rely on her friends to help her in her current situation. However, she feels as if they've all ditched her, and she believes that there are no good men - friend or romace - anymore. However, can the guys prove her wrong? Rated T for adult-ish situations, implied/light Dr. C./Susan. Five-shot story.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Friendship - Susan M./Ginormica & Dr. Cockroach - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,778 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 01-06-13 - Published: 11-15-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8706614
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
What's this? Cel Rainstorm, THE Celestial Rainstorm, is lurking in the MvA section? What has the world come to?
But seriously. I rented this film and fell in love. 9 is still my main guy (the fandom from which you might know me from) but I'm obsessing right now. I had such a writer's burst it wasn't even funny. You'll see a lot more of me around. This story was stemmed from a conversation with my best friend and mother. We were talking about what a real man was, and what he did. Then my BF and I talked about if this...erm, stuff, happened with only a single girl and a group of guys. Therefore, this fluffy little plot bunny was born. Warning, that it's a tad bit more adult than I'm used to writing, but I hope you all enjoy anyway!
Warning: clever inferences to girl stuff and fluff between our sweet little gentleman bug and our kind and brave giantess (or, rather, Dr. C/Susan)
(BTW, Monger's first name is Warren. I researched it LOL).
Part 1: You've Got To Be Kidding Me!
The skies over Nevada were bright and sunny that morning. The glorious golden sun was rising slowly into the sky. The arid climate was rather mild that fall day, with just enough of a hint of summer hanging on to make it a perfectly pleasant day. Nevertheless, at a certain Area Fifty-One – erm, ah-heh – I mean, a certain facility, the lovely day was not observed. Not since the entire building and underground dwelling was filled with a high-pitched, horrified scream.
Inside the main common room, a metallic-walled prison cell (which looked much nicer since it had been redecorated for the pleasure of its inhabitants), three bizarre-looking beings were enjoying the morning. They had woken, and gone out into the common room for a peaceful day, merely hanging out. Two of the strange beings, one being a mere glop of bright cerulean goo with a single mahogany eye, the other a finned, scaled fish-ape hybrid of some sorts, were sitting at their table, playing cards. An immense red butterfly-looking creature stood behind the little table, peering at the cards over the blob's "shoulder." The fourth creature, what appeared to be a human man with a large, insect head was tinkering around with a few gears and a wrench. They had quietly waited for their breakfast to arrive, completely content and…suddenly they were trying to catch their breath as the scream echoed throughout the entire facility.
"What…the…heck….was that?" The scaled, finned man asked in annoyance. He clutched his heaving, dull green chest. Link threw down his cards, (revealing a winning hand) and jumped up from the table. B.O.B. scratched his head and followed The Missing Link as they walked to the center of the common room. Insectosaurus gave a low growl of concern, turning his huge, furred body in the direction of the scream. The last monster, Doctor Cockroach, left his tinkering on the floor as he quickly joined his fellow monsters in trying to deduce the source of the screaming.
"What was that?" Link repeated, looking to his friends in worry.
"What was what?" B.O.B. replied, giving a cheerful, clueless smile. Link rewarded the question with a sharp clout to the back of B.O.B.'s head.
"The scream, idiot!" Link snapped at him. The doctor rolled his large, hazel eyes and proceeded to walk out of the common room. Link and B.O.B ceased their quarreling and followed Dr. Cockroach to…wherever he was going.
"It…almost sounded like our Susan." Dr. Cockroach said worriedly, walking briskly in the direction of the scream. The other two monsters followed, casting worried glances at each other. They walked in silence until they came to a stop…at the closed door…of Susan's restroom. The manufacturers of the facility for the monsters had come up with several ideas to help Susan feel more at home. One of which, was constructing her a proper restroom, a thing which every woman needs. Twenty-foot wide fluffy towels were sewn for three weeks. Soap bars, the size of cars, were made in a huge pot. A fancy shower that had the force of a torrential downpour was also installed. It was extravagant, although, at the moment, Susan didn't seem to be enjoying it very much.
"Um…hello, Susan, dear? Are you in there?" Dr. Cockroach said cautiously, gently rapping on the sixty-five-foot tall door with his knuckle. Link and B.O.B. inclined the sides of their heads to the large barrier, listening for any indication that their friend might be in there…and why she had screamed in terror. Could she possibly be in danger? The three monsters silenced themselves for a moment while waiting for their friend to answer. Instead, they heard something distinct, yet muffled through the door. It was a smallwhimpering sound, and what sounded like sniffling. There was silence between them for a few more moments before the thick and shaky voice of Susan drifted through the door.
"Doc? Are you there?" She asked softly. It was quite obvious that she had been crying. Dr. Cockroach exchanged an extremely apprehensive glance with his two friends before replying.
"Yes, Susan, dear. Are you alright?" He asked through the door. There were another few moments of silence, filled only with Susan's miserable sniffling.
"Can – can you get Monger? I really…I just really need some help." Susan said before she issued another bout of quiet crying. Dr. Cockroach looked back at his friends, his brow furrowed in worry. Link shrugged.
"We'll stay here. You go get Monger, Doc." Link said, putting his webbed hand on the door and giving it a pat. Dr. Cockroach nodded and turned away to go and find their warden. He couldn't help but roll his eyes as B.O.B. called after him, "That's right! You stay here, and I'll go find the General!"
There was a moist-sounding smack, and Link's mutter of, "Idiot."
Ever since the group of monsters had banded together and defeated an evil world-destroying alien and a genetically-altered snail, they had been granted their full freedom, free of any trials or tribulations. Though they still called their cells home, they were allowed to explore the facility as they pleased, and the good Doctor received many waves and greetings from the employees of the Area. He walked briskly to the meeting lounge, where fresh, hot coffee was served every morning for the employees. Dr. Cockroach gently pushed the door open, revealing a big group of people laughing and chatting.
Immediately, the Cockroach man spotted General W.R. Monger with his feet crossed on the table, contentedly sipping his cup of steaming-hot coffee and in a good need of a shave. He was in his "weekend clothes," as he called it, which consisted of a grey sweater and a pair of jeans. Dr. Cockroach approached the table where his warden was sitting, wringing his hands behind his back nervously. What had Susan so upset? She was his very dear friend, and he hated to see, or hear her distressed. General Monger spotted the scientist and gave him a wave.
"Hey there, Doc! What're you up to this early? C'mon, sit down why don'tcha?" Monger asked in his thick Texan accent, slinging his arm over the back of the chair. Dr. Cockroach coughed and approached the table, taking a seat in one of the comfortable silver chairs. Monger took another sip of his coffee while eyeing the scientist curiously. He coughed and leaned forward, speaking as quietly as possible.
"Well, yes, good morning General. You see…ah, Susan seems to be in a bit of distress. She asked for you to come and assist her. May you spare a moment?" He asked. Monger raised a brow in question before taking another long draft of his coffee and throwing the Styrofoam cup over his shoulder. He stood up, the chair legs scraping against the floor, adjusted his belt, and sniffed.
"Well, lead the way, Doc. Let's see what ails our little girl." Monger said brashly, stepping out of the lounge in a military fashion. Dr. Cockroach followed him quickly.
"Alright. Step aside." Monger said, waving a hand at Link and B.O.B. The two monsters stepped backwards, watching Monger intently. They, too, were extremely worried about their friend, currently still in the restroom. She had been silent since Dr. Cockroach had gone to retrieve their warden except for the occasional sniffle. Monger stepped right up to the door and apathetically banged on it with his fist.
"Alright, what is all this about you being in distress and all this junk?" Monger said loudly, crossing his arms and tapping his foot impatiently. They could all hear Susan hiccupping sadly, desperately trying to stop her sobs. There was a pause, and then the distinct click of the brass doorknob turning. The door creaked open just a crack, with one of Susan's bright blue eyes peering down at the men. They were red-rimmed, swimming with tears. The small portion they could see of her cheek was streaked with moisture.
"Hi, General." Susan said meekly. "Um…here…" Susan's large, yet pretty hand extended forward out of the door. A large slip of neatly folded paper was clutched in her fingers. She handed it to the General's waiting hand. He studied her for a moment before unfolding the piece of paper, wondering briefly why the hell she had paper and a pencil in her bathroom. He read the note scrawled neatly on the paper. The three monsters tried to look over his shoulder to see the note. Monger stubbornly kept the note out of sight as he continued to read. He then froze and his jaw dropped. As he finished reading the note, he sighed and slapped his forehead in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe this. I can't believe this! I thought since my little girls went off this would be over!" Monger growled to himself, shaking his head. The three monsters looked at him in unknowing curiosity and worry. What could possibly be ailing their Susan? B.O.B. suddenly broke the silence as he rushed up to Monger and seized him by the arms, shaking the General in panicked desperation.
"Is Susan dying?! Why?! OH WHY?!" B.O.B. sobbed, literally melting into a pile of blubbering goo. Monger shook his arms, trying to dispose of the sticky moisture.
"Susan ain't dying, you big ole' snotball! She, uhhh…" Monger paused, and for one of the few times in their lives, the monsters saw their warden become uncertain and worried. He walked over to Dr. Cockroach and leaned towards his ear. He whispered indistinctly, low enough so the other two could not hear him. Link and B.O.B. watched as Dr. Cockroach.'s large eyes widened and his face fell in horror. A dakr pink blush appeared on his cheeks. He coughed and rubbed the back of his head, trying to decide what to possibly do in this situation.
"What? What's wrong?" Link asked, his brow furrowed in worry. Dr. Cockroach cleared his again and motioned for his friend to approach him. Link did so, and the scientist leaned over, whispering softly in his ear. After a moment, Link shoved Dr. Cockroach away, yelling in disgust.
"You've got to be kidding me! No way, that only happens…naw, c'mon Doc, that ain't funny!" Link said, looking absolutely repulsed. B.O.B. looked from the doctor to the amphibious ape. He looked even more clueless than usual. Dr. Cockroach pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing in exasperation.
