|The Same Old Crap
Author: Izout PM
Tired of starring in the same stories over and over again, the boys decide to rebel. Only to discover what kind of world they REALLY live inRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,506 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 01-30-13 - Published: 01-21-13 - Status: Complete - id: 8931282
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The last chapter. Thanks everyone who read this. I had fun writing it.
School passed by pretty quickly, mainly because it just like the janitor said, all they ever do there is take stuff from their lockers, put stuff away, and go to lunch. While at lunch, Gordie and Chris met these two girls there who they thought could be good friends. One was a girl who was from the View who was sick of the stereotype people gave her because of where she came from. The other was her best friend who was almost the complete opposite to her best friend personality-wise, which seems a little strange, but she could get serious when the occasion called for it. As soon as they started talking about prom, Gordie and Chris put two-and-two together and realized they were being set up to be their love interests, so they ran out of the cafeteria as fast as they could.
Once the other students had left the building, the boys did too, turning back into their twelve year old selves once they step through the door.
"So, how was school?" Teddy asked Gordie and Chris.
"Not much happen, teachers and students would randomly freeze on occasion, only to unfreeze to be a dick to me. Had to fight ever urge in my body to push Gordie up against a wall and kiss him until we couldn't breathe anymore when we went to the bathroom." Chris explained. "You?"
"Nothing happen. Literally. Literally nothing happen. Me and Verno pretty much just went into a random classroom and did NOTHING. I never realized not many fics ever focus on what WE do when we're in class." Teddy explained to Chris. The boys continued walking until they reached the cross in the road.
"Well, see you guys around." Vern said.
"See ya." Gordie said.
"Well, I ready get home." Teddy said, stretching a bit and stifling a yawn. "Doing nothing takes a lot out of you."
"See ya man." Chris said.
"I better get home too." Chris told Gordie. "Skin it." And the two did. "Hey, Gordo, where did you learn that Jump Cut trick anyway?"
"Oh, I saw it in an episode of SpongeBob." Gordie explained.
"What's SpongeBob?" Chris asked.
Gordie slapped his forehead. 'Oh no, I forgot, its Nineteen Fifty-Nine, SpongeBob won't come out for another forty years! Eh, whatever, not like most fanfics ever try to be historically accurate.'
Gordie then appeared in front of his house. As soon as he opened the door, he saw his father and mother standing there in the entrance.
"Gordon, dinner is on the stove." Mr. Lachance told his son.
"But Dad, it's only two pm."
"O-Oh, well, why can't you be more like Denny? Denny would never… uh… uh…" For the first time in his life, Mr. Lachance looked confused. In fact, both Mr. and Mrs. Lachance looked, confused, and lost, like they had no idea what they were doing.
"Mom? Dad? Are you guys okay?" Gordie asked his parents.
"W-W-We're not sure dear." explained Mrs. Lachance. "All we ever do in these stories is feed you, ignore you, and make comparisons between you and Denny."
"Actually, I do the comparisons." Noted Mr. Lachance. "Oh wait; you aren't in some kind of relationship with Chris- I mean, that Chambers boy, are you?" Mr. Lachance corrected himself, since he never calls Chris by his actual name in these stories. It's always either 'that Chambers boy' 'that friend of yours' or just 'him'.
"No Dad, in fact, there actually hasn't been that much slash recently."
There was an awkward silence between the three for a few minutes before Mrs. Lachance spoke.
"You know what dear? Why don't we just break character just this once?" Mrs. Lachance offered an idea to her husband. Mr. Lachance shrugged.
"I don't see why not." And with that, Mr. Lachance gave Gordie a big hug, tears streaming down his worn out face. "Oh Gordon, I never say this a lot, but I love you son."
"Dad!" Gordie exclaimed. Mrs. Lachance hugged Gordie too, and the family shared their first family hug in forever.
Chris was just about to open the door to his house when someone walked up behind him, and ruffled his hair playfully.
"What the hell- Eyeball?" Yes, it was Chris' brother Eyeball. Chris then raised his fist, getting ready to defend himself.
"Relax Bro, I heard about your whole 'Rebelling' thing and I want in on that too."
"Yeah, acting like a dick to you and your friends day in and day out gets boring, as well as being Ace's generic henchman." With that, the brothers walked in the house and were surprised at what they saw.
"Chris! Eyeball! Welcome home boys, I wasn't expecting you to be here this early." exclaimed Mr. Chambers, who was sitting in the middle of the living room, doing meditation. He was wearing a silky robe.
"Dad?" Chris asked.
"Are you drunk?" Eyeball asked.
"Nah, I'm not scheduled to be a drunken asshole today, so I'm doing meditation." Mr. Chambers explained with a warm smile.
"Why?" Chris asked his father.
