Author: Some things you just can't fix PM
Set somewhere after season 6 Cas is injured while fighting with Raphael and Dean is there to help. Cas & Dean end up in serious talk in which Dean discovers a lot of things he had no idea about. But why does Cas keep fighting with Raphael, in the first place?Rated: Fiction K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Castiel & Dean W. - Words: 3,306 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 01-19-13 - Status: Complete - id: 8922689
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Dean jumped at sudden voice beside him.
"Whoa CAS! You really need to stop doing this…" - he took a deep breath to steady his heartbeat and then looked at Cas. Something was wrong with him. Very wrong.
"Cas? What happened?" asked Dean looking at his friend who was wearing a painful grimace.
"May I hide here for a while Dean?" whispered Cas his eyes sad and full of pain.
"Of course Cas..."answered Dean immediately his voice full of fear now. "Tell me...What happened Cas?"
"CA-" He jumped next to him just in time to catch his friend and prevent him from falling on the ground.
"Cas? CAS? Do you hear me?"
Cas painfully opened his eyes and looked at the friend above him.
"Shhh, Cas don't speak. Here... Let me help you stand..."
Dean helped Cas to stand but most of Cas's weight was still on him. They slowly moved and Dean gently laid Cas on the nearest bed.
"Cas..You need to tell me where it hurts..."
"My- My stomach Dean..." Cas gasped.
Dean pulled Cas from his trenchcoat and looked at Cas's scarlet stomach. "Oh my God!" Dean muttered to himself and looked at Cas who had closed eyes.
"Hey... Cas!" Dean shook with him a little bit until he opened eyes again.
"Cas, buddy, you need to stay with me, okay? It's gonna be fine...I'll take care of that, just please stay with me, okay?" - Dean looked at him - his voice desperate.
Cas just nodded and Dean disappeared into bathroom to get needle, thread and some bandages.
"Cas? Still with me?" Dean asked softly as he came back again
Cas's shut his eyes and nodded again.
"All right Cas... This is going to hurt a bit... Just hold on okay?"
Cas looked at Dean immediately. Dean could see how much was Cas scared and it was killing him. His angel was never scared. He couldn't help and reached his hand and slowly wiped Cas's sweaty hairs from forehead.
"Hey, Buddy, it needs to be done... I promise I'll be gentle..." said Dean softly.
After a minute when Cas braced himself, Dean washed the would and disinfect it with alcohol.
Cas let out loud scream - his hands helplessly holding bed sheets.
"I know it hurts, Cas... Hold on, it won't take long"
Dean started to stitch the wound. Cas did his best not to move with himself but sometimes it was impossible.
Dean knew how much it hurts and didn't say a word. In fact, for an angel who is not used to feel pain he was doing great.
"Hey, Cas. Almost done..."
Cas sighted in relieve as Dean finished stitching his wound.
"You made it Cas... It's over..." Dean whispered to him and began to bandage wound.
Dean let Cas rest a little bit. About an hour Cas was finally able to speak again properly.
"Thank you Dean.." started quietly.
Dean smiled brightly.
"You're welcome, man. Anytime. But...What happened Cas?" asked Dean sitting next to him on the bed.
Cas sighted. "It looks like my brothers still hate me..." answered with an unsuccessful attempt to smile.
"Raphael, right?" Dean responded sadly.
Cas just nodded. It was painful for him to think about his family - or think about heaven at all. It really hurts him to know that Raphael and his brothers hate him. And what for?
"Cas, let me ask you something..." Dean started again. Cas waked up from his thinking and looked at Dean.
"Why do you keep fighting with Raphael? Why do you keep fighting with them? Cas they're your family. You wouldn't be injured right now, if you gave up..."
Cas gave Dean a sad smile. He exactly knew why he kept on fighting, but it was hard to explain.
"It's a long story, Dean"
"I guess I have time..." answered Dean playfully.
Cas sighted. Where should I even start?
"Okay then...A long long time ago, Father created your world and created us. He took his time and made each one of us different and special. You can't imagine kinder and more loving Father than he was, Dean. He was patient and wise and treated us with enormous love, like we were his purpose of breathing. He played with us, embraced us, smiled with us. We were living in a paradise. Literally. You really can't imagine how beautiful and peaceful heaven was..."
"That sounds great" Dean agreed.
"Well... Unfortunately everything changed." continued Cas bitterly.
"Father loved us so much - and that was the reason some of angels became narrow-minded and started to be jealous on others. Mostly Lucifer was jealous. He was jealous as hell on everyone who dared to be with Father more than he was. Me and Father- we had a beautiful relationship. We used to walk for hours and just talk..."
Cas smiled sadly before he continued
"We used to talk and He taught me a lot. And that was the reason Lucifer hated me the most. He didn't want to accept the fact that I spent with Father more time than he did. And this kept on going and going until Father finally became tired of that. He talked to Lucifer, tried to show him, that he loves everyone of us equally, but Lucifer wouldn't listen. So Father decided to create new creation which was supposed to be better than us. He decided to create you, humans..."
"That's pretty big..." Dean added after minute of silence. "But I don't think it worked..."
