HARRY.

"HARRY!"

I looked up from my parchment just in time to see Hermione knock open the door to my dorm. I jumped when the door forcibly banged into the wall. Then I looked at Hermione apprehensively. Her cheeks were pink and her hair was even frizzier than usual, which usually happened when she had a lot of pent- up emotion buried inside of her. And since she had called out my name, I was guessing that it had something to do with me.

Uh-oh.

Hermione just stormed up to me, and said in a shrill voice, "Malfoy, Harry! How could it be *Malfoy?!*"

Gah! There was nothing I could really say to this, so instead I just gaped at her.

"What- what do you mean, 'Mione?" I attempted after a minute.

"Don't look at me like that, Harry James Potter! I know perfectly well that it was Malfoy you were seeing before. Which leads back to my first question... *how could it be MALFOY??!*"

"How did you find out?" I mumbled. I'm hopeless at denying things when I know they're true.

"I just saw Malfoy at the Magical Arts and Painting classroom," said Hermione. "And I put two and two together, and... oh, Harry! Why *him*?"

"I don't know!" I said furiously. "I mean... I thought that he liked me. Really did, Hermione. And then it just... it just went on from there."

"But Harry," said Hermione, a rather bewildered look on her face. "This is Draco Malfoy."

"Yes," I said hesitantly.

"He's an utter bastard."

"Well... yes. I suppose you could say that."

"He's evil. He calls me a mudblood. He's rude and horrible to everyone. He tried to get you expelled. He tried to get Hagrid sacked!"

"Um..."

"He's almost killed you several times when he's been cheating at Quidditch!"

"Er..."

"To my mind, he had no redeeming features whatsoever."

I tried to think of some of Draco's better qualities. Somehow, I couldn't seem to come up with *any*. "He's- well, he's quite funny," I managed at last, very lamely.

"Has he ever apologised for any of these things, Harry? Anything I've missed?"

"Well- not exactly. Alright! No."

"Then," said Hermione, going red in the face, "what the hell were you doing going out with him, let alone *sleeping* with him??!"

"I don't know!" I burst out. "It- it just happened, alright?? For some stupid reason I got it into my head that he genuinely liked me, and then... you just can't make me feel any worse than I already do, Hermione. I lost my bloody virginity to him and he never spoke to me again. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Hermione had a subdued look on her face. "Sorry Harry," she said. There was silence for a minute, and then she suddenly giggled. "You should have seen Malfoy, Harry! I hit him. And kicked him in the shins."

"What?!" I squawked.

"Well, he'd been horrible to you, Harry! And then I told him about you and Seamus."

Heh. I was rather pleased about this, actually. "What did he say about that?" I asked.

"He just looked really upset," said Hermione.

"Really upset?" I repeated. "Why on earth would he be upset? He doesn't even like me."

"Oh, but he d-" here Hermione broke off abruptly.

"What?" I said.

"Never mind, Harry," Hermione said. She patted my arm. "You just stay with Seamus, alright?"

What *ever* was going on?

HERMIONE.

You should have *seen* Malfoy's face when I told him about Seamus and Harry.

He actually looked upset. UPSET! Draco Malfoy! His face crumpled and everything! And, however disturbing it may be, he must really... *love* Harry. *Shudder.*

But obviously he's all wrong for him. Although I don't quite approve of Seamus, I must say that he's a *vast* improvement on Harry's last choice. In fact, Draco Malfoy makes Seamus Finnegan look like a bloody knight in shining armour.

Seamus is- well, he's Seamus. Yes, he's obsessed with sex, and gossips constantly, as well as having brain that seems to work completely differently to anyone else's, but he's also- *fun.* He makes Harry laugh. Which is what Harry's been needing to do for several years, quite frankly.

I'm not sure exactly when the whole thing turned into something more-than- friends, but I wasn't overly surprised. Everyone knew that Seamus had been angling after Harry for months, and they had become much closer since Seamus had stopped trying to stick his tongue down Harry's throat every time he saw him.

And at least I knew that Seamus genuinely *liked* Harry, and wasn't going to use him just for hi s looks. I knew that Harry was a little unsure about diving straight into another relationship, but Seamus managed to convince him. I just don't want him to get hurt again.

And Malfoy, although absolutely besotted, is also an evil little ferret, who would obviously rip Harry's heart into little shreds.

I *have* to keep Harry away from him.

HARRY.

I've been kidnapped. Dragged forcibly away into a darkened corner.

I've been kidnapped by a very angry-looking boy whose usually perfectly- arranged prissy hair is now sticking up all over the place. *And* he's bloody hissing at me! AND accidentally spitting!

I don't *want* to talk to Malfoy. I don't want to be bloody anywhere near him. I mean- for some reason, I actually *liked* him! And not just because I thought that he liked me! I really thought all his panic attacks and numerous signs of a mental breakdown were- were really *sweet!* I hadn't thought he'd changed, exactly- I just thought he was *funny!*

Until I realised that it had all been a complete act in order to get me into bed. He hadn't cared at all. And I was just so angry with myself for *falling* for it. How thick can you get?

