|If I Could Only Stop From Fading
Author: AlwaysPadfoot PM
First, you think the worst is a broken heart, what's gonna kill you is the second part, and the third, is when your world splits down the middle... Everyone who was supposed to love her had left so really, what good was love at all?Rated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Roxanne W. & Teddy L. - Words: 1,951 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12-09-12 - Status: Complete - id: 8781668
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
- If I Could Only Stop From Fading -
- AlwaysPadfoot –
Disclaimer: Yeah, well as much as I would love it to be mine, I'm just playing in JK's sandbox :)
Competition: The School Subjects Comp (Divination) and The Script Comp (Six Degrees of Separation) and Pairing Love Comp and We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together Challenge
AN: I hope you all enjoy this; I really enjoyed writing it. :)
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
Roxanne couldn't bring herself to speak; it hurt too much for her to even consider talking to anyone about him. After all, she was a Slytherin and this was heartbreak, the two did not mix, especially not over some bloody Gryffindor.
He was her Gryffindor though.
He made her forget that her Mum and Dad were falling out of love, that her twin brother could be an arrogant little prick, that her cousins were perhaps a little more wary of her because she was a Slytherin. He made her forget that next year, she'd be in sixth year and he'd be out in the real world becoming an Auror.
The dark haired girl lay silently in her dorm, head pressed into her pillow as she tried not to sob and make a fool out of herself. Where would she be if Evangeline Nott came in and saw her crying over a Gryffindor? Nott would make her a laughing stock and neither Roxanne nor Morgan Greengrass, her best friend, would be able to stop her from spreading vicious rumours all around Hogwarts.
She felt betrayed, used even. She felt like it had all been too good to be true, their relationship had been so good, too good and then it had all come tumbling down just moments ago outside the Great Hall for all to see.
Roxanne couldn't deny how she felt; she felt like shit and everyone in the castle was going to know about it.
What's gonna kill you is the second part
"Oi Weasley, tell us again how your freak of a werewolf boyfriend broke your heart again?"
That tears it, Roxanne jumped to her feet. She didn't care that this was mid-Potions lesson because if she got to teach Nott a lesson then she would risk a thousand detentions with Slughorn. She launched herself at Nott, knocking her to the floor whilst the other members of the class jumped back in awe and watched as the two girls punched and kicked at each other.
It was obvious that Roxanne would win but even so none of the Slytherins or the Ravenclaws, who were sharing the class, were going to step in to help Evangeline. After all, most of them had been either subjected to her cruelty and taunts or had witnessed it and decided to steer clear of the bitch.
"He's not a freak," Roxanne hissed, she had never wanted to hurt someone so badly and her temper was usually so controlled. She couldn't understand why she had lashed out so easily. She was all over the place, Nott managed to land a well-placed punch, which dazed Roxanne enough to have Slughorn pull them apart.
"Both of you, out, and straight to the Headmistress." Slughorn was furious. Nott was out of there in seconds whilst Roxanne chose to take her time and slowly make her way through the castle. Her lip was bleeding, her clothes were dishevelled. She looked awful, and to top that off she was trying to hold back angry tears.
A voice made her freeze for a second on the first floor corridor and someone reached out for her hand from behind, but she pulled it away harshly.
"No. Get away from me," she growled before quickening her pace and leaving him behind calling her name. She wasn't going to let herself do this.
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
The journey back to Platform Nine and Three Quarters was long-winded and miserable.
It had been two months since Roxanne had lost her cool in Potions and had suffered a month of detentions for her actions. She wasn't going to do that again, Headmistress McGonagall had threatened her prefectship and that was the only time she could see him and have an excuse. He was Head-Boy and all Prefects had a meeting every week with the Head Boy and Head Girl.
She didn't care that every time she saw him she died a little more inside. She didn't care that every time she had to pretend that nothing was getting to her, everything seemed to be pushing her further and further to breaking down. She just didn't care.
She blinked, looking up at her brother who had appeared in her usual carriage. It was only them that she noticed that the train was empty.
"What are you doing? Let's go," Fred smiled slightly. She smiled back, but it wasn't real. The smile never truly reached her eyes. Out on the Platform, their Mum was nowhere to be seen but their Dad was stood alongside the barrier back out into Kings Cross Station. He was clearly trying to avoid Grandma Molly and the rest of the family. Roxanne raised an eyebrow at her brother before they headed over to their Dad.
"Where's Mum?" Fred asked immediately, Dad looked distraught and heartbroken at the same time. Roxanne knew what had happened before he even said a word.
