Well, well. Sara Jaye actually wrote a 'Boshific. I'll admit right
off, incest normally bugs me (With the adorable exceptions of TomoyoxSakura
and SonomixNadeshiko-and ChibiUsaxHotaru as cousins in an alternate
universe. ^-^). But somehow, when it's yaoi and 2 adorable twin teenage
brothers, one of who happens to be one of my favorite Seiryuu Seishi...^^
Then it's different. ^^ It's nothing major-just some light shounen ai. ^^
Anyway, this takes place in an alternate universe (Again. ~_~;;),
and everyone's been reincarnated/ressurected after the war. Hotohori&Nuriko
are together at last, Miaka&Tamahome are together, natch; and Yui is with
Tetsuya and has a strictly-flirt relationship with Soi. ^_~

[Disclaimers: Fushigi Yuugi is the property of Watase Yuu. None of the
characters belong to me.
This story is: Angsty, fluffy, sappy, and contains not only yaoi but mild
incest as well. If this offends or disturbs you in any way, close the
window. But if not, enjoy! ^_^]

"I hate my life!"
The olive-haired 15-year-old looked up from his music as he heard a
door slam. He heard heavy footsteps as his twin brother stormed into the
room, his hands curled into fists.
"Suboshi?"
"Leave me alone!"
Amiboshi set his flute down on the stand and walked over to the bed
his brother had just collapsed on.
"She turned you down again...gomen, otouto. I can't see why she
would say no to you, though..." The younger twin slowly looked up, glaring
at Amiboshi.
"You can knock off the sympathy garbage, aniki. I don't need you
feeling sorry for me like everyone else does. 'Aw, so you can't get Yui
Hongo to give a damn about you, but it's all right, we all think you're the
hottest thing since Gackt!'" Suboshi growled. "Or they act like it's all my
fault Yui could give a damn less about me and would rather make out with
that boyfriend of hers or drool over Soi..." Amiboshi sighed. He hated to
see his brother so upset like this. Especially when he knew all too well
what unrequited love was like.
"I know what you're feeling, otouto," he said softly as he knelt
down next to the bed. "I know too well..."
"Like hell!"
"Otouto, I was in love with Miaka, remember?" Amiboshi sighed a
little as he thought of the former Suzaku no Miko. Though he was pretty
much over it, he still had a soft spot in his heart for her.
"So? At least you weren't teased and given the 'We think you're
hot, so Miaka must be a brain-dead idiot!' thing!" Suboshi screamed. "You
know what I've had to put up with every day these last 2 weeks, aniki?
Seeing her with old whatshisname whenever she and Soi weren't flirting
with each other? Having her ignore me or glare at me or resent me because
of the Seiryuu thing? You know what that's like?!" Suboshi's eyes stung
with tears as he was forced to relive the past 2 weeks. The way he felt
about Yui...he'd never felt like this about anyone else in his life.
Initially it was physical attraction, but after the war ended, everyone
was resurrected, and Yui had gone home, he realized it was more...that he
couldn't stand to be without her. And now she was back, but she still
didn't care about him. 'Why?' he thought. 'Why was I cursed to fall for a
woman who will never love me, and will always resent me for being a player
in a horrifying episode of her life? Why?' He felt hot tears tricking down
his cheeks. "You don't understand," he muttered, his voice choked.
Amiboshi blinked.
"Otouto...are you crying?" he asked worriedly.
"Shut up!"
"You are...oh, Suboshi, I-"
"I said shut up, Amiboshi! Why the hell are you even talking to me
anyway?! I don't want to talk, I don't need your sympathy or your comfort,
I just want to be left alone!" Suboshi's voice broke on that last
"alone" as the dam broke, tears streaming down his face and soaking the
bedcovers. Amiboshi sighed, gently resting his hand on his brother's back.
"Just let it all out, otouto...just let it all out," he whispered.
"Go away!" Suboshi edged away from the older twin's comforting hand
and dragged himself off the bed. "I don't need your comfort!"
"Suboshi..."
"I don't NEED your COMFORT!" Suboshi turned on his heel and began
to leave-only to collapse to his knees on the floor. Amiboshi silently
slipped his arms around Suboshi's trembling form, and this time the
normally violent young man did not pull away or scream at him.
"You really love her that much, huh?" he whispered. Suboshi nodded.
"It hurts...I know I kind of almost ruined her life and everything,
or at least played a part in it, but...I still love her. Even if I've no
right to even be in the same room as her," he sobbed. "At least you didn't
ruin Miaka's life..."
"But I was in the army that tried to kill her and pretended to be
one of her Seishi, remember? And in a way, I caused his death." Amiboshi
shuddered at the memory of the Chiriko incident. "Miaka isn't angry at me.
Eventually, Yui will come around."
"Yui and Miaka are almost complete opposites, aniki! Miaka's sweet,
kind, and doesn't know how to hold a grudge. Yui would hold it against you
for weeks if you so much as borrowed her pen without asking! And remember,
you were trying to help Miaka out! At least you seemed worthy of being in
love with her!" Suboshi cried.
"I know...I'm sorry you're going through this, otouto-chan,"
Amiboshi sighed.
"Yeah, apologizing is really going to make it hurt less, aniki,"
Suboshi muttered. "Why does everyone always apologize whenever someone
