|The Glory of Love, Alcohol and Tinsel
Author: WallflowerBitca PM
A set of steamy/angsty/fluffy/funny/anything goes one-shot interludes (some sexual) at different Christmas times throughout the Buffyverse. Every pairing under the sun. Will do anything you ask of me. ALL FOR THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS!Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,929 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12-23-12 - Published: 12-19-12 - id: 8810259
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Sorry 'Bout That
Total humorous fluff (to make up for how depressing the last one is). It's Christmas at the Summer's house (assume S5 (approx. Triangle) just because I'd cry if Willow and Tara weren't together at Christmas – though please ignore the fact that I totally screwed with the fact that there was a xmas flashback in The Body. Just pretend that never happened) and everyone is having a good time…until Dawn opens one of her gifts.
"Dawn, you either get you butt over here and start chopping vegetables or you get your butt into the living room and help with the decorating."
"My butt is just fine right here, thank you very much," she pouted, crossing her arms indignantly at her sister.
"Not for long," Buffy muttered under her breath, quickly returning to dicing the carrots. She quickly began rifling back through the recipe book, a stricken look on her face. Dawn smirked. She did kinda like it when 'perfect Buffy' wigged. "GILES!" Buffy bellowed.
The Watcher careened into the kitchen, reaching for the nearest weapon. Buffy spun round, eyes wide and fearful and slammed the cookbook down on the counter, pointing to a point on the page, face stricken. "Giles, it says the carrots have to be chopped julienne, but I diced them. Diced Giles! Everything's ruined!"
"Oh good Lord," Giles shook his head and immediately walked straight back out of the room.
"Is everything okay in there Mr Giles?" Tara asked, a worried frown creasing her brow.
"It's bloody thanksgiving all over again," he groaned, taking a light string from Xander, who was trying to wrap Anya up in it.
"Oh no!" Anya cried, "Xander I don't want you getting syphilis again!"
"Aw you were worried about me hon?" He gave her a one armed hug.
"I was worried your penis would become she disfigured we'd never have sex again!"
Tara coughed to cover her laugh, glancing at Willow and feeling oddly grateful.
"Though to be clear," Willow said, "you mean 'thanksgiving all over again' in the sense of Buffy having kitchen freakouts, rather than ancient spirits trying to kill us, right?"
"Indeed," Giles clarified gently. "Though, I must say, ancient spirits are probably easier to handle than Buffy is in her current state."
"I see why everyone looked so pale when Buffy said she'd host Christmas," Dawn chirped, coming into the living room and dropping down on the couch. "She's a total b-i-t-c-h right now."
"Bitca?" Xander reminisced, grinning at Willow.
Dawn frowned momentarily, but then continued. "I mean, she's totally spazzing over some carrots that she cut wrong or something. I liked it better when mom made dinner." Dawn finished up with her patented (rather, stolen from Buffy) pout.
"Your mom's still not up to cooking a full Christmas dinner, Dawnie," Tara said gently.
"Yeah, you gotta let your mom heal so she can be a party-animal on New Years," Xander gave Dawn a wink, "I don't know about you, but I know who I'm getting my midnight kiss from!"
"Eww!" Dawn squeaked, chucking a pillow at Xander.
"And hey!" Anya whacked him in the arm.
"I second the ew," Tara added.
"And raise you a eugch," Willow continued.
They all stopped their banter, sniffing the air… it was… interesting. Suddenly there was a loud crash from the kitchen.
"Uh, I'm gonna g-go do some serious intervention before Buffy slays the 'bad dinner'," Tara glanced toward the kitchen.
"Probably a wise idea," Giles muttered.
"Look at my buzzy little worker bees," Joyce said kindly, easing onto a stool at the kitchen bench.
"Mom!" Buffy cried, "you're supposed to be in bed."
"Y-yes Mrs Summers," Tara urged, "you should rest."
"I just came down to check you weren't burning my house down," Joyce smiled playfully, "though I see Tara here has straightened things out," she gestured to Tara, who was washing severely burned mashed potato (how Buffy had burned mashed potato, she had no idea) down the sink, whilst simultaneously stirring the cranberries.
"Mom, when have I let this house come to any harm under my care?" Buffy asked.
"Do you really want me to answer that question?"
"Huh?" Buffy was already distracted by the turkey.
"Well I could make a list… there were the zombies, and that time with your battle with Faith, and-"
"Mom, you look sick, you should go back to bed," Buffy urged, ushering her mother upstairs.
"I'm gone," she chuckled.
"Thanks Tara," Buffy said sheepishly a little while later, "without your help, I'm pretty sure everyone would be making fake yummy noises and smiling a little too big."
"It's no problem Buffy," she laughed, "r-r-really." She paused, staring at the ruined pot of peas she'd given up on rescuing. "Though I honestly have n-no idea how you managed to get frozen peas wrong."
