|Hometree - Just look at all that Cheddar
Author: Hoplite39 PM
Jake goes to warn the Na'vi of the RDA attack on Hometree. But doesn't quite get the reaction he expected...Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Jake S. & Neytiri - Words: 757 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 01-24-13 - Status: Complete - id: 8941190
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN AVATAR.
Jake entered the link unit as fast as he could and closed the cover. He had to warn the Na'vi that the RDA were going to destroy Hometree. Jake felt guilty that he had betrayed their trust over the last few weeks. He had accepted their hospitality, their friendship, and yes, their love. And now he would tell the that they must leave Hometree, otherwise many would die.
When he woke in his Avatar, Neytiri was sitting by his side, looking at him anxiously. Jake grabbed Neytiri's hand.
"I have to warn the others." Said Jake, before they ran together down the spiral ramp at the centre of Hometree.
Jake and Neytiri rushed into the middle of the group of warriors where Eytukahn and Mo'at were waiting. Eytukahn looked at Jake expectantly. Jake looked at all those innocent Na'vi faces all around. It pained him that he would have to admit his betrayal of their trust. But there was no other way.
"I have something to say." Said Jake urgently.
"What is it Jakesully?" Asked Mo'at.
"You have to leave, or you're all going to die." Said Jake, a pained expression on his face.
The Na'vi all looked at each other murmuring excitedly.
"Mmm. Will they use incendiaries?" Asked Eytukahn.
"Er...yes, probably." Replied Jake, a little surprised by the abrupt question and the lack of fear or anxiety in Eytukahn's voice.
"Excellent" Said Eytukahn. "Well done Neytiri. You did a good job."
"Eh..what?" Said Jake in astonishment.
"The Skypeople attack happens to coincide with our traditional 'Burn Down the Hometree' festival' that we celebrate every 64 years." Explained Eytukahn. "If the Skypeople burn the tree down for us, then we don't need to do that laborious task ourselves and can get right on to the drinking, drug taking, partying and wild sordid fornication at the festival."
Jake stood there open-mouthed in shock. " Neytiri? You knew about this?"
"Yes, Jake." Replied Neytiri looking into Jakes eyes. "There is something I have to tell. And the words are like stones in my heart. It was my task to get the Skypeople to blow up Hometree on this particular day. But I had to do it without asking for direct help. Because otherwise Eywa would get really pissed with us. She's such a tight-ass stickler for tradition. You know what she's like..."
"What do you mean, Neytiri? I thought you loved Eywa and the spirit of the forest."
"Oh, come on, Jake." Said Neytiri pragmatically. "You don't really think we give a flying crap about the forest and Eywa, do you? It was just a ploy we used to gain your trust so we could get you to blow up Hometree, while getting the best deal possible. I just took advantage of your naivety and stupidity.
"At first I was just following orders." Continued Neytiri. "I had to show you all the structural weaknesses in Hometree so your Skypeople colleagues can blow it up easily. But you taught me to love, Jake. I learned to love your ways. I learned to love the Skypeople's technological progress and material wealth..."
"I trusted you..." Sobbed Jake.
"I learned to love your heavy petrochemical refineries, your industrial mass-farming techniques, your wild speculation in the commodities markets, your sprawling cities, your expertise in carpet-bombing, your wide range of land-mines, your consumer goods...
"You betrayed me..."
"And I learned to love your TV and movies. Buffy, Star Trek, Battlestar Ballactica and your hard-core porn. I love them all. I even love Pochahontas and the Smurfs..."
"Oh, my God. You are sick. Stay away from me..."
"But there is one thing I love above everything else, Jake." Neytiri spoke with passion. "You know what I am talking about, Jake. I have felt that love within you too. It is a love we both share since the beginning of time. It is a love that is more important to me than Pandora, Eywa and the Na'vi. It is a true love that will last forever. For the one thing I love above all else in the Universe is...money."
"Just before you woke up,Jake, the Skypeople agreed to pay a big wad of cash for Hometree." Said Neytiri gleefully rubbing her hands together. "Just think of all that Cheddar, Jake."
"Noooo. Get away from me!" Cried Jake. You will never be one of the Skypeople!"