For a long moment, Giles stared at the young woman's perfectly manicured nails, before calmly and with deliberate slowness, raising his eyes to meets hers.

"I would say that it was a pleasure to meet you, but that somehow seems unlikely, doesn't it?"

Lilah's smile widened, and the proffered hand was withdrawn with a hint of amusement. When she spoke again, her voice was polite and formal, businesslike.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Mr. Giles. I've heard such a lot about you."

The words sounded less threatening, more flirtacious, but then maybe he was underestimating her. One glance at the sycophantic leer Ethan was directing her way, confirmed his earlier suspicions that it was this woman, not his old friend, who wore the trousers in this particular partnership. So who in hell was she? If he hadn't known better, he would have assumed by her palpable air of self-importance and complete lack of emotion, that this young woman was a...but no. That was ridiculous.

Shifting the axe he was carrying to shoulder height, Giles let his gaze slide past her shoulder. Ethan's hand was still firmly wrapped around the infant Buffy's wrist, and he could tell by the light sheen of sweat covering his brow that, unless he was very careful, the man might very well do something rash. The temporal portal was mere feet away, and a sudden dash in that direction might be extremely difficult to curtail.

"Whatever statement you were hoping to make with that, I presume is now moot."

Smiling at him pleasantly, Lilah motioned for one of Spike's captors to take the weapon and, after a moment or two, he conceded. The axe wasn't the only weapon he'd brought, just the most obvious. Besides, the two men in suits looked only too capable of mindless brutality, and the way Lilah now rested her hands proprietorally on Willow and Xander, left him in no doubt she shared the same moral code.

"The vampire? Also part of the rescue party I take it?"

He saw Spike's struggle in frustration as he fought against the spell holding him, and he frowned. To be executed whilst held immobile, seemed like an ignominious end for a vampire who'd lived as long as Spike had. Despite himself, he felt a sudden stab of regret that he'd allowed him to come along at all and, as if agreeing with him, Lilah shook her head.

"I must say, I find your choice of allies...questionable. For a member of illustrious Council of Watchers, I mean."

Finding Ethan's eyes, Giles held them for a second before moving back to the young woman's.

"I could say the same thing."

Lilah continued, barely acknowledging his comment.

"Although, it seems to have become an occupational hazard."

Raising an eyebrow, she smiled icily, before motioning for the two men to restrain him.

"You should gave Wesley a call, you know. He could probably do with hearing a friendly voice right now."

Keeping his gaze firmly fixed now on Ethan, Giles did not resist, stubbornly refusing to betray any sign of his discomfort as the larger of the two lackies took his upper arms in an uneccessarily painful grip. His old friend's eyes darted uneasily between his and the opening, before taking a hesitant step towards it.

"So it seems like this is goodbye, old man. I'm sorry it had to come down to this, but well..."

he shrugged, flashing him an insane grin,

"...evil you see!!"

He tightened his grip on the infant Buffy's hand, and the little girl let out a high-pitched wail of fear.

"Owwoooowww...hurting me!!"

A deep-throated growl brought every head round in the direction of the vampire.

"I told you..."

Spike's eyes flashed blue fire as his struggles suddenly doubled in strength,

"You...don't...fucking...touch her!!"

Under the renewed onslaught, the field holding him seemed about to weaken and watching, Lilah sighed, rolling her eyes in exasperation.

"Will one of you please shut that guy up?"

Producing a stake, Giles' captor turned swiftly to comply, and then everything seemed to happen at once.

Now completely furious, the infant Buffy directed a viciously well-aimed kick at Ethan's shin and, as the magician yelled out in pain, balled up a tiny fist and punched as hard and as high as she could reach. The resulting howl of anguish produced enough of a distraction for Giles to reach into his inside pocket and, before anyone could move to stop him, he had thrown the dusty contents full force towards Spike. A blue flash signalled the dissolution of the restraining spell, and the vampire leapt forward, violently knocking together the heads of both of his captors. Reeling backwards, he let out a shout of pain and clutched at his head.

"Ow! Jesus, Rupert!! 'Fuckers are human!"

Giles gritted his teeth, and made a lunge for Ethan Rayne.

"No, Spike. I think they're lawyers."

Lilah moved quickly. Dragging the two other children behind her, she moved towards the temporal opening, reached down to grasp Willow and then lifted her to head height. A shout of warning from Spike brought Rupert's head round, and his fist froze in mid-punch. His other hand loosened it's grip, allowing Rayne to slide to the ground with a soft moan, still clutching his groin. Straightening up, Giles' expression hardened into one of cool ruthless calm. He took a single step towards her.

"If I were you...I'd put her down. Now."

For a second, the young woman's eyes betrayed her fear, and she moistened her lips, pupils darting sideways towards the exit.

"How about this? I trade you...these two..."

She indicated the trembling Buffy, now holding onto Spike's legs with both hands,

"...for your one."

Giles raised an eyebrow, regarding her levelly.

"And why would I do that?"

Lilah smiled, a little of her confidence returning.

"Because if you don't...these two little darlings are going to be enjoying My Very First Hell-Dimension...alone."

She swung the tiny figure of Willow a little closer to the portal, and Giles watched as the hellish colours illluminated the screaming child's face. He shot a glance at Spike, and saw an expression of anguish mixed with fury flit across the vampire's face. Lilah cleared her throat.

"It's your call Rupert, but I've got to tell you...this one's a lot heavier than she looks."

She let her hands slip an inch or two, and Willow's resulting shriek as her toes touched the sparking edge of the hole made his throat constrict. He glanced at Spike again, and then back at Lilah.

"All right." he said.

Swinging Buffy up into his arms, the vampire advanced on him in anger.

"Are you out of tiny mind, Watcher?! They might not want to kill her, but they sure as hell aren't going to be buying her a pony! My guess is they're taking her through that portal to raise her up as their own."

Rupert kept his gaze firmly fixed on Lilah.

"I know."

Spike rolled his eyes, unconsciously resting a protective hand on the back of the Buffy's head.

"Then excuse me for asking mate...but what the bloody hell are you playing at?"

The look in the Watcher's eyes was colder than any he'd ever seen before as he reached out a hand towards him.

"Just give her to me, Spike."

Lilah watched in amusement as the two men faced each other down. This vampire was a strange one, holding onto the Slayer as if he felt actual affection for her. It was behaviour bizarre enough to be worthy of Angel.

"If you don't mind, I think we'd all like to get this over with."

To her left, Ethan climbed painfully to his feet, still bent in half with pain. He grinned wolfishly, as he scrambled to recapture little Xander's hand,

"Yes! I'm rather anxious to be getting home. Let's hurry this up shall we, Ripper? If it's any consolation, I can assure you Buffy will be treated with the utmost care and consideration."

Giles' eyes remained emotionless as he stared back at him.

"You're a madman, Ethan."

"Oh yes..."

Rayne smiled winningly,

"...but I can assure you, I am also a fully trained childcare technician."

Turning to Spike again, Giles reached out his hands.

"Spike."

Opening his mouth, the vampire seemed just about to form an obscene retort, when the most unsettling thing happened. The Watcher spoke to him again, only this time the voice was disturbingly loud, and confined only to his head. And God, he hated telepathy.

Cradling the snivelling Buffy in his arms, Rupert walked slowly towards Lilah, being careful to keep Ethan always in plain sight. He saw a faint smile touch the woman's lips as he came to stop in front of her and placed the child, still sobbing softly, on the ground.

"All right. Just let them both go."

Releasing Xander's hand, Ethan grabbed for Buffy's and grinned in surprised delight when Rupert made no move to stop him. The tiny Harris paused a second before breaking into a stumbling run towards Spike who picked him up, frowning as he examined his grubby face for bruises. Lilah quirked an eyebrow, slowly lowering her burden to the floor,

"You have him very well trained, I must say."

