|Interview with the Bohos…Oh, and Benny's here too
Author: TeamEnjy4ever PM
Exactly as the title implies, this is one of those things where you send in questions, dares, etc. to the characters. I've never seen this done for RENT before, so after watching it today, I thought I'd give it a shot. Rating is because, um, HELLO, people, it's RENT! Do I really have to say it!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,451 - Reviews: 6 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 01-22-13 - Published: 01-20-13 - id: 8928104
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII II'M FOOOOOOOOOOOOORBIIIIIIIDEEEE EEEEEN TO PRODUCE...milk. IN CYYYYYBERLAAAAA—lolololol, jk! I just couldn't resist that urge, so PX
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING AND DENY EVERYTHING! XD
"ALRIGHT, GANG!" Maggie announced as she climbed onto the stage with another girl close on her heels. This girl wasn't Bree, though, it was somebody else. "First off, Bree's not here for undisclosed reasons. Instead, my friend Gracie is here. You can also call her Ivana or Cherry if you want, it doesn't matter. Just don't call her Thing 2, that's my name for her. Gracie, would you like to do the honors today?" Gracie smiled and nodded eagerly. "Sure thing!" she said. She snapped, and everything appeared just as it had before.
"Please take a seat, make yourselves comfortable. Take a chair, take a sofa, it doesn't matter where you sit, just don't take one of these chairs 'cause this is where Gracie and I sit. You can pick any other seat, though, it doesn't matter to us. Alright, everybody seated and comfy? Excellent, let's get started! Now, before we read these reviews, I'd just like to explain a few things to you all. First off, I know that there's a strong dislike for Benny, Gracie and I aren't huge fans, either. However, we want this to be fair to everybody, so if and when he gets questions, please do not interrupt him while he's answering them. I'm going to be treating each of you with equal respect, and I expect you lot to do the same thing, not just to me and Gracie, but to each other, as well. Second, if at any point somebody you don't recognize comes onstage, don't freak, it's probably just one of the characters from other fandoms that I hang out with or one of my OCs bringing me some news or something. And last but most certainly not least, this thing is rated T, not M, so let's try not to get too terribly graphic with the language and stuff, because I can get in trouble with the website for that, and believe me, that is like the last thing we want.
"Alright, so here's how this is going to work; as you can see, Gracie and I each have our own set of index cards, and on the table between us is a transparent green clipboard with a crack in it and a trio of stickers on the top. That's my clipboard, I put the stickers on there for decoration, just ignore how badly the City of Bones one is starting to peel off, alright? That's why I put it where I did, I was hoping the paper would help keep it down some, but that's not really working quite like I thought it would. Anyway, we've each got our cards, the clipboard's on the table between us, and if you'll all turn around for a moment, you'll see that behind us there is a giant screen like Ellen DeGeneres has on her show. Now, basically what's going to happen is that Gracie and I are going to take turns reading the reviews sent in by people, which is what's written on the cards. The clipboard is there so that we can write down anything of importance and make notes to ourselves about various things. The screen is going to come into play if we ever get any dares that involve somebody leaving the set and going out onto the street or something, that way we'll be able to watch what happens.
"NOW, the first chapter only got two reviews, which is alright since we're only just getting started with this. It'll probably pick up more as we go along, that's what happened when I did this with Wicked. The first chapter got like one review, I think it was, and then the next one had like five, so don't worry, thing's will definitely get more interesting as we make progress with this. In fact, one of the reviews is from none other than Gracie herself, so I'm actually just going to let her ask what she wants to know right now and make it all that much easier. Thing 2, you've got the floor."
Gracie smiled. "Thanks, Thing 1," she said, laying her cards down on top of the clipboard. "First off, hi there, Mo! You're like my number one dream role, I love you and you rock!"
"Aw, thanks, baby!" Mo said, grinning sweetly at her. "It's always nice to meet a fan."
Gracie blushed slightly and brushed some hair behind her ear. "Aw, you're sweet," she said. "So, anyway, I actually wanted to just say that, like I told Maggie, Benny has a tiny point, and so I'd like to give him a chance to explain his...What was that word I used in my review? Oh yeah! Some of his assbuttness!"
The audience, Maggie, and the gang all laughed, but Benny just rolled his eyes. "First off," he said once things had quieted down enough for him to be heard, "I know that Maureen over there is always saying that I, quote, 'sold out,' but that's not what it was. What she refers to as selling out is actually what most people would call growing up, it's as simple as that."
