|Magic Winx! Fanfictionix!
Author: Akela Victoire PM
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. Beyond this link lies a collection of stories which parody some of the most clichéd trends in Winx Club fanfiction. Be warned- or if you have a twisted mind, enjoy… (Dedicated to Chibi Horsewoman)Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 14 - Words: 16,890 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 04-05-13 - Published: 01-24-13 - id: 8941455
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I highly recommend Chibi's fic The Importance of Being Celibate, a parody fic in which she parodies the very topic of this chapter!
The Winx Club are seen in a large house somewhere in Magix that they've probably hired out, dancing with their boyfriends and having an overall good time.
The music was pounding loudly, the alcohol was flowing plentifully and everyone was also drinking more alcohol than they should have been.
Though one has to wonder how safe it is to have alcohol inside a walking matchstick otherwise known as a certain Fairy of the Dragon's Flame, but of course, they were all too drunk out of their minds to consider this.
Hell, even Flora, the quiet, shy, supposedly innocent one of the group was dancing on top of a table with Helia cheering her on.
They'd all be singing Blame it on the Alcohol in the morning…
Pressing fast forward, they've all gone to bed with their respective partners and…
They begin saying lovey-dovey stuff to each other in their drunken stupor that they probably won't remember in the morning.
And the natural progression from that?
Do you really want to know?
Are you sure?
Well, I the narrator warned you…
The author proceeds to describe the sex in a manner similar to an IKEA instruction manual except with more flowery words that they probably do not understand the meaning of.
In fact, just replace the names of the characters that are supposed to be having sex (but because of the many attempts at symbolism and poetic-ness failing, you can't quite tell what they're doing) and this could be a sex scene in any fandom. Harry Potter, Law and Order: U.K., hell even Scooby-Doo if you're into stuff like that. I'm not here to judge…
Anyway, a few weeks afterwards, all six of the Winx Club girls were beginning to display mysterious symptoms…
"Hey, does anyone have any antacids?" Stella called out.
"Not so loud!" Flora took a break between bouts of vomiting into the toilet bowl to glare, before going back to vomiting.
"Great Dragon, I could really do with some tuna and vanilla ice-cream. I don't know why. I just want some so bad!" Bloom exclaimed.
"Please don't talk about food…" Flora moaned, as she finally stopped vomiting her guts out and brushed her teeth vigorously.
"I feel like if I've been hit by a hovercraft…" Tecna moaned as Musa ran to take Flora's place in the bathroom.
"Major headache coming on over here…" Aisha moaned.
"My stomach feels awful and I feel like I'm under one of Darcy's Vertigo spells…" Stella flopped into a chair.
Musa flopped into a corner of the bathroom crying. Five seconds later, she was snapping at everyone else.
"Hold on a minute. Girls, all these symptoms we're showing..." Aisha pondered aloud.
Oh, what could be wrong here? What could this shocking secret possibly be? What are these the symptoms of? I'm absolutely perplexed!
What could possibly be happening here?
a) They've been hit by a curse in one of their (almost) daily fights with the villain of the day?
b) One of their own spells gone wrong?
c) Someone was sick and spread it all around?
How about: d) None of the above?
"I think we might be pregnant, girls…" Aisha said quietly.
Well, what do you know? The answer is d!
All hell broke loose.
"Oh my DRAGON! What the hell are we going to do?" Flora cried.
Musa just started raging angrily. As in, throwing objects around the room angrily.
Flora snarled at her and she immediately went quiet and sunk into a chair.
"Oh my goodness. My father's going to kill me!" Musa exclaimed.
"My parents will kill me first! They wanted an heir after Nabu and I were married!" Aisha cried.
"Forget our parents. How do I tell Timmy? This is the most illogical situation I've ever been in!" Tecna exclaimed.
"It's not illogical, stupid! That's what happens when you have sex!" Stella snapped.
"Will you all stop your whining? Great Dragon! I need a steak! A nice, juicy steak. Preferably before I have to tell Helia that he knocked me up!" Flora shouted.
Somewhere else in the Magical Dimension…
"I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this!" Stormy exclaimed angrily.
"You don't think I hate being pregnant too?" Darcy snapped.
"We've all gotten pregnant at the same time it seems. We must raise our daughters to become the next generation of Trix and succeed where we have failed!" Icy cackled evilly.