Why should I listen to Malfoy? I know Seamus likes me. I *know* it. It's very- safe. And it's... pleasant. He's *nice* to me. He doesn't get jealous when I talk to someone else, he doesn't follow me about like I need protection or anything, he makes me laugh. I mean, honestly, I don't exactly see us lasting the distance, but- so what? It's *nice.* Seamus is so much better than Malfoy, really. Everyone knows that.

Bloody ferret!

DRACO.

Well. Harry's not looking too pleased with me, to say the least. In fact, if I have to be perfectly honest about it, he's looking pretty pissed off. His eyes are flashing furiously and his mouth is set into a thin line. But he still looks great. It's a sort of "Damaged Hero" look, if you will. Not that I've *noticed,* or anything. Oh no. I'm far too angry for that!

"Are you going out with bloody *Finnegan,* Potter?" I hiss. "Have you *really* sunk that *low*?"

"Shut the fuck up, Malfoy!" Harry yells. Youch. I forgot what happens when he *really* loses his temper. "It's none of your bloody business who I go out with! You used up that privilege when I broke up with you."

Well, alright. He had a *slight* point there.

"Have you slept with him?!" I yelled back.

Harry gapes at me, blushing slightly. "It's *none* of your business," he growled. "But... yeah, as it happens."

You can just see him adding in his head, "and how do you like that?!"

At these words, I saw complete red, and sunk my fingers into his arm. "You're not allowed to!" I screamed.

"Why??!"

"*I'm* the one who had bloody *voices* in his head, Potter!" I yell. "I had to endure listening to *Muggle songs* because of you! And getting self-help books out of the library! And then when we got together, I wanted to *skip!* And the birds! There were birds! And now- now there's nothing anymore! My head is bloody EMPTY!"

Harry's looking at me as if I've just sprouted horns. But there's no danger of that; not for a few more years, at least.

"I think," said Harry slowly, "you are absolutely *mad.* Excuse me."

"Wait!" I yell at his retreating back. "Didn't you just listen to what I said?? Didn't you understand? I- mlph you, Harry!"

Harry stopped. Then he slowly turned around.

"You- *what* me?" he asked.

"I- mlph you," I said.

Harry was now looking adorably confused. "Malfoy, I can't hear you if you cover mouth up with your hands on the second word," he said.

"Oh, for God's sake, Potter!" I yell. "I want to get back together with you. I'm sorry, alright?"

"You're sorry?!" said Harry incredulously. "Then why did you just bloody leave after we slept together??"

Aha! I knew the answer to that one! At last, Granger had come in handy for once. I looked at the floor. I could feel my ears turning pink.

"I have some weird hang-ups about sex," I mumble.

"I don't think that's good enough, Draco," he said quietly. "I'm- not sure. You say you're sorry. But- I'm with Seamus now. And- I'll have to think about it, alright?"

With that, he turned around and walked away. Well, that went well. I mlph you, Harry? I'm such an IDIOT!

HERMIONE.

I was just finishing up my Arithmancy homework when Harry came in through the portrait hole, looking incredibly confused.

"Harry," I said when he neared, "you alright?"

Harry sat down next to me. "I just had a run-in with Malfoy," he said quietly.

I quickly put my parchment down. "What did he say?" I asked.

Harry shook his head. "I'm- not quite sure. He was going on about birds not being there and self-help books. Then he said he wanted to get back together with me. And then- he said that he mlphed me."

"He *what* you?" I asked.

Harry smiled slightly. "I'm not sure," he said. "He sort of- covered his mouth with his hands on that word. But I think it might have been- like? He *likes* me?" Here Harry smiled even more, rather mischievously. He looked completely different than he had done over the past few weeks, even when he had been giggling with Seamus. "And he said he had weird hang-ups about sex," Harry continued. He laughed then, half-sheepishly, half- affectionately. "He's such an idiot. But Hermione-" here Harry turned hopeful, trusting eyes on me. "D'you- do you think he likes me? Really?"

Oh good god. Harry actually really, *really* likes Draco Malfoy. For some inexplicable reason. It was the strangest thing I had ever seen. And here he was, looking at me so trustfully like a lost little puppy and I- I just could not lie.

"Yes Harry, he does," I said. Then I looked away from him and began. "When I saw him in the Arts classroom he was stealing pictures of you from the display, Harry and he's been following you round for months and spied on you when you went out on that date with Seamus but it doesn't matter Harry, now does it, because you're with Seamus now and he's nice to you and you're going to tell Malfoy where to get off." I said all this in one breath before facing Harry again. "Right Harry? Harry...?" I trailed off.

Harry was looking at me, gobsmacked. "Hermione," he gaped. "Is this *true*?!"

"Maybe," I mumbled. Damn!

Harry was obviously stunned. "Then all this time he was just- he..." then Harry suddenly jumped up. I grabbed hold of his arm.

"Harry," I said desperately. "You're not going to do anything stupid, are you? Malfoy's an idiot, he's probably dark, he- he- *think about Seamus!*"

Harry gently removed his arm from my grip. "I *am* thinking about Seamus, Hermione," he said. "Now, if you'll excuse me- I've got some things to think about." With that, he walked up the stairs to his dorm room.