"Then explain that broken promise about the rent," Roger demanded, leaning forward slightly in his seat. Mark frowned and adjusted his glasses. "Yeah," he agreed, "what's the deal with that? I mean, you gave us your word that after you married Muffy or Allison or whatever she wants to be called, you would arrange something for us that would make it so we wouldn't have to pay rent on the loft. Well, you got married, and two weeks after you get back from your honeymoon, you're knocking on the door demanding to know why we haven't paid the rent. What the actual fuck is up with that, man? You lied to us!"
"I did not lie to you," Benny said."
"Don't give us that shit, you—"
A canon went off somewhere and everybody covered their ears. "What the fuck was that?!" Roger yelled. Maggie calmly looked up from what she was writing on the clipboard. "That, my sexy and angst-ridden musician friend," she said, "was the sound of a canon firing at the barricade Monsieur Enjolras and his friends built and then died at. You see, every time an argument starts up like it just did between the three of you, all I have to do is open up this nifty little box sitting on the table here, push one of these little buttons inside, and we hear that canon go off. As you can see, there are numerous buttons, switches, dials, sliders, and such inside this box. It's sort of like...the master controls for everything, I suppose. Everything has its own little label with a single word printed on it, and that word tells me what that particular button, switch, or whatever does. The words wouldn't make a lick of sense to any of you, but Gracie, Bree, and I know exactly what each word means. It's coded, so to speak. That way none of you guys can wreak havoc should you ever get ahold of it, and by 'you guys,' I mean Roger. Anyway, let me remind you about that respect rule I mentioned earlier. Benny, you may continue now."
"Thank you," Benny said. "Like I was saying, I didn't lie about the rent thing, you two, alright? I totally forgot about it while Allison and I were gone, because that's what you're supposed to do on your honeymoon, think about nothing but the here-and-now, and I was planning on bringing it up with her dad first chance I got once we came home, but then I started to think that maybe that wasn't such a good idea when I started being around him on a daily basis. I saw how he acts about even the smallest things, and I thought that maybe I should just wait a bit longer and try to establish a more stable relationship with him before I tried asking for that sort of favor, but then he took me aside one day and started asking me when those, and I quote, 'lazy, good-for-nothing bums' that I 'call friends' were going to pay the rent they owed, and I told him I'd go over and talk to you guys about it. He thought it was a good idea, said that maybe since I knew you guys and had a personal relationship with you, I'd be able to—and again, these are his words, not mine—'talk some sense into those damn heads' of yours. Things just ended up going from there until they ended up where they are right now."
"So basically what you're saying is that it's your father-in-law's fault you ended up becoming what you have," Gracie said. Benny nodded. "That's one way to put it, yes," he agreed.
"Well, that doesn't make you any less of a sell-out," Maureen said, "and you're still yuppie scum as far as I'm concerned." He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "To each their own, I suppose," he said.
"Alright!" Maggie said, snatching up her cards and sitting up straight as she beamed. "Next up, we have a dare, sent in by cece3457! Now, this one is group participation, and you're going to be in pairs for it. So, Roger and Mimi are a pair, Collins and Angel, Maureen and Joanne, and then Mark, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to be with Benny, 'cause cece specifically requests that I have you guys paired according to canon couples, and since Muffy's not here and you don't have a girlfriend, she said that you guys are gonna be paired up. Sorry, dude."
As she was speaking, Gracie had jumped up and ran off, but now she came back with a rolling cart that had a big wooden box on it. Maggie stood up and went to stand beside Gracie. "Okay, so here's the deal," the former said, looking down at her cards. "Inside this box, we have four coconuts. Each pair is going to get their own coconut, which you are then going to hold between yourselves. Here's the catch; you're not allowed to hold it with your hands, it has to be with...Originally, she put lips, but I'm going to have it be chins, because I think that'll make it more interesting. So, you're going to hold it between yourselves using your chins. The goal is to get your coconut down to your crotch area WITHOUT TOUCHING IT WITH YOUR HANDS. The first pair to do so wins.