She continued to hold the child's hand tightly, as Willow strained towards Giles, her eyes huge and luminously green with tears.

"What did you use? A mind control spell? I hear they work very well on vampires."

Reaching out, Giles smiled personably at her,

"No. I just told him that if he behaved...I'd let him kill you himself."

A wide arc of blue-green light forked from Willow's hand to his, lighting both their faces with an unearthly glow and, as if plucked up by an unseen hand, Lilah and Ethan were thrown violently backwards. Sweeping Buffy up under one arm, Spike carried both she and Xander back out of harm's way, before turning around to watch the spectacular finale.

Blinding azure and emerald light surrounded the Watcher and his small female companion as they advanced slowly, hand in hand, on the dazed forms of the two conspirators. Spike strained to hear Rupert's voice over the crackling of their combined magicks as he leant to speak to the tiny Willow.

"Thse two have been very naughty, haven't they?"

A small frown creased the witch's face and she rubbed her nose with the back of her hand, before nodding.

"Yes."

The Watcher nodded in agreement.

"Well, it's up to you Willow. Do you think they should be punished?"

Ethan's eyes were wide with horrified disbelief, as he looked from one face to the other. He grinned nervously, desperately.

"You don't want to hurt Uncle Ethan, do you sweetpea? I bought you peanut M&Ms, remember? And...and I picked out all the green ones!

Frowning, Willow glanced up at Giles, before delivering her final verdict.

"Lets make them both into slugs."

"And did you?"

Anya's voice was full of hope, her eyes shining at the thought of such a just vengeance exacted on her behalf. She paused in her rough towelling of little Xander's hair, preventing his escape attempt with one finger hooked in the elastic of his pyjamas. Looking up from a table almost entirely covered with spell ingredients, Giles sighed, before gently wresting Willow's fingers from his eye-glasses. He reached into his pocket for a clean hankerchief and polished them.

"Oh...yes. But it'll wear off. In a few years."

Snorting with disgust, the ex-demon swiftly completed her task and, with a gentle slap to his bottom, let Xander go. Immediately he fell to his knees and grabbed a fistful of Willow's hair. A high-pitched shriek split the air.

Anya sighed, and ran a hand backwards through her hair.

"And what about this? I mean...are you almost done yet?"

"Hmmm?"

Giles glanced up from the text he'd appropriated from Ethan, and raised his eyebrows questioningly, before realising he had in fact heard the question.

"What? Oh...yes...almost."

Dropping a single salamander eye into the mixture, he pushed his glasses further back on the bridge of his nose.

"Er...yumŽ no y— na mah—...nigŽdasu!"

"Again! Again!!"

Smiling indulgently, Spike flipped Buffy over into a sitting position for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening. Shaking his head, he squinted as she grinned back at him, all peach-skinned, newly-bathed delight, dressed only in Dawn's pink bunny pyjama-bottoms.

"You can't want to, love. You'll throw up. Again."

Gripping his hands more tightly, her eyes flashed green fire at him.

"Again!!" she demanded.

He sighed, almost smirked.

"Bloody hell...you're Buffy all right. O.K, but this is very last time."

Taking hold of her wrists, he raised her up on his knees before dropping her, squealing, swiftly and unceremoniously downwards.

"This is the way the old man rides,
Clippety Cloppety, Clippety Cloppety,
This is the way the old man rides,
Clippety Cloppety...
Down in the ditch!!"

A flash of electric blue light, and the thick cloying smell of cordite and magicks choked him for a moment, before the smoke cleared. Buffy's surprised face stared back at him through the mist, long golden hair falling in waves over her bare shoulders.

"What the hell just happened? Spike, why are you...?"

It was only by a supreme act of will that he managed to keep his mouth from dropping open, his eyes, however, seemed oblivious to his brain's commands. Glancing briefly upwards, he saw Buffy's frown, seconds before the deep flush of red made it from her cheeks down to her glorious honey-coloured breasts.

"Spike, you sonofa ...!!"

Oddly though, he never saw her fist coming.

THE END