Author: Mistress Slytherin PM
Harry Potter is more than meets the eye, what happens when he finally decides to love himself for who he is! And what does this mean for the rest of the world?Rated: Fiction M - English - Harry P. - Chapters: 4 - Words: 14,147 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 58 - Published: 02-02-13 - id: 8971122
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Well...for some reason my previous author's not was not saved...so I'm trying again...
Hello! I am alive lol, I have been writing non stop actually because I have several long stories that I am working on, this one of course being one of them. I decided to put this one up and ask you the readers if you believe that I should post the others that I am writing even knowing that they may not be finished for several years yet or that I might not be able to post as frequently as I would like. I have in fact several rather long projects in the making and I feel horrible that hardly any of them have made it up yet because it's taking me so long to write them all so, what do you think? Send me a PM or tweet me- yes I actually have a twitter account now - my user name thingy is JJCDante feel free to follow me or what not.
MENTIONS OF RAPE
Hope you all enjoy, please let me know what you think!
Harry panted against the pain squeezing his eyes closed tightly and biting his lip until he felt a warm trickle of blood slip down his chin. Good, he was doing well, not making a sound-
Clear your mind.
He couldn't let Voldemort figure out that their bond had strengthened.
Strengthen your walls.
Pain raked through him like hot coals as he frantically pushed his will and magic into the walls of his mind-
Crazed eyes, lips foaming at the corners as the crucio-
He bit back a tormented sob and arched his back as the strength of the spell was renewed.
Fortress, a place of safety- go there Harry!
It was in these moments that he wished that he hadn't had to learn Occlumency from a book because of his own stubborn will. Even if that stubborn will was the only thing keeping him from breaking now-
He grit his teeth. Couldn't let him know, couldn't cry out! Turn that pain into something productive, let it pour into his walls and become a defense! He panted as he flew through the concrete corridors of his mind searching for that familiar well hidden place.
You should know better than this Walden.
A red pulsing light the color of the crucio appeared and he pushed with all his might to make it to the place.
I am a merciful Lord but I do not forgive blatant failure so easily.
In his mind, with no prompting of his own pain had taken on a familiar figure. He hadn't understood before that the walls of his mind couldn't simply be forced to exist in the way he wanted them to. No the walls of his mind had to be created naturally, built upon the subconscious ideas and symbolisms that he held like it or not. He reached out and grasped the figures' stone hands forcing himself to face this demon of his mind in acceptance.
"Pain, your name is Vernon Dursley."
He whispered with conviction. His subconscious mind was a twisted son of a bitch.
The stone hands that he was holding flexed and wrapped around his drawing the pain and residual magic into it soaking it up and transforming it, making it his own. Words became etched into the walls around the statue, fiery red burning into his retinas forcing him to stare them down. This was his own test of strength, the one he must conquer in order to strengthen his walls.
Words and hidden ideas of pain that only he knew.
Unloved, hated, freak, no one wants you, you don't deserve what you've been given…
The litany went on and on, his weakness becoming his strength with each passing moment as the cruciatus curse continued to pour into his defenses building a steady burning throb through him.
He pitied the person that tried to search his mind next.
He concentrated on the words and meanings knowing that these things, once a weakness could still become a weakness if he allowed them to.
There were seven figures protecting his mind, all of which had sprung naturally from him whether he wanted to acknowledge it or not.
Fury, your name is Bellatrix LeStrange- you are my folly the weakness I must not give into the darkness I court.
Sorrow, your name is Luna Lovegood- representing the dreams, secret longings and losses that I have to burry in the impossibility of their existence.
Love, your name is Lily Evens- a place that I protect fiercely, pouring feelings of loyalty and affection that cannot be corrupted or even understood by those that would seek to harm me-
Harry gasped silently his body drenched in sweat as the pain was siphoned and poured into his defenses like a conduit.
Merlin help the next person that tried to enter his mind.
A darker part of him wished it would be Bellatrix Black.
Or Walden Mcnair if he survived tonight.
Harry steadied himself for a long night ahead.
#$ #$ #$ #$ #$
Harry grit his teeth as his uncle pushed him into the car and tossed the duffle bag into the back seat. It only made sense that the homophobic bastard would only ever buy him clothes in this situation- if one could even call them clothes. Harry swallowed and closed his eyes.