"All I ever do in these stories is get drunk and beat you and your brother, so what else am I suppose to do all day?" Mr. Chambers answered.
"Or me?" Mrs. Chambers asked as she walked into the room. "I never play much of a role in Fanfiction, so I spend my time working on my cooking skills." With that, Mrs. Chambers revealed a four course meal: A golden-brown turkey, mashed potatoes, greens, biscuits, corn-on-the cob, and milk.
"Whoa, Mom, where did all this food come from?" Eyeball asked.
"And why four plates?" Chris asked, motioning to the four plates on the table. "What about the rest of our family?"
"Frank still in jail and all your little brothers and sisters never get featured enough in these stories so why bother making plates for them?" said Mrs. Chambers. "And besides, they're only in the book, this is the movie."
"Not that it stop these writers from mixing and matching the two, though." Said Mr. Chambers as he went to make himself a plate.
Not bothering showing what's happening at the Duchamp or Tessio households because, really, how many fics ever really focus on Teddy's and Vern's home lives?
Vern Tessio was sitting on a tree trunk by the Castle Rock river. He was there because he was depressed about something… and because this is one of the few times he could be at the river and not worry about walking in on Gordie and Chris while they were having a half naked, hot and steamy make out session. He sighed as he looked at his reflection in the water when his older brother Billy walked up to him and sat down beside him.
"Hey little brother, what's wrong?" Billy asked him, concern in his eyes. Vern was confused by this since Billy rarely acts likes he likes Vern. Maybe Billy only being this way because he's not schedule to be in a fic where he's being a dick to him.
"Just thinking." Vern replied.
"About… how it isn't fair." Vern explained.
"What's not fair?" Billy asked.
"How come I never get to be the main character in a story?" Vern asked. "I'm one of the main characters in the movie, I appear in all sorts of photography, and if you think about, I'm the whole reason we even went on that Ray Brower trip in the first place! Yet, I'm always just the Fat Kid, Teddy's sidekick, obsessing over food, or barely even being featured! It's not fair. I mean, even Eyeball Chambers have more stories than me. EYEBALL CHAMBERS! That asshole was pretty much just a secondary character, why come he appears in more stories than me?" Vern moaned in frustration.
"You really want to know?" Billy asked his little brother.
"Angst. It's the angst Vern. These writers are all addicted to tragedy." Billy explained. "We're defined more by what's been done to us in the past than by what we're like now. If you've been abused in the past, they're all over it. Abandoned by a parent, ditched by everyone you've ever trusted – even better. Look at your friends: Lachance lost his brother and his folks ignore him. Chambers has the whole town looking down on him because of who his family is, and his dad a violent drunk. Even Duchamp has the whole thing with his dad being in Togas and his ear. And you… don't have any kind of problems."
"Wait? You're saying because I'm the most normal of the group, that's why nobody writes about me?" Billy nodded his head. "Sincerely?! All of a sudden, a person needs to have a tragic past to be interesting or likeable!?"
"'Fraid so little bro. Why do you think so many of these Mary Sues have them?"
"But you're a Cobra!"
"Come on Vern, you know most of these writers don't give a shit about our home life… unless it's a 'Girl in the Cobras' story, and even then, it's just regulated to me being a dick to you."
Vern got up, a look of determination on his face. "That's it, something needs to change."
All four boys meet up outside the tree house.
"Hey guys, I'm sorry about this whole rebelling thing." Chris apologized as he nervously scratched the back of his head. "I guess I didn't think this whole thing through."
"Don't blame yourself man, nobody could have known it would have turn out this way." Gordie tried to cheer up his best friend.
"I guess we really do need these Fanfic writers." Teddy said. "But, man, I don't want to go back to the way things were." Teddy then kicked the ground.
"Me either. I don't want to go back to being the Stupid one." Whined Vern. Gordie suddenly perked up.
"Hey, guys, I have an idea. It's risky, but it just might work." Gordie then huddled the guys up so he could explain his plan to them. After a minute, the other three were nodding their heads and smiling.
"Give it a shot Gordo, what's the worst it could do?" Chris encouraged him.
After locking her car, the Fanfiction Author happily skipped up her drive way, to her porch, and reach for her keys. She had just gone to Taco Bell to get two Five Layer Beefy Burritos and a medium drink as her victory dinner to celebrate her accomplishment. She had written her first Stand By Me fanfic and she was going to published it tonight, then check her email tomorrow to see if she had gotten any reviews. She wanted to get her food ready, so she could proofread the final chapter before submitting, for she had written a thirty chaptered epic and she wanted to give the readers out there a small taste, before she would upload the rest.
What could she say, she was a review whore. She had just gotten into the kitchen and placed her food down before she looked up and saw she had a visitor.