"Link, my dear friend, she is a woman! It's not something you can cease because you don't like it." Dr. Cockroach said briskly, straightening. He walked over to Monger, his brilliant mind immediately concocting a plan that was sure to assist their ailing friend. Believe it or not, Dr. Cockroach had dealt with this kind of thing in the past. Although he hadn't brushed up on the subject in fifty years, what he did know was that the female species could very well get moody when this occurred. But what he also did know is that Susan was in a fair amount of pain.
"Alright, my friends. I have a plan to assist our poor Susan." Dr. Cockroach began, but was interrupted by a loud sob of horror.
"What is wrong with Susan? Did she break her brain? Did her arms fall off?" B.O.B. cried, and Link finally backhanded the blubbering blob, tired of his disruption.
"Will you stop? B.O.B., Susan is…erm…" Dr. Cockroach paused, sharing a glance with Link and Monger. Link shook his head, indicating that poor B.O.B. just didn't need to know about this. The others had to learn about this, because, well, it's life. Monger was married and had four little girls. Link had loved terrorizing, and sometimes flirting, with female beachgoers, and Dr. Cockroach was a charming little man. Of course he had a love in his past life, but let's not talk about that now.
"Susan is just really tired." Link said, patting B.O.B. on the back. "You know what Susan would really like?" B.O.B. immediately lit up, grinning widely.
"What? What? What?"
"Susan would love it if you draw her a picture. A pretty picture with all of us in it." Link said, putting on his nicest "pretty-please" face. B.O.B. gasped happily.
"Sure thing, guys! It'll be the best picture ever!" The gelatinous mass cried out, scuttling away quickly, leaving a goopy trail of slime in his wake. He had been given a huge box of Crayola crayons for his last birthday. His friends had all received at least five slime-covered pieces of paper with colorful scribbles on them. But Link was right. Better distract B.O.B. from their current quest at hand. Now that he was taken care of, the insect man turned to his fellows.
"Alright. I have a plan to help our Susan in her…condition. Monger, I need you to go the store for me –" Dr. Cockroach said before he was cut off by an annoyed shout from the General.
"What do I look like to yah, Doc? A nursemaid? I ain't playing no Mommy-Goes-To-The-Store with yah." Monger snapped, crossing his arms. Dr. Cockroach sighed in exasperation.
"Do you want her to remain writhing in pain? Or do you wish to help her?" The mad scientist snapped back, towering over the General. Usually, he didn't like confronting the war major, especially when snapped at. But his dear friend was in pain and suffering. Monger huffed and looked away, showing defeat in the argument.
"Right then. Warren, I shall write you down a list of what I shall need. Link, my friend. Do you happen to know the location of the state of Pennsylvania?" Domctor Cockroach said. Link shrugged, shaking his head. However, Insectosaurus, who had been listening to the entire conversation, and knew quite well what was going on with poor Susan, gave a gentle growl to his friends. Link turned to look up at the butterfly-like creature with skepticism.
"You know where Pennsylvania is? Since when?" Link asked up at him incredulously. Insectosaurus snorted, then roared.
"Yeah, yeah. Alright, furball. Ready for a trip?" Link said, clambering onto the fuzzy back of the immense monster with practiced skill. Dr. Cockroach looked up to them.
"Alright, Insectosaurus, Link. There is a town in that state by the name of Hershey. Hershey, Pennsylvania. I want you to go there, and buy me the largest chocolate bar you can possibly find. Just tell them to put it on Sebastian's tab." Dr. Cockroach instructed. Insectosaurus gave a snort and a nod, while Link just scratched his head in confusion.
"Why do you need chocolate? And who the heck is Sebastian?" He asked, but the scientist below merely waved off his pointless questions.
"Pish-posh, Link. That does not matter now. Can you make the trip in a few hours, or less? You must be back here as soon as possible." Insectosaurus grinned as well as Link. The ape waved a nonchalant webbed hand.
"Piece of cake, Doc." With that, he and his giant insect friend took flight out of the facility. The scientist nodded in satisfaction, hoping with all his might that this was going to help. Out of habit, he whipped his extremely tattered notebook from his lab coat as well as his little wooden pencil. After a few quick calculations, he quickly began to scribble down the list of all of the supplies he needed for Susan. Ripping the piece of paper out of his notebook, he handed in to Monger. After a quick glance at it, the war major looked up at the scientist with disbelief.
"A hundred and seventy-six bottles of…?"
"And a trip to the…"
"And…oh, you have got to be kidding me."
"It is essential, Warren. Now, off you go. I have a rather difficult task ahead of me." Dr. Cockroach said, brushing his spotless white lab coat and straightening the collar of his grey turtleneck. Monger shrugged and began walking off, tucking the list in his jeans pocket.
"Whatever you say, Doc." Monger said as he walked towards his army-green Jeep, grimacing at the thought of the daunting and embarrassing task ahead.