Cas smiled and continued again.
"Well... It didn't work on everyone, but on some of you yes, Dean. Father was wise enough to know that you would disappoint him too, and in spite of that, he still chose to create you. I saw how happy Father was while he was creating you. He smiled brightly at each one of you and tears of joy filled his eyes everytime he created new human. One day, I went to him to take a better look on Him and new creations. He smiled at me brightly, He was glad that I came to see him. He told me to come closer and take a closer look..."
Cas couldn't continue and remained quiet. Dean hypnotized by Cas's speaking woke up.
"Cas? What did you see?" asked Dean. His voice cracked.
Cas sighted hard.
"I came closer and saw perfect creation of my Father. I was looking at the dirty-blond man, with great pale muscular body and with beautiful bright green eyes. Father smiled at me. He asked me what did I think about it and I answered truthfully that I haven't seen anything more beautiful in my life. I was amazed by that creation. I could look at it for hours and never have enough..." Cas took a deep breath and sadly looked at Dean.
"Dean, the creation I was looking at was you..."
Cas's words remained between them as a ghost. Dean turned pale and forgot to close his mouth.
"Ca-Cas...I'm... Wow... Yo-You saw me? You saw me while God was creating me?"
Dean couldn't form a proper sentence. This was too much.
Cas smiled warmly.
"Yes, Dean. I was there when Father created you and when he gave you one of the most beautiful souls I've ever seen. I was stunned. Really. You have to understand. For a young angel who didn't see anything like that before, it was the most beautiful thing. Even Father himself was surprised how beautiful was the creation he had made. I still remember how proud he was when he finished you..."
Dean remained open mouthed so Cas smiled to himself again and continued.
"Anyways, when was Father done with all of you, he came to talk to us. He told us that he still loves all of us equally and that he has a big work for us to do. He told us that we would be your guardians and that we would keep an eye on you and help you with everything you need to. This left very mixed emotions. Some of angels, including Lucifer and Raphael couldn't understand how could Father do this to them and were so angry at Him. I was sure that they would refuse to be your guardians. I, on the other hand, was more than happy to oblige..."
"Wow" was all could Dean reply. His mind was crazily racing while he kept listening to Cas.
"And, when Father came to us again, He gave each one of us list of people under our charge. You can't imagine how happy I was when I found out that Father assigned you to me. I still remember the faces of Lucifer and Raphael who were clearly despising with the list in front of them. So I waited for everyone to leave and then went to Father and thanked him..."
Cas remained quiet as a flood of memory took him.
"I wanted to say that I'm so thankful, Father"
"Oh, Castiel. You're welcome, my child. I saw how amazed you were and I really couldn't think of anyone else who would be better guardian for him than you.."
"Thank you, Father, but, may I ask you something?"
"Of course, What's bothering you?"
"I- I felt very... strange when I looked at him. I don't understand what it was..."
Father smiled brightly.
"Oh, that Castiel? Well, I'm sorry. I have to confess to you - he was really special for me too, because I made two plans for him. I started to create him according to first one, but then I realized that I was wrong and recreated him according to second. And that's the reason you felt so strange when you saw him..."
"I don't understand, Father. Why all of this was supposed to made me feel that way?"
"Well, my dear son, At first I intended to make him an angel just like you... But then I changed my mind and made him human"
"An angel? That's the reason I felt so strange?"
Father smiles again, this time sadly
"No, Castiel. The fact that he was first intended to be angel has nothing to do with that. The reason why you felt that way was that according the first plan I made you two for each other. I tried to change it, while I was recreating him according the second plan, but apparently I couldn't fix everything..."
"So you made us for each other?"
"Yes. And I'm so sorry that I couldn't fix this little detail while I was recreating him. But, don't worry. It shouldn't remain in you or him for so long. By the time he will be born, you two would have forgotten about it long time ago..."
"What was the feeling I felt when I saw him?"
"It's called love, Castiel. And love is sometimes really hard to forget. But don't worry, as I said, you two won't remember that feeling by the time he will be born..."
"But what if I don't want to forget it, Father? What if I don't believe that what I felt was just some kind of side effect of your creation."
"No, Castiel. You're wrong, my son. You may feel this way now, but it'll surely change in time..."
I frowned refusing to accept Father's answer.
"No, You're wrong. The feeling that I felt when I saw him will never dissappear.."
"Cas? CAS?" Dean called waking him up from him memory.
"Ye-Yeah Dean?" asked Cas confused
"You were talking, remember?"
"Oh, right..." Cas said
"Where did I end? Oh, I know.. So I went to thanked him that he decided to give you under my charge. I was so proud about it... Well.. Father said that in the first version of plan you were supposed to be angel too..."
"An angel? You're kidding right?" Dean asked in disbelieve.
"I'm not kidding. While he was recreating you into human, he tried to fix all the things, and he succeed except one minor detail..."
Cas swallowed bitterly. There surely remained just one of his Father's "mistakes". Cas was sure that Dean is not love with him, so he decided not to tell him about that part about him and Dean being made for each other.
Father was right, he won't remember love when he will be born. But, unfortunately, he was wrong about part about me. I still do love him... - Cas thought and looked at Dean.