"Oh my God! Wil Wheaton, I-I-I- Wow, I never thought I see you here in my lovely little home." The Author said nervously as she saw the actor in her house. When she took a closer look at him, she saw that he was clean shaven, as opposed to having his regular beard. And he looked young. Really young. When she took a closer look, she realized she was not just looking at Wil Wheaton.
"G-Gordie?" She croaked.
"Hi." He said shyly.
"But-But how? What's going on?" She asked as she took a step closer to him.
"I came here to see you." Gordie said, smiling at her.
"Me? But why?"
"Oh, I heard you were planning on submitting a new Stand By Me fic, and I took the time to read it and give you my personal thoughts on it, from one writer to another." Gordie explained to her, bringing out her laptop.
"Really?" Gordie nodded. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" The Fanfiction Author then took a seat. "Come on, let's hear this out."
"Okay." And then Gordie's face went from smiling to looking at her as if she were stupid. "What the hell is this? Ace's sister? Ace's sister?! Why would we want to hang out with someone related to the jackass that picks on us and tried to kill my best friend?"
The Fanfiction Author stood up to defend her story.
"Now hold on one minute here, you hang out Chris despite the reputation of his family." She said. "And besides, my intention is to do a Dual Suffering storyline, showing you guys aren't the only ones who have to deal with Ace's crap."
"Oh, no no, I agree. I think it's a good idea on paper, a 'We're not so different, you and I' type thing, but I don't see this story working without making your character seem like a Mary Sue." Gordie spat out the last two words.
"Wh-What do you mean?" The Fanfiction Author demanded.
"Well, for one thing, you constantly mention in the beginning of the story how beautiful she is. Over and over again. Also, we just let her into our gang, no problem. I never got why you writers have us invite every Tom, Dick, and Harry we meet into our gang? You think we would have some reservations about letting a new comer in."
"Yeah, I always found that weird too."
"Plus, you have me acting like a lovesick puppy over her, while Chris acts like a sex-crazed little animal. You honestly only put in that Drive-In scene to make me jealous, didn't you?"
"Hmm, how do you know she won't hook up with Chris?" She asked him.
"I read the whole story; I know she gets together with me. Plus, you wrote in your author's note in the first chapter you thought there were too many Chris and OC love stories and you wanted me to have a turn." Damn, she was planning on putting Gordie/OC in the summary of the story, she thought to herself.
"And her past." Gordie said, interrupting her thoughts.
"What about her past?" She asked.
"I saw that you hadn't quite figured out her past yet, but let me guess, she either have super controlling parents that she really doesn't like, easy going parents that she feels don't care enough, parents who ignore her, a struggling single mother or father whose nasty divorce has left her view on love jaded, or she might even be dealing with an alcoholic parent or two, who maybe beats her. And the sexual tension…"
"What's wrong with the sexual tension?"
"There's none. You have us admitting we're in love with each other by Chapter eight. When you have the characters get together too early, you give the readers nothing else to look forward too. Plus, the story really could have ended at Chapter fifteen. I mean, all the loose ends were all tied up, if there were any loose ends to tie up, and the rest of the story is just us saying we love each other, making out, and 'doing it'. I mean, I don't mind fluff and sex scenes as much as the next guy, even though I'm not into that romantic shit, but I feel the intimate situations should serve the plot. And be convincing."
The Fanfiction Author couldn't look Gordie in the eye. He felt a little sorry for her, but continued on.
"Speaking about the plot... I admit, there are some good ideas here, but you must work on them. For example, this scene where this girl gets hurt after a run-in with the Cobras and me patching her up isn't a bad idea, but it's clear the whole thing was done so she could end up at my house and see me shirtless since you mention I sleep wearing nothing but my underwear. And it was very convenient that my parents weren't home at the time. You need a proper plot."
"And I suppose you have ideas?" The Fanfiction Author asked a bored tone in her voice.
"Yeah, I do. Make a pot of coffee, Black, then let's delete everything you just written. The whole 'Girl who appears on the scene, meets our gang, and falls in love with one of us' is the most clichéd and overdone storyline ever. Especially since half of these girls aren't interesting characters or add a new dynamic to our gang."
"Okay Okay, fine fine." Huffed the Fanfiction Writer, admitting defeat. Then she thought of something. "Hey, wait, should you even be drinking coffee? You're twelve years old."
"I'm a twenty-seven year old movie character that just also happens to be a twelve year old boy." Gordie explained.
"I guess that makes sense." She said, even though she wasn't completely convinced.
"You better make the coffee strong. I suspect this will take all night." Gordie said as he cracked his knuckles.
A/N: And no, in case anyone is wondering, the Fanfiction Author is not me, I'm a boy. And I'm not one of those who people who secretly wishes they were a girl.