|I don't belong here
Author: dance life away PM
Petter Pettigrew: Stupid boy, foolish boy, coward, hero-worshipper, and rat. Except there is always so much more. A look into Peter's life, because fanfic authors are quite like Vonnegut's Tralfamadorians - we see in four dimensions. rated for language. COMPLETE!Rated: Fiction T - English - Friendship/Drama - Peter P. - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,165 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 04-19-13 - Published: 02-26-13 - Status: Complete - id: 9050712
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I DON'T BELONG HERE: INTRO
Summary: Petter Pettigrew: Stupid boy, foolish boy, coward, hero-worshipper, and rat. Except there is always so much more. A look into Peter's life, because fanfic authors are quite like Vonnegut's Tralfamadorians - we see in four dimensions.
disclaimer: as per usual I own nothing. surprise!
This is my strange attempt at an introduction for this story. I am absolutely fascinated by Peter Pettigrew, always have been, and I've spent a lot of time thinking about the question "who was Wormtail?" and how that translates into a fic. This is going to be a collection of moments and insights in the life of one Peter Pettigrew to imagine just how a guy goes from being best friends with some of the most beloved members of the HPverse to emerge as one of the most hated and poorly depicted characters in said 'verse. If you think the intro is weird, it's okay, I do too...just keep going and maybe (hopefully) it gets better.
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
"Hero-worshipped Black and Potter. Never quite in their league, talent-wise. I was often rather sharp with him... Stupid boy... Foolish boy..."
-Minerva McGonnagal, 1993
"Sirius, Sirius, what could I have done? The Dark Lord… you have no idea… he has weapons you can't imagine…. I was scared, Sirius, I was never brave like you and Remus and James. I never meant it to happen…. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forced me — He — he was taking over everywhere! Wh — what was there to be gained by refusing him?"
-Peter Pettigrew, 1994
Peter Pettigrew: Stupid boy, foolish boy, coward, hero-worshipper, tag-along, and rat. Except there is always so much more.
Especially for those born under the Hawthorn Tree - they're never what they appear to be. They definitely put that ever-popular phrase about never judging a book by its cover to the test. On the outside is the average person living an average life...but on the inside is a person who has that kind of burning desire and passion, that inexhaustible flame, that would scare most people. And for kids like Peter, who live most of their average lives keeping those flames quiet because your life teaches you all sorts of things about yourself that are hurtful, painful, and dangerous...well, they get the short end of the stick, you see. The world is always telling you who you are and never lets you stick up for yourself and say otherwise and so kids like Peter Pettigrew often end up becoming nothing more no matter how much it kills them.
Except Peter. Who would ever think he would become an exception? Not him. But no one ever prepares you for the consequences, the realities, the costs. Never tells you that things go horribly wrong and that when your mum used to say "you've made your bed, now you've got to lie in it," she meant it.
But once you take a step back, and another, and another, and another - once you can see the whole picture - things make more sense in that they don't make sense at all. Petty questions like "why me?" have answers like "why not you?" When you can see in four dimensions, once you have total access to the past, present, and the future, a comfortable fatalism develops. Every domino, every link in every chain, is laid before your eyes and suddenly, you realize...
there is no past. there is no future. there is not even a present. there just is.
and so it goes.