"Having a sacred birth right does not dictate culinary finesse," Buffy pouted.
"I g-got that much," Tara shook her head in wonderment.
"How's it all going, baby?" Willow sidled up behind Tara, wrapping her arms around the girl's waist and resting her chin on Tara's shoulder.
"Well, nothing's come to life or attacked us yet, so I'd say we're doing pretty damn good for a day in the Summers' household," Buffy grinned.
"B-Buffy's doing… enthusiastically."
"I used to get that on my report cards for PE in elementary school," Willow mused. "It translated to, 'you're crappy at this, but we like you so we're being nice'."
"P-pretty much," Tara gave Buffy an apologetic grin.
"Well, I've still got one more gift to pick up, but we can eat as soon as I get back, okay baby?"
"Yep. You need me to come with you?" Tara asked.
"No, I'll be fine. What's one little critter when you've faced Vampire battalions and giant snakes?" She pressed a quick kiss to Tara's lips, fishing the keys out of the girl's front pocket before leaving. Buffy gazed longingly at the spot of Willow's lipstick on Tara's cheek.
"I need a relationship. Like, now."
Willow placed the last, bow-embellished box under the Christmas tree, and returned to the dining room, taking her place next to Tara at the table. Joyce and Giles were already talking animatedly about an ancient Mayan art exhibition at the gallery and Dawn was gazing open-mouthed at the very…open-mouthed make-out session Xander and Anya were having. Figuring PDAs would go unnoticed with Xander and Anya sitting across from them, Willow leaned in and kissed Tara, long and deep. When they pulled apart, there was a blush high on Tara's cheekbones. Willow realised with a guilty jolt that Joyce was watching them, but she simply gave the couple a very warm and gentle smile. The tenderness was abruptly broken by Buffy, who placed – well, more like slammed – the turkey, all glisten-y and basted, down in the centre of the table.
"Well Buffy, this looks fantastic," Giles commended proudly.
"Yes honey, it looks wonderful!"
"Yeah!" Dawn added, "considering the total spaz attack you were having in the kitchen this does look pretty good. I bet I could cook Christmas dinner too."
"I'm sure you could, Dawnie," Tara said kindly.
"Yeah, well thank Tara," Buffy smiled warmly, "she's the reason we actually have…any…food."
The dinner was, admittedly, delicious. Though they'd all been rather nervous about Buffy's cooking.
"Full…" Willow intoned, sinking down on the couch, her head in Tara's lap.
"Aw baby," Tara pressed a kiss to her forehead, running her hand lightly over Willow's full 'lil belly.
"Why aren't we that adorable, Xander?" Anya asked.
"It's just not our style, Ahn." They were curled on the floor under the tree, Anya sitting on Xander's while Xander repeatedly curled a lock of her blonde hair over his finger again and again. She seemed contented enough with has answer… or at least plied enough with eggnog that she wasn't up to arguing her point.
"I want presents," Dawn announced, dropping down onto the couch next to Willow's feet.
"I second that notion," Buffy sprang up with an enviable amount of energy, bounding toward the great piles of gifts beneath the tree.
"How is she actually vertical?" Xander said in wonderment.
"I have an uncomfortable amount of food inside of me," Anya said in support.
"You're forgetting the Slayer constitution," Giles reminded them, sinking into an armchair with a mock groan.
"She's a bottomless pit," Joyce observed with a grin. "Let me tell you, having her and Faith around… they ate me out of house and home."
"That's not our fault," Buffy countered. "Slaying makes you hungry!"
"Among other things," Xander smirked.
"Don't you finish that sentence, Mister," Buffy warned.
He mimed zipping his lips.
"Presents it is," Giles hurriedly began polishing his glasses.
Many bottles of perfume, CDs, boxes of chocolate, books, stationery kits, weapons and a several very naughty gag gifts later (when Willow opened a book to find a vibrator was hidden in it with a basic concealment charm – which Tara swore she didn't know what for when she helped Buffy with it – Joyce nearly sent Dawn upstairs) it was time for one final gift, from Willow and Tara to Dawn.
"Okay Dawnie, this is why I had to duck out earlier. We've already talked to your mom about it, so we hope you like it," Willow beamed.
Dawn tore into the paper with excitement, to reveal a plain white cardboard box, which she impatiently opened. From it, popped a tiny little grey tabby kitten, with a yellow bow around its neck. Dawn gasped, instantly in love with the sweet little kitten. The tabby jumped from the box, instantly curling into Dawn's lap. She stroked it lovingly, grinning from ear to ear.
"Oh Willow, Tara… oh I love it!"
"It looks like she loves you t-too," Tara grinned.
"Thank you! Thank you so much!"
"What are you going to call her, Dawn?" Giles asked.
