|Once Upon a Freakin' Time
Author: Evadne PM
The Death Eaters attempt to do bad things, but mostly just do things badly.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Voldemort & Severus S. - Chapters: 40 - Words: 29,923 - Reviews: 1,925 - Favs: 1,929 - Follows: 632 - Updated: 02-15-08 - Published: 08-07-02 - id: 899503
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
(Harry Potter most certainly does not belong to me. J.K. Rowling created these villains, and I decided to mess with them. This fanfic is under construction.)
Severus Snape Sells His Soul For Twenty-Five Cents
(Based on a "Not Too Long Ago" comic by Sarah Noble. That's her username. Check her out.)
Severus Snape stood in front of the telephone, rummaging through his robe pockets, and swearing at the operator who was telling him to deposit another twenty-five cents for the next thirty seconds. Normally, this type of behavior would attract curious on-lookers or maybe even a cop, but Snape was in an airport. (Don't ask.) The people here were too weighed down by their baggage and too hassled by the extensive security checks to care that some strangely dressed man didn't have enough change to make a long distance call to Sacramento.
"Yes, yes. 'Please deposit twenty-five cents…' Argh! I would if you'd give two seconds to find a quarter, woman!"
The operator, being only a recording, paid no heed to Snape.
Unbeknownst to Snape, a dark shadow was dragging itself across the terminal toward the telephone Snape was attempting to use. Muggles trying to make their flights paid it no mind, but felt a slight chill in their very souls as it passed. An unspeakable evil had arrived at the airport. And it was coming for Snape.
Snape's fingers closed around something vaguely quarter shaped. "Aha!" he cried as he pulled it out and held it aloft to glittered in the fluorescent lights. It wasn't a quarter.
"A Sacagawea gold dollar? What am I going to do with this? I can't spend it, because Merlin knows when I'll see another one. And I don't want to keep it! It isn't worth more than a dollar and it's just cluttering up my pockets!" cried Snape. He felt the same way about Kennedy half-dollars.
The shadow was now directly behind the unsuspecting Snape. It reared off the ground, ready to wrap its evil intentions around the man and damn his soul for all time.
The chill abruptly vanished and the shadow formed into something vaguely human. "How did you know it was me?"
Snape rolled his eyes. "How many people exude evil into the atmosphere? It was either you or Carrot Top."
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Making a phone call. What do you want?"
"Wanna join my evil cult?"
"What's in it for me?"
"The usual. Power, money, the fuzzy glow you get when you ruin another person's life."
"Eh. Who else is joining?"
Voldemort pulled out his day planner. "Lucius, Crabbe and/or Goyle, Nott, the Lestranges, Sarah's ex-boyfriend, Rick, and I asked Evadne about it, but she started screaming something about the Sorting Hat, so I backed away slowly."
"You have a day planner?"
"What? You have to be organized if you want to conquer the world."
"Do you have a quarter? I'm getting awfully sick of this operator."
"I'll give you a quarter if you join my evil cult."
"Fine, fine. Just give me the quarter."
"Great. Our first meeting is next Tuesday. See you then."
And POOF!, the world went up in smoke.
Moments later, Voldemort, coughing and waving smoke out of his face, said, "That didn't go quite as I hoped. Can I try that again?"
Snape had very bad feeling about this.