*The story created here on FANFICTION.NET is fictional. The events and
incidents occurring in this piece are fictional. If these events occurred,
it is pure coincidence. This piece is not meant to slander actual names of
celebrities, directors, or motion picture studios. It was created for
personal enjoyment and for the insanity of entertainment business. I am a
fan of the Columbia Pictures film The Net and hope those who read, enjoy.
Thank you. *
THE NET: THE LOST SCRIPT
(THE SETTING) PRE-PRODUCTION:
THE SCRIPT IS SOMEWHERE, BUT WHERE?
Columbia Pictures held their final meeting in the boardroom to execute
production for their latest film "The Net." Irwin Winkler and his
production entourage gathered around the waiting room in a football huddle
pulling hair, spilling coffee, and filling the room with cigarette smoke.
There is a lot of "hot air" in the motion picture business before the film
is actually put into motion, and included in today's events was a nurse on
call to insure Columbia to measure blood pressure and an Intern who was
designed to specifically take food orders from the big shots in the
boardroom. Scattered around the waiting room area were a couple of
entertainment magazines, coffee cups, and ash trays. Irwin Winkler, the
director of The Net, finally decided to sit down on the grey colored love
seat to relax and gather his thoughts. He began massaging his temples. He
was more concerned whether Sandra Bullock and Jeremy Northam would sign to
the lead roles of Angela Bennett and Jack Devlin. The studio feared that
The Net would turn into another "SPEED" by signing Bullock. There weren't
any buses, heavy explosives, and there wasn't Keanu Reeves in this budget.
A majority of the employees at the studio acted as if they were on SPEED,
ignoring the reference to the blockbuster film, but the illegal drugs which
could easily be bought outside the studio. Northam on the other hand, a
Cambridge Englishman and sophisticated actor of particular parts was also a
concern for the studio. Expensive merchandise are trained actors with
extensive expertise in playing the roles of seductive and powerful leading
men. The character of Jack Devlin was seductive, charming, and an
insensitive bitter bastard. They needed to see force and dedication in
seeking a diskette from Bullock's character. This included a stipulation in
the contract that Northam needed to know how to drive a boat while
intoxicated after a few Mexican drinks. He needed to learn how to use a
silencer on Bullock's character inside the confines of a comfortable boat.
Northam also needed to desire Bullock's character sexually which wasn't
very hard with actresses before since most of them desired him personally.
Many thoughts were surging through Winkler's mind while staring at the
doors of the executive boardroom . "Why wasn't I invited?" Winkler thought
to himself. Perhaps Hugh Hefner was in the boardroom showing off Playboy
bunnies to the black tie executives. Cocktail wieners, margaritas, and
fresh marijuana could also contribute to this closed door meeting.
Another issue of concern. What Internet interface was Bullock's character
going to use in her role? The entourage called AOL America Online, but CEO
Steve Case wasn't available and had already booked a deal for a film called
"You've Got Mail," the catchy AOL phrase now a major motion picture
project. Winkler decided that the Internet program Angela Bennett would use
would be a basic net service not available to those who see the film. Then
Winkler shrugged. The marketing behind this film is hideous. There are
millions of Internet users and if the studio had a deal with an actual net
provider, the studio may have profited more cash and gained further fan
interest. Delusional fifteen year olds may have wanted to know what it was
like to be Angela Bennett and what it would be like to explore Mexico with
Jack Devlin. Since no one thought on the level of net merchandising, the
fake net provider for the film would include a website called
PIZZA.NET.COM, where Angela could order pizza from her computer and charge
the small fee of $14.00 dollars to her VISA or MASTERCARD. (We do not see
her VISA or MASTERCARD in the film, but we assume she has one) What idiot
charges $14.00 to their VISA or MASTERCARD? Being that Winkler was an
American Express card holder, he began to transform his mind in the waiting
room of the executive offices. Ignore audience reaction and hire Dennis
Miller as a psychiatrist.
The doors of the boardroom opened like heaven's gates opening to the dead.
Light shed on Winkler's entourage and his own face. Finally, relief. He
felt like he had become a slave imprisoned at Columbia Pictures. The black
tie executive group walked towards the entourage staring at them like mice.
Winkler's group felt a sigh of relief yet didn't stare directly at their
eyes. Was their radon spreading in the room? Their eyes seemed to glow red,
directly from hell. A larger, heavy set man smoking on a cigar approached
Winkler and his entourage.
"Well it looks like you have yourself a done deal Winkler. We are granting
you your budget." He patted Winkler on his back and blew some cigar smoke
in his face. A pale faced Winkler suddenly turned to a rosy red Santa
Claus. God had answered his prayers and the film was a done deal. Now,
there was so much to do and so little time.
To be continued..