|Idiot Neytiri plays charades
Author: Hoplite39 PM
Neytiri wants to play charades. But now is really not the right time...Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Neytiri & Jake S. - Words: 1,096 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 02-02-13 - Status: Complete - id: 8970487
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I DO NOT OWN AVATAR. THIS IS FOR FUN.
Neytiri took aim and sent her second arrow flying from her bow. Quaritch gasped with shock, grabbing the shaft of the long projectile embedded in his chest, before his amp-suit kipped over and crashed to the ground.
Neytiri ran over to Jake's Avatar body as it lay prone on the ground.
They were in the clearing where the cabins containing Jake's link-unit, and indeed his human body, were located. After defeating the skypeople soldiers with the help of Ewya, Jake and Neytiri had finally killed Quaritch and ended the battle with a decisive victory for the Na'vi. But Jake's Avatar body had been knocked unconscious during the fight.
"Ma Jake. Ma Jake." Cried Neytiri shaking Jake's body gently.
When Jake did not stir, Neytiri became concerned. She sat there for a moment cradling Jake's Avatar in her arms, not understanding why he wasn't moving.
Then she heard a commotion from inside the link-cabin which had been damaged by Quaritch during the battle. Neytiri vaguely remembered that Jake's skyperson body was in the cabin. She jumped up and ran to the cabin, leaping through the frame of a broken window to enter.
"Ma Jake! Ma Jake!"
In the cabin, Neytiri saw the body of a male skyperson lying on the floor. She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him wildly.
"Hey, you filthy little ugly hairy skyperson midget." Shouted Neytiri. "Tell me where Jake is!"
"I...am...Jake." Croaked Jake in reply.
"Eeewww! You're Jake?" Neytiri scrunched her face in surprise. "By Eywa you are an ugly little thing."
Jakes eyes went wide with anxiety when he heard that.
"But I still choose you ma Jake." She said tenderly, grimacing uncomfortably at him. "Even if you do smell funky."
Jake sighed with relief that Neytiri would treat him sympathetically. He was wearing his oxygen mask and had been desperately trying to reach the switch on the wall that would activate the air supply he needed to survive in the Pandora atmosphere. The attack by Quaritch on the cabin had broken the windows and let in the Pandora air which humans could not breath.
Jake knew he only had a couple of minutes before he would die of suffocation. Being paralysed from the wasted down, Jake was unable to reach the switch from where he was lying. Relieved that Neytiri was there to help him, Jake pointed to the switch on the wall. Only Neytiri could save his life now.
"Oh, Jake, Mo'at is not here." Replied Neytiri. "But you can see her later."
Jake pointed more frantically at the switch on the wall while looking at Neytiri in desperation.
"What is wrong, Jake?" Asked Neytiri. "I don't understand what you want."
Still choking, Jake waved his arm about frantically and then pointed to the switch again.
"Oh, you want to play charades." Said Neytiri excitedly. " Oh, I love that game."
Wide-eyed, Jake shook his head frantically and waved his arms wildly in front of him.
"Oh, I know this one. Gone With The Wind."
Jake shook his head and pointed frantically to his mouth and throat.
"Mmmm. Let me think. You are hungry perhaps?" Pondered Neytiri. "Oh, I know. The book 'The Hunger Games' by Suzanne Collins!"
Jake shook his head even more wildly and pointed vigorously to his mouth and throat.
"Oh, I understand. It's a song." Smiled Neytiri.
In disbelief, the choking Jake slapped his own forehead with his hand.
"I've got it. You're hitting yourself." Beamed Neytiri. "It's the song 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' by Britney Spears."
Jake shook his head in despair. Not able to believe this was happening in such a critical moment, Jake slapped both his hands against his face.
"No? Mmm. What other things have a word for hitting in the title?" Thinks Neytiri out loud as she pondered Jake's last action. "Is it the movie Sucker Punch?...Or the movie Bitch Slap?... Or perhaps the movie Hit Me?"
Now starting to go purple and gasping his last breath, Jake grabbed his own throat as he began to suffocate.
"Mmmm. What could it be? " Said Neytiri to herself frowning. "You look like you are strangling yourself. I know. The music band The Stranglers..."
Writhing on the floor, Jake continued to choke and gasp for air desperately.
"Or the book 'Strangle Hold' by Jerome Dolittle." Suggested Neytiri biting her lip. "Or perhaps the movie The Choking Man?"
Jakes expired his last breath and lay still.
"Oh I know, you are pretending to be dead." Said Neytiri clapping hands excitedly. "Is it Playing Dead? The Prison Break trilogy box set."
Jake lay still, his hands still on his throat. Neytiri looks at him thoughtfully.
"Is it the book 'Dead Man's Grip' by Peter James...?"
Jake is still lying still.
"Mmmm. This is a difficult one. But you're still acting like you're dead, so am sure I am on the right track. So don't tell me. Is it the movie Dead Silence?...Or the movie Day of the Dead?...Or the movie The Dead Zone?...No?"
Seeing Jake is still motionless, Neytiri puts her fingers on her lips and leaned back on the wall of the shack in deep thought to consider what else it could be.
"Right. I'm not giving up. I'm definitely going to get this one. Could it be the music band Dead Man's bones?...Or the movie Dead Meat?"
Seeing Jake is still not responding, Neytiri was starting to get annoyed.
"Dammit Jake! What is it?" Exclaimed Neytiri hitting the wall with frustration and accidentally activating Jake's air supply. Suddenly, supplied with air at the very last moment, Jake came to life again, choking and gasping for air.
"Ma Jake. Ma Jake."
Neytiri lifted up his upper body towards her and Jake looked into her big eyes, pleased to be alive again to contemplate once more the beautiful Na'vi features of the woman he loved.
"I see you." Said Jake looking at her tenderly.
"Oh, ma Jake." Said Neytiri, relief on her face. "There is one really important thing I need to say."
"Yes, Neytiri?" Jake was starting to breath normally again and his face had gone a fresh rosy colour.
"It's the music album 'I'm not Dead' by Pink? Isn't it?" Beamed Neytiri. "Or the song 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees."