Standard disclaimers: I have NO claim to DC characters or COPS.
Summary: Young Justice TV night.
The end of Chickenverse. It's all fun and games till..
Gotham's Bad Boys
Superboy licked his fingers of the buttery popcorn slime, then rubbed his
greasy hand against his spandex-clad leg. He passed the bowl across the
sofa to Wonder Girl, continuing on with his story. "So then Rob's like 'you
guys have no idea what goes on in Gotham after sundown.' And I'm like,
yeah, who really gives a rat's--"
"S-boy," Lobo complained from the floor. He was laying on his stomach, and
took the opportunity to look behind him, a twinkle of violence lighting up
his black and yellow eyes. "It's on. You wanna see what goes on in Gotham
after dark, you watch this."
"Yeah, totally, Kon. Take a chill-pill," Wonder Girl offered. "Don't go all
spaz-boy on us."
Kon invested himself in the television set. "I'm not going spaz-boy," he
muttered, investing his interest in the COPS theme. "It's not like I'm a
spaz-boy like Robin or anything."
"GEEZE," Cassie Sandsmark moaned, turning up the volume on the television
"COPS is filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement. All
suspects are innocent until proven guilty."
"Or until Batman holds ya over a ledge."
"SHUTUP!" Cassie and Slobo cried out in unison.
The screen flashed "Gotham Heights, 9:14 pm"
"Aww, CRUD!" Superboy ground out. "That's a SUBURB! I want to see GOTHAM!
Crappy COPS! Advertising Gotham for a week."
"Do you want me to put my fist through your face?" Slobo grumbled, never
"Both of you shut up," Wonder Girl declared, frowning. "They got called to
a domestic disturbance. That /could/ be cool. Maybe even the suburbanites
are freaks like the Arkham escapees."
That seemed to sate the two boys. They both shifted, getting themselves
comfortable in their respective corners of the universe, preparing to be
The officer was driving down a dark, ill-lit road, talking to the camera.
"I've been a cop in this town for. ten years. Seen some weird stuff. But I
think we all have-it goes with the territory. They say after a priest has
been hearing confessions for a year or so, he stops hearing new ones. Same
with being a cop. You work the beat for long enough and you've seen every
strange thing human beings can do to each other. And I mean /everything/.
People doing weird stuff with hamsters, husbands and wives throwing
everything under the sun at each other. kids smoking anything they can get
their hands on, trying to get high. I pride myself on being a kind of
worldly guy," the officer continued. "And I've seen a lot of stuff on this
job-so when I say there isn't any such thing as 'The Bat-Man,' I mean it.
There're just a lot of dark alleyways, and a lot of hard working cops
"Haha. Batman ain't real. Someone tell Rob that his strings're being pulled-
"Kon, can it already."
The officer stopped the car. "Well, this is interesting." He opened his
door and got out, and the cameras followed, shaking slightly as they walked
up the driveway of a large, well-kept home. One kid was sitting in the
driveway, cross-legged, holding his shoulder, and hiding his face from the
light of the camera.
Another officer, thin and fit but balding, was trying to talk to the young
man, but grew distracted when a dark-haired man wearing a light blue
sweater walked away from the boy, and the camera swung, following him.
"Sir! Sir, I said to stay here. You can't talk to the girl. We'll talk to
her in a minute!"
"Who the hell are you?" the man in the sweater screamed. "You can't just
come in here-"
"He's been jumping down the girl's throat since I got here. All I know is
the girl hit the kid with something, and she's crying, and the dad wants to
kill her," the officer explained. "Sir! We'll talk to her, and you in just--
"DAD!" the young man cried out pitifully. "Stop my dad!"
"Take care of him," the first officer said, kneeling down next to the young
man. "Can I take a look at your arm?"
"NO!" the young man cried, his voice shuddering. He pulled away from the
officer, clutching his arm even tighter.
"Now, it looks to me, just from listening to you, that you're in a little
bit of shock." The officer's gloved hand reached over to the boy's
shoulder, but the kid pulled away.
"I'm not in shock!" The kid said harshly. "When I'm in shock, I'll let you
know I'm in shock!"
"Dude, the kid drank a gallon of Robin for breakfast," Kon pointed out.
"Let the guy look at your arm, little dude! Or are you embarrassed that you
got beat up by a girl?"
Cassie kicked Kon gently, shutting him up.
"Then if it's not a big deal, let me see your arm."
"Make my dad stop yelling at Cass first," the boy ordered.
"Well, someone's already doing that." He grabbed hold of the boy's hand and
began prying fingers off of the kid's other arm. "Can you tell me what
"It's not a big deal, it was an accident, and she didn't mean it, and.
DAAD!" The boy tried to get to his feet, but just then, the officer
succeeded in removing the boy's hand from his upper arm. The camera pulled
away quickly when it became evident that there was blood and bone being
held back by the kid's death-grip.
