Authors Note: This story was posted on my blog as a Christmas surprise for my very good friend Credoroza. She loves her Edward and a side of Carlisle. Plus she also challenged me to write something funny/fluffy (I'm a bit of a angst writer , lol!).

Hail to the V, Batman & Robin

{Edward}

This year has been a rather interesting one.

We have made our way back to Forks after a long departure from the last time Carlisle called this place his home. I believe he was a doctor the last time but worked in Seattle.

This time, a century later, we have come back and with a bigger family. And now we have a new addition.

I take my seat next to Jasper on the sofa. He looks blank and tired, yes tired, and I have no idea how the hell a vampire can look tired? I turn my attention to the television in front of us that our newest addition to this slightly dysfunctional family insisted we have. When you're a vampire and have been alive for more than a century, there is not much that can amuse you on the TV that you haven't seen for real or done yourself.

Yet here we are, instead of looking at a bookshelf built into a wall above a fireplace, we are looking dead at a rather obnoxious and over-sized television.

"Come on ladies, show it some love. Hail to the V."

And I can't help but chuckle at the commercial for this feminine product and what it's insinuating. It is rather witty and I'm sure I can see ladies cheering to it.

"Hail to the V my ass. More like hell and a pain in my ass." His voice is loud and clear inside his head and I let myself resign in a grin as I look over at him. His blank face and un-moving limbs make him look rather like a petrified statue.

"Issues Jasper?" I ask him, finally opening a conversation between us.

"You have no idea." He says like a defeated man.

"Leah?" I ask him, referring to our newest addition to this now mixed family. Five vampires and one shape-shifting she wolf. Oh yeah, I am her imprint and she is my brother's wife.

"Insane." He retorts back so plainly.

I let a growl slip past my lips at his remark.

I feel a slight discomfort at his insult towards my imprint. It's weird to call her that. I reside in myself that I am her imprint and she is a permanent fixture in my life that I feel a need to have and be around. I don't have lover eyes for hers but I am strangely protective of her.

So yeah, imprint.

"Well you're the one who had to play with her "V", should have kept your hands off my shiny new toy then." I hiss at him. I have no idea what she sees him, something about his Texas boot she told me once.

"Fine! You deal with the pregnant she wolf. She is your imprint after all!"

"My Texas boot wasn't the one who played with her." I laugh at him; he turns around and looks at me. Almost amused at what I said but in twisted manner.

"No it wasn't." he snickers at me and a smirk spreads across his face.

"Leave my batman alone." She hisses at him as she makes her presence known, walking down the stairs. But that doesn't stop him from grinning like an idiot. He lets images of her flood his mind and not the innocent kind either.

She carefully moves between us and plants herself down, legs curled up as she snuggles against her husband.

"Batman, really Leah?" he ask her, annoyance at her pet name for me.

"Yes batman. How else am I going to explain to our kid why he has emotional issues and turns every woman down with his insanely good looks?"

Jasper rolls his eyes and lets out a breath he doesn't even need to sustain life. Those two bicker, throw temper tantrums like two year old's when one doesn't cave to the other. It's disgusting how in love they are with each other.

Jasper lets his hand glide over her small swollen belly and I watch her smile as she closes her eyes.

I should be insulted by her words but I can never be angry with her, well almost never.

"So, batman." His words touch the small of my neck. In our house, we can be ourselves. We don't have to hide and can strip down to almost next to nothing even though it's snowing and below zero degrees outside tonight. No human in sights for miles on end.

If I was human I would be blushing, but I'm not.

I turn around and face my bedroom intruder, Carlisle.

"Rain deer games?" I question him, noting the ridiculous Santa hat with antlers attached to the sides.

"Christmas party at work." He says, smiling brightly and almost apologetically at the same as he removes it from his head, tossing it over onto my desk to his side.

"So back to this batman phenomenon." He questions me, one eye brow rising upwards as he notes my body is only clad in these black boxer briefs with a batman logo appropriately placed in front of something delicate, like it's protecting it.

