To Rebuild the Lost Past

Chapter One: Arrow In the Well

She remembered it just as it was. Lying on her back, staring at the rafters of Kaede's hut, she could remember that battle. It was over. Naraku was gone. Miroku was free of his curse, while Sango had avenged her family and Inu-Yasha had taken revenge for the death of Kikyô and their betrayals.

Kagome rolled over on the mat, rested her chin on her forearm, and rolled the Shikon Jewel between the ground and her palm. It was complete and whole; all that remained was for it to be completely purified in a wish for something good, and then it would be gone. The adventure would be over.

She would have no purpose. No ties to this time.

Closing her eyes, she chewed her lip in an effort not to cry. Perhaps it was the fact that she could only sense a low amount of Inu-Yasha's youki that distressed her so much. He'd given Naraku everything he had , as had they all, and that was what it had taken to destroy him. But that wasn't what had caused the drastic drop in his youki; it was the wound he had.

He had gotten hurt saving her. That stung more than anything; more than any insult, more than any brush-off, more than the thought that without the Shikon Jewel she had no purpose. And now he was in a weakened state, all because of her.

And Kikyô was still unappeased. Kagome had seen the pain in his eyes when they'd staggered away from the battlefield, only to find the coldly impassionate earthen priestess watching from a distance, as if to say, It's going to take more than that to lay me to rest.

She sighed. Could Inu-Yasha ever truly be free of Kikyô?

A soft glow started to fill the room, and she sat up, startled. The Shikon Jewel was pulsating, its light growing stronger with each beat of her heart, and she realized it was starting to activate. Oh NO! What did I do?! What did I do?!

I wished for Inu-Yasha's happiness, and then...

OH NO! He's going to KILL me when he finds out!

"Stop! No! Wait!" she hissed to it, shaking the jewel fruitlessly as it grew brighter and brighter despite her distinct attempts otherwise.

The Jewel flared blindingly bright, then winked out, and the room was dark again. She felt drained somehow, and a bit empty, but...

Was it really over? Was the jewel gone, spent on her half-conscious wish? She couldn't feel it anymore, that was for certain...

Getting to her feet, she went to the room where she knew Inu-Yasha was sleeping and peered in. To her eyes, there was no change...but he'd have what he needed, and that was that.

AN: Don't mind if this sounds incredibly strange; I'm writing this at approximately 2:28 AM...actually, now I'm going to sleep. Goodnight, everybody.

AN: Okay, now it's 12:52 AM now and I'm wide awake, alert, and enthusiastic! Onward!

She returned to her bed on the tatami matting and slowly tried to relax, closing her eyes and making her breath even. Her mind wandered vaguely over the subject of what was going to happen now, but her exhausted, rational self shoved those thoughts in a corner for later pondering.

Kagome dozed, part of her mind refusing to abandon the topic of the now-gone Shikon Jewel and Inu-Yasha's 'happiness' and the rest of her mind ignoring it. However, she couldn't really sleep like that. Whether it had been an hour to pass or five minutes, she never knew, but eventually she sat up again, now very cross. Dammit, she wanted to sleep! Why did she have to be cursed with a sense of responsibility?

Keeping her internal grumbles inside, where they belonged, she got to her feet. Maybe a walk would take her mind off the troubles of tomorrow...

Inu-Yasha woke with a start. He didn't know what caused his sudden return to consciousness...no, now he did. But...it couldn't be...

He staggered to his feet, disregarding his wounds--they were just wounds; they'd go away--and painfully made his way outside, knowing what awaited him.

Kikyô stood there, in the false body of dirt and bone. This time, though, it smelled different--as did she.

Somehow, in a way he couldn't fathom, she was whole again.

"Ki--Kikyô?!"

She smiled, albeit a bit sadly, and said, "I...We need to talk."

He noticed she was keeping her voice low as to not raise the others, and followed suit. "What is it?"

"I...for a little while at least, I am complete again." She stared at her hands. "I'm sorry. I wish I could have trusted you, Inu-Yasha."

"Don't say that," he said swiftly, and would have continued, but she cut him off.

"It's the truth, no matter how much either of us despise it," she returned. "But...it's not all I am sorry for." For a moment, her eyes searched the stars. "When...I was half-alive, in this...doll, when I was alive in this doll, I did things no human should have ever done. I tried to kill you. I would have killed myself, but not as you are thinking. I would have killed Kagome, had you not come along in time." She sighed. "I know she never told you. She's never going to hurt anything or anyone by her own choice, Inu-Yasha."