It rushed across the lawn quickly to a stone veranda, where the balding
officer was trying to calm the boy's father down, explaining they were
going to sort everything out, and THEN they would see about arresting the
short, thin Asian girl who sat with her knees pulled to her chest, sobbing
on the metal lawn chair.
"Why don't you go see to your son. An ambulance should be here any minute."
The middle aged man scowled at the girl once, then began walking back to
The cop leaned in towards the girl, trying to be calm, yet forceful. "Can
you talk to me? Maybe we can sort this out."
"She broke his arm!" the man screamed from off camera.
The girl let out another shuddering sob.
"You're going to have to stop crying and talk to me. Did that kid. Tim do
something to you?"
"Is stupid boy," the girl moaned miserably. "So I hit."
"What did you hit him with?" the officer questioned, curiosity seeping into
Without looking up, the girl's thin, wiry arm shot out from her body,
pointing at something near the oversized gas grill.
The cop slowly walked over, and with his hands on his hips, inspected the
long rack of raw ribs next to the grill. "Can I ask WHY you hit him with
"Side of beef too big," the girl moaned, not a touch of sarcasm in her
He scratched his neck, thinking. "Ohhhhkay. Now, we got one really mad dad
over there, so I say you dry your eyes, and help me figure this out here,
or you're going to be taking a trip down to juvie."
The girl looked up, trembling once, then drying her eyes on the back of her
"Ok. Cause I know no one wants to go to juvie. I know the kids around here,
and I don't think we've ever run into trouble with you, so lets just get
this all cleared up. Ok, you hit him because he's stupid. Did he do
something to you?"
"Don't like his girlfriend. She's dumb. He's dumb for liking."
"So you're jealous?"
"He's just dumb. Giving him tough love." The girl sniffed, then wiped her
nose on the back of her wrist. "Didn't mean to break. We'll fix, right?"
The first officer, who'd been giving the long monolog in the squad car
showed up. The balding cop rose and stepped aside to talk to him. "Ok,
medics are stabilizing the kid's arm. The kid doesn't want to press
charges, but the dad does. You got anything out of her?"
"We haven't even gotten to her name. She's pretty upset. I think it was
just a stupid joke gone wrong. And I think there might be a language
barrier. I want to try and get some information from her, talk to her
parents. see if we can get this over and done with. Maybe if the kid's
parents come down hard on her, Mr. Drake'll be more inclined to not file
"Oh fer crying out loud! She hit the guy with meat! They should lock her up
and throw away the--"
Wonder Girl kicked Superboy in the side. "You watching this or what?"
"I'm watching it! God, everyone in Gotham IS demented! This is like Jerry
Springer, Unplugged." Superboy leaned forward in anticipation, wondering
what was going to happen next.
The girl on camera fidgeted when she was asked for her name. "We just need
to put it all in our police report." the balding cop explained patiently.
"So, can I have your name?" He waited, pen poised to write.
"Ca-cass. Cassandra," the girl answered, uncertain of herself.
She bit her lip, staring at the officer, unsure how to answer.
"We're going to need your last name," he said with a touch of frustration.
"Cain," the girl whispered finally, almost too low for the directional
microphone on the camera to detect.
"Alright. And how old are you?"
The girl stared at him blankly for a moment, then shrugged.
Kon slapped his knee. "Aww, come on. She has to know how old she is!"
Wonder Girl couldn't take it any more. She crawled off the sofa and sat
cross-legged on the floor. "KON! Incase you haven't noticed, English isn't
her first language! Sponge Bob Squarepants is going to be a detective
before you are."
"Shuddup," Kon snipped. "I'm watching this."
"What about your parents," the cop interjected.
"Mom. dad," the cop explained. "You don't want to end up in juvie," he
She chewed on her cheek, thoughtful for a moment. "Dad. You talk to dad."
She took a small black cell phone and pushed a memory dial, then hit
"send." The microphones picked up the faintest sound of the phone ringing,
and the girl began gnawing on her bottom lip. Finally, someone answered.
"It's Cass. Not out with Bart. In trouble." There was a pause. "Big
trouble. I a bad person. Talk to him." She thrust the phone at the officer.
"Hello, this is Officer Miller with the Gotham P.D. Can I ask who I am
The officer from the car had come back within range of the camera, and was
standing with his hands on his hips, waiting. "Looks like we got hold of
the girl's parents," he explained to the camera absently. "Which is a good
thing. You don't want to see this stuff get out of hand. I mean, yeah. she
did give the kid a compound fracture. But she was crying pretty good."
"Bruce Wayne," the bald officer repeated incredulously into the phone.
"Should I just assume you're not the custodial parent." He nodded a few
times. "Staying with. For how long? And where's her mother."