"Leah's stocking stuffer?" he questions me, seeing the red fluffy boot on my bed.

"She's insane." Yet here I am, wearing them as she requested I try them on.

"Huh… funny, I think you're the second person to call her that today?"

I smirk at him with mischievous eyes as I run a hand through my hair. I note a red stocking in his hand finally. Those long fingers reach inside and I bite my bottom lip at the action he is performing. He is doing this way to slow, human speed if you will.

Slowly he lets the piece of fabric be seen and I cannot hold back the laughter as is explodes from my chest.

"Robin?" I blurt out loud as he holds up the bright red boxer briefs with a well placed "R".

It seems my little imprint is trying to meddle in my personal love life where she doesn't belong.

"Like I said, insane!" I joke halfheartedly.

"Almost makes you wonder what she got Emmett and Rose as well?" he detours from the main point of her gifts towards us.

I walk up to him and he smiles so sweetly and almost shy. It's cute. I know this is wrong, I know he is my maker and for all intense purpose I guess my father?

I let my fingers pull on the fabric from his fingers, tossing it to the ground. I watch with amazement as his lips undue that smile and part slightly. Timidly and carefully I let my finger trail against his jaw line until it touches the baseline of his hair. Curling a piece of his hair around it, it feels like silk against my harden skin.

Painfully slow I close in the distance between us, lips lingering next to his while my fingers entrap themselves in his hair. I raise myself slightly from the floor to be equal to his height.

"Merry Christmas Carlisle." I whisper softly.

I taste his lips for the first time; he doesn't give in but doesn't run either. I brush them softly again and somehow his hands have find the back of my head and his boldness has flooded him with desire now.

His lips part and he crushes my mouth against his. Skillful tongue moving against mine before he pulls back while he cups my face now with those beautiful hands.

"Merry Christmas Edward." He whispers back.

I move back in again, to his lips and hastily pull him back into another kiss. The feel of his body flushed against mine is amazing. This is going to be my new favorite holiday.

{Jasper}

"Pay up bitches!" she taunts us as she moves in front of us with hand out waiting on her payment from us. All three of us, sitting like ducks in a row waiting to be shoot. She looks ridiculous with a carton of ice-cream in one hand and giant oversize spoon in it while she mocks us and gloats in her winning state.

"Nah, she is still beautiful."

"You had to marry a she-wolf with a sick twisted sense of humor?" my brother Emmett berates me as he stands up handing over to her, her winnings.

"You're the who took the ridiculous bet!" I throw back in his face.

"So did you! How do you bet against your own wife? Even I'm not that stupid." He throws back in my face. Leah simply holds out her hand in front of Rose who says nothing as she simply hands her, more of her winnings and keeps her pursed lips pulled into look of annoyance.

"You too Texas baby." My own wife demands me with a grin plastered on her face still.

I hand it over and slump further into the sofa with the other two sulking losers.

Our family crest was now in the hands of my wife whom seems to think it's time for a change, an update to the symbol as she puts it.

"We are fucked. You know that Jasper."

"How the hell was I suppose to know, that Batman and Robin boxers still count as her getting Batman to nail Robin!" I yell at him, like a child sulking in the corner who had his toy taken away.

Rosalie actually cracks a smile and finally moves to sit up, "You should have remembered that Leah has always called Edward , batman…. " her laugh gives way that maybe she was in on this as well. She was just playing the part of a sore loser.

"Of course, she hates the look of our family crest as much as Leah does!"

"Hope you boys like, Hail to the V," she says slyly before she moves out of the room and to where Leah is.

Me and Emmett have no words. I don't even look at him, I just sit here and I know what he is thinking because I just thought it earlier today. I don't need to be a mind reader to know this.

"Hail to the V my ass, hell and pain the ass is far more like it."

Cheers.

Also don't for get to check Twilight Fun Drama Awards 2012 - see link on my profile! For those of you who are lazy - here it is (lol!)

twilightfundrama blogspot com - in the spaces, put a dot.