|Roses Aren't Just Red
Author: NaruSasu-Perfection PM
Kanda Yuu X Reader. AU - College. Kanda starts to like this girl and goes through a series of emotions and feelings while he is getting to know her.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Angst - Kanda Yuu - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,202 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 02-07-13 - Published: 01-29-13 - Status: Complete - id: 8959756
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Five: Pink – Admiration for Beauty and Refinement
He doesn't understand why he always wants to look at [name]. He gets that she is beautiful with her long [h/c] hair and her perfect round [e/c] eyes. He knows everyone else probably thinks she is beautiful. He hasn't ever been one for looks though. Well, he has, but not in the whole I-want- to-date-you-because-you-are-hot kinda way. It's more in the way that adds to her personality.
She is such a bright person and that makes her even more beautiful. The way her eyes glow when she smiles and the little dimples on her cheek deepen makes him wants to reach over and kiss her. Her [h/c] hair bounces when she walks; swinging back and forth even if it is down. She is always energetic and ready to take on the world.
It's the little things that he notices too. She chews on her pencil when she is nervous during a test. She taps her fingers nails when she gets inpatient when someone doesn't know the answer – usually him- and starts to chew on the top of her pen. She shakes her leg when she is finished with a worksheet and no one else is yet. She twirls her hair when the teacher talks about something she already knows, which is almost everything. Those little things catch his attention almost as much as her beauty does.
He doesn't like that he thinks she is beautiful. He doesn't like that he wants to run his fingers through her long [h/c] hair and brush his fingers along her cheekbones. He doesn't like that he could look at her bright [e/c] eyes for hours without getting bored or distracted. He doesn't like that he notices every little thing that she does. He definitely doesn't like that he wants to tell her she is beautiful, which is something he would never admit out loud.
"Yuu." Said male turns his gaze to the idiot rabbit, narrowing his eyes at his so-called friend. He hates every word that comes out of Lavi's lips even more than before because now Lavi takes it upon himself to give Kanda advice on how to approach [name] with his feelings. It just makes him want to hurt the rabbit beyond repair. "I think ya should just do it. Walk up and kiss her right on the lips. She's gotta have some feelings for ya if she hangs round with ya all the time." He almost lunges over the desk to sock Lavi in the jaw.
"Screw you," he grits outs. "And don't call me that." He turns his gaze to the bored and starts to copy down the few notes he missed because of Lavi. He doesn't like that his eyes flicker to look at [name] on their own every once and a while. He doesn't like that Lavi seems to notices when his dark eyes turn to the history loving girl. He doesn't like the knowing smile on Lavi's lips that he wants to punch off his face.
"Yuu, you should just go for it." The class is dismissed, letting Lavi go on and on about the subject. Kanda grunts, his teeth grinding together in annoyance. Lavi follows him down the hall and Kanda doesn't care anymore. He spins around, his fist connecting with Lavi's jaw and throwing him back. Lavi yells as he falls to the ground, his fingers holding his jaw. Kanda shakes out his hand, pain throbbing through his knuckles. "What the hell, Yuu?!"
"Shut the fuck up. I don't want to listen to you. I don't like [name] like you seem to think I do and I wish you would just shut up about it. I don't even enjoy her company when she bothers me all the time." He knows his words are harsh and almost feels bad when he notices Lavi's jaw is already bruising and his lip is split. He frowns at the redhead. "Just shut up."
"Yuu, there was no need to punch me to get the point across. Now my face hurts." Lavi opens and closes his mouth a few times, but stops when he notices something at the end of the hall. Kanda turns around when he notices Lavi's eyes widen with shock and Kanda can't help the sad little thump his heart makes. He never wanted to see tears streaming down that beautiful face, but the site is right before him. "Shit." He totally agrees with Lavi.
