|Jake and the Eight-limbed winged tree-octopus
Author: Hoplite39 PM
Quaritch finds that offering Jake new legs to spy on Grace and the Na'vi is more tricky than he expected.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Jake S. & M. Quaritch - Words: 824 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 01-21-13 - Status: Complete - id: 8930977
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN AVATAR. THIS IS JUST FOR FUN.
Quaritch was pleased with himself as he stood in his amp-suit. Jake Sully was putty in his hands. Quaritch had told Jake that he wanted him to spy on Grace and the Na'vi. Now all he had to do was promise Jake something he couldn't refuse.
"If you do that for me. I'll see you get your legs back." Said Quaritch, pointing at Jake confidently with his robotic arm. " Your real legs."
To Quaritch's surprise, instead of reacting enthusiastically, Jake looked confused.
"What do you mean my real legs?" Asked Jake. "I have my real legs. I can't use them. But my real legs are here."
"No. I mean we will give you new legs." Explained Quaritch.
"What? You are going to give me a second set of legs as well as these useless ones." Said Jake in disbelief. "That's crazy! How will I be able to find clothes with four legs?"
"No, Jake. Your old legs will be fully operation..."
"What! I will have four normal legs. That's just weird.I will look like some some four legged freak. How will I be able to walk around with four legs. And where are you going to put the other two legs? It will just look ridiculous. I will look like some sort human tri-pod, but with four legs. That just doesn't make sense."
"Look. Forget the legs." Stammered Quaritch. "We are going to fix your back..."
"What!" Exclaimed Jake in alarm. "You want to change my back as well. Why? Wait, I know. It's so that the legs will fit better on my body, isn't it? You going to change me into some sort of four legged mutant with genetically engineered back. The RDA is going to change my whole body in some hideous genetic experiment, isn't it. And if you're changing my legs and back, what are you going to do with my arms?"
"Look, Jake. Don't worry about your arms..."
"Oh, my God!" Cried Jake. "Your going to change my arms into legs, aren't you? You're going to change me into a human horse so you can ride me round the compound. You all want to pretend that you are cowboys in Kansas don't you? The RDA are really sick with their experiments."
"No, Jake. Look you will have your normal legs and the same number of arms..."
"Oh, my God!" Shouted Jake in horror. "You mean I will have four legs and four arms? You want to change me in to some sort of eight legged human abomination. Why would the RDA want to do that? Oh. I see. So that I can climb through the trees more easily like an eight legged tree-octopus to give you a tactical military advantage against the Na'vi. I can't believe the RDA would do such a monstrous act."
"Oh, for God's sake Jake." Replied Quaritch exasperated. "Why would we give you eight legs to climb through the forest when you can easily fly everywhere...?"
Jake: Oh, that is just horrendous." Screamed Jake hysterically. "You're going to give me wings as well. The RDA wants to turn me into some sort of eight-limbed flying monster to rule the skies and the forests of Pandora. I thought the RDA just wanted me to drive an Avatar. I didn't realise they wanted to manipulate my DNA to change me into some sort vicious flying horse-octopus killing machine."
"I meant fly in a helicopter." Sighed Quaritch in frustration. "Look, Jake. You will not be a mutant. You will just be a normal human with two arms and two legs. You will not be able to run as fast as a horse. Nor will you climb through the trees. Nor will you be able to fly."
"I knew it. That is just typical of the corrupt and dishonest corporate world." Said Jake scornfully. "First the RDA promises I will be able to run like a horse. Then you promise me I will be a nimble forest-octopus. And finally you promise me I will become a eight-limbed flying ruthless demon-God. Yet, now you are breaking all your promises at the drop of a hat and saying I will be just a normal human again. It just shows you can't believe a word that the RDA says. No wonder the Na'vi don't trust you..."
Still in his Amp-Suit, Quaritch slaps his face in disbelief with his robotic hand leaving a big scar on the other side of his head.
"Ah! So that is how you got that scar on your head." Said Jake gleefully.
"Yeah. Actually when I think about it." Replied Quaritch. "When I first came to Pandora, I had a similar conversation with Wainfleet."