Hey!  A sequel!  I know you’re all so excited!  I like UPS trucks and cardboard boxes… can you blame me?  Those things are sooooo cool!  Hehehe…

********** 

"Snake, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Then why the hell did you ask!?"

"Just say 'I do'."

"You do what?"

"No!  You say 'I do'."

Snake stared at the man blankly.  "I don't get it."

The lawyer started to get frustrated.  "Your Honor, I object!  The witness is too stupid to be trusted to give a straight answer."

"Hey!  I'm straight!  Now, Otacon on the other hand..." he trailed off.

"Your Honor!"

The judge held up his hand.  "Snake, do you swear the truth?"

Snake shrugged.  "Yeah, sure."

"Now, was that so hard?"

"Snake, on the day of February 12th, did you high-jack a UPS and proceed to hit a nun with it?"

"What was the date again?"

"February 12th."

"What day was that?"

"What do mean?  Don't you read the calendar?"

"I can't read calendars!  Those things are so complicated.  What's with all the little squares and numbers?"

The lawyer hit his head.  All was silent in the courtroom for a second.  Suddenly, out of the blue, Snake piped up, "Thomas Crapper invented the toilet."

"That's very nice snake, but what does that have to do with the case?"

"I don't know."

"Your Honor..." the lawyer whined. 

"Ok, go sit down."  The lawyer gratefully sat and pouted over the fact that Snake would not cooperate.  "I'm going to ask the defendant some questions myself, so I'm going to give Officer Jenny my gavel."

"Oooh, that's dirty."

"Stop it, Snake!"

Snake folded his hands and quietly looked at the ceiling. 

"Now, Snake, during the past week, did you or did you not high-jack a UPS truck and then hit a nun with it?"

"I didn't mean to hit her!  I was looking for chocolate!"

"Chocolate?"

"Yeah!  The stupid truck was totally out of chocolate supply!  And I wanted some!"

"........."

"You know, once when I went to a motel, they didn't give me my chocolate on the pillow, and I was really pissed!"

"Snake, I don't think motels-"

"QUIET!  I'm talking!  Anyway, they didn't give me my pillow chocolate and I went up to them and I'm like, 'Hey, Dude,' and the guy's just like 'Yeah,' and I'm like 'There's no pillow on my chocolate,' and the guy's just like 'What?' and I'm just like 'I mean, there's no chocolate on my pillow,' and the guy's like 'So?' and I'm like 'I need my chocolate man,' and he's just like 'We don't give chocolates on the pillow,' and I'm like 'Why not?' 'cause I mean every good place puts chocolates on your pillow and he's like ''Cause' and I'm like 'It's 'cause I'm black isn't it!?' and he's like 'Dude, you're not black,' and I'm just like 'Ya know, I'm sick of your prejudice attitude!' and I whip out my SOCOM and he finally got me my chocolate!  And then things just got worse..."

Flashback

The chocolate is lying on Snake's pillow.  There's one light shining down on it and Snake paces in front of it.  "SPEAK!"

The mint remained silent. 

"Come on!  All the chocolates in the commercials do it!"

Still, nothing happens.

Snake pokes the mint.  "Speak, damn you!"  Silence.  "Ohhhhh, tough guy, huh?  Well, if you won't talk then we'll just... have to use some hostages......... how about all your little friends?  I know where they are...... the vending machine!"  Snake runs and shoves a dollar bill in the vending machine.  It keeps popping back out.  "Dammit!"

Flashback Ends

"Snake, what does this have to do with anything?"

"Those M&M commercials are deceitful!"

"I meant about the case."

"Oh......... well, in that case, nothing."

The judge sighed and went back up to his little stand.  "The defendant is found not guilty.  His acts are just a result of insanity."

"WHOO-HOO!"  Snake got up from the bench and whipped out his cardboard box.  He started shuffling around in it.  "It's a small world after all!  It's a small world after all!  It's a small world after all!  It's a small, small world!"  He stopped and took off the box.  "Oooh, ooh, I got one."

He took off his shoes and his socks, then a marker and drew two eyes and a smile on them.  He stuck the socks on his hands and crouched behind the box. 

RIGHT HAND:  Hello, Mrs. Sock.

LEFT HAND:  *In a girly voice*  Hello, Mr. Sock.

RIGHT HAND:  Have you tried the veal yet?

LEFT HAND:  No, but I'm here 'till Tuesday.  HaHaHa!

The lawyer walked out of the courthouse.

Snake took a moment away from his play to look out the window.  "A UPS TRUCK!" he squealed happily.  He jumped out the window and high-jacked the UPS truck.  As he was pulling out of the parking lot, he hit the lawyer... and the nun he was standing right next to.........

**********

There you go!  I’m happy.  I can be as insane as I want and nobody can reach over and put a muzzle on me!  MUWAHAHAHAHA!  Oh, and the idea of Snake wanting the chocolate to talk like the M&M’s on TV belongs to my friend Bunny.  Hi Bunny!

~DixieGoddess~