is in pain? As if they had something to do with it or it was their fault.
It wasn't your fault I fell in love with a girl who I could never have. It
isn't your fault I'm lonely as hell, haunted by the war and the bad
decisions I made, hating myself more and more every day..." Suboshi trailed
off, his shoulders heaving as he sobbed violently. Amiboshi felt his own
heart breaking in his chest at the sight of his brother's tears.
"Otouto...I wish I could say, or do something to make this hurt
less...I wish I could just erase this pain from your soul, I-I can't stand
to see you like this, otouto." As his embrace tightened, he felt Suboshi
grasp the fabric of his shirt with shaking hands.
At that moment, somehow, Suboshi realized Yui was the least of his
problems. In fact, he hardly cared about her. Just talking about the war
and the decisions and remembering the violent deaths...he was suddenly
gripped with fear of losing his brother. He'd hated being away from Yui,
but he refused to even consider life without Amiboshi!
"Don't ever leave me," he choked, burying his face in Amiboshi's
shoulder. "Aniki..." Amiboshi looked into his brother's amber eyes, eyes
conveying the sorrows, the fears, the frustrations he'd kept inside for so
long. The ones that mirrored his own.
"I'm here," Amiboshi whispered, holding the slightly younger boy
closer and stroking his hair. "I'll always be here, I'll never abandon you,
otouto-chan," he said. Suboshi continued to sob violently in his brother's
arms, clinging to him as if never to let go.
"Why does everything have to hurt so much, aniki?" he asked
tearfully. Amiboshi looked thoughtful for a moment.
"This isn't about Yui, is it?" he mused. "There's something more
bothering you, otouto. What is it?" Suboshi didn't answer, only continued
to cry. "You don't have to tell me," Amiboshi whispered, resting his cheek
against his brother's hair.
"I'm scared," Suboshi whispered after a long silence.
"Scared?"
"Scared of the memories, the reality of what we did..." Suboshi
paused to take in a long, shuddering breath. "Scared of myself."
"Y-yourself?" Amiboshi blinked.
"You don't know what I've been going through lately, aniki-san. I
can't think, I can't sleep...I keep having nightmares about the war...
remembering the death of our parents..." Suboshi said.
It was like opening a wound. Everything he had been trying to hold
back for the last 2 weeks bled from him in a torrent as Suboshi told his
brother all about the guilt, the vivid memories of war that refused to
leave him alone, the loneliness he felt day and night, thinking no one
understood him or would ever love him the way he needed to be loved. He
confided that he felt useless and unwanted, that he'd been nothing more
than a tool used for violence and destruction. That late at night, he lay
awake in bed crying, wishing he'd never been ressurected...considering
ending his pain and his life. By the time he finished, he was sobbing so
hard he could barely breathe. Amiboshi was frozen in shock.
"...Otouto..." was all he could say. He looked down at the
trembling ball of sadness he couldn't believe was Suboshi. "Wh...why
didn't you tell me?" he asked.
"I-I didn't want to worry you, aniki," Suboshi choked.
"Suboshi..." Amiboshi held his brother so tightly he thought his
arms would break. He'd lost Suboshi once, he couldn't bear the thought of
ever losing him again! "Otouto," he whispered, tears dripping softly down
his cheeks.
"Aniki...onegai...I-I didn't mean to cause you tears, please don't
cry...," Suboshi whispered, feeling the cold wetness of his brother's tears
on his cheek.
"I can't stand this...i-it hurts too much to see you like this,
otouto...the thought of you killing yourself..." Amiboshi choked.
"Th-this is why I didn't t-tell you," Suboshi sniffled. "I knew you
would be upset. I-I didn't want you to cry..."
"So you thought you would kill yourself and hope I never found out?"
Amiboshi asked bitterly. "How could you do this to me? How could you be so
selfish and think of leaving me again, otouto?!" he sobbed.
"Aniki..." Amiboshi said nothing, only cried quietly against his
brother's hair. "Gomen nasai," Suboshi apologized, arms wrapping tightly
around the older twin's chest. "Gomen...gomen nasai..."
"It hurt enough losing you the first time, otouto. I never want to
lose you again," Amiboshi sobbed, the memory slowly filling his mind...
feeling his brother's death, feeling more helpless and alone than when
their parents were killed... "Never again!"
"F-forgive me, I-I never meant to hurt you, aniki...gomen nasai..."
Suboshi choked. "I-it just...hurts so much to live, Amiboshi..."
"I know, but you could have just told me you were so depressed. You
know I'd be here for you, Suboshi...I always will," Amiboshi sniffled. "I
love you, otouto."
"A...Aniki..." Suboshi looked up, vision blurred from tears.
Looking into his brother's eyes, at the concern, the pain...the love...he
felt guilty for putting him through all that now. Keeping his depression
secret...what if he had killed himself and Amiboshi found out from someone
else? He sighed...Amiboshi was so sweet, so sensitive...'I'm lucky to have
a brother like him and I know it,' the younger twin thought. "Thank you,"
he whispered. "For being my brother. I love you, aniki."
The 2 held each other and cried for a long time, realizing just how
glad they were to be alive, together again. All the while, though,
something kept nagging Amiboshi, in the back of his mind.