"Is that really how you feel, Kanda?" He can hear her voice shaking and he doesn't know what to say. He can feel Lavi's eyes on him, wondering what he will do. Kanda can't be stupid enough to lose one of the few friends he has. The only problem is that Kanda can't find the words. He isn't used to being nice. He doesn't apologize. He doesn't know what to say to make this right. [Name] seems to take this the wrong way. "Okay, I see how it is. I won't bother you anymore." She runs.
He can't get her tear stained face out of his mind. He wants to go after her. He wants to tell her that he didn't mean what he said. It was all just for show, to get Lavi off his back. He wants to hit Lavi again for making him say that. He just stands there though. He looks at the spot she stood only seconds ago and his hands clench into fists.
He never wanted to know what her face would look like with tears streaming down her cheeks.
Six: Peach - Sincerity and Genuineness
Kanda doesn't know what to do. He can't bring himself to talk to [name], but he knows he has to at some point. He really didn't want to lose her, especially not to such harsh words that he didn't even mean. He needs to get her back somehow, but he has no idea where to even start. He doesn't even know how to be nice to people nonetheless how to approach someone and apologize for his actions.
Lavi tries to knock some sense into Kanda, but it doesn't work. No matter how much Lavi tells Kanda he needs to apologize, he still can't figure out how to. Lavi keeps telling him how much [name] is hurting and he wants to punch that idiot again. He wants to add a matching brush on the other side of his face. He needs Lavi to shut up so he can figure everyone out on his own. He has to sort out his feelings for himself, because he hasn't ever had these feelings before. He needs to handle them on his own.
He doesn't mean to run into [name] one day at the end of the history class, one of the last ones of the semester but he does. He literally runs into her. She falls on the ground and everything. He glares at her at first, because he doesn't realize it is her. When he finally processes that she is the one on the ground his gaze softens a bit and he sticks his hand out. He doesn't allow the frown to tug the corner of his lips down when she doesn't accept his hand. She brush off the butt of her pants and simply stares at him for a second, expecting something. She goes to walk away when she doesn't get it though.
Kanda's body reacts on its own. He didn't tell his hand to wrap around her wrist and stop her in her tracks. He didn't plan to ever do that. He isn't ready to talk to her yet, but now he has to say something. "S-so…" The words get stuck in his throat, but he pushed through it. "I'm s-so-sorry." He holds his breath as she looks at him, her lips in a thin line. He wishes her pretty smile would form on her lips.
"For what?" He doesn't expect the question. He thought it was obvious. It was a general sorry. It was for hurting her with his harsh words and for knocking her down. It was for taking so long to say sorry in the first place. It was for everything he ever may have done wrong to her. He doesn't really know how to say this. He chokes on his words and curses himself for doing so. He needs to stop being such an idiot. He can do this.
"Everything. I'm sorry for everything." She raises an eyebrow. "I didn't mean what I said before. It was only to get Lavi off my back." He doesn't like that he has to explain himself, but he actually misses her. He wants to be around her more often and he only hopes she will forgive him, because he needs to be around her.
He can feel his heart hammering against his rib cage as he waits for an answer. He has never been a patient person, but right now, waiting for her to say something, he feels like he could explode waiting like this. She just needs to say it straight out. He just needs to hear it already. He notices she is chewing on her bottom lip as she thinks. He never noticed her doing that before. "I-" She pauses, taking in a slow breath. "I know. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it. I just….I needed to hear it from you."
Kanda lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He doesn't know why she forgave him so fast. He thought she was going to yell at him, kicking and screaming as she tells him off. He didn't expect her to just forgive him on the spot. "Thank you." He doesn't know why he says it, but he does. He is just happy to have [name] back in his life. He doesn't know how she became so important but she did.
"I know, I missed you too." He doesn't know where she got that out of his words, but he isn't going to deny it. He missed her a lot while they didn't talk, no matter how much he doesn't want to admit it. He opens his mouth to say something, but the words get stuck in his throat and he shakes his head. He can't say something like that. He will lose his reputation if he starts saying meaningful things. "Yeah, you're important to me too."
