|Family Matters, Especially the Souls of the Family
Author: DatCrownedProblemSolver PM
Zero Two, Drawcia Soul, Marx Soul and Magolor Soul all live together in one big house on Planet Earth. And you know what happens each and every day? Chaos. Total chaos. This story is more or less a collection of short stories about the daily lifes of the Souls. Plus a lot of Zero Two's Dark Matter children. Minor, usually one-time appearing humans may come up as part of a story.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 33 - Words: 21,984 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 03-29-13 - Published: 11-19-12 - id: 8717448
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Twas a quiet afternoon in the family of the Souls. One of Zero Two's Dark Matter children, Patricia, got all dirty while playing outside.
"Zewo! Zewo!" yelled Patricia, who was only a little one.
Zero Two looked up from the table he was blankly staring at.
"...What do you need now?" asked Zero Two.
"I'm dirty," said Patricia. "I need a bath."
"Go start one yourself," said Zero Two.
"But I can't! I'm too young," said Patricia, in her sweet, child-like voice. "Zewo, I need your help. Pwease."
"At least she's learning manners," thought Zero Two. "Fine."
"Yay!" said Patricia. "Twank you!"
Patricia and Zero Two floated to the bathroom. Zero Two started running the bath water.
"There," said Zero Two.
Patricia floated into the bath. "AAAH!" she screamed.
"...What's wrong?" asked Zero Two.
"THE WATER'S TOO COLD," yelled Patricia.
"You don't have to shout," said Zero Two. He floated over to the faucets and made the water hotter.
"WAAAAH!" cried Patricia.
"What now?!" yelled Zero Two.
"THE WATER'S TOO HOT," yelled Patricia.
"Dear lord," mumbled Zero Two. He floated over to the faucets and made the water slightly colder. "There. Now is it better?"
"Yaaay," said Patricia, swimming in the water. Zero Two turned off the faucets, and was about to leave the bathroom.
But oh, he was so close to exiting the bathroom. "Wait!" yelled Patricia. Poor Zero Two was about to have a nervous breakdown. He calmed himself down slightly before answering.
"What do you need now?"
"I need you to wash me," said Patricia.
"Can't you do that yourself?" asked Zero Two.
"No," said Patricia. "Pwease? Can you pwease help me?" Patricia's baby talk was about to get on Zero Two's nerves.
"Fine," said Zero Two. He floated over to the bath and used his wings to try to direct a bottle of body wash, as he had no hands, and he poured some on Patricia's "head."
"Close your eye," said Zero Two. He then tried to direct a sponge with his wings, but it slipped out of his wings and landed on Patricia's head.
"...How convenient," said Zero Two.
"Yay for convenience!" said Patricia. She then started singing. "Lalalalalalalalalaaaa."
Patricia's constant lalala-ing was really starting to make Zero Two annoyed. Out of persistant annoyance and anger, Zero Two decided to do something bad.
He put his wings on Patricia's "head" and put Patricia under the water, trying to drown her.
Luckily, Magolor Soul was floating by and saw what Zero Two was trying to do.
"SWEET BABY ANCIENTS ZERO TWO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" yelled Magolor Soul, pulling Zero Two away from Patricia and saving her.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" cried Patricia. "ZEWO'S A BAD DADDY! ZEWO'S A BAD DADDY!"
"...Zero, this is not how you raise children," said Magolor Soul.
"You're rather young yourself, though," said Zero Two. "Do you know how to raise children?" Magolor Soul ignored Zero Two's question. He grabbed a towel and tried to dry Patricia off. "Now now, little baby-boo, it's okay, it's okay," said Magolor Soul, rocking Patricia in his hands.
"Waaah," Patricia continued to cry.
Suddenly, Marx Soul walked into the bathroom.
"Heeheehee, can't even bathe a child right," said Marx Soul. "You, sir, are a disgrace." He walked over to Magolor Soul, still rocking Patricia in his hands. "Aww, it's okay, little girl," said Marx Soul. He nuzzled his face against Patricia's little "head."
Zero Two floated up to Marx Soul.
"What do you want, cyclops?" asked Marx Soul.
Zero Two didn't respond. He somehow grabbed Marx Soul with his wings. He floated towards the bath tub with Marx Soul. And it's probably obvious what he did.
He put Marx Soul's face in the bath tub, trying to drown him.
"Oh no! Magowor! He's doing it again!" yelled Patricia. Magolor Soul quickly put Patricia down and floated over to try to stop Zero Two again. Magolor Soul grabbed Zero Two, causing Zero Two to pull up Marx Soul. Marx Soul coughed and breathed a bit before making a really loud scream.
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAGH!" screamed Marx Soul, causing everyone to cringe in pain at the ear-shattering scream.
Drawcia Soul, down in her little art room, stared at her blank canvas with an annoyed look on her face.
"I absolutely CANNOT draw with all this racket," said Drawcia Soul.