"Well," said an all-too-familiar voice behind me, "now *that* was certainly interesting."

"GARGH!" I yelled, jumping up into the air. I looked over the back of my chair. "Seamus! What are you doing? And- how long have you been standing there?"

"Ah, don't look so guilty Hermione," he said. "I was there all the time. You know me and my eavesdropping. It's what I love best. Well, apart from-"

"YES, thank-you Seamus," I hastily interrupted. "I understand exactly what you mean."

"And it's pretty obvious, I can tell you right now, that he's going to choose Malfoy," continued Seamus.

"What? How do you know?" I said nervously.

"Just do. It's clear and plain on his face," said Seamus.

"But- don't you *care?*" I said. "I thought you were in love with him!"

Seamus smiled slightly. "Ah, you're so over-dramatic, Hermione," he said. "Not *everything* is so simple, y'know. I'm not in love with Harry. Yeah, I *like* him, and I think I could be in love one day, but at the moment...."

"Go after him! Tell him!" I said forcefully. "Why don't you tell him? You'd be so much better for him than that- *idiot*- Seamus, *please.*"

"If he wanted me, he would have said so," Seamus said forcefully. "And don't look like that at me, Hermione. You don't get to choose who you fall in love with- and your friends certainly don't."

"Harry's not- *in love* with him!"

"Aye, but he could be as well. I knew that all along, Hermione. I know you didn't notice, but... well. And it wasn't Harry's fault, so don't look like that. I *told* him over and over that I'd take him any way I could get him. And Harry *did* try with me, you know he did. I always sort of hoped he'd come out of it- but I knew the truth really."

After a pause, he added, "and you know that Malfoy really- *loves* him. Unlikely as *that* sounds."

I shuddered slightly. "I know," I answered. "I think that that's perhaps the most disturbing thing of all..."

"Yeah," said Seamus, a rather subdued expression on his face which I knew matched my own.

We fell into silence.

After a minute Seamus said, "still, the both of them together- now, that's pretty interesting..."

"SEAMUS!"

"Alright, alright! Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm about to get dumped. Best to get it over with, I reckon."

With that, Seamus made his was up the stairs.

DRACO.

I had blown it. Completely, and utterly fucked it up. When I should have been being nice to him, I was talking about bloody books! And Muggles! What was *wrong* with me??

And now he had bloody *Finnegan.* Incessantly cheerful Finnegan, who deserved to be roasted slowly over an open fire. But I had *promised* mother that I wouldn't do that anymore. Even if the recipient *really* deserved it.

Dammit!

And, anyway- it was my fault. If I hadn't of left- if I'd been nice from the start. And now- I actually *missed* the birds. I had gotten used to them, I suppose. And- yes, I /mlphed/ him. I really did. It had never happened to me before. And now I'd never get him back.

I was still wallowing in my own self-misery when the door slowly creaked open and Harry Potter appeared in the doorway, taking off his invisibility cloak.

"Harry," I said, surging up from my seat. "Harry- are you... what did you-"

"I don't know why," said Harry, smiling slightly. "You're such a PRAT. Emotionally stunted, idiotic, paranoid..." here the smile faded and a dark light invaded his eyes. "And you- *really* hurt me, you know. Seamus wouldn't do that to me."

"I know," I whispered back, heart sinking. It was all over, then. But suddenly Harry came closer, smiling into my eyes. He put his arms slowly around me, hesitantly holding me to him. I held my breath.

"But, well, Seamus is Seamus," he said. "And you... you are yourself."

THE END.

Sniff! It's- it's the end! I think we should all sit quietly and take a moment. No more gorgeous-but-clueless Harry. No more songs-in-his-head-and- talking-to-himself-while-torturing-small-animals Draco. No more sex-crazed Seamus... they're gone forever!!! ::author falls to the floor in a heap of overwrought emotions::

Ahem. Sorry about that. I just want to thank everyone who showed any interest in this fic, whether from reading it, reviewing or taking the time to send me a nice email. They all helped me to carry on with it all! Sequel plans: perhaps, one day. But not anytime soon. Sorry! But please look out for my new fic, 'In Love and War, which should be up soon!

And I must say- POOR SEAMUS!! Aww! LOADS of you *hated* Seamus... and I still don't know why! He's just... well, he's *Seamus!* And now he's all alone! In many cases there's a loser in lovey-dovey situations, and this time it's him. But he'll be okay. 'Cos he IS Seamus.

Yes, Draco is a complete prat. He doesn't deserve Harry, he really doesn't... but that's the way the world works. And Draco *does* really love him. Even if he needs several hundred years in therapy. And let's all hope he's learnt his lesson. I'm sure Harry's going to be keeping him on the straight-and-narrow from now on... and put it this way, I doubt that Draco's gonna get laid again for a long, LONG time. Heh.

And the title is finally explained! Do you know how long I've been waiting to write that final line?? I had it planned as the ending from the beginning. And now it's all over. Aw. I'm sad now! But thanks again everyone! I love you all lots!

And, if you don't mind... please review!