|Court in Session
Author: Greenx91 PM
The ultimate parody of Ace Attorney that will have ever been accomplished! Follow Phoenix and Co. as they all try to survive the judicial system run by beards and nonsense. People will be killed, will cry, and most likely be objected by guys who can't keep their voice down. This parody will go one part of a case per chapter. Current Status: Case 2 Part 3.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Phoenix W./Nick - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,829 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 03-09-13 - Published: 01-31-13 - id: 8964183
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Game- Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Episode 2: Turnabout Sisters (Or Sister. One dies, y'know.)
Mia was in her office when she slapped a phone number on her phone to make a call and waited impatiently for her sister to answer. While it rang, she thought about new ways to slap people (Phoenix especially). The classic was so overused.
"Let's see...the backhand has become a bit hackneyed, so I'll have to change my strategy. A classic forehand would be nice...or maybe the double forehand. The ninja slap?"
The phone clicked, finally been answered. She spoke into the phone.
"Maya, I need you to get this statue I have. It has evidence that is so powerful, this man will literally kill the person who has it, in order to get it."
"Won't that put me in mortal danger, sis?" A shrill voice said on the other end.
"Yes, but if you survive, I'll buy you a burger."
The voice piqued, changing tone and said, "Really!"
"Maybe," Mia quickly said before hanging up.
Later that day, at night, an intruder intruded into the intro and went in Mia's office. "Ah hah! I foun-didily-ound you! Now give me the papers!"
Mia crossed her arms and said, "Make me."
The intruder nodded and grabbed a statue. He raised it up in the air and swung it down onto her head, knocking her down. The man chortled. He grabbed the papers from the statue and headed for the door. He stopped when he heard an unsuspected person.
From the edge of the wall, Mia shouted, "Is that the best you got? My plant Charley could hit me harder."
"What the-!" The man grabbed the statue and hit her again, but to no avail.
"Yoo dink dat doo anthing? Foget Chaley, a bagel cood do moe damage," a dazed Mia said.
"Why won't you die!" For the next ten minutes, the man hit her repeatedly on the head.
Later that night, Phoenix Wright entered the office.
(I wonder why no one mentioned that I like pie in the trial, last month?) pondered the lawyer.
He then noticed a smell. "Is that smell... blood?" Phoenix asked. "...well? Is anyone going to tell me? I've never smelled blood before."
He walked toward Mia's area and saw the mildly violent scene. "Mia!" Phoenix went down to the ground to Mia. "Mia! There's a splotch of blood on your head. Did you bump you head onto something?" Phoenix waited for a response (or a slap at least), but received silence. His eyes grew and said "Snake? I mean chief. Chief? CHIIEEFF!"
A girl in purple walks in, but Phoenix kicks her out. "I'm sorry, but I'm about to initiate an illicit search for evidence.
Suddenly, a scream is heard, coming from the direction of the hotel. Phoenix ignores it and continues his search for evidence. He stops once he hears the police sirens.
A hefty man, bulky as a filled bag of trash, barges in and starts spouting a lot of nonsense. He finds a note near Mia. He read the note aloud and turned to the girl. "Hey, pal. Is this your name on the note?"
The girl quietly said, "Yes."
"Wahahaha! Another mystery solved!" the detective bellowed out. He chained the girl up and took her to a bad place. The DMV.
Phoenix tapped his foot rapidly as he waited to receive permission to talk with the girl.
(Out of all the days they had in the year, they chose today to do their annual clean-up of the detention center. Why the DMV of all places?)
Phoenix stared intently on the woman at the desk who had aged poorly. He tried to hold in his irritation, but failed. "Why do I have to wait in line? I'm the only one here!"
"Nobody gets a satisfying visit to the DMV. That's our policy," the sadist said.
After forty minutes of waiting, Phoenix finally comes face to face with the girl. They introduced each other. The girl's name was Maya. She believed she had nothing better to do so she began giving some backstory. She fished and made a request. "Now that I've told you all off this, could you get me a lawyer to defend me?"
"But I'm a lawyer!"
"Yeah, but sis said you're kind of a coward and that I should get a real lawyer, like Mr. Grossberg (or Mr. Armando), if I ever needed one. She also told me that peanuts are legumes!"
"They are not."
So Phoenix left to ask Grossberg to defend...no, wait. He's going back to the office.
He entered and went to the crime scene, where the detective was. "What do you're doing here, pal? Who are you?"