Disgust, your name is Severus Snape- may you take in contempt all my shame and self-hatred and protect it anyway.
He'd had a long few nights recently. It was a good thing that Voldemort only seemed to meet with his Death Eaters in the dead of night or Harry wouldn't have been able to hide this newest bout of freakishness. But it was Friday, and on Friday's Vernon took him out to deal at the gay clubs and the other clubs that were so unsavory that he couldn't bear them.
So of course he forced Harry into doing it.
Fury, disgust, sorrow-
Hatred, your name is Freak.
Enough said on that one. Though he supposed to any stranger that might actually get past what would be an undoubtedly painful experience that they might be confused by the presence of the small boy with old, old eyes.
No one could guess what he represented.
"Keep on the look out boy." His uncle said lowly as they drew nearer to the first building. "Undercover agents have been snatching all week. Don't get caught." Harry repressed a shiver at the tone his uncle used.
He'd refused to go once, the night after his first time dealing; the results had been- painful to say the least.
He had almost died
His uncle's promise for worse had forced Harry to bite back his morals and do as he was told. He couldn't even imagine the consequences of being caught.
The car pulled to a stop a block away from his destination and he climbed out reluctantly jumping as the car shifted noticeably and Vernon got out. He could run- he was faster than Vernon, but he would only pay later and in worse ways. He swallowed thickly and winced internally as he shrank away from the hulking figure.
"Listen here freak." Vernon seethed his eyes alight with fire. "I've got my own man watching you tonight so you'd better be on your best behavior. If I find out that you've been holding back on me or that you've been dealing with the undercover agents there's not a thing your freakish little school can do to stop me from sending you straight to the red line. And you know how much they would enjoy a taste of you."
Disgust your name his Severus Snape
Hatred your name is Freak.
That's right Harry; make your weaknesses into your strengths. They can break your body, but never, never your mind.
He nodded slowly as the Snape in his mind bottled Harry's disgust and slipped it into his stores. When he had enough disgust he would make a potion out of it and use that potion to form new walls. Freak turned away and touched his small hands to the walls his anger pulsing like veins into the stone giving it life and adding to the protections.
"I'll back at four." Vernon hissed delivering a swift blow to Harry's stomach before he could think to move away from it. Harry retched as nausea swept through him. Vernon yanked open the back door and tossed him his duffle bag before climbing back into the car and taking off. Harry wiped his mouth absently and took a few steadying breaths before straightening and making his way down the sidewalk to the large black building.
He'd wondered often times how Vernon had even heard of a place like this. It was generally only for the wealthier gentlemen who had specific tastes that could be catered to them. Harry swallowed another bout of bile. He knew well that the higher the walls they build around them the odder their tastes, the wealthier they were the more corrupt.
"Dolly." The bar keep said casually. Harry gave the man a nod not bothering with pretenses. The man gave him a long look silently checking for injuries the way he did every time Harry came here. Harry didn't understood the man's concern initially Harry wasn't one of his exotic 'pets' to check over and ensure the quality of. But the man had called Vernon up directly one night after Harry had shown up barely able to stand and cleared things right up for him. This was a classy business that served wealthy clientele he refused to give them anything less than the best, and that meant that Harry had to be visibly appealing. "I'll send some food to your room." The man said tossing him a set of keys. Harry winced slightly and nodded.
He hadn't eaten in three days.
"Go heavy on the eyeliner Dolly, those circles are ridiculous." The man sniffed dismissively. Harry nodded silently and made his way down the hallway a well worn path that he wished he didn't know.
His door clicked open and he immediately moved to take a shower. The only time he got to bathe was when he was on the job, last week Vernon had kept him at number four because of all the raids meaning that he hadn't bathed in two weeks.
He was disgusting.
He turned the water on as hot as it would go and scrubbed his skin raw before rinsing and doing the same with his hair.
The door clicked open just as he was pulling a towel around his waist and a tall brute wandered in placing a large sandwich on the side table. "Boss says you have to eat it all." The man said with a nod. Harry's mouth watered at the sight and smell of a hot meal.
"That won't be a problem." He said hoarsely. The man hesitated briefly in a way that almost made Harry suspicious but shook his head and slipped out of the room without another word. Looking down he could see why.
