Author: keepcalmandshiptiva94 PM
"That's the thing: A baby changes everything, and I think that we just have to come to terms with the fact that from this point on, everything is changeable and unpredictable." A TxZ pregnancy fanfic that I've been working on since the Housekeeping commentary.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Tony D. & Ziva D. - Chapters: 22 - Words: 48,197 - Reviews: 388 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 331 - Updated: 05-15-13 - Published: 11-17-12 - id: 8710729
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I was pretty impressed with the feedback on this story. while I only got 10 reviews, they were all pretty inspiring, and the 33 followers definitely makes up for that. Hope you enjoy this next chapter!
At first, she'd honestly thought they everything would just go back to normal. They'd simply needed comfort in a difficult time, and they had, as they always have, comforted each other as only they can.
At least, that was what she kept telling herself.
Telling herself that was ten times easier than trying to delve into a world of feelings she wasn't nearly ready to face yet, even after nearly 8 years. Telling herself that it was nothing allowed her to push herself further into the world of denial that she'd been in practically since she came to America. Telling herself that it would be easy for everything to go back to normal helped her believe that maybe, just maybe, everything would, and everything would be fine.
That was before she realized it had been a little too long since her last period.
That was before she took three different pregnancy tests, each a day apart, and they'd all said the same thing: positive.
For the first few days after she took the tests, denial seemed to be her best solution. She trashed the tests, put on a smile, and went to work in the same manner she always did. She acted like nothing was wrong, and one day, when she happened to catch Tony's eye across the office, he smiled at her, and for the briefest moment, everything felt normal again, and that simple smile was the first positive thing she'd seen out of him since they'd slept together.
She even began to believe that the tests had somehow been wrong.
Then, she woke up one morning about a week later, only to lose the entire contents of her stomach in her kitchen sink while trying to make a simple breakfast.
Once she'd collapsed wearily on the floor, the bitter taste lingering in her mouth, she'd put her head in her hands and cried for what seemed to be an immeasurable amount of time, but was really only about ten minutes.
And when she showed up fifteen minutes late for work that morning, she barely managed to tell everyone that she wasn't feeling too well before another wave of nausea hit her, and she rushed to the bathroom.
That was when the full force of the situation hit her, and as she came to the realization of what was happening while staring at herself in the mirror, her bottom lip quivered, and she felt absolutely terrified.
How in the world was she supposed to handle something like this? She couldn't play the denial card with herself anymore. She was pregnant. Her mind flashed to her partner, who had simply wanted to comfort her, and had done so much more. She thought back to that night, and how vividly she could recall the way he'd touched and kissed her. The way he'd moved over her so easily, so naturally, like it wasn't something completely new, and she guessed, in a strange way, it wasn't. Their undercover operation had been ages ago, but sometimes she still smiled at how they'd teased each other and played around in order to put on the façade. It had been one of the easiest operations she'd ever done as far as the "undercover" aspect was concerned. It had been fun, to an extent, other than both of them coming within inches of being killed.
Now, there was a life, half his, growing inside her with the passing of every moment and she had absolutely no idea what the hell she was supposed to do about it.
She cursed out loud into the empty bathroom, wiping the moisture from underneath her eyes quickly, wondering if Tony would follow her, and then knowing that eventually, he would.
He always followed her.
The door opened about five minutes later, as she had assumed it would, and Tony came in, eyes worried, body in a guarded position, as if he were afraid of hurting himself.
She hated that she'd done that to him. He didn't deserve to feel that way because of her.
He stood with his back to the door for a moment, and then he spoke, his words barely reaching her ears. "Is there something you're not telling me?" She couldn't find a way to force her voice past the lump in her throat, however, and he spoke again, voice slightly stronger. "Ziva, you don't get sick. I've known you for almost eight years, and… you don't get sick. You just don't. You never have."
She pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth to keep it from trembling, but a lone tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped at it quickly, but knew he had seen it.
"Ziva." His guard dropped slightly as his tone softened, and she closed her eyes, hands braced on the sink. "Tell me what's wrong."
She opened her eyes, meeting his in the mirror. He took a step closer, hesitating.
"I'm sorry." Her voice sounded foreign to her ears, and she closed her eyes, hanging her head. "I'm so sorry."
She felt any inch of resolve she had left slipping, and she squeezed her eyes together tighter, wishing she could turn back time.
"What are you sorry for?" His eyes told her that he was genuinely curious, and he wasn't being sarcastic or simply asking so that she would answer. He genuinely didn't know.
That made it ten times harder to face what she had to tell him. She couldn't just keep it from him, could she? It was his child, their child, forming inside her. He had the right to know that, no matter what the circumstances.
That definitely didn't make it any easier to say.
"'I... Tony." She turned, looking at him, swallowing twice before she could speak again."I… You're right. I'm not sick, technically."
"Then what are you?" He asked, taking another step toward her. "Tell me, Ziva. What's wrong?"
Her chin trembled and she put her hand over her mouth. His eyes were so concerned, so caring. She broke eye contact, no longer able to hold his gaze.
She closed her eyes, the nausea in her stomach stirring up again as she finally spoke, her voice weaker than she would have ever wanted it to be. "I'm pregnant, Tony." She felt her stomach lurch as the words left her mouth. "I'm pregnant."
She didn't look up at him, so she didn't see his reaction. All she heard was his sharp intake of breath and the long silence that followed before he spoke. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, Tony, I'm sure!" she snapped, looking back up at him, tears spilling down her cheeks now. "I haven't had a period in six weeks and I've taken three tests! Would you like more proof than that?"
He looked down at his feet. "I guess not. I probably shouldn't ask, but uh… Is it- I mean, it's- you know… "
"Yes." She answered the question she knew was on his tongue. "It's yours."
He pursed his lips, and was silent for a long moment before he finally spoke. "Well, damn."
She laughed a quick, bitter laugh. "I suppose so."
He stood there for another long moment, staring at his feet, and then he looked up and came to stand right in front of her. Moisture gleamed in his own eyes as he reached up to wipe away her tears with his thumb. Her hands acted of their own accord and came up to rest on his sides., tears still continuing to fall. She let her head drop to rest on his chest, feeling weak as he spoke. "I… I don't know what to say."
She shrugged as his hands fell back to his sides, and her own followed. She lifted her head to give him a bitter half smile. "Me either."
He leaned against the sink, rubbing his hand wearily over his forehead. "So what happens now?"
She mirrored his position beside him, her bottom lip in between her teeth. She opened her mouth to respond, but no words were formed. She looked up at him, feeling helpless and lost.
He sighed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder in a comforting gesture as she struggled to find her voice. "I don't know." She finally whispered painfully, her voice cracking as she turned her face into his shoulder. "I just know that… I can't do… this alone, Tony."
He swallowed past the lump in his throat to respond, and his arm tightened around her. "You don't have to, Ziva. I can promise you that. I don't know what happens now any more than you do, but I swear whatever it is, you won't have to do it alone."