Author: Hoplite39 PM
When Grace asks Jake if he has any lab experience, she receives a very unexpected reply...Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Parody - Jake S. & Grace A. - Words: 667 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 01-27-13 - Status: Complete - id: 8951391
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I DO NOT OWN AVATAR.
Authors note: This relates to the scene when Jake is presented to Grace for the first time. In writing this, I have taken a couple of liberties with the timing of the dialogue. In the movie, Jake actually says "zip" in a later scene when he is asked if he has done any link time. So I have used a little artistic licence.
Max brought Jake to a link-unit where Grace and Norm were talking.
"Grace, this is Jake Sully." Said Max nervously.
Jake stretched out his hand to greet her.
Grace folded her arms and looked at Jake sternly.
"I don't need you. I need your brother. You know. The Phd who trained three years for this mission."
"He's dead. Sorry it's a big inconvenience for everyone."
Grace sighed and and looked down at Jake.
"Have you ever had any lab experience at all?"
"Zip." Said Jake.
"You mean zip as in nothing."
"No I mean zips, as in zippers." Explained Jake. "When I was in the marines, I spent hundreds of hours in the lab testing the resistance and functionality of our military issued zippers."
"Really? Are you serious?"
"Of course. As you can imagine, the reliability of zippers is very important to recon ops as they have to function effectively in all sorts of different extreme environments." Continued Jake. "Just imagine if you could not get your zipper open or closed rapidly in a moment of extreme stress and necessity. It could lead to unfortunate if not tragic consequences. So we used to carry out various lab tests to check the effectiveness of our zippers under extreme conditions such heat, cold, humidity, moisture, acidity, vacume. You know that sort of thing."
"You really tested zippers?" Asked Grace incredulous.
"Yes, ma'am. In fact I was the leading zipper-tester in the marine-corp."
"Was it only zippers you tested?"
"No ma'am. Not just zippers. I also did lab tests on our buttons, buckles and other similar devices. In fact, that is one of the reasons I am here on Pandora. To carry out field tests on our new range of RDA zippers, buttons and buckles.
"And how is that relevant to us?" Asked Grace.
"It is very important." Jake explained. "It could be the difference between life and death. Believe me. A reliable but functional lab and field tested RDA back-pack buckle could save your life."
"OK. I'll give you an example. Imagine you are pursued in the forest by a large aggressive predator..."
"You mean like a thanator?" Suggested Grace.
"Yes, like a thanator. Say a thanator attacks you and happens to grab you by your back-pack. You would surely want to ensure that the buckle of your back-pack is both accessible and reliable so that you can undo it at a moments notice. In such a moment of stress and frantic activity it would be disastrous if you were unable to undo your buckle quickly and without hinderance. But with our new range of RDA buckles, you should be able to effortlessly free yourself from your back-pack, allowing you to escape the thanator's grip.
"But you would still have to escape a hungry thanator. Do you realise how fast and strong thanators are?"
"Yes, but it would at least give you a few extra seconds to run to safety."
"And how would you do that?" Grace was clearly sceptical. "The thanator would still catch you. How would a few extra seconds really make a difference?"
"I don't know. Perhaps you could leap off a cliff into a river or something."
Grace smirked and shook her head.
"Sounds a bit far fetched to me. I really can't see how all that would be of any use to the Avatar program. You see. They're pissing on us without giving us the courtesy of calling it rain. I'm going to Selfridge."