He could count his ribs.
And there were several large bruises some yellowing some fresh along with the long cut from his navel to his left nipple. His magic was healing it, but slowly because of how infrequently he was eating and sleeping. He glanced in the mirror and winced. The hallows on his cheeks were deepening, and the circles around his eyes made them look sunken.
He looked away and rushed to the plate of food not caring that he was burning his tongue with the hot chips as he shoved them in his mouth three at a time. Food…He nearly moaned at the flavors.
Cheap, greasy and utterly delicious.
He caught another glimpse in the mirror and a wounded sound slipped past his lips. He looked wild, desperate, disgusting.
The Snape in his mind accepted another vial of his shame automatically and Harry decided not to look into any more mirrors after he was dressed for the night. He ate every bite of his food despite feeling as though he would sick it up at any moment and savored the slow burn of the rum coke he'd been offered.
This was one thing he could count on.
While he was here he would be fed constantly through out the night and his drinks would be refilled frequently. Here he was given the same treatment and freedoms of one of their prized pets.
It sickened him to know that they treated their whores better than his uncle treated his nephew.
The Snape in his mind quirked an eyebrow and smirked, he would have enough to brew soon.
Harry took a deep breath before opening his duffel bag and pulling out his make up.
Vernon would kill him if he got anything on his costume.
He worked quickly and methodically with practiced ease. Foundation, concealer, blush lipstick dark thick eyeliner and mascara his naturally feminine features standing out more and more with each application. Carefully he worked his hair into soft curls that fell around his face and clipped a large red velvet bow into the side before working the long black silk stockings and the garter belt. His skirts were full and swished around his thighs deep red and black decorated with lace and bows.
A knock sounded at the door and Harry knew that he'd been watched. He'd wondered at first how it was that they always seemed to know the exact moment that he would need help. It hadn't taken long for him to notice the cameras hidden throughout the room.
"Freddy." Harry said quietly as the door clicked open and the tall man entered his dark hair and dark eyes perfectly stiff and unmoving. Freddy ignored him and made a motion towards the bedpost as he pulled out the last item to Harry's ensemble. Harry tightened his grip on the bedpost as the thick material was wrapped around him and breathed lightly.
The first few tugs and pulls were easy, they were just so that the corset was in its proper position. Harry closed his eyes as the tugs increased and the cage was slowly tightened around him. This was his greatest secret. Vernon could never know how much he actively needed the biting steel and thick restraining cloth.
Slowly he sank into the sensation.
Dolly, here he was Dolly.
Here he could be graceful and elegant. He could smile coyly and bat his eyelashes, he could twirl and skip.
Here he wasn't a freak.
In his mind his steady walk turned into a skip.
Pride, your name is Dolly- you are my freedom, you are pretty and sly, you are a witty enchantress deserving to be treated like a princess you are selfish and everything I cannot be.
He gasped slightly as he felt the corset clutch at his ribs.
Every tug and pull tying him into place.
When it was done Freddy offered him the barest briefest look of pity. Because Freddy knew exactly what the corset did to Harry. "Dolly." He said gravely. Harry let out a soft giggle as he twirled free of the bedpost and slipped his rings and earrings on.
"You're so serious Freddy dear!" He said glancing up at the man as he slid his hands over his skirts making sure that the drugs were well hidden in the numerous pockets before holding out his arm. "Well?" He said tilting his head to the side. "Are you going to escort me or not?" He said lifting his chin.
"It would be an honor." The man said offering the crook of his arm. Harry watched from the maze of his mind. He knew that Freddy wasn't really the man's name. Dolly had given him the name after the man had refused to give her anything else. He sighed slightly and felt himself drift away.
The lounge was just as decadent as ever, soft classical music played in the background and the soft tinkling of crystal mingled with rich sounding laughter. But Dolly knew better, here and there pets could be seen, whores built for the higher class. Masochists, fetish dealers, people who had no morals if it kept them relatively comfortable, every threshold was met here, every desire had a price.
He smiled coyly as several sets of eyes turned towards him.
Freddy gave him a short nod before releasing his hand and slipping out of the room. Dolly wasn't the only dealer here, but she was the best, and her drugs were the cleanest which made her a high commodity.
"Dolly love!" A voice greeted a slight edge to it telling him that he'd been sorely missed last week. Dolly smiled widely and waved before skipping towards the voice. Gregory Bakers owned several law firms in the area, he was made of old money but his name had been tarnished in recent years by his tastes in pets. He was also a coke addict.
"Brother!" Dolly greeted allowing the man to tug him into the enclosed area and then into a deep kiss. Dolly felt nothing from this kiss, she allowed it and returned it noting only what was important- She'd been missed and Gregory was becoming reliant on her. When the kiss was over she played her part well; flushed and breathless, eyes enamored with the stately figure before her.
Dolly wondered what the man's little sister would think if she knew about his less than moral love for her.
"I missed you." She swore falsely. "Daddy kept me home last week; he said little girls shouldn't be alone at night." He added petulantly. "I told him that you would protect me and that you always take good care of me." He said laying his head on the man's chest where he could feel the man's heart pounding.
Hook. Line. Sinker.
Dolly was forgiven immediately and Baker was sinking further and further into his delusions. The man pulled him closer and placed a kiss to his forehead.
"I will always take care of you." He swore vehemently. Dolly cracked his eyes open and looked up at the man with a coy smile. Baker's eyes glazed over for a moment before he reached into his pocket and pulled out the envelope. "I need more." He whispered urgently as Dolly peaked into the envelope and bat his eyelashes at the amount. Scoooore. Dolly smiled widely and put the envelope in the man's hand staring up at him as he slid the envelope and the hand up under his skirt panting quietly as the envelope slid under the hem of his panties where he deftly clipped it using the sturdy clips.
"Brother…" he breathed quietly before slipping the right baggy into the man's trembling hand. "We shouldn't." Dolly whispered looking away with a deep blush on her cheeks as she slipped the hand back out from under her skirt. Transaction accomplished. Baker was lost in his fantasy now and hardly noticed that Dolly slipped the hand with the drugs into his pocket. "Love you brother." He whispered against the man's lips pulling away before the man could draw him into another kiss. He slipped out of the alcove and carefully checked his hair for any imperfections.
"Drink Dolly?" One of the server's asked. Servers wore masks here and dressed in suits and ties, always clean, always observant, always ready to serve- in whatever way needed. Dolly nodded.
"Ooooh thank you!" He said tossing his hair. "Let's see…I'll have a Shirley Temple!" Dolly said cheerfully. The server nodded and drifted away as Dolly moved casually to the next alcove.
The server brought his drink and a side of fruit as Dolly worked.
Dolly ate and allowed herself to be fed noting that the drug requests tonight were larger than usual. It seems that the raids were making people nervous, they were buying in advance. She sighed as she slipped out of her last nook feeling both tired and filthy for all the hands that she'd let touch her.
"Not done yet Dolly dear." One of the pets said slinking over. Jem was one of the well liked pets here; his eyes were mismatched blue and green which made him seem exotic. "You've been requested in a private room." He said with a smirk. Dolly frowned. He didn't give what the other pets here gave. Outside of a bit of petting and teasing he was untouchable and they knew it. "He's quite handsome Dolly." Jem said with a slight pout of reassurance. "Last door."
"Yes but I don't do that." She said flatly crossing her arms. Jem wore an expression Dolly had never seen before and suddenly Harry was brought forward and he knew what was happening.
Jem was giving him an out.
"There's a fire escape that way." Jem whispered leaning close enough that his lips were touching Harry's. Slim arms wrapped around him and something thick and plastic slipped under his skirt. "There's two million on that card." Jem whispered. "Run Dolly, run far and fast and never come back to this." Jem said his voice pained. Harry looked at Jem with new eyes, never before had he paid very much attention to the other pets.
"Why?" He whispered lifting his hand and settling it on the other boy's cheek. Jem smiled an odd sad smile.
"Just go." He whispered before pressing his lips to Harry's in a sweet chaste kiss and pulling his arms away. "Ten minutes." He whispered. "Run." Harry moved away quietly and smiled a small faint smile before making his way to the back following the hall down to the last room and slipping inside. Sure enough there was a window that led to the fire escape. He glanced around for the cameras and watched the small red light go out.
Where would he go?