"I'm Phoenix Wright. I was the guy standing here yesterday, remember?"
"No," The detective bluntly said. "I'm Detective Dick Gumshoe, but don't think you can call me by my first name. People die when they do."
Conveniently enough, his superior hollers at him, saying, "Hey, dick! Get over here!"
The lawyer was puzzled and told the detective, "Hey, how do you explain that? He's not dead and he said your name."
"No he didn't," the detective said glumly.
"Oh," Phoenix felt sorry for Gumshoe, but the detective perked up.
"Since you're such a great guy, here's a phone I found here. Keep it...friend," the detective left, happy because he made a new friend. So happy, he forgot the autopsy report and sticky note with info of a witness. Guess what Phoenix stole.
Phoenix then went to meet Mr. Grossberg and...no, not yet. He went to the hotel instead. Wow, does this guy have priorities or what?
Phoenix headed to the Gatewater Hotel that was next to the office to see the witness. He arrived to her door and knocked. A woman, whose outfit proves female stereotype with pink and hearts, opened the door. "Oh, you're a real cutie. My name is April May! What's yours?"
"My name is Phoenix Wright: Ace attorney."
The girl slammed the door shut.
Feeling rejected, Phoenix decided it was time to finally do something someone had politely ask him to do.
He arrived at the Grossberg Offices and waited for the man. The floor started shaking, and Phoenix screamed, believing it was an earthquake. The true cause of the violent trembling was a big man, walking in (although reports later revealed all tectonic plates in the world were disturbed, with the exception of the Pacific Plate).
Phoenix looked at the man, examining his entire self (which took a while) and finally said, "You're fat."
"Yes I am."
Phoenix stared some more. He quickly asked him about defending Maya, but left in disgust before Grossberg could even refuse.
Phoenix returned to Maya. The girl asked him about the man. "You know, I don't think you should ask that guy to be your lawyer. With all the poor decisions concerning his diet that he's made, his legal choices can't be that great either. Seriously, he's so big. Put him on his side and he could get to court in two stomach rolls."
Maya raised and an eyebrow and said, "What really happened?"
Phoenix stayed silent.
"Don't tell me he refused."
"Okay, I won't."
A tear leaked out of Maya's eye. "I've been abandoned then."
Things got awkward so Phoenix asked her about family.
"My dad's dead. My mom left. My sister was killed. I saw her dead body and now I'm in jail."
Phoenix was about to leave, so that he wouldn't make any more girls cry, but stopped when the incarcerated muttered something.
"Is there something about Americanized Native Americans that you want to talk about?" Phoenix inquired.
"No. Redd White. He's my mother's enemy."
"Two-thirds of America's national colors is your enemy?"
"No, you idiot. A man named Redd White."
Looking at her melancholy face, Phoenix wondered if he should indeed do something. He went for it and said, "That's it. I've decided that I'm going to be your lawyer, whether you like it or not!"
"Because I need some money! It's been a month and I've only had one case. So, how much money do you have?"
"I think I have twelve dollars back home, but-"
"That'll do," Phoenix ran off, in search of evidence and what not.
But in another reality...
Looking at her melancholy face, Phoenix wondered if he should indeed do something.
He went against it and left.
Later that day he bought some groceries, and I see he bought some delicious bananas!
The next day, he read the newspaper and saw the front page story of the demon prosecutor's easy win. He stared at it long and hard and thought to himself, (Who reads the newspaper in 2016?)
Back to reality,
The blue blur returned to the hotel for no raisins and trip was not in vain this time.
"Ello. I am a French waiter here," said the 'French' waiter who says 'ello instead of 'hello'.
"You don't sound very French."
"What if I said 'Stupid Americenz'?"
"No. Now get out."
"I'll leave, but you'll see me again. My clones own this place and-"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," He shooed him away and looked around.
He saw a screwdriver sticking out of a drawer and looked inside of it to find something of very high interest. "Ahah! Panties! I know what I'm gonna do tonight! Wait a minute, what's this?" He pulled out a wiretap. "A piece of evidence? With so little evidence and progress, I better stop investigating now. Don't want to overwork myself. I might sweat."
Later that night, Phoenix held the panties in one hand high up in the air. His unoccupied right hand reached down near his pants. He left-clicked on a button on the computer. "-and sold!" Phoenix sold the pair of panties for 3000 yen.
"Thank you creepy Japanese man."