His eyes widen, but he doesn't say anything. It's like she is a mind reader. He must be showing too many emotions on his face. He quickly puts his façade back on and stares down at the girl. He watches as her smile starts to stretch across her lips. It reaches her eyes for the first time since they fought. He could look at that smile all day. He doesn't say such things out loud though. "Can I come over? I miss talking to you and we have a final to study for." He missed listening to her talk.
"Che, fine," he grumbles. He turns on his heels and doesn't fail to notice a hand slip into his.
Seven: Black - Farewell and Sorrow
He doesn't like finals, but he gets through them with [name]'s help. She is always smiling and telling him to study and helping go over flash cards. He doesn't know how he ever studied without her help before. She is amazing when they study together. He ends up acing most of his finals because of all her help and he couldn't be more thankful. He doesn't tell her this though. He just grunts out a reply when she asks how he did.
He shouldn't miss her so much when she goes home for winter break. He's been away from her before, but never this long. He feels pathetic when she is only gone a weekend and he already wants to call her to hear her cheery voice. He doesn't though, because he isn't going to be weak like that.
Lavi has a little Christmas party with friends and family in their apartment on Christmas. [Name] can't make it because she has her own family to be with. He wishes she could come, but having a family is something he wouldn't want her to miss out on. The party goes by quickly and pretty much everyone stays well into the night. He doesn't so much mind. He has gotten used to his mismatched family over the years.
The door bell ringing around midnight is not what he expects. Everyone looks over to the door –no one has left yet – and just stares at it till there is a loud knock. Kanda furrows his eyebrows and gets up to go answer it. He knows Lavi won't answer because he is too busy with the eggnog and he wouldn't want anyone else answering his apartment door.
He is shocked to see [name]'s tear stained face on the other side. It only takes her seconds to process it is Kanda standing in front of her before she throws herself at him, her arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Her fingers fist the back of his holiday shirt – Tiedoll forced him into it – and her knuckles turn white. He has no idea what to do. He can feel everyone's eyes on him, wondering just what is going on. He would like to know the same thing. He finally resorts to pacing a hand on her head, patting her [h/c] locks before he lets it slip down her back. He doesn't know how to sooth people, but the hand yanks her into the apartment and he kicks the door closed behind him.
He turns a glare to all the people staring at him and each go back to whatever they were doing before. He pulls at [name]'s fingers, the ones gripping his shirt, until they are loose. He places both hands on her shoulders and leads her to his bedroom, a place she has never been before. He shuts the door behind them when they enter and is surprised when [name] wraps her arms around him again, crying against his chest.
He walks them over to the bed and sits down. He tenses when [name] sits herself down in his lap, her fingers gripping his shirt again as she cries. He doesn't know what to do. He deiced to place a hand on her back and he rubs it up and down her spin. He doesn't know if it is working, but she seems to be calming down. That has to be a good sign. It takes a long time for her to finally catch her breath.
She pulls her face away from Kanda's shirt –which is going to have to be cleaned with all the snot she got on it – and looks into his dark eyes. He can recognize the pain behind her [e/c] eyes and he isn't sure if he is ready for what it about to come. "I-It was an a-accident. D-drunken p-people and….c-cars off the r-rode." He knows what she means by that and he doesn't know why but he suddenly has her against his chest, a new wave of tears falling down her cheeks.
She cries for a long time after that and he wishes he could make the pain go away. He can hear his family having fun outside his door – it's about four in the morning now – and wishes they would shut up. That isn't going to help [name] get over it. It will only help her remember the family she lost tonight.
He doesn't know how long someone can cry, but he doesn't try to move her and comforts her by rubbing a hand up and down her spine. It seems to be the only way to sooth her and he has no idea how to comfort someone so he is just going to keep doing what he is doing.