Back to the Dursley's? No, they already knew what he looked like, they'd probably figured out where he lived. But he had to get his things. He slipped out the window and down the fire escape relying on sheer will power to get him far enough that he would be able to remove the corset and run freely. The steel bones dug into his sides and restricted his breathing making him feel faint only a block away from the club.
It took at least eight to remove the corset properly.
But he wasn't looking for properly.
He reached behind him as he ran and pulled the bow free yanking at the strong ropes that bound him into a cage until reluctantly they began to let him loose.
He was about two blocks away now-
Sirens filled the night air and he took a sharp turn into an ally still pulling and tugging taking a moment to breathe as he waited for the police cars to fly by. That couldn't have been ten minutes- but he didn't have time to care. With a growl he pulled out his small pocket knife and sliced through the strings he could reach freeing himself to the cold night air. He rolled the corset tightly in his hands and grabbed up the credit card that had fallen before realizing that the police were going to surround the block he was on too. He looked up and grit his teeth. It was the only way out. Taking a deep breath he began climbing as fast as he could ignoring the pain in his arms and legs when they began to strain.
He'd handled worse then this, he could do this.
He reached the second balcony before giving an irritated huff and leaving the corset on the rungs before slipping through an open window. Luckily no one was disturbed as he rushed through to the hallway door. He could run up stairs faster than this- the police hadn't gotten this far yet and he would be harder to see inside. He panted as he climbed higher and higher glancing out the window every once in a while to look at the other building.
Then he heard the helicopter.
No to climbing to the roof then. He struggled with a window for a moment forcing it up inch by inch until it moved with a lurch. He kicked the screen out and climbed out onto a ledge- before looking down and finding himself praying for the first time in his life.
Fear, your name is failure.
He took a deep breath and reached out testing the strength of the clothes line with one hand. It seemed strong enough.
Never was he more glad to way so little then he was at that moment.
The momentum of his jump caused the wheels to turn and the angle kept him moving so that he didn't have to climb as he thought he would. He let out a sigh as he landed on the other side and snagged a shirt and shorts from the line before ducking into the apartment building.
Silently he checked the room, empty cartons of Chinese and pizza places littered the small rooms, but whoever lived there wasn't there at the moment.
Harry changed quickly pulling the drugs out of their hidden pockets with practiced ease and slipping them into a small trash bag.
What was he going to do?
Where was he going to go?
He had to go to the Dursley's to get his wand-
No, the police were probably already there, and if they weren't they would be soon. Harry's things would be safe until this all blew over and Hedwig was at the Burrow with Ron. He grit his teeth as he stuffed all the money from tonight into one envelope along with the credit card.
He could go a long way with the cash he'd gotten tonight. He could also go a long way with the two million on the card though he gave it a week before it wasn't safe to use any more. He moved to the bathroom and washed his face cleaning away the make up and scrubbing the black away until he was clean and no longer looked like Dolly. The clothes were a bit large but he was no stranger to baggy clothing, in fact they fit better than Dudley's clothes. He stood for a long moment trying to decide where to go- a place where the police wouldn't find him…
He smiled at the thought. Hermione had made him memorize her address just in case something happened at the Dursley's. He'd never told her the full extent of what they did to him, he'd never told her anything really, but she was perceptive enough to know that something wasn't right.
But the drugs were heavy in his pocket.
Vernon was only one facet to a larger drug ring and while Harry had figured out last week that there was a rat in the ring Vernon had not. Harry had thought that tonight would probably be his last night out; he'd estimated that the police wouldn't move in until they had the major figures under their thumbs. Unfortunately he was wrong.
They wouldn't have attacked the club he'd been working at if they hadn't already moved in on the rest of the ring. The club he catered to as Dolly was where politicians and important business CEO's frequented. If they'd been caught then it was all over that much was clear, but that meant that Harry still had several thousands worth of drugs on his person.
He glanced at the clock determined.
He estimated that he had twelve hours to get rid of the drugs, and by get rid of he meant that he had to sell them in twelve hours. The police wouldn't think to assume that he would try to sell them; at most they would assume that he would either hide them or toss them. But time and money were everything at this point.
Twelve hours to sell what he had.
A week before the card was too dangerous to be used.
Harry could do this.
He yanked the bow out of his hair with a determined pull.
They would be looking for Dolly, not Harry.
Fear, your name is failure.