"One minor detail? You- You mean like I still do have something from angels?"
Cas nodded and Dean looked trough his whole body. There was nothing unusual on him, nothing that other humans doesn't have.
"Tell me... What is it?" asked Dean
"Didn't you ever wonder where did you get such a beautiful bright green eyes?" Cas asked smiling
Dean's eyes widened and he remained open-mouthed again
"Yo-You mean... Like... My eyes...Oh my God..."
"That's something that Father made angels special with. Everyone of us have vibrant and bright eyes. Well.. Of course if you leave out huge white wings."
Dean smiled. This was way too much. "Oh my God... I... I don't know what to say, Cas. What about you continue talking?"
"Right... Well. When angels came back to Father and they weren't happy at all. Lucifer turned most of the angels on his side and they wanted to tell Father that they are not going to be guardians even if He wanted them to be. This made Father very sad and me also. I turned some of the angels back, but it was just so few of us, who wanted to be guardians. You know, Dean, I didn't want to give up you, so I decided to fight for it. The thought that I would be your guardian made me so happy and I just couldn't let that go. So I was the first one in the heaven who bowed down before human kind. I wasn't jealous or full of hate. I loved you. Truly. I loved human kind, I love all of you from the bottom of my heart. I loved you even more than my Father. So I stoop up to most of my brother and sisters..."
"Wait. You stood up to your brothers and sisters just because you wanted be my guardian so much?" Dean interrupted him.
"Well..." Cas blushed a little bit. "I did. I wanted it so much. You know.. You were so special for me." Cas said. He didn't wanted to tell Dean about how much he loves him and that he just couldn't abandon him and give up on him. He didn't want to tell him that he love him so much that he would do anything just to be with him.
"Thank you, Cas. It means so much for me" Dean thanked hypnotizing Cas's eyes.
When was Cas finally able to tear their eyes apart he continued.
"Father was so mad at them and helped me. He decided that he is done with them and gave all of us special skill."
"Yes, Dean. For some of angels curse, for some of angels gift. He decided to make our strongest emotion even stronger. The result was that Lucifer almost drowns in his jealousy, Raphael beat up everyone standing next to him out of anger. And this was the same for every angel. And that was the reason Lucifer fell, and heaven became mess..." Cas explained sadly.
"Oh my... Cas and what is your strongest emotion?" Dean asked
Cas immediately regretted telling Dean this.
"My greatest emotion isn't anger, fear or jealousy. My greatest emotion is love, Dean"
Dean forgot how to breathe. He couldn't imagine how could Cas feel so much love, while he was fighting with his brothers and sisters. How could he be so full of love when God decided to give them that gift?
When Cas didn't get reply from Dean he decided to finally finish his story.
"When Father gave us this gift, that few of us, who still wanted to be guardians had to come on Earth. I was here Dean. All the time. I watched how Egyptians built pyramids, how Romans killed Caesar, I watched first and second world war, still being here for people under my charge. Through generations, I always had one person under my charge. Unfortunately, in this case lot of people remained without guardian, so I decided to help other people little bit too. So I did everything I could while I was waiting for you to be born. And when you finally born I was the happiest angel in the world. I was there, with you. Every single day. I tried to keep you as safe as I possibly could. I was, am and always will be with you, Dean. You asked me the reason why do I keep fight against them? Because if I just give up, they would take me away from you and I would never be able to see you again, Dean."
Dean stared at Cas and totally forgot how to breath. Suddenly everything made sense to him. He was the reason why Cas fought and rebelled against his family, He was the reason he put up with Crowley, he just wanted to make sure he could be here for him as long as he can. Dean realized how much he must mean to Cas, and without knowing he reached and pulled his angel in tight hug.
"Ca-Cas... You beautiful beautiful angel... I- I can't thank you enough. I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everything I said to you, I'm sorry that I didn't trust you, I'm sorry for everything Cas. Please, forgive me... " Dean was crying now, hugging Cas for dear life, pulling him even closer. Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder so they were cheek to cheek.
"You're forgiven, Dean" Cas said and sighted loudly.
"What's up, Cas?" asked Dean as he heard Cas's sigh.
"It's just.. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this..." answered Cas truthfully.
"Waiting for what Cas?"
"Dean, I've been waiting five thousand years for you to hug me like this..."
Dean couldn't take that any more and before he realized - he was placing soft kisses on Cas's cheek and later, he pulled away just to look into Cas's beautiful blue eyes and then gently pressed his lips into Cas's. The kiss was the most beautiful thing they both experienced - both of them seeing fireworks and feel their hearts beat faster. Dean finally broke away in a need of oxygen.
"I- I love you Cas..." Dean whispered to him.
Cas just smiled brightly.
"I love you too. I've loved you for thousands years..." said Cas and pulled Dean into another kiss.
Dean wrapped arms around his angel protectively, refusing to leave his lips for a second.
Cas suddenly heard a strange voice in his head:
"I'm sorry, Castiel. You were right, my beloved son. You two are really made for each other..."
When Cas heard this he just smiled against Dean's lips. Waiting five thousands years was definitely worth it.
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