Ok, so I had to do something too. Cause I'm a brat.
The story thus far: This began in Charlene Edwards' Bikini story over in the Nightwing section and grew from there.
Coming out of the cave's lone shower, Tim threw on a pair of clean
shorts and a t-shirt, then tossed himself into his chair at the Cray
computer. Somewhere in the distance, he noticed the sound of metal
scraping against metal, he turned in his chair and shined a
flashlight into a dark corner of the cave. Sitting at an unlit table
was Dick Grayson. He was swinging around a pair of standard issue bat-
cuffs on his finger. They scraped against the stainless steel surface
of the table, causing a mournful, penitent sound.
"Why're YOU upset?" Tim asked. "YOU made out pretty good."
"How the hell would YOU know, weasel?" He was upset that Bruce had
said something about their little communications system oopsie.
"Well, I bugged the place. Of course, when your ASS turned on
Oracle's outgoing feed, it made my work entirely unnecessary. And
THANK YOU. Steph isn't talking to me now." Tim turned off the flash
light and left Dick once again in the dark.
"MOI?" Of all the stupid things…
"Yeah, I thought you were going to fight, so I got all ready to
listen to the show, but instead, we got porn on audio channels one,
two and three… and she called me a perv and a voyeur."
They sat in silence for several moments, neither with the energy to
fight. Finally, Batgirl appeared in the cave, looking as dejected as
they felt. She pulled off her mask, an obvious pout on her lips.
"What's YOUR problem?" Dick asked.
"Batman sent here. Said need reeducated." She folded her arms over
her chest, covering over the bat symbol across her breasts.
Tim rolled his eyes. "Wha-at ever." BRUCE was in a mood, wasn't he?
"And what exactly does the great and powerful and oh-so-perfect
Cassandra need reeducated on?"
"Sex and `humping like little bunnies.'"
Dick and Tim both leaned forward in their respective
chairs. "REAAAAALLY?" Tim asked.
Alfred cut off any further grilling that the boys could do. He was
standing at the top of the steps, looking quite sternly at all of
them. "Ah yes, Miss Cassandra. Master Bruce informed me I should be
"Lemme guess. This is somehow MY fault?" Dick asked.
"We said no such thing, young sir. Perhaps you suffer from a guilty
Cassandra put her hands on her hips. "Canary said about the Birds and
Bees. Met Batman. Told him he and Catwoman should make like bunnies
Tim fell off of his chair as Dick let out a choking laugh. Alfred
made no acknowledgement at all.
"He think she sex kitten and she think he studmuffin. Canary says you
make like bunnies after that." She huffed, unhappy with the outcome
of the situation. "He say come back here and Alfred `fix' me. Not
broken! Birds and bees!"
"Try telling that to Mr. and Ms. Sexually Repressed," Dick
grumbled. "My ass might have made a big ol' announcement to the
entire superhero world, but at least I'm getting some!"
"RICHARD," a voice said in the darkness. Ot oh. Daddy was home.
"Whaaaat? Didn't you already berate me enough for one night? You're
coming back for seconds? And what about him?" He pointed to Tim. "HE
bugged the clocktower!"
Batman stepped out of the darkness and nodded to his partner. "That's
not an easy place to bug," he said by way of complement. "Cassandra,
go up stairs with Alfred," he ordered.
The girl stomped up stairs, not happy with the arrangement she
currently found herself in. "Sucks," she pointed out as the clock
door closed behind her.
"And you," Batman said, glaring at his son. "You don't know what kind
of arrangements she and I have." That being said, Batman's cape
swirled as he turned on his heals, disappearing once again into the
Dick shuddered. "Eww."