"I...know." Why was she telling him this? "Why are you here?"

"As long as I'm in my right mind, I wanted to tell you that I found peace. I will bother you no longer."

"You're leaving."

"Yes." Kikyô took a step towards him. "But before I go..."

Kagome clung to the support beam, yawning, and rubbed her eyes before slowly padding outside.

Truly enough, she was drowsy. But not drowsy enough to mistake what was right in front of her face.

Kikyô was in Inu-Yasha's arms, before her, both drenched in moonlight as they kissed. Inu-Yasha was obviously too...preoccupied to even notice they were being observed, as was Kikyô. But Kikyô...didn't have the bite of youki that she normally did, no sharpness of hate in her face.

Kagome swallowed as the harsh reality hit her. In order to make Inu-Yasha happy, the Shikon Jewel had restored Kikyô to her former self.

There was nothing left for her here. She wasn't vital to her companions; Miroku had Sango and Inu-Yasha, as she could very well see, had someone to help him pass the time. Shippô would do well enough with the two merry little couples. No one needed her here. All she did was get in the way, get her friends hurt when they tried to protect her.

Silently she slipped back inside and sat, deep in thought and morose, until the heralds of the dawn sounded their trumpets by lighting the edges of the hills. She'd heard Inu-Yasha come back inside; she figured it was only a matter of time before Kikyô came back to start claiming what was rightfully hers once more.

Kagome left with her pack on her back, her bow strung, and a letter behind her in the room where she'd nearly slept. She'd almost reached the well when the first sense of Inu-Yasha's youki bristled at the edge of the forest, moving fast. He was coming after her. "Sit," she whispered, and prayed it would work. When his youki stopped for a moment, she knew it did, and whispered it again at least five times before she reached the well. Then she dropped her bag down into the well and was about to swing herself in when crashing in the bushes behind her alerted her to Inu-Yasha's presence.

Kagome fell into the well, looking at a sky starting to lighten with the coming dawn and the shocked face of Inu-Yasha as he cried out, "Kagome!"

Then it faded into darkness, then into the dark wooden rafters of the well house. Stringing an arrow on her bow, she fired a shot straight into the ground, just as a jolt ran under her feet. Something seemed to fight her, and for a moment she strained against an invisible force, and then all was still.

Back in the Sengoku Jidai, Inu-Yasha slammed into dirt. But there was more to the floor of the dry well than just dirt; there was a barrier now too. He fought it, feeling pain run down his arms, but it refused to give way. For a moment he could see the weary-looking Kagome standing there, faint against the darkness, and it startled him into giving in a moment. The shield repulsed him completely, throwing him out of the well, and he realized that had he not caught it before it was complete he wouldn't have stood a chance.

The shield spread over the well, forming a crackling dome, and he stared at it, devastated. She couldn't be...she wasn't...

But she was. Kagome was lost to him forever.

It took her a few short words to tell her family she was home to stay. "It's over. I'm staying here."

"But--but, Nee-chan, what about Inu-Yasha-nii-chan?" Sôta asked, his voice nervous, as if he could sense in the air that all was not right.

"He's staying where he belongs," she replied, her voice tight and clipped.

"But--"

She could hear her mother rapidly hush Sôta up and didn't care. It wasn't her problem anymore. Inu-Yasha would be just fine--no, happy--with Kikyô, thanks to her own damn wish, and she wasn't needed anymore. All those times--all those times Inu-Yasha had said she was just a shard detector, and it had proved true.

And here she was, handing the one she was closest to over to her worst enemy. True, Kikyô was whole now, but still--time and time again, Inu-Yasha had chosen a pile of dirt and bones over her, one with a fragment of the soul of the girl he'd loved long ago, while she was, in essence, the same person.

What did Kikyô have to offer him that she didn't? What made her better? What would it take to finally make Inu-Yasha hers?

Stop it! she told herself, trying to clamp down on the flood of nasty thoughts, each as biting as acid. This isn't you, Kagome! This isn't who you are! You never were Kikyô and you never will be, so let it go!

Shippô knew something wasn't right, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. As the dawn came and morning light flooded the small room where he was curled beside Miroku, he tried to think of what it could possibly be, but no answer came.

When he realized the truth, he jumped to his feet like he'd been stung by a bee and ran into Kagome's room. She wasn't there, like he'd thought, so he ran as fast as he could to the well.

Inu-Yasha was slumped against a tree, his posture proclaiming something Shippô had never seen in him: defeat. His shoulders shook; then Shippô saw the shield over the well.

"Go away, fox." He'd never heard Inu-Yasha's voice like that.

"Kagome's not coming back, is she?" he asked softly.

"I said go away, fox." With the lack of conviction in his voice, Inu-Yasha just sounded bitter.

Shippô ignored him and went over to the well, sitting at the edge of the barrier. Inu-Yasha was crying, and he knew it, but he felt like crying himself and wasn't going to rub it in. This was no time for their usual pranks.

"Such a pity." There was no mistaking that cold, calculated voice. "The little bird has left her nest in search of a better home."

Inu-Yasha sat bolt upright, fighting off a chill down his spine, and turned incredulous eyes to the edge of the clearing.

There sat a man in a baboon pelt, casual as if he was drinking tea with his closest friends. "Ah...deception. I love it," he said smugly, grinning. "Had you going, didn't I? That little bitch accidentally used the Shikon Jewel to wish for your happiness, you dumb bastard, and from there on it was a piece of cake. 'I'm sorry. I wish I could have trusted you,'" he sang in Kikyô's voice, his face changing to look like her. "And that poor little bitch saw it all, thought you needed Kikyô to be happy, and got all flustered! Dumb humans, always thinking the wrong thing. But then, you'd know, wouldn't you?" he asked, his tone insulting. "And really, my dear half-ass youkai, I don't kill that easily. After all, I am Naraku." He smiled horribly. "You really should see the look on your face, Inu-Yasha. It's just precious." Naraku cocked his head to the side. "Though really, I didn't like kissing you. Much too sloppy."

Never before in his life had Inu-Yasha wanted to kill Naraku more, never. When he'd forced Kagome back down the well, all those times he'd shielded her, all those times he'd trusted in her, it was to try and keep her from suffering the pain she'd suffered in her previous life. And it was all worthless.

But even worse, Kagome was going to have to live with the pain. He knew her so well by now--she'd feel jealous of the Kikyô that wasn't here, then hate herself for it, over and over again, the same cycle, for the rest of her life.

Eyes burning in hate, he leapt at Naraku, who dodged easily. "Hey, hey, don't kill the messenger," he said mockingly.

Inu-Yasha proved in the next few minutes that he was whole-heartedly ignoring those words. In fact, he kept stabbing the deadened earth and doll of the puppet, long after it was 'killed', livid with rage and pain. Naraku was still out there. He'd failed.

"Kagome-chan!" Her friends ran up to her, wide-eyed. "We've been so worried! We heard you got viral bronchopneumonia!"

"I'm...better now," she said slowly, swallowing.

"What's the matter?" Michi asked. "Are you okay?"

"Is it something with that guy you're seeing?" Her friend Setstuko guessed shrewdly.

"Wha--oh, no, not at all," she said a bit too quickly.

"It is!" Setsuko said triumphantly. "What is it? Did you have a fight?"

"Really, if you did, I think you should break up with him," Michi added. "He's just no good for you, Kagome-chan."

"Ah..." She really couldn't think of something to say. How about, 'He's in the Sengoku Jidai period and making out with a priestess thanks to my idiocy'?

"Come on, spill!"

"Yeah, Kagome-chan! If he's hurting you, you shouldn't be with him! No one deserves that!"

"Uh..."

"Kagome-chan! We're your best friends, you can tell us!"

"Oh god, he didn't give you an STD, did he?!"

Kagome promptly lost her temper.

"He is GONE! NO MORE! NO MORE INU-YASHA! INU-YASHA IS DEAD! DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD! DEAD!"

"..."

"..."

To her surprise, tears flowed freely down her face as people watched the poor black-haired girl have a nervous breakdown in the middle of the schoolyard. Her friends were hugging her, saying they were so sorry and she didn't have to talk about it if she wanted and there was still Hojo-kun, wasn't there? She felt ashamed for letting herself lash out like that, particularly at her loyal friends who were trying to do the best for her. "I'm okay," she said thickly, drying her face roughly on a sleeve. "Come on, we have to get to class."

She heard whispers behind her. "Did she say Inu-Yasha?"

