The secret thoughts of Claire Danvers

Secretly I'm scared… I'm scared of what awaits me outside the doors of the glass house… what awaits me in Morganville. Vampires, Hunters, and sometimes just queen bees who take bullying to a whole new level.

Every day is the same I wake up and ponder the thought of whether today I'm going to die, whether the ones I love are going to get hurt, whether we're all going to come home safe or be carried in coffins or worse with holes in our necks as Shane always liked to say. I put on a strong face though; I know I have to for Eve, Michael and especially for Shane's sake, I don't want to ruin their however brief moments of true happiness and content which is why I shadow my apprehension even though inside I'm practically chocking on it.

And even though I do it so well, burying all my fear and hate beneath by forced peachy smile I still ask myself 'would it be easier?...', well wouldn't it?, it's a question that no matter how many times I ask myself I can never answer.

Shouldn't it be easy to answer though?, leaving Morganville… would it be easier just to leave?, most, in fact probably everyone in Morganville would jump at the chance to leave if offered that freedom by Amelie the founder, so why shouldn't I?. I could have a normal life, I could finally go to MIT where I would actually be challenged by real professors and mentors who weren't 912 years old and walked around casually in vampire bunny slippers and cheap tacky Hawaiian shirts. Where I wouldn't be the weird, nerdy, super genius, brain box girl and I could finally make something of my life, be anything I wanted to be without having to worry about how late I stay out at night, who can and can't be trusted and whether I have a stake in my backpack just in case any late night biters get a little peckish.

But there is always that one thing… the one thing that makes me shun away from the notion of ever leaving Morganville and his name is Shane Collins. Or course there is Eve and Michael as well but Shane Is my everything. He makes my world come into focus like I'm watching one of his zombie movies in high definition, when he compliments me I feel a fire build inside of me warming me from the inside outwards until I'm crimson in the cheeks, the way he stares at me with that deep intensity that sets off a thousand fireworks inside my belly and his kisses…

I think back to our first kiss, my first kiss. I had been so scared and panicky that I had ruined it, that Shane would realize I wasn't what he was really looking for or what he deserved but when he kept kissing me and kissing me until I felt my last few breaths being drawn from me, I felt it then. I knew I would never be able to leave Morganville… leave Shane, sure I could be a doctor or a lawyer, there are lots of things I could have been but there's only one Shane, one person who gives meaning to my life, one love (other than physics of course), how could I ever throw that away?

So when I lay in bed at night my back to Shane's chest, his arm sprawling protectively over my side, our fingers entwined I forget about the fear, the dangers, the heartbreaks we face and I think back to that night, to the kisses we've shared, the promises we've made, the arguments and the make-ups. We've come a long way since then and my inner voice proclaims 'if we can make it this far… we'll be okay'

"I love you…" Shane whisper in my ear his warm minty fresh breath tickling my ear.

"I love you too" I whisper back barely audible but I know he hears as I feel a smile spread across his face and his arm pull me closer to him. And I do love him.

Because without love… we would be lost.