Then a bunch of stuff happens, but nobody cares about that, so let's skip ahead, shall we?
Several months later, somewhere in Linphea…
A heavily pregnant Flora lumbered around the small apartment she was now sharing with Helia, eating a bacon cheeseburger with onion rings and washing it down with several gallons of red soda.
"Flora, are you sure it's wise to be eating all that, especially when you're due any day now?" he asked.
"DON'T YOU TELL ME-" As Flora started her tirade, she felt her water break.
At the same time, on the planet of Andros…
Aisha and Nabu had gotten married in a small ceremony almost as soon as they had told their parents, in order to cover up their… indiscretion. To say that their parents had been pissed would have been a mere understatement.
Anyways, Aisha and Nabu are talking as they relax in their bedroom when she sits up suddenly.
"Aisha, are you alright?" Nabu asks.
Aisha remains silent for about a minute and then groans. "No… Nabu, I think my water just broke…"
In Melody, also at the same time…
As it turned out, Musa's father actually hadn't killed Riven. He had certainly come close though and now if boggarts existed in the Winx Club universe, Riven's boggart would be Musa's father…
As Musa was rummaging around in the refrigerator for some water, she felt her water break and dropped the glass she was holding.
"RIVEN!" she screeched. "GET YOUR ASS IN HERE AND TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL NOW! I'M IN LABOUR! AAH!"
Riven came skidding in, looking terrified.
Simultaneously, in Zenith…
Tecna was looking up advice about pregnancy and childbirth on her large-screened computer. She barely fit at the desk due to her bulging belly and she was getting grumpier and grumpier every day.
As she saw some advice about labour and childbirth, she felt her own labour start and began screaming for Timmy to take her to the hospital.
Simultaneously in a room of the Solarian Royal Palace…
Stella was screaming bloody murder as she went into labour. It was the worst pain she had felt in her entire life! Being bloated for nine months with a miniature human leeching off you, having these weird cravings and having to pee all the time… She thought that was bad, but this was definitely worse!
"BRANDON, I SWEAR TO THE GREAT DRAGON THAT YOUR LITTLE STICK WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED NEAR ME EVER AGAIN!" she roared, accidentally letting off some magical, blinding energy.
Simultaneously in a private hospital room on Domino…
Bloom was screaming at the top of her lungs and threatening the doctors and nurses with the power of the Dragon's Flame if they didn't get "the thing" out of her and quickly.
"HURRY UP! AAH!" Bloom's hair was literally on fire, setting fire to the flowers on the bedside table.
"Good evening Your Majesties…" A very brave doctor stepped into the room- with a terrified Sky just in front of him.
"I'm the Royal Doctor and I'm a very smart person, so you must to listen to me. According to the laws of Imaginary Medicine, your baby may die unless we perform an extremely precarious operation. Are you prepared to go through some mild trauma? Or shall we just tell the public the baby was still-born and off it for you now?"
"DO THE OPERATION AND LET ME HAVE MY KID! HOW COULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER SUCH A THING?!" Bloom roared, setting fire to the doctor's hair.
What will happen now? Shall we hold our breaths in anticipation? Wait for it, wait for it…
All six of the Winx Club's babies are born at the exact same moment that day and all of them are girls.
Bloom's daughter's name is Flamer, Flora's daughter's name is Flower, Stella's daughter's name is Sunny, Musa's daughter's name is Melody, Tecna's daughter's name is Digita and Aisha's daughter's name is River. What wonderful and creative names, huh?
Somewhere else in the magical universe, the Trix are also holding their new-born daughters while the doctors and nurses they kidnapped months ago tend to them.
As Icy looked down at her new daughter Glacier, Darcy looked at her daughter Shadow and Stormy looked at her daughter Cloud, all three witches cackled evilly and the babies they held seemed to be smirking evilly as well…
It's nigh impossible for all six of the Winx girls to fall pregnant and give birth at the exact same time. It doesn't work that way folks. Girls can get synchronized on the period cycle after living together for a while. They might all get pregnant within the same year and give birth within weeks-months of each other, but the exact same day? Come on!
I guess from this, you can all tell what's coming next, a particular bane of mine…
Suggestions still welcomed!