*I love you*...'What's the big deal? Family members always say they
love each other. Suboshi and I are brothers, why shouldn't we say it?' he
thought. But something felt different this time. He couldn't place it, but
it just did.

'We're both just very emotional right now. It's nothing,' Suboshi
thought. 'Hell, it's not like he's never told me he loves me before!' So
why did it seem different this time? There was something in Amiboshi's eyes
Suboshi had never seen before...

'There couldn't have been. He still loves Yui...' Amiboshi sighed.

'He probably still likes Miaka anyway...' Suboshi looked up
momentarily.

'It was nothing. I'm reading too much into this.'

"Ano...aniki?" Suboshi looked up, eyes swollen from crying.
"Hai?" Amiboshi said.
"I...was just wondering..."
"Yeah?"
"Do you...still have any feelings for Miaka? I mean, do you still
think about her and kinda...miss her?" Suboshi asked. Amiboshi closed his
eyes for a moment in deep thought.
"Sometimes. She was destined for Tamahome-san and I'm happy for
them, but I still care for her and at times I...guess I wish I was the
one," he sighed. "Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering," Suboshi shrugged. "And because...I was
jealous."
"Jealous?" Amiboshi blinked.
"Yeah. It always feels like you're over Miaka, but I'm still trying
to get Yui to notice me and...I wish it was that easy for me," Suboshi said
quietly, his eyes tearing again.
"It isn't always easy for me, otouto," Amiboshi said. "I get so
lonely whenever I see Miaka with Tamahome...envious. I wish I had the kind
of love they had..." Suboshi thought for a moment.
"Is it just them?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, is it just Miaka and Tamahome? What about seeing Hotohori
and Nuriko together?"
"Well, it's easier because I didn't love either of them, but...now
that you mention it, I envy them too," Amiboshi admitted.
"I see...the old 'Everyone has someone but me' feeling, huh?"
Suboshi sighed. "I get that every time I see Yui with that other guy, or
when she and Soi are flirting with each other. I feel like everyone is in
love or destined for someone else except me. I'm just left alone..." He
blinked back an oncoming stream of tears. "I-I'm tired of being alone...
y-you're all I've got..." he said, his voice breaking again.
"It's okay," Amiboshi whispered, hugging him closer. "I'll always
be here."
"Again...thank you for being my brother." Suboshi smiled weakly.
"I want to apologize," he sighed.
"Why?"
"For being so angry and throwing my temper around. Especially
earlier. I yelled at you to go away and all you did was comfort me...anyone
else would've gotten angry at me, but you're always here...I'm sorry,
aniki," Suboshi said quietly.
"I could never be angry at you, otouto. I don't care how angry you
get at me. You're my brother, and you mean everything to me," Amiboshi said
softly, brushing away a few stray tears from Suboshi's cheeks.
"I'm so glad you're my brother...I know half the time I don't
deserve this devotion," Suboshi sighed, leaning his cheek into Amiboshi's
hand. "Psychotic guy like me doesn't deserve any devotion..." Amiboshi
sighed sadly.
"Is that really all you think you are, otouto? 'Psychotic, violent,
tempermental'...you truly can't see that you're so much more?" he asked.
"And anyone else can?" Suboshi laughed bitterly. "What do you see
when you look at me right now, aniki?"
"I see a strong, sensitive, passionate soul who is going through a
hard time in his life right now. I see someone who knows he's so much more
than the psycho he thinks he is," Amiboshi said gently. "I see my brother,
and now that we're together again I wouldn't trade him for the world."
Suboshi smiled a little.
"You're just saying that cause you're my big brother," he laughed.
"Thank you." The older twin's eyes became soft and shiny as he caressed
Suboshi's cheek.
"I'm only telling the truth." With that, Amiboshi leaned in and
kissed Suboshi's lips, tasting the salty tears still damp on his skin.
Suboshi's eyes widened as his skin flushed a brilliant shade of red.
"...Aniki...!" he gasped, pulling away quickly. "...I...you..." He
was at a loss for words. That was NOT a brotherly thing to do! Brothers did
not kiss on the mouth like that, no matter how close! This wasn't right, it
wasn't right at all. 'So why the hell did it feel so damn good?' Suboshi
thought.
"G-gomen, otouto! I-I don't know what came over me, I didn't mean
anything...d-don't be angry...o-onegai..." Amiboshi pleaded, his face
burning hot with embarrassment. What was he thinking?! 'Damn it, this is my
brother, people don't kiss their brothers like that! It's wrong and
unnatural...what would our parents think if they'd seen my behavior just
now?!' The tears he had just managed to stop threatened to spill over
again. "Gomen, gomen nasai," he apologized over and over again. "I-I'm
such a baka, I didn't-"
"Shut up." Suboshi pressed his lips to the older boy's, not caring
about his own confused feelings. Yes, Amiboshi was his brother, and this
was very wrong. But damn, it felt good. After what seemed like ages, he
gently pulled back. "Don't say such things about my aniki," he said.
Amiboshi laughed. Suboshi could be so CUTE sometimes!
"Only if you stop calling my otouto a psycho," he smirked.
"Oh, all riiight," Suboshi laughed softly as he snuggled closer.
"So...feeling any better?" Amiboshi asked, gently running his
fingertips through Suboshi's hair. Suboshi's smile faded a little.
"Just stay with me," he said, looking up at Amiboshi with soft,
pleading eyes. Amiboshi wrapped his arms snugly around his twin and rested
his chin on top of his head.
"I couldn't leave you at a time like this, otouto," he whispered.
"I'll always be here." He kissed Suboshi's forehead. "And it's going to be
all right. You'll get through this."
"I hope so," Suboshi mumbled as his eyes closed a little. Amiboshi
sighed softly. Suboshi seemed so vulnerable right now.
'But he'll get through this. I know him too well. He's not going to
let this beat him,' Amiboshi thought, smiling.
"Aniki?" the younger twin whispered sleepily.
"Hai?"
"You're a really good kisser," Suboshi murmured, his half-closed
eyes gleaming. Amiboshi blushed.
"Arigato. You're not so bad yourself, otouto," he said. The 2 of
them laughed. Brothers or not, their relationship was going to be much
different from now on.