Yes, I said Inu-Yasha, she thought silently. But I won't again. I won't think of him again. I have my whole life in front of me now, and no more of the adventure. It's all over. I have to get over it and move on.

But it was going to be so hard...

--

--

Kagome let herself into her fiancé's apartment complex, waving tiredly at the manager. Maybe Yuuta would give her a massage before they left; with a week before the wedding, she was running herself ragged between plans and her day job. Hopefully Yuuta would get a job himself soon, but it wasn't his fault he'd been laid off

"Yuuta?" she called, opening the door. "Yuuta, you home?"

When no sounds met her call, she decided he was out on an errand. After all, she was here half an hour early--maybe he was getting her roses or something! He was so sweet, and always so charming... Somehow he made her feel special and adored.

Of course, the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous helped quite a bit. And when he'd asked her to marry him...

She suppressed a yawn. Her night job was taking so much out of her...thank god it was Friday; she knew she was going to sleep for most of the weekend. Starbucks could only take the place of so much sleep.

Maybe she'd catch a nap, then. She'd done it before while waiting for him here. Leaving her purse on the table, she walked down the darkened hall and opened the door to his bedroom.

She saw the very chesty blonde in his bed, and then she saw him. And it wasn't looking like a friendly exchange, either.

They both started when she came in, and then Yuuta said slowly, "I...I can explain, Kagome."

Kagome took a deep breath and thought before answering. Nodding to the blonde, she said calmly but coolly, "I understand completely."

"I swear, it was--what?"

"I understand," she said quietly. "It's perfectly normal."

"It--uh--"

"Why wouldn't you want to screw a woman with tits bigger than your head?" Her voice remained steely calm, though she was screaming inside. "After all, nature is no substitute for silicon." Pulling off the ring, she tossed it to him. "Have fun with your slut and her flotation devices."

As she shut the door, she heard a feminine voice say, "I thought you said she was pretty."

Oh god. That did not just happen. Her hands shook as she seized her purse from the table and dashed out, down the stairs, and out onto the sidewalk. Could she drive right now? She didn't trust herself right now; instead, she just sat in her car and picked up her cell phone, hitting a button. "M-Michi-chan, it's me," she said tremulously.

"Kagome-chan? What's wrong?"

"Can you come pick me up? I'm at Yuuta's and I don't think I can drive."

"Sure thing, hon. I'll be right there." There was a click, and then empty buzzing.

God, I really thought he was the one, she thought, sobbing. Why do they always leave me?

She voiced that to Michi when she came. "Why? Why do they always leave me, huh?"

"Kagome-chan, there's something I've always noticed," she said thoughtfully, arm around her friend's shoulder in comfort, tissues at the ready. "No matter who it is, how you meet them, or how long you date, you never really give all of yourself to him. It's like there's still something you're holding back, that you won't give them--"

"My virginity?" Kagome interrupted harshly.

"No, or I would have shot the past five of your boyfriends myself." She narrowed her eyes. "Remember when we were just going into high school, thirteen years ago? You were sixteen." Kagome nodded, not knowing what was coming. "There was that guy you were seeing, the one that died. Whenever you talked about him, whether you were happy or angry or sad, you sort of lit up. I think it's that light that's missing from your relationships."

Kagome swallowed before saying anything. Why couldn't Inu-Yasha's memory leave her alone? So what if she was really in love with him at one point? She was in love with Yuuta, and the other five boyfriends she'd had.

Not like you were with him, a tiny voice said. You would have gone through hell and back to be with him. But that was then, and this was now.

"Gee, Michi-chan, you should be a talk show host," she joked with a watery smile and a sniffle.

"Well, even with Hojo-kun, you didn't light up," she said practically, out of the philosophic moment she'd had. "That poor boy. Dumb as a post, but he was devoted to you."

"Yeah, until he left me for a chesty blonde. I hate chesty blondes. And how pathetic is that? I got cheated on by Hojo."

"Yeah, Kagome-chan, no offense and all, but that is pretty sad." Her friend grinned ruefully. "You just need to find your light again. Now come on, let's get you home. Hot chocolate can solve anything."

Kagome smiled again, though it didn't have the intoxicating glow it had once had, long ago... To find her light again. Maybe she should have wished for her own happiness...no, that was ridiculous.

Someday. Someday she would find the one for her...and her light.

