Stories In My Flesh

Chapter Four

Blood oozed from the open wound that dribbled its crimson substance down into the palm of his hand then dropping from his fingers. The gash wasn't really that deep, he'd cut deeper before today anyway but nothing to the extent where he'd been hospitalized although it was only a matter of time until he was. The teen dropped his compass on to his bedroom floor, grabbing over for his ruined bloody filled rag that he kept stuffed down the side of his bed and placed it over his bleeding forearm.

"Why do I still do this shit?" He thought bitterly. "Fuck..."

He winced biting down on his lip at the sight of the blood. "Uh... It's really coming out bad.. Fast too"

He pressed the cloth further down to stop the bleeding then the feeling of numbness took over his whole own which sent him into a bit of a panic yet at the same time he wanted the worst to happen, the faster it did the quicker he wouldn't have to live like this anymore.

"Like it matters..."

The teen rested his head against the wall while looking blankly into space. Tons of thoughts were rushing trough his mind even though he would always recall the memories about how his life turned out this way he never got bored with them. But then they came to a stop when a certain boy with bright green doe eyes confessed to him in the library that other day appeared.

"I love you senpai" He couldn't seem to forget his small delicate voice.

All those shy gestures he made like the awkward eye contact when looking away from him after he'd confessed, shaking his head like a fool. How his voice shattered in-between and the rose tint that filled his cheeks to the brim.

"Bullshit" Masamune whispered.

He ended up slumping on to his bed in a sulk. Either way, he had no interest in befriending that so-called "Oda Ritsu" he didn't want friends or need them, and he especially didn't want him.

At school the day next it was slightly different for the teen though as usual he sat alone in the library reading. He never saw his stalker nervously wandering over his way his a book behind him while he awkwardly walked. He cleared his throat as he stopped right behind Masamune nervously he croaked "G-Good morning, Senpai".

Masamune froze on his page he didn't look at Ritsu simply not wanting to show him any interest whatsoever, he couldn't have him getting ideas after all.

"S-Senpai, are you well?" He asked gently yet he couldn't stop himself from smiling like a goof.

It seemed the older teen wasn't going to get rid of him so easily after all. "Morning"

His greeting was cold, uninterested and icy. Considering Ritsu never showed it but the coldness sliced right through him, it bothered him really but he was so determined he'd already confessed his feelings so now there was nothing to loose.

"Ah! It's a nice day right? What are you reading there, Senpai?"

Ritsu leaned enough over his shoulder just to merely see Masamune wedged his thumb on his current page and flashed him the title quickly before going back to reading.

"Oh, I've read that, it's really good isn't it?!" He chirped.

"You should know, you spend enough time following after what I've read." He huffed.

The younger teen was positive his cheeks were glowing at their reddest it felt strange now that his Senpai knew about his true feelings yet mentioning his stalking was really embarrassing.

"Y-Yes.. I-I suppose you're right" He said dropping his eyes to the ground. "But, at least it's a decent book."

Masamune became irritated, he found it so annoying how Ritsu was lingering around him like a bad smell. "What do you want?" He eventually said.

It was surprising how he jumped in front of his desk with his hands out in offering of a novel. "Senpai, the other day you left this book behind and I wanted to return it to you."

Sloppily Masamune snatched it away from his fingers back into his presence leaving it on top of his bag. He shifted his eyes back on the current page he was reading, obviously he couldn't read properly. He knew he was going to have to say something and make it extremely clear that he wanted the younger teen to stay away from him but before he could-

"Uhm... What are you doing after school today?" Ritsu asked ever so sweetly.

He heard all right Masamune shrugged his shoulders at his question causing Ritsu's smile to die off a bit. "Do you like shopping? Senpai, would you like to go to Marimo books with me? They've just opened, I-I mean it's not like you have to come with me b-but I'd really like to go with you... T-That's only if you wanted to!"

Who knew? The older teen could have had enjoyed himself with young Oda after all they both enjoyed reading and could had gotten to known each other better. But Masamune didn't want that he still saw him as the strange stalker in the library, plus he never wanted to be close to anybody ever again. What was the point of even trying when everyone around you did nothing but hurt you.

"No" He said bluntly.

Ritsu's lids lowered at the response. He was trying his best to please his Senpai it didn't matter if they didn't buy anything at all or if he had no money on him the younger teen wouldn't mind paying for him just as long as they got to spend some time together.

"Ah... I-I see" Ritsu tried putting on a happy face. "Maybe some other time then?"

Still no response.

"We don't have to go there we could go somewhere el-"

"No"

Ritsu was astounded when he caught the older teen giving him the cruelest look he possibly could. As for the tone Ritsu decided to shut up and leave it there.

"Okay" He said wobbly. "I understand then.. I'll see you around Senpai"

He did a quick bow and fled out the library quickly. Masamune balled his eyes he couldn't even get back into reading, it felt fruitless now. Then the book Ritsu had given back caught his attention next to him he ended up picking it up brushing his thumb against its cover.

"What is with that guy?" He muttered.

"I really just don't understand him."

Later that evening Masamune found it bizarre that his father hadn't made his daily trip up to his bedroom for a fondle, battering or pleasure. Instead he was able to get on with his homework and catch up on some extra reading but soon his mother came home which was when the bawling downstairs began again.

Trying everything in the book to block out the screaming he had his pillow over his head until it began to hurt make his ears ache, throwing on any of his videos or turning up his stereo a notch to drone it out. Nothing worked, it wasn't until a loud clattering pulled him out of his bedroom and ran down the stairs.

There in the door way he stood as if time had froze his mother weeping on the pillow as his father stood there and a now broken chair shattered in pieces. The teen found it painful to swallow when that large lump formed, he couldn't even move everything felt stiff and he was shaking like a leaf.