"If at any point either of you touches the coconut, your pair is out. If you drop it, you're out. If somebody's nose gets stuck in one of the holes—I'm kidding! Oh my god, Mark, don't look at me like that, I'm pretty sure those holes are too small to fit a human nose inside, anyway, jeez! Oh, and Roger, you're not allowed to lick yours, either. First off, I'm pretty sure the outside doesn't taste too good, what with all the fuzz and stuff, and second, the tip of your tongue, unlike the tip of your nose, is small enough that it probably can get stuck in the holes if you end up licking it too close to where they are, and I seriously don't want to have to deal with getting a coconut off your tongue, alright, dude? So no licking. After we're done with this, anybody who wants to drink the milk inside their coconut will be allowed to, I've got some bendy straws backstage in my bag that I brought with me today specifically for the coconut milk, so if you want to drink yours, let me know afterwards and I'll get you a straw. Alright, does everybody understand the rules of the game?"
"Coconut on chins, get it to the crotch, don't touch or drop it," Angel said. She nodded. "I got it! Ready, honey!"
"Excellent, now did Gracie miss anybody when she was handing out coconuts? No? Alright then, everybody put their coconuts on their chins. On your mark...Get set...GO!"
Mark and Benny's coconut fell almost as soon as they let it off their chins, then smashed open when it hit the stage floor, slpattering milk on their shoes and a few drops onto their pants. "Mark and Benny are out!" Maggie called as Gracie ran over with a rag and broom to clean up the mess. Maureen and Joanne had managed to get their coconut down from their chins without any trouble, but it had landed in Maureen's cleavage and now they were having a bit of difficulty getting it to go any further down. Roger and Mimi's had somehow ended up on Roger's shoulder, and he was managing to hold it in place so it wouldn't fall with the side of his head, but now they had to figure out how to get it off his shoulder safely, because they knew that if he lifted his head, it would end up like Mark and Benny's.
Meanwhile, Angel was balancing hers and Collins' in the dip of her pelvis where her leg met her hip. She was sort of leaning back in her seat with the one leg about halfway up while she and Collins debated about whether it would be against the rules for him to get up and go around to the side of her chair so he could gently headbutt it into her crotch. Even in that slightly awkward position, Angel didn't look the least bit uncomfortable, and she didn't seem to mind holding the pose for as long as she needed to in order to keep the coconut safely where it was while they sorted things out.
Maureen and Joanne continued to struggle with getting theirs out of Mo's cleavage, and Roger and Mimi had succeeded in getting theirs down from Roger's shoulder and inbetween Mimi's knees, where she was now holding it. Using some very careful teamwork, they were able to get it so that Roger was also holding it with his knees at the same time as Mimi, and from there, they were able to carefully work it further and further inward until finally, it landed right where it needed to. At the exact same time, however, Collins figured out how to angle his head so that he was able to nudge their coconut without ever having to leave his seat, and it rolled from its cradle between Angel's leg and hip right into her crotch. Mimi and Angel both called out, "Done!" at the same time.
Maggie looked back and forth between the two couples for a moment. "Mimi and Roger have theirs in both their croth areas," she said finally, "and Angel and Collins' is only in Angel's. Since cece didn't specify whether it had to be both or if it could be just one, I'll go ahead and say that it was a tie and all four of you won. Gracie, go ahead and wrap things up for me while I collect the coconuts and put 'em back in the box, 'kay?"
"'Kay. Alright, everybody, that's all for today! Hope you've enjoyed the show, 'cause I know I sure have, and Maggie would also like to give a shout-out to HeartsAndHeadsCollide, who she actually met today at lunch at school, and they exchanged FF usernames, and Maggie doesn't wanna use this girl's real name for safety reasons, but HeartsAndHeads, if you happen to be reading this, you know exactly who you are, and Maggie wants you to know that you like seriously rule, girlfriend! Anyway, remember to review, you guys, because this story isn't going anywhere unless you do. And, also, Maggie would also like to let you guys know that she was poking around online out of boredom one day, and she found a website with all kinds of awesome trivia about the RENT movie that she has memorized a lot of, so if any of you want to know something out of that collection of little tidbits, all you have to do is ask, and Maggie will be glad to share some of what she knows. Alright, guys, that's about gonna do it for today, so keep on rockin' and rollin', have an awesome day, don't forget to review, and remember, whatever you do, don't pay last year's rent!"
AN: DON'T YOU DARE PAY THAT RENT, YOU GUYS! STICK IT TO DA MAN, MAN! WOOOOOOOO, RIOT LIKE IT'S 1832!
—Maggie the Revolutionary