Suddenly, she wanted to go back. Back to the shrine. Back to her mother, her grandfather, to her old room. "Michi-chan? Can you drive me back to my old house?" It wasn't that far from here, really.

"Sure thing." She twiddled the steering wheel.

"I just want to go home," she replied in answer to the unspoken question.

"Okay."

They were there in a few minutes. Kagome got out, sighing, and hoped her mother wouldn't mind. "Thank you, Michi-chan."

"No problem. Hang in there, Kagome-chan." Michi squeezed her hand comfortingly, then drove away.

Kagome slowly climbed the steps to the shrine, then knocked on the door. Her mother opened it, took one look at her daughter's face, and ushered her inside, pouring her a cup of tea and slowly getting the story out of her. "You handled it very well," she finally said once the tale was told. "That pompous asshole has no idea what he's missing out on, Kagome-chan. Just wait till she leaves him for some old fart with lots of money and a big willy."

"Kaa-chan!" Kagome cried, shocked her mother could be so coarse. Not that she wasn't in total agreement, but to hear her mother say such things...

Her mother grinned. "It's the way of the world of trashy people. They cheat and get cheated on. Now go take a long bubble bath, you'll feel more human."

Kagome was drying off when she heard a shriek from downstairs. She wrapped a bathrobe around herself and automatically ran into her bedroom, seized the bow and arrows she'd hid in the closet, and pounded down the stairs. Two years in the Sengoku Jidai period had left their mark on her and her reflexes, even thirteen years afterward.

But what scared her was that she could feel the youki.

Catching a glimpse of scaled as she skidded into the kitchen, she let loose an arrow and nocked another one, feeling the peculiar feeling of her Miko powers uncurling within her. The arrows flew one after another, pinning the legged snake to the wall and purifying a chunk of flesh until none was left but the head.

Striding over, Kagome grasped it by the tuft of hair on its forehead, ripped it free of the wall, threw it on the ground, and stepped on it. "Who sent you?" she demanded, mind racing.

"You...must die...Kikyô's incarnate..."

"Who sent you, you son of a bitch?" she asked again, stringing an arrow and knowing this one would regenerate soon if she didn't kill it in thirty seconds.

Seeing the arrow, its eyes widened, but then narrowed in defiance. "Lord...Naraku...has risen...and he will rule you all...pathetic humans..."

Somehow, Kagome kept her mind calm. "Here's your pathetic," she snarled, firing straight into its eye. The head disintegrated as she ran to the wellhouse, feeling sick.

The boards Jii-chan had nailed over its opening were torn free and broken, splinters everywhere. The barrier had worn down.

She fired another arrow into the bottom of the well to prevent anything else coming through, then sat down hard on the steps. Naraku wasn't dead? How could that be possible? She'd seen him ripped apart by the Cutting Wind herself, the parts of his body flying everywhere.

Already something was fighting her barrier; something strong and much more powerful than what had just come through. Something wanted her dead again, and she would have put money on a bet that it was Naraku, dead or alive.

She sat up and gasped. If Naraku was back somehow, he would surely start with his deception, his trickery, his lies...all over again, but even more surely, he would come after the ones who had caused his first downfall. Miroku's houshi powers were strong, but not even remotely close to enough to fight Naraku. And Inu-Yasha...

But two Kikyôs were better than one, weren't they? And what if Inu-Yasha and Kikyô were...

Already dead?

"Kagome-chan?"

She stood up again and trudged up the stairs. "Kaa-chan, I'm going to need my old pack and my bike," she said slowly.

Her mother covered her mouth, and her eyes grew bright. She suddenly hugged Kagome tightly. "You're going back."

"I have to. Someone there wants me dead, and I don't want to keep having to put up a barrier on the well. Besides, if Naraku really is back, they're going to need my help."

"Naraku?" Her mother looked shocked. "You killed him."

"I know. I'm going to find out why he's back, and I'll kill him myself and do it so he stays down, even if I have to drag him to the mouth of hell myself."

An hour later, Kagome dropped to the bottom of the well, dressed practically in jeans and a sweater, pack in hand, her bike at her side, and bow and arrows at her back. Taking a deep breath, she reached down, her heart fluttering, and grasped the arrow with violently trembling hands. "Ja ne, kaa-chan," she called. "I love you. I don't know how long this is going to take this time, but I'll try to come back."

"I love you too, baby." They were the last words she heard from the twenty-first century.

She wrenched out the arrow and fell into darkness.