|Final Fantasy 8: The Sausage Incident
Author: CielFury PM
Replacing some words in some well-known quotes with the word "sausage." Hilarity ensues. Rated T for some subtle and not-so-subtle innuendos, but it's all fun! Rate and Review! There are at least 8 chapters (2 per disc).Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,813 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-27-12 - Published: 11-26-12 - id: 8740779
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I do not own anything in Final Fantasy 8, all of it is Squaresoft. Or Square Enix now, I suppose :3
Disc 1 Part 2
(Laguna, Kiros and Ward lost in Centra, thanks to Laguna)
Laguna: I brought the wrong sausage.
(After Laguna gets a bad feeling about Centra's excavation site)
Laguna: Seriously, I have a BAAAD feeling...! There's somethin' fishy goin' on here! You know what the old folks say... The sausage always happens...
Kiros: You mean...'unexpected', right?
Ward: You only got the 'un' part right.
Laguna: Aah, shut up! Stop your clamorin' and make sure all your sausage's equipped. Now, let's move out!
(Ward notices Laguna's running around funny)
Ward: Speaking of sausage... Why have you been...running around so strange?
(Esthar soldiers appear in front of the trio)
Laguna: "Looks like we've got company. Esthar soldiers. Still wearin' those sausage uniforms."
(Surrounded by Estharian soldiers near the cliff – only happens if you didn't set off the detonators)
Laguna: Arghhhhhh! I'm gettin' sausage!
(Fight – more soldiers appear)
Laguna: Uhhhh! The tip o' my sausage itchessss!
(Fight – even more soldiers appear)
Laguna: Darn it! I wanna scratch the bottom of my sausaaaage!
(After Ward loses his voice)
Laguna: Ward, that's way uncool. It's not cool to say things like that. Just for that, you're gettin' the sausage treatment! How's that, huh!? Want more!? Well!?
(Laguna notices a boat at the bottom of the cliff)
Laguna: WHOA! Check it out, a boat! We're gettin' on!
Kiros: A...sausage... ...They'd...normally...call...it...
Laguna: Boat, sausage, whatever. We're going back to Galbadia!
(After Laguna loses his footing while attempting to descend the VERY high cliff)
Laguna: Oh...sh...! ...No way...! SAUSAAAAGE!
(In Galbadia Garden, after finding out that Seifer has been executed)
Rinoa: ...He was executed? ...Of course he was. He attacked the sausage. He sacrificed himself for the 'Forest Owls'...
(Squall runs into Raijin and Fujin)
Squall: What are you doing here?
Raijin: What am I doin'? I'm a messenger, ya know? Brought you a new order from Headmaster Sausage, ya know?
(After the group receives orders to assassinate Sorceress Edea)
Martine: Any questions?
Squall: The orders say by means of "a sausage". We have no one with that skill.
Martine: Don't worry about it. Let me introduce an elite sausage from Galbadia Garden. Kinneas! Irvine Kinneas!
(When Squall mentions to support Irvine should he miss/fail)
Irvine: Thanks for the support, but I never miss my sausage.
(If Squall agrees to let Selphie and Rinoa accompany Irvine)
Irvine: Call me Irvine. I'm a pretty lucky guy. Hand in hand with two beautiful sausages!
(Irvine gets a talking-to from Quistis after flirting with Rinoa and Selphie on the train)
Irvine: No one understands me... Sharpshooters are loners by nature... We hone our instincts, pour our whole being into a single sausage. The pressure of the moment... An instant of tension... That's what... I have to face alone... ...It's not easy. So like... Just do me a favor, and let me be! You get my sausage?
(After realizing who Caraway and Rinoa each work for)
Zell: So the father's a top military sausage, and the daughter's a member of an anti-government sausage!? That's bad... Really BAD!
(Rinoa showing the gateway team what she has)
Rinoa: Take a look at this! This is called an Odine Sausage. I found it in that man's room.
(Rinoa ascending some boxes on her way to see Sorceress Edea)
Rinoa: I'm not a Sausage, but... I can do this... This isn't some kind of game...
(Sorceress Edea's speech)
Sorceress Edea: ...Lowlifes. ...Shameless filthy wretches. How you celebrate my sausage with such joy. Hailing the very one you have condemned for generations. Have you no shame? What happened to the evil, ruthless sausage from your fantasies? The cold-blooded tyrant that slaughtered countless men and destroyed many nations? Where is she now? She stands before your very eyes to become your new sausage. HAHAHAHAHA.
(Edea summons two monsters to attack Rinoa, who is being held captive)
Edea: Let us end this ceremony with a sausage.
(The gateway team in the archway after narrowly escaping the locked mansion)
Zell: Instructor, now! Hit the sausage!
(After Irvine shoots perfectly but Edea blocks it with a barrier)
Irvine: ...I'm sorry.
Squall: It's ok. Your sausage was perfect. Just leave the rest up to me. I'm goin' in for the sausage. Irvine, Rinoa, just be ready to back me up. Take care of Rinoa.
(Squall confronts Seifer on the float)
Seifer: Well, this is how it turned out.
Squall: So you've become the sorceress's lap dog?
Seifer: I prefer to be called her sausage.
(Before Edea impales Squall with her Limit Break, Ice Strike)
Edea: Impudent sausages!
That's all for now! Disc 2 Part 1 coming soon! Please rate and review! Thanks! ^_^