"What happened? Did he just.. Did he.." Was all that was spinning around his mind.

Once his senses bounced back to him Masamune shifted his eyes on to his father who was just as out of this world as he was. Blood was seeping out on the floor coming from his mother's head, her shirt was torn and she could barely move.

Masamune's lips trembled as he was about to call out for his mother at first no words managed to come out clearing his throat he made another attempt and again no luck.

"O-Oba-san" He then shakily spluttered. "Oba-san!"

He dropped to his knees beside her rushing over on his hands and lifted her head which was when she ducked away not wanting to show any weakness. Masamune dove to her level looking up at her she covered her hand over her damp face trying not to cry.

Then he saw the horrid gash coming from her hair-line blood was getting everywhere. Suddenly anger took over his body Masamune hadn't felt this bold in such a long time he scowled at his father who did the same right back, no mercy was given.

"Call an ambulance!" He shouted. "Now! Before she bleeds to death!"

But all he did was sneer with a devilish smirk. "And get locked up? Foolish boy, where would you two be without me? No roof over your heads, no food in your stomach.. And my dear, Kotoko" He chuckled. "You stupid woman, if it wasn't for me you would had still been on the streets after your own mother and father shunned you!"

He gave her a huge kick to the stomach at this Masamune was about to hop to his feet but his mother stopped him grabbing at his shirt.

"Don't.. Masamune go to bed" She muttered wearily. "Now"

He turned back to his mother brokenly. "But.. Oba-san I can't just leave you like this?!"

"Masam-"

"I'm not leaving you with this bastard!" He cursed looking straight into his fathers eyes seeing the disgusted expression he pulled at the insult.

"Masamune go to bed!" She screamed high at her lungs leaving whole house quiet.

And so he did but as he walked away from his parents he couldn't stop looking over his shoulder towards his mother now doing her best to pull up on her side. Masamune panicked what would happen if she didn't get to a hospital or seeked any medical attention? Of course, his father worked within that area but being the cold heartless man he was he knew he wouldn't help her at all.

The teen couldn't hold back the tears anymore once he laid against the wall as he sat there motionlessly on his bed. He let the few tears drizzle down his cheeks, harshly he then rubbed them away with his arm marking his sleeve with it's wetness. He hated himself, he hated himself to the core for just leaving her there with him.

Masamune was aware of the consequences he would probably be facing tomorrow evening while she was either at work or in a hearse. He'd be abused even more for answering back, the golden rule he was taught as a child not to do and that was showing any disrespect to his parents.

But for god-sake, he was seventeen years of age going on eighteen he was bound to step out of line sooner or later. Though anyone who had been in his shoes could understand how difficult it was to obey all the time. Everything was bottling up now; it was too much to take in.

Cutting was the only release at that time Masamune dug his compass in and jagged it across his arm over the other scars. Only this time he wasn't doing this for himself it was for his mother.

"I'm sorry" He whispered. "I'm so sorry"

Looking down at his arm the thing was a complete ugly state. "She needed you! Yet you were too chicken shit to stay such a poor excuse for a son!"

Picking up the compass he slit again and again some marks lighter than others leaving rough grazes and wounds due to be purulent in the future. He slammed the back of his head on the wall until it ached and his mind started spinning.

"You should of stayed! You should have been there for her!"

His vision became that blurred and his mind so light headed he couldn't even recall the next morning collapsing on to his crumpled sheets and falling into a deep slumber.

When the next day arrived Masamune did his usual routine; getting up, attending his swollen arms even if he couldn't care to look at them, shower and get dressed. He was glad to see that his mother was downstairs when he appeared to grab a quick yogurt drink before he made his way out. His eyes brightened when he saw her there but they sunk noticing the bandage wrapped around her head, her bruised lip and neck sent his heart cold.

"Did he take her to the hospital in the end?"

Masamune edged over to her when he'd grabbed his drink from the fridge he eyed her from head to toe. "Did he.." He felt terrified to even ask.

But his mother as strong a woman as she was looked him fully in the eyes. "Yes, I was taken last night and luckily not that many stitches were needed after all."

The teen frowned at her response. "She shouldn't even need stitches at all!"

"Masamune" She began now removing her gaze from his. "Do not dare tell a soul about our family life, understand?"

He bit down on to the inside of his bottom lip. "O-Oba-san.. Don't you think we should.. Just leave him? H-He does this to you but yet you just stay! We need help!"

Then she pointed. "Not another word, I do not want anyone knowing about this." She snorted. "Help.. Goodness, my son have I not taught you anything? We're strong people we do not need that.. How shameful."

He lowered his head at her reply it felt everything he tried to do or say ended up wrong. "I understand" He said quietly.

"Good, now leave."

As the front door closed his mother stood there with her back to him leaving. She hiccupped an unstable cry bowing her head into her hands crying uncontrollably while silent.

She hated putting herself through this but worst was her son.

"How has it all come to this?!"

Masamune didn't know this but in her purse she carried around a picture of him as a ten month old smiling baby for the past seventeen years. It was torn at its sides, old and creased but she still had it. And in deep in her waistcoat pocket that morning she had found the need to carry it around with her from the moment she woke up that morning.

She took it out of her pocket looking down at her child Kotoko shook her head and tried to calm herself down.

"I am a cruel mother, forgive me someday Masamune."

And so she gripped it hard against her chest as she sat down on the arm of the sofa blankly staring out the window not caring that she would be late for work. It wasn't everyday she got time to herself like this anymore, however there wasn't a time should could even remember spending with her son.

"Goodness.. Kami-sama.. Free us both" She whispered. "If not me, then my son, stop that bastard from hurting him.. Doing those things to him.. Please."

If it wasn't today or tomorrow she could only hope.

But maybe someday they could both be liberated from this pain.