A/N: I wanna thank Matthew, for inspiring me to write this. Te quiero demasiado. And I also wanna thank James Cameron and Charles Eglee, for creating Dark Angel, which was also another source of inspiration for this piece. It’s mine and ya can’t steal it!!!

Desperation

Desperation.

To wake up and to realize the space
next to you, in bed, is empty.
To turn around to cold empty sheets

and hush the clock and see "no him".

Desperation.

To feel the cold air in the morning

as you walk to take a shower

and not have someone pull you back to bed...

Desperation.

To wash your back

and not be able to reach

without pulling a muscle.

Desperation.
To have cold water hitting your face

and feel as cold as the cold death.

Desperation.
To pretend you're being loved

against the blue tiles

and pretend you're being loved
in the morning light.

Desperation
To not share your coffey

or share your morning joy,
or grunt an: "gotta jet...to work I must".

Desperation.
To go through the day
not looking forward to be home
only to find space, cold,
loneliness.
No arms around you, no heart pounding.
No smile to warm your soul
no comfort in loving words.

Desperation.
To eat without hunger.
To breathe without needing oxygen.

To rest without being tired.
To go back to that same bed
that tortured you in the morning
with it's cold sheets, wide space, big pillows.