"C-Can I s-stay here t-tonight?" He can't say no to that. He really can't. She is so broken and she's crying and he doesn't know what to do. So, he simply nods his head a bit. She crawls off his lap and onto the bed. [Name] curls herself up into a ball, sniffling as she pushes her face into the pillow. He is about to get up and leave, go say something to his family, but she grabs his hand, her tear stained face looking at him. "S-stay."
He can't say no to that.
Eight: Bright Pink – Gratitude
Kanda's family doesn't say anything about [name] sleeping over for a few nights. He's happy they don't. Kanda tries his best to comfort the girl, but ultimately he has no idea what to do about her. Lavi has comforted her a lot and despite the fact Kanda doesn't really like it, he is happy Lavi actually knows how to comfort someone. Lavi will chat with her a bit and keep her updated on things. When Lavi isn't with her, Kanda can often be found with the girl curled up in his arms, his hand running up and down her spin. No one says anything.
Kanda goes with her to the funeral and wake, because she refuses to go otherwise. He knows she will regret missing the funeral and wake in the future so he ends up just going. It's a bit awkward because he didn't know her parents and he doesn't know her family, but he is happy he is there when she starts to cry. He's getting better at the comforting thing and actually wraps both his arms around her this time, trying to block out the world for her.
He drives home, because she is in no condition too with all her crying. He doesn't even know if she can see because of all the liquid blurring her vision. He doesn't ask and he doesn't care. He just tries to focus on the road and ignore her sniffles and silent sobs. He can't very well comfort her while he is trying to drive.
She leans into him heavily while they walk up the stairs. He doesn't know what to do, but he wraps an arm around her waist and helps her get to the apartment. She goes right to his room when they get back and he doesn't know if he should follow or not. Lavi give him a sad head shake and Kanda gets a drink instead. Lavi knows better than him. Lavi must realize she needs some space.
He sleeps on the couch that night and he is surprised when [name] comes out late and curls up next to him. He stiffens as she buries her face in his chest, but wills himself to relax. She's done this before. This is just the first time she has done it while they are sleeping. He slowly wraps an arm around her and pulls her close. He doesn't know why he likes the warmth her body supplies.
Lavi wakes them both up with a happy smile. He gives Kanda this knowing look and hops his way to the kitchen to make some waffles. Kanda doesn't like waffles, but they know [name] likes waffles and after her day yesterday she could use them. [Name] slowly uncurls herself from her ball and yawns, her eyes red and blood shot. He is surprised when she turns her gaze toward him, a small smile pulling at her lips for the first time since the accident.
"Kanda, I just…thank you, for being here. I know it's gotta be hard on you, but thank you." The words are soft and she doesn't meet his gaze. He can see the small tint of pink brushing over her features and he knows she is blushing. "I….uh." He is surprised when she finally does look at him. She has this determination in her gaze as she leans forward. There is a light brush against his lips before it is gone. It still sent an involuntary good shiver down his spine.
"It-… you're welcome," he mumbles. He knows his cheeks are probably getting hot too. The smile is finally reaching her eyes again and she leans forward bravely. He doesn't know what to do and nearly panics when lips are placed on his. They move tentatively at first, but she gains determination as she places a hand on his shoulder. It takes him a few seconds to process everything before he starts to move his lips against hers.
A pan falling to the ground startles them both apart. They look over to find Lavi is the door way, a pan on the ground which was luckily empty. He has flour on his face and a bit of the waffle batter in his hair. It seems to take him a second to process everything, but a wide grin slowly pulls up his lips. "I knew it!" He yells, whipping around a spatula neither of them noticed. "I know you liked her, Yuu!"
Kanda growls and is about to go in for the punch when [name] squeezes his shoulder. She gives him this soft smile and he suddenly wants to kiss her more than her wants to punch Lavi. He just watches as she moves in and presses her lips softly to his before pulling away. He would have preferred a longer kiss. "It was simply a thank you, Lavi. If Kanda wants it to be more than I'm all for it."
