Ok, so i must be stopped. Call out the national guard.
Cissie King Jones leaned over her hot chocolate, intent on the
conversation she was having with Kon El and Cassie Sandmark. "And
they did WHAT with the bat-cuffs?"
Kon nodded. "I know," he said calmly. "I couldn't believe it either.
It was like… NUTS."
"I don't even think half that stuff is LEGAL," Cassie, aka Wonder
Girl, pointed out. "Not in THIS state."
"It's only illegal if there're farm animals involved," Cissie stated knowledgably.
Cassie and Kon looked up from their drinks. "Should we ask how you
"Should I ask why you listened in for over an HOUR? Should I ask why
you let BART listen to that?"
Both parties at the other end of the table nodded. "Good point," Kon
said. "I swear to God, I heard a mixer in the background."
"You're not religious," Cassie pointed out.
Kon shrugged. "Another good point."
They drank their hot chocolate in silence. It seemed like a perfectly
natural, perfectly mature conversation, now that they'd gotten over
the initial giggling fit.
"Hey guys," Robin said dejectedly as he entered the kitchen. "Any
Swiss Miss left?" He'd had a rough night, and something warm and
soothing sounded about right. It didn't have the Alfred seal of
approval, but any port in a storm.
The three occupants stared at Robin as he went for the cupboard over
the sink and began fishing out a little paper packet of chocolate
mix. He was just a liiiiitle too short for the high cupboard, and
they kept stuff there just to spite him. Cissie was the first one
who found her voice. "So… Robin. We were just wondering… what all
Batman taught you."
He jumped up and grabbed the box as he came down. "That's
confidential," he said conversationally. Taking two packets out of
the box, he put it on the counter. It was turning into a two mug day,
and it had just started. He was on his guard, he was sure Nightwing
was going to annihilate him at the nearest opportunity. That, and he
was having trouble dealing with the thought of Batman, Catwoman
"Well, you learned a lot of martial arts stuff, right?" Cissie asked.
Robin shrugged, searching for a clean mug. "Yeah. I didn't learn all
of it from him though. I did study abroad for a little bit."
Cassie smacked Superboy.
Cissie leaned forward on her elbows, rolling her shoulders
forward. "Well, what did you study?"
"What's with the sudden interest?"
"I don't know. Just… wanna know how much you know about stuff."
"Well, I studied in France off and on for a little bit." He saw their
eyes light up at the mention of France. "Paris is ok. Awful dirty."
They seemed really impressed by him having studied in Paris. They
didn't even bother to ask what kind of martial arts one could learn
in Paris. "And um… I spent some time with Lady Shiva." That ought to
scare them into not asking any more questions, Tim thought.
"What'd you study with Shiva?" Wonder Girl asked.
"How to rip the hearts out of people quick enough that they can look
at their still beating hearts before they die," Robin said
"Batman worked with her too, didn't he? Did she teach you anything
else?" Cissie asked attentively.
"Ok, you guys're just freaking me out." Filling his mug up with
water, he put it in the microwave. "We gotta get a can of baking
cocoa. Remind me to put that on the shopping list. We can make
cookies or something."
"What do you know about tantric sex?" Cissie asked suddenly.
"I don't know. It was just a question," she said non-comittally. Just
wondering how… complete Bat-training gets."
Robin rolled his eyes.
"Well, I was just wondering." She shrugged.
Kon piped up next. "What I am wondering is… does he teach you how to
make a woman scream like that? I mean, holy hell, I thought she was
going to DIE. And the kinky shit… was that like… perverted, or was it
some kind of weird sexual kung-fu? And how can I get hooked up…"
"Oh man. I can NOT believe you guys heard that."
Cissie scowled at Kon. "Don't mind him. He's just… immature. So like…
are you seeing anyone?"
"CISSIE!" Robin cried, embarrassed. "I have a girlfriend. And she
has a mean left hook."
"So do you and she…"
"Did he teach you stuff like that? I mean, can you teach me how to--"
"I can NOT believe we're having this conversation."
Cissie rose and grabbed Robin's arm. "I didn't really think about
stoic guys… but I guess you guys must be real ANIMALS…"
Robin shrugged her off. "You're all sick and perverted, ok?"
"And what about Bat folk?" Wonder Girl asked.
"Nightwing is the ONLY pervert in the Batclan," Tim said defensively.
"So what's Batman's deal?" Kon asked.
Tim swallowed, panic enveloping him. "BATMAN'S deal? He claims he has
an arrangement with Catwoman (eww), but no one can prove he's had sex
in this century or the last. Ok?" He couldn't believe he'd just said
"Nuh uh," Cassie interjected knowingly. "We heard--"
"Oh my GOD. You people are STUPID. That was NIGHTWING." Robin buried
his head in his gloved hands as the microwave dinged behind him.
Kon still persisted, however. "So... if the Bat's an anal-retent,
where'd Nightwing learn all that shit? I mean... what the hell were
they DOING with those bat-cuffs? Of course, I saw his first girl
friend. The chick with the orange skin? MAJOR rack. She probably
taught him how to be a real sex machine--"
"Kory was NOT his first girlfriend. That WAS his first girlfriend
that you—NEVERMIND. GOD."
"Starfire wasn't his girlfriend? What'd she do, keep him as a sex
slave? Maybe that's what Oracle does. I mean, sounded like he was
servicing her hard drive REAL good…"
"Oracle sounded like a real nymphomaniac," Wonder Girl pointed out
Robin's face was red. Not from embarrassment. He'd gotten over that
last night with the first onslaught of "Bat-porn." No. It was anger
and frustration that were causing his blood vessels to pop. "CAN YOU
GUYS SHUT UP? Our sex lives are none of your damned business! It's
not… it's not…. Coffee talk! You're a bunch of sexual deviants and
social degenerates! Just because they're broadcasting live doesn't
mean you… you FREAKS have to listen in on the show!" Giving up on hot
chocolate, Robin stormed out of the room.
"Our sex lives?" Kon asked angrily. "The little twerp's getting jiggy
with Purple Girl on the side! He has the charisma of a dead fish, and
HE is getting… It's my curse. Good looking, personable, and HE is the
one getting laid."
Cissie and Cassie's shoulders slumped, and they gave a collective