Still talking with the camera, the other cop gave a tired sigh. "Now
there's something you don't want to see. Mr. Wayne had his own troubles
with the law the last half a year or so. Got cleared on the charges, but
still. And he adopted that grown kid he took in like fourteen or fifteen
years ago. but now he has what appears to be a biological kid popping out
of the woodwork, and the girl ain't even American."
"You might have to come down here," Officer Miller explained into the
phone. "Well, she DID break the young man's arm, and the father wants to
"That is so freaking cool," Superboy announced. "The people in the 'burbs
"Jack Drake. that's right. It would probably end up saving everyone some
"I like chicks who like bone crushing," Slobo announced. "If I didn't have
a girlfriend who could kick some ass, I'd totally be looking up this
"Well, he's going to come down here," the officer said as he handed the
phone back to the girl. "Then we can get this all straightened out."
"No go to juvie?"
"I think it'll help that your dad's kind of known. But I can't promise
anything. You DID break the boy's arm."
The girl looked down at the ground, practically ready to break into sobs
again. "I know. Thought it funny. Not funny. Chicken's funny, and Spam is
funny. Cow not funny."
"We'll have her father have a talk with her. Maybe she doesn't understand."
The cop wiped a line of perspiration from his forehead. "It's good to see
you're sorry. but you really can't go around hitting people with things."
"Normally, we'd be trying to press charges," the other cop explained again
to the camera. Just because you don't want kids going around perpetrating
violence on other kids. But she's beyond remorseful, and her friend doesn't
want us to do anything. As much as you'd like to throw a kid in Juvenile
Detention for being devoid of common sense, you know it wouldn't accomplish
anything in the end. I mean, look who the kid has for a dad. She has two
strikes against her, in the common sense game." That blurb being given, the
station cut to commercials.
"Nooo!! I wanna see the rich guy!" Superboy howled.
"You said it was going to be stupid!" Wonder Girl moaned in defeat. "You
didn't like it because it wasn't the Big City."
"Well, I changed my mind," Kon huffed. "Stupid commercials. It needs to be
like HBO. I mean, geeze, this is so messed up. No WONDER they end up with
people like the Riddler and Poison Ivy running around. Look at how their
NORMAL people act? And no WONDER Robin is a spaz. Did you see that dumb
little kid? He was yellin' at the cop who was just trying to help. And that
chick. Dude. Don't even get me STARTED about that chick. She beats the tar
out of that guy, then she's crying! No wonder Robin just randomly decided
to take a leave of absence last May-he was probably in Arkham, getting
Wonder Girl and Slobo looked from the car commercial gracing the TV screen,
to each other, then to Superboy.
"And he like couldn't go on any missions and stuff. but he came to the
pizza party?" Wonder Girl noted.
"And got all weird about personal space, and no one touching him and
stuff?" Slobo added.
Wonder Girl tilted her head thoughtfully. "Ya think.?"
Kon pulled one leg under him and sat back on the sofa just a little. "Nahh.
I mean. That's just. naah."
There was a cool rush of air as a speedster tore through Young Justice
headquarters like a nasty paper cut. "Whatcha watching?" Bart Allen asked
innocently, then took a sip from his super-size drink, baring the White
The commercial ended, and the show continued. The paramedics continued to
deal with the grumpy young man with the broken arm and the kid's father
started into another tirade about pressing charges before the police could
calm him down.
"Oh," Bart noted in a panicked, high pitched voice.
"Dude, you totally had to have seen this one from the beginning. You went
to Whitecastle and didn't bring anything back?"
"Uh. I forgot that was tonight," Impulse said guiltily.
"You wanted to see it too? I wish we'd have taped this. We need TiVo or
something here. Think the Justice League would spring?" Kon tore the drink
out of his friend's hand. Bart, meanwhile was slow on the uptake because he
was transfixed with the yelling father and the crying girl.
"You guys like totally shouldn't be watching that?"
"Why not," Slobo asked. "I mean, look at that, he's making the girl cry,
and the chick can totally frag him. This is real-life drama stuff, Imp."
"Cause I was supposed to tell you to watch something else cause I know lots
of people who'll be way mad. never mind. Robin's dad's a jerk," Bart
finished as Broken Arm Boy's dad got into the girl's face about suing her
whole family, starting a floodgate of sobs.
"Low attention span or what. And geeze, obvious, much. 'Course Batman's a
jerk," Superboy finished.
"That's not what I. What I meant." The boy blushed a little, then took one
last swig of his drink, slurping the container dry. He shook the empty cup,
then looked around at the small group. "Uhh. I hear Max calling me." The
boy zoomed off, pushing wind through the room before he vanished.
"Ya think." Slobo said, rolling onto his back. "I mean, him and Batgirl."
"Yeah, whatever," Kon answered. "Now, you guys watching the show or not.
Oooh. Car pulling up. Bet it's the rich guy."
Slobo looked back to the television set. "Allz I was saying is.never mind."
Wonder Girl rolled her eyes. "Nahhh."