Kanda notices Lavi open his mouth to retort, but Kanda doesn't hear what he says because it is all [name]. She has his complete attention as he places his lips on hers. He just hopes she knows that this means more than just a thank you. He wants more with her. He wants everything with her. He isn't going to say it out loud though, especially not in front of Lavi. He is pretty sure the redhead is still blabbering away when the two pull apart, breaths short as they stare into each other's eyes.
"Hmm, I'll take that as a yes…thank God." Kanda raises an eyebrow. "I really didn't want to embarrass myself, but I couldn't wait any longer. I've wanted to do that for ages now and you've been so good with this whole….thing with my parents and I just thought it would be a good excuse to kiss you. I just….everything has been so crazy and you have been one of the only things holding me down. So, thank you."
Lavi is ignored as Kanda leans in for another kiss. The only thing that breaks them apart is when waffle batter is dumped on them.
This time, Kanda does land a punch to Lavi's jaw no matter how much [name] tries to stop him.
Nine: Dark Red –Readiness for a Commitment
Kanda doesn't know how to be in a relationship. They are barely together a day and he is already questioning himself. He doesn't know what to do when she hugs him. He doesn't know where to put his hands when she kisses him. He doesn't know if he is supposed to treat her any different than he did before. He just doesn't know what he is doing.
[Name] seems to notices after a few days, but she doesn't say anything. She just kisses him hard with reassurance behind every touch. She obviously wants this to work, but Kanda isn't so sure how it is going to. His past girlfriends – which only adds up to two – broke up with him because he was to distance. He doesn't want that to happen with [name]. He doesn't want to be distance and uncaring. He cares about her a lot actually. He just doesn't know how to show it.
Its two weeks into their relationship when he starts to pull away. He's never been good at handling people and this is no different of a situation. [Name] frowns when he pulls away from a kiss and simply looks at him for a few minutes. He feels uncomfortable under her gaze, but he doesn't say anything. "Kanda," she finally says. "Why are you so distant? I thought you wanted this too."
He swallows the lump in his throat. He doesn't like to talk about emotions and shit like this. It isn't something he would choose to do voluntarily. He chokes down his pride though, because this is [name] and he likes [name]. He can talk for her. "Che, I do." Kanda's voice sounds a bit colder than he would have liked, but [name] seems to understand. Kanda is obviously madder at himself than anything. He is the one who keeps pulling away.
"Why are you being distant then?" Kanda shifts his gaze to the wall, taking in the long scratch Lavi made ages ago when they first moved in. He doesn't think he can look back at [name]. He is surprised when fingers trace along his jaw and turn his head toward [name]. He looks into her [e/c] eyes and can see pain behind them. He feels bad instantly.
"I'm not – I don't know….I don't do relationships," he bits out. [Name] frowns but doesn't say anything as she places a soft kiss on his lips. He doesn't know what it is for, but he isn't going to complain. "I-" He doesn't know what else to say, but he hopes she understands.
"I know… I know. You haven't done relationships much before. I want this to work though. You have to stop closing yourself off. Is it that you don't want to commit maybe? You don't want to be tied down?" That theory just sounds ridiculous to him. Well, maybe it does sound a bit logical after he thinks about it a bit. He doesn't like having people in his life and you have a commitment in a friendship, one he hasn't ever wanted before, but that isn't the case with [name]. He wants that with her.
"No." He pulls her forward and wraps his arms around her waist as he kisses her. He hasn't ever held her this close while they kiss before. "I want you." He doesn't know where that came from, but her smile makes him push aside his pride for a moment. He can say things that make her happy without thinking any less of himself. "I want this." He kisses her on the lips again and she giggles. He likes the sound.
"I'm glad….I'm really glad." She places her lips on his again and wraps her arms around his neck. There isn't another place he can think he would like to be right now. He is happy to have her in his arms kissing him. He wants to be committed to her and only her. He can't think of anything else he wants more.
He wants [name].