|Milo Pressman: Single and Ready to Mingle
Author: CherryCokesandWinterSmokes PM
Co-Written with MadeInThe90s. We wanted to break the conventional mold. Rated T because this is a Milo Pressman romance, that in itself is disturbing. Also, be prepared to laugh. Review!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,840 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 12-30-12 - Published: 12-29-12 - id: 8850931
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Anything can happen during the dog days of summer. On June 3rd, 1959, everything did." - Tagline for Dog Day Afternoon (1975) (The date is changed for the story, however.)
Eugene Lachance stormed out the door; the screen smacking the wooden door frame so hard it splintered. His hand found the handle of his busted and dusted red pickup truck and he ripped it open angrily. He couldn't believe his wife was having an affair! With a junkman!
Soon enough, the truck was flying across the residential streets of town going at seventy miles per hour; dust was flying everywhere, the townspeople looked on in awe. He whipped a right turn over to the junkyard as his truck fishtailed dangerously. He slammed the wheel the other way so it pulled up parallel to the fence; dirt flying.
Eugene jumped down and stepped out like he was in an old Western movie. He cracked his knuckles and his neck; ready for battle.
"Hey! Milo! Get over here we need to have a real long talk about something," by now he had a splintered off piece of wood, smacking it against his hand.
The man was obviously a coward. He was standing right there and didn't open the gate. Eugene wasn't fazed though. He merely climbed the rusted fence; the fence that was impossible to climb unless you were a child.
"Alright you fat oaf. I'm tired of you screwing with my wife. And now, guess who's gonna pay?"
"Whoa, did you hear that? Gordie, your dad just went gangster. Major bad ass," Teddy said excitedly.
Gordie, Chris, Teddy, and Vern had been walking past the yard on a hot summer day. They had never expected that a fight would break out. The heat did make people crazy though. It had made Eugene Lachance crazy.
"Your wife wasn't happy with ye. She decided to find 'erself a real man," Milo smirked.
"Oooh, man. Gordie? Your mom was with that piece of shit? Eee ee ee." Teddy laughed and Gordie looked at him so icily it shut him up.
"You guys, we gotta go in there. We gotta stop them!" Chris, ever the peacemaker, said fervently.
The men had begun to fight just as the boys were climbing the fence. Dorothy Lachance had arrived in her car as well, ready to play the damsel in distress.
Eugene split the piece of wood against Milo's head, making it even redder and even more ghastly. Milo pretended to be down when in a surprise attack he gave Eugene "the old one-two." While Mr. Lachance was lying flat on his back, Milo went for a classic wrestling move. He piledrived Eugene right in the stomach. But Mr. Lachance wasn't going down without a fight. He jumped back up like nothing had even happened. Him and Milo were so close their noses were almost touching.
"Alright. Fight, Fight, Fight!" Teddy yelled. "I'm so glad I got this popcorn while we were up at Quidaciolu's!" The popcorn spilled out of his mouth as he continued to yell crazily.
Some other boys from town had come up to the fence to watch. "Hey! You don't just get to watch for free. This is on an admission basis if you want in. Twenty-five cents or get the hell out!" Teddy said angrily; food flying out of his mouth. The kids happily paid up to the older boy. There weren't fights in Castle Rock that often; they couldn't miss this.
Teddy continued to yell and trash talk. "Yeah, Mr. Lachance! You got this!" "This isn't a fair fight, he outweighs him by five hundred pounds! Eee ee ee."
Meanwhile, Chris Chambers ran up to the pair. He was determined to stop this fight even if it cost him his life. "Hey, guys, come on. You need to br-"
Milo swung a beefy arm out, jabbing Chris in the neck and knocking him out. He wasn't breathing.
Gordie's mouth swung open, "Nooooooo!" he screamed in slow motion as he ran over to Chris. He pulled him to the side.
"Chris. You gotta wake up, man! You gotta breathe!" Everything around Gordie had stopped. He didn't hear the fight and he didn't hear the large crowd that had gathered, cheering.
"I shall give you... The Kiss of Life!" Gordie cried and began to give Chris "CPR."
Chris' eyes shot wide open after that. "Gordie! What the hell are you doing? Why the fuck are you kissing me?"
"You weren't breathing, man."
"Yes I was, you idiot. But it's good that you would save me if I was dying."
"Yeah... I was saving you..." Gordie said awkwardly.
No one had even noticed that Gordie had just made out with an "unconscious" Chris. They were all too distracted by the fight to notice two guys kissing (LaChambers was so old news.)
Dorothy was running towards them now, screaming in the same way Gordie had over Chris.
"Stop fighting. Oh, please. Stop fighting," tears streamed down her delicate face.
"Who do you want, Dorothy? Who do you want? It's me or him, take your pick," Eugene said with finality. Everything was at a standstill.
"I'm sorry Eugene. I can't be with you anymore. Milo is the only one for me."
"Well, then you can have him. Enjoy the shack! Enjoy this shithole!" Eugene yelled; almost happily.
Then, before he walked away, he slapped Milo across the face. Hard. He left a red handprint shape on his face; right before he walked away.
"Yeah mon, beech slap dat mother fucker. Slap dat mon hard, mon," Teddy said happily. Vern and the other boys all looked at him incredulously. "What? Not only am I French, but I've got a little Jamaican blood in there too."
The fight was over. The boys ran for the truck Mr. Lachance was entering. "You kids need a ride?" For once, it seemed like Mr. Lachance actually cared about his son and his friends.
"Yeah! And Mr. Lachance, where'd you learn to fight like that?" Teddy asked as he hopped into the front seat with Gordie's father.
"Well, son. In the days of my Castle Rock youth, I was the best prize fighter around these parts. There was this one fight I remember quite well..."
A.N. The Jamaican line was for CelestialStarryNight. I hope you enjoyed our little humor piece. I also hope none of you are too damaged from it (we are not to be held responsible for any blindness or projectile vomiting caused from reading this story.) Please review! And Thank You!