Author: Rashaka PM
A series of gen/humor stories for the myriad characters and pairings. Main character listing will rotate. Chapter 6, Annie: "There's a knot in my chest." Her fingers drift to the collar of her hospital gown. "It's in my chest, right here, and it's sending out roots and when it's done I'm going to be a tree."Rated: Fiction T - English - Tragedy - Annie E. - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,994 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 04-15-13 - Published: 02-19-13 - id: 9027004
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This will be a series of shorts for multiple pairings! Community Gen, if you will.
As per anonymous's request, here is a scene from the Abed TV's production Blind/Blonde, with the prompt "Britta helps Annie on dates by giving her advice through a hidden ear piece."
Greater context goes to Community episode writer Andy B., who suggested the plot on Twitter: Annie is a a surgeon, top of her class, and she's blind. Britta is also kind of a surgeon, not nearly the top of her class, and she's blonde. They're BFFs.
NOTES: This was written as a challenge, so... no judgment. It's late and I need sleep. I probably shouldn't even post this, but an archive is an archive.
Episode 1: ALERT RED
Her date with Ian Duncan, Professor at Greendale, is not as exciting as Annie hoped. He won't stop complaining about the terrible drivers who almost ran him off the road on his way to the restaurant, and even Britta's sarcastic commentary in Annie's hidden ear piece isn't enough to alleviate the mood.
Annie has begun to consider how to opt out of the meal entirely when her best friend starts panicking through the transmission.
Approaching, approaching! Oh my god, I know him, Annie! Alert Green, ALERT GREEN!
"Hi, good evening," says the stranger who stops at their table. He reaches out a long arm to shake the hand of Annie's date, then retracts it when he realizes awkwardly that Annie can't see the preferred gesture. Everyone else can see that he's fit and reasonably handsome, of an indeterminate age. The well-tailored suit accentuates his large shoulders, and charm oozes from every seem. He makes a point to loom over the restaurant table. Annie, of course, misses this subtlety, but Duncan does not.
"I'm Jeff Winger," the man says, a smile evident in his vocal inflections. "You two look like you're having a lovely dinner."
"I suppose?" says Annie.
"Can I help you?" says Duncan.
Scum bucket! says Britta.
Jeff is still smiling when he says, "Actually, you can. You see, I have a wager going with my friend over there." He waves one hand somewhere in the restaurant, all of which annoys Annie because phrases like 'over there' are less than useless in her case. "—that this was an online date. OK Cupid? E-Harmony?"
In Annie's ear, Britta furiously whispers: I slept with this man once Annie, he's up to no good. All the women on his cell phone are listed under hair color and Foursquare location!
"How we met is none of your business," snaps Duncan. He reaches out to put one hand over Annie's, and she almost jumps out of her seat when he caresses the underside of her wrist. "You're interrupting a very special evening between Angela and myself."
Holy shit. Did he just call you Angela?
"Zoosk," says Annie in a louder-than-necessary voice. She extracts her hand from Dunan's and sits up in her chair. "I'm Annie Edison. How much is the wager?"
Uh, Annie, I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Jeff Winger is sexier than Duncan, I guess even blind person can get that. But he's not appropriate man material. I bet they don't even allow him to register on dating websites because of over-use!
Jeff ignores Duncan's indignant squawk, and says, "Fifty dollars and a beer, milady."
Better ask him what kind of beer.
"My friend and I will need a taxi to get home," continues Annie.
Duncan tries to interrupt: "No we don't, I came in my Volvo."
"—so if you give me 25 dollars and give my friend the beer—"
ALERT RED! ALERT RED! Don't bring me into this Annie, we slept together! He's gross! What if he remembers me? I can't let Jeff Winger pay for my alcohol!
"I don't want a beer yet," insists Duncan across the table. "Not until we've had the chips."
"—then I'll help you with your wager, Mr. Winger."
"Done, Ms. Edison! Shake on it?"
Annie reaches her hand in the direction of his voice, ignoring the sound of Britta reprimanding her ear canal. Jeff's grip is large and strong, with long fingers that circle warmly over her palm.
Don't be fooled by his moisturizer, Annie! Those are evil scum bucket hands!
The frustration across the table reaches its event horizon, and Duncan pushes his chair out in a fumbling rush. "Okay, Amy, this date is over. You're the rudest bird I've met on Zoosk so far, and not as cute as your profile picture. Just because I'm a psychology teacher—professor!—doesn't mean I'm completely without my pride. You are undeserving of my exotic, foreign lovemaking."
He directs his voice to Jeff: "And you can keep the beer, you poncy giant, because I'm gonna chat up that blond piece by the bar."
Oh you just try it, Imperialist! Britta's derision comes loud and clear through the transmission. I've got this Annie, just sit tight and whatever happens, don't let Jeff Winger seduce you. Foursquare and a hair color, Annie! That could be you.
The signal fizzes out with a hiss, and in the lull Annie finds herself completely alone for the first time all evening.
Well, not completely alone. Someone has just sat in Duncan's chair.
"Ouch," says Jeff. "Should have tried Canada. I hear his kind are welcome there."
Annie doesn't get the joke, and figures as a physician she probably knows more about psychology than a mysterious guy at a bar, but so far this conversation is more interesting than Duncan's. "Where's your friend with the wager?"
"Oh, there's no friend. I just hate that guy."
"Wait, you know each other?"
"Ian Duncan? A colleague of mine got him off light for a DUI. Not the greatest contribution to American immigration. Sorry for interrupting your date, but I could feel the awkwardness from three sections away."
His voice sounds like a talk show host, specifically the kind who would date models, make fun of reality TV stars, and buy apps for his car stereo. Plus, Britta said over the earpiece that he was handsome. Annie tries not to preen at the idea of an attractive man going to this much effort rescue her from blind date disaster, but she can't help a slight blush.
Still, Britta had said something about Foursquare...where is Britta?
From the bar, a loud command answers Annie's question: "SAY ANOTHER WORD TO ME AND I WILL DEPRIVE YOU OF TEETH!"
Smiling in the general direction of her new acquaintance, Annie says, "I think my friend's ready to go. You still owe me for the taxi."
"What the—Is that Britta Perry strangling your date?" Bewilderment fills Jeff's voice. "I think... Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's the blond at my coffee shop."
"We go everywhere together," declares Annie, unable to hide her grin. "She's amazing."