"Uh," she fingered the bright yellow bow around the kitten's neck, "Sunny. Her name's Sunny."
"Maybe she'll ward off vampires for you," Xander joked.
"We're on a place called Sunnydale, yet there are more vampires here than anywhere else in the world," Anya pointed out.
"I think the point of the name is, uh, irony," Giles corrected.
"Sunny," Dawn cooed, "hi Sunny!" The little kitten opened its eyes wide, yawning and kneading its paws on her jeans. "Oh!" Dawn squeaked, "Oh she's so cute!"
"She's wonderful," Joyce knelt beside her daughter, stroking the kitten behind its ears. "Thank you," she said softly to Willow and Tara.
"Miss Kitty can come over for playdates!" Dawn grinned.
"I'm sure she'd like that," Tara laughed.
After pudding, they all sat around, playing and cooing at Sunny. The little kitten seemed to be lapping up the attention.
"Dawn, could you cut me another piece of fruitcake please?" Buffy asked.
"You're still hungry?!" the room cried.
"What?" Buffy shrugged.
Dawn rolled her eyes, but stood and went to cut her sister a piece.
"Ouch," she muttered, sucking on her finger as she handed Buffy the cake. "I cut myself."
"I though you were supposed to be able to competently use a knife by age fourteen," Buffy teased.
"Shut up." Sunny padded over, looking with what could only be concern at her the wound on her mistress' finger. She stuck out her rough little tongue and licked the drop of blood from the tip of Dawn's finger. "Ew, Sunny!" Dawn said. Suddenly, the tiny little kitty began to grow. And grow. And grow. "Uh, guys…" Dawn's eyes widened, "I know kitties grow fast, but…"
Sunny was already at head-level to Buffy, when her features began to morph. Her front teeth began to elongate, and her eyes turned further up at the corners. Her fur began to retract and her claws extend.
"Sunny?" Dawn whispered.
"Thanks for freeing me, doll," the demon said in a husky, bored voice. It was massive, taller than Xander and broader than two of him. It was covered in totally un-tabby, scaly skin with a slight ooze-factor and had glow-y yellow eyes. "I'm sure you woulda been a great mistress…" Sunny turned to Willow and Tara, "and thanks for picking to bring me right to the slayer's home, by the way. Super useful, girls."
"Uh, Buffy," Xander whispered, "aren't you gonna, ya know, slay?"
"I can't kill Sunny!" She squeaked.
"But Sunny, is a demon," Xander clarified.
"Why is everything always a demon?" Joyce muttered, "this doesn't happen to other people does it? It's just you guys, right?"
"Pretty much always," Xander confirmed.
"Oh Goddess," Tara said.
"Dawnie, we had no idea…"
"Oh cut the crap," Sunny rolled her slanted eyes, slashing her claws out and clipping Willow across the shoulder.
"Willow!" Joyce and Tara both cried, hurrying to her.
"Did my kitten just swear?" Dawn said, looking slightly dazed.
"Well technically, she's not your kitten. She's an animorprophic demon." Everyone stared at Anya. "They're shape shifting. To avoid danger, they shape shift into animals and can't be released until they taste blood."
"Huh, they said you'd lost your touch, Anyanka," Sunny observed.
"Why do you always know the demons we fight?" Xander rolled his eyes, then ran toward Sunny, dropping her with a rugby tackle.
"Now that's manly," Anya grinned. Sunny quickly reversed their positions, laying a punch on Xander's jaw. "Now getting beaten up by a kitten, not so much."
Buffy jumped on Sunny from behind, grabbing her neck, "you're a little girl's Christmas present-"
"I'm not a little girl!" Dawn yelled.
"—couldn't you just hold out a couple days?" Buffy pulled Sunny's neck back in a chokehold, nearly to breaking point as the ex-kitten sputtered and gurgled… but she couldn't do it. I mean, how can you kill a kitten?
"Buffy!" Willow squeaked, groggily standing up whilst supporting herself on Tara, "Buffy it's not a kitten! Kill it!"
"Oh, but… kitten…"
"Buffy!" Everyone groaned.
"Fine…" Buff pulled Sunny's head further back, but just as she did so, Sunny changed… her features morphed back softer, her body shrank and hair sprouted… except she wasn't a kitten. "Huh?"
"They can't take the same form twice," Anya replied to her unasked question.
And Buffy dropped the little mouse. Sunny scampered for the skirting board.
"Sorry 'bout that Dawnie…"
"We'll get you a new, non-demonic kitten, I promise," Tara said. Dawn just stared at her kitten-gone-demon-gone-mouse scampering away. But just before it reached the little mouse hole, a booted foot came down on her. Joyce gingerly picked up the mouse, its neck snapped.
"Sorry," she said to everyone's shocked expressions. "I just… I really hate mice."
Feedback? Another one in 12 hours or so :)