~

"Aww...what did I tell ya?" Yui whispered as she, Miaka, and Nuriko
listened from the hallway. "Isn't that cute?"
"You were right," Miaka giggled. "One would have to be dense as a
brick not to see what was going on with them."
"I stand corrected," Nuriko sweatdropped.
"Pay up." Yui held out her hand.
"What?"
"I bet you 50 yen they were more than mere brothers, and you said
they weren't. Hand it over, Nuriko," Yui smirked.
"Well, I didn't think you were serious! Besides, it's mean to bet
money on someone else's relationships!" Nuriko argued.
"A bet's a bet."
"No."
"Hand it over!"
"I don't even have money with me right now!"
"Then you owe me."
"I do not!"
"Calm down, you guys. We don't want to disturb them," Miaka
whispered as she closed the door almost all the way. "We'll settle this
somewhere else." With that, she continued down the hallway, Yui and Nuriko
still arguing as they followed her.

~End~

Finished! ^^ Wasn't that sweet? ;P A little sappy, but I'm glad to
say it's LESS sappy than some of my recent (Read: In the last 3 months)
works have been. ^_^;;
I have a new appreciation for Suboshi-kun now. ^^ Yeah, he's
psychotic and mad, but he has a soft spot for his aniki. ^^ They're one of
my favorite couples now. *laughs* Yes, I know they're brothers and some of
you less open-minded people are probably thinking 'Eww! This is a new low!'
and some of you are even wondering about my mental state. But remember,
this is NOT full-fledged yaoi like, for example, Kunzite&Zoisite. I think
of Amiboshi&Suboshi's love as VERY close brotherly love.
I apologize if one or both of them is a little OOC. ^^;; I haven't
seen any of their episodes. AND I apologize if the scene at the end seemed
tacked on or that it cheapened the story. If not, I hope I could pull it
off well enough. ^_^ And yes, I know the Gackt comment is out of place. ;P
I couldn't resist-Gackt IS cute! XD