"She's gone hasn't she?"
He had told her this would happen eventually. He'd been helping Roxanne get through it, Mum and Dad, they had never been right, but if she'd just had him at her side. She took one last fleeting look across the Platform meeting his eyes accidentally before she turned back to her family and burst into tears.
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
"ROXANNE," Fred shouted through the apartment the day before they were due to return to Hogwarts for their sixth year, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR THAT."
She smirked to herself as she lay flat under her brother's bed in the room they now shared. He would never look under here, never in a million years.
"ROXANNE," Fred yelled, appearing in their room, his feet just visible from her hiding spot. They weren't really allowed to use Dad's prototypes, in fact, he'd specifically disallowed it, but this wasn't going to hurt anyway. All it had done was turn Fred's hair blue then green then red, hardly an issue really.
Roxy had recaptured her prankster side midway through summer. She fixed herself, without any help from him. After all, this was all his fault, she shouldn't feel guilty because their relationship had stumbled, fell and broken into thousands of pieces. She couldn't care less that he'd wrote her several letters, rang her several times and tried to annoy her all Summer. He finally stopped, after she'd told him quite forcibly that she didn't want to see him ever again, nor did she love him.
Love was for Gryffindors. She was a Slytherin, this had never been her fault. Now it was time to get on with life before it swallowed her whole. She didn't need a boyfriend. She didn't need him.
Everyone who was supposed to love her had left so really, what good was love at all?
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
On September First, the day of the twin's seventeen birthday and the day they were returning to Hogwarts, Roxanne's heart broke once again.
They had been stood just behind her Uncle Harry. Roxanne had just been talking to her younger cousin Lily when another one of her other cousins, James, Lily's brother came running up to them. He had appeared out of nowhere, divested himself of his trunk, owl, and trolley, and was bursting with news.
"Teddy's back there," he said breathlessly, pointing back over his shoulder into the billowing clouds of steam. "Just seen him! And guess what he's doing? Snogging Victoire!"
He gazed up at the adults, evidently disappointed by the lack of reaction, but Roxanne's blood turned to ice as she froze. He was kissing Victorie? One of her cousins, part of her family?!
"Our Teddy! Teddy Lupin! Snogging our Victoire! Our cousin! And I asked Teddy what he was doing—"
"You interrupted them?" said Aunt Ginny. "You are so like Ron—"
"—and he said he'd come to see her off! And then he told me to go away! He's snogging her!" James added as though worried he had not made himself clear. He'd come to see her off? How long had they been together? What on earth had happened over the summer that made him think getting together with one of her cousins would make anything better.
"Oh, it would be lovely if they got married," whispered Lily sarcastically.
It had only been four months. Roxanne and Teddy had only been apart for four months, and now he was marrying Victorie, her fucking cousin. She hissed and stormed across the platform hoping to catch a glimpse of the sight that her younger cousin had so blatantly seen and described just seconds ago.
James was right. There they were by the end carriage, sucking each other's faces off in the middle of a crowded platform. It made Roxanne feel sick just watching them. Briefly Teddy caught her eyes and his expression faltered momentarily, but it was too late because Roxanne had already climbed aboard. She couldn't watch them any longer.
It hurt too much.
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little
She should have replied to his letters, returned his calls and then maybe Teddy wouldn't be sleeping with her cousin. She should have let him talk to her instead of pushing him away every time he tried to talk to her and fix things.
Why had she been so blind?
Now Roxanne was sat next to Morgan trying desperately to smile as she listened to the sorting. Trying not to think about how she'd fucked this up. How she'd ignored every time he'd tried to fix this. How she'd fucked this up big time and drove Teddy into the arms of her cousin. She was seventeen, she should have been mature enough to fix this but instead she'd played a childish game of ignorance all summer. It had been so Slytherin of her, so pathetic.
"This year something rather extraordinary is going to happen at Hogwarts," McGonagall informed the hall. Her words managed to distract Roxanne, if only for a second. Only something extraordinary could curb her awful feeling of guilt right now. If only there were some way she could win Teddy back, she needed him back and it was all her fault that they were no longer together. If she did try to win him back then she could hurt her cousin. No matter how much she wanted Teddy back and how much she hated Victorie right now, she couldn't hurt them.
She just needed a distraction, something to take her mind off Teddy. A distraction which meant she wouldn't have to face the problem she'd caused.
"Under new Ministerial laws the TriWizard Tournament is now permanently reinstated and open this year to those over the age of seventeen by Halloween."
Now that was a convenient distraction.