A Very Rally Christmas
A Gunsmith Cats Fanfiction by OJR
Disclaimer: All main characters in this fiction are copyright Kenichi Sonoda
and Dark Horse Comics. All firearms and cars mentioned in this fic are
patented by their respective owners. No traffic cones were harmed during the
filming of this fic. Translated from the original Gibberish by Studio Proteus.
T'was the week before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature
was stirring, except Rally Vincent. From the outside of the abode you couldn't
hear anything except the twitter of birds and the distant rumble of the
interstate. However, not all was quiet, for behind the thick soundproofing
Rally was enjoying an early morning session on the range.
*BKAM BKAM" Perfect. She'd punctured the final holes in the card perfectly;
her CZ-75 was as good as any paintbrush to her. It'd taken several rounds
with the big Colt Python and the .44Mag holes were just the right size. The
9mm holes outlined it well and she'd killed two birds with one stone. The card
template flopped away to show a sheet of brushed aluminium, which now
sported many, almost perfectly round, holes. At that point, May walked in, still
in her nightclothes.
"Geez Rally, what're you doing?"
"Making decorations!" She grinned like a lunatic.
"With your guns?!" May was incredulous.
"Yep!" She held out the perforated metal plate.
"Just looks like you were testing some ammo to me."
"Hold it up to the light" She did so.
"WOW! It's a snowman!" And indeed it was. Using her gun, Rally had shot
out perfectly spaced holes to outline the figure and used a higher calibre for
the nose and eyes. Possibly the most unorthodox way of making a
decoration, but nonetheless effective.
"I'll just file and glass the edges to round them off and get rid of the extras, but
it'll look great on the porch light."
"Girl.you're weird! But that's why I love you." May grinned with this and
Rally chuckled. She deposited the plate on the side table and went upstairs
to get some breakfast. A few moments later the girls sat down to eat.
"So you gonna take a break from the biz over the holidays Ral?" May looked
"I'll be closing the shop over the holiday yes."
"But what about your 'hobby'?" inquired May.
"Crime doesn't stop for Christmas and neither do I." Rally smiled a little.
"Aww c'mon girl! You've made so many new friends and you need a break!"
May knew she was right, and had a feeling that Rally would give in this year.
Rally sighed and May thought she was going to get a lecture.
"I guess you're right, we'll take Christmas week off and invite all our friends
and have a big party mm?" May's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. She
squealed in delight and started to babble about all the wonderful things she
was going to cook and all the people they should invite. Rally interjected.
"I'm still gonna work until midweek and I'm starting again a few days after,
understand?" She had that "don't mess with me," voice on.
"Sure thing, a week's plenty of time to have fun!" May looked like a little girl
again, skipping round the house like a loon, re-arranging decorations and
"Merry Christmas Rally."
"Merry Christmas Miss Rally."
"Merry Christmas Ral."
They just wouldn't leave her alone, almost every guy in the precinct had said it
to her and she'd had to watch where she stood as there was mistletoe all over
the place. She finally made it to Roy's office and knocked on the door. Sure
enough he was seated at his desk, sipping a coffee and looking at a report.
He looked up.
"Hi there Rally, Merry Christmas." The only person in the building she'd
wanted to hear that from. She returned it warmly and took a seat.
"So, what brings you here? Didn't you get the bail sheet this morning."
"I thought I'd come and get it personally, and I felt like a drive, plus there's
"Roy, are you and your wife doing anything for Christmas dinner?"
"We were thinking of going out for our lunch."
"Well, would you prefer to come to my house for dinner?" Roy looked
"Are my ears deceiving me? Is Rally 'all work and no play' Vincent actually
taking a well deserved rest for once?" His voice rose in pitch in mock
"Knock it off Roy, I'm just tired of letting Christmas slip by every year, so I'm
going to make up for the last two decades of missed ones by having a real
party this year." She smiled and took the bail sheet copy he handed to her.
Getting up, she was shown to the door by the detective.
"Merry Christmas again and I'll see you on Christmas Day." He smiled
warmly as she stepped out of the door. Rally smiled and caught something
out of the corner of her vision.then leant forward and gave Roy a soft kiss on
the cheek before smiling and walking off. Roy, quite naturally, blushed, then
noted that mistletoe was hanging from the doorframe.
"That wasn't there.Kate? Are you trying to get me into trouble?"
"That Scrooge guy had the right idea...Christmas...it's for losers." Bean
sighed bitterly into his beer, watching the festive programming at his
"There's no work, nothing to do..." He might have added 'nobody to be with'
but then again, that was the life he'd chosen. Nobody knew him, nor did
anyone seem to want to know him...well...there was one...but does being a
royal pain in the ass count as friendship? He creaked out of his chair and
looked out of the window...snow...it had to be goddam snow...no good for
driving in, that was for sure. He decided to take a trip anyway, he didn't
HAVE to go fast...
May dumped the shopping bags on the table, her little Fiat had strained under
the weight of all the shopping she'd done. She bounded back out to the car
and unhooked the baby seat from the front of the car.
"Aww, widdle Kenny is asleep, better not wake him." She carefully carried the
child into the house and set him on the kitchen table, allowing him to sleep
soundly. The tiny baby dozed soundly as she went about unpacking
everything for Christmas dinner.
"When your daddy gets back we'll all be ready to have a big party." May was
20 now, and although she still looked like an adolescent she was taller and
sturdier than before. Her bust had grown, becoming engorged with milk, and
the herbal remedies that Granny Hao had provided had let her carry the child
with ease. She didn't even need an epidural or a C-section, as Granny had
been there to administer acupuncture and act as midwife. Having little Ken Jr.
was one of the happiest days of her life, and being Mrs May Takizawa made
her the happiest girl alive.
"WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" He reverie was cut short by the babies wail. She
smiled at it and picked her angel up, sitting down and unhooking the front of
her dungarees, she began to suckle the child just as Rally walked in.
"Is Junior hungry again?" Rally smiled at the girl-mother.
"When isn't he? At least Ken does the night feeds."
"When he's around"
"Now, now Rally. This is the first time he's left my side since the baby came,
and it's only a weekend trip to LA."
"What does he do there anyway?"
"He's consulting on a film set, there isn't anybody better at pyrotechnics than
my Kenny...well...apart from me maybe."
"Joe Hamill rides again mm?" May laughed.
"I guess so."
The baby gurgled it's contentment as it finished it's snack, and May wiped the
residue from her teat before buttoning up her shirt and pulling the denim strap
over her shoulder again. A quick burping later and the child was happily
giggling with his rattle. May began to unpack the shopping.
"So, who's coming to the gala event, apart from you, me, Mr and Mrs
Coleman, Misty and Becky?" Rally enquired, thinking the guest list was quite
"Mr Smart and the kids are coming along too, and Jeena has a new step-
mom, apparently." May stashed the sage and onion stuffing in an already
bulging cupboard. "Have you gone gift shopping yet?" she asked. Rally
stopped short. She'd forgotten to get the gifts, and there were only a few
hours until the shops closed.
"Awww crap! I've gotta get them before they shut over the holiday!" Rally
grabbed her keys and was on the way to the shops in her Cobra as fast as
Bean's "Buff" purred down the street, a testament to the engineering and care
poured into its design, construction and maintenance. The red machine
cruised easily down the main streets, its driver looking about at the gaily-
decorated shop fronts and people wrapped up in their winter best. Bean
grunted, he was not one of them, he didn't shop for presents or sing carols.
He never had. It was just another day. Although on this day, so close to that
one, he spotted a familiar and, however much he begrudged it, pleasing sight.
The blue, vintage 1967 Shelby GT500 hardtop was sitting gathering snow
outside a small convenience store. He didn't know why, but he pulled the car
into the next space available and walked into the store.
The store itself was the same as the myriad others that sought to separate the
citizens of Chicago from their hard earned Christmas bonuses. It only had a
single cash register, and was mainly a tobacconist and drinks store, but it had
a large selection of Christmas cards in a display at the back. A friendly
looking Chinese man was manning the till, while the familiar raven haired
head was busily scanning the card rack, while her arm cradled a bottle of
"Well, I know how much he likes good wine, but what kind of card does he
appreciate?" Rally was deep in thought, deciding what might please Roy the
most. A familiar gruff voice made her look round.
"A pack of Marlboro and some lighter fuel, boss" Bean stood by the counter.
"Hey Bean, Merry Christmas." She smiled brightly at him as he turned to face
her, pulling off his sunglasses. They both walked over to the card rack.
"So, you on a job? You always seem to be working." She eyed him a little
"Naw, Christmas is always slow. 'Sides, it's dangerous in the snow, goddam
cops try to keep up and end up wrapping their cruisers round a lamp post."
Bean chuckled a little.
"Since when did you care about road safety so much?" She cocked an
"Hey babe, I ain't no asshole, I just work for assholes." He grinned and Rally
covered a chuckle with her hand. At that moment, however, three men
walked briskly through the door, the cheery 'Jingle Bells' novelty chime starkly
contrasting them. Before a word was uttered, the three who were already in
the shop knew there'd be trouble.
"NOBODY MOVE!" The one at the head of the group shouted. They all wore
sunglasses and baseball caps, to hide their identities, but they were all quite
young, one Hispanic and two Caucasian. Rally narrowed her eyes as one of
them levelled a Glock 17 at them. The leader brandished a sawn off, double-
barrelled shotgun and the third member held a machete looking blade.
"WHERE'S YOUR SAFE GRAMPS!?" said the first robber, levelling the
shotgun at the cashier's head. He babbled about it being in the back. The
one with the pistol kept Rally and Bean covered while the machete wielding
punk helped himself to some Southern Comfort. Bean shot a small glance to
Rally, a half grin showing those massive canines of his.
"Yo, dickweeds, why you hasslin' this dude on Christmas?" Bean stepped
toward the guy wielding the pistol. At almost a foot taller than him, the robber
took an instinctive step back before brandishing the gun.
"I SAID DON'T MOVE!" The other two robbers stopped their activities and
turned their attention to the meddlesome duo.
"One more word, shithead, and you're gonna get a 12 gauge up your ass."
The leader stated, matter-of-factly. Bean grinned and took another step
forward. The pistol-wielding robber, who'd been getting more and more
tense, pulled the trigger. The world seemed to slow down after that, with
Rally slipping out from behind Bean, whipping out her CZ-75 in the blink of an
eye, and letting two shots off without even bringing it into the fully ready
position. The two gunmen dropped, clutching their hands, which were both
now pretty useless as Rally had put a bullet through them. The third, who'd
ducked out of Rally's immediate firing arc, swung the machete at Bean's arm,
and for all his might and bluster, he only got a loud *CHINK* of metal on
metal, not budging Bean an inch. The big driver grabbed his wrist, his hand
totally circling it, and with a squeeze elicited a nasty popping, snapping sound,
and a choked scream of pain. The three began to back out of the store. But
at a command from Rally, the all stayed where they were, now painfully aware
of how badly outmatched they were. Bean stepped forward, reaching into his
pocket and pulling out a small wad of $20 notes.
"Here's a hundred bucks, now get to a hospital before we call the cops or the
lady here takes away more than a finger. Merry Christmas. Oh, and if I see
you punks doing shit like this again, I'll snap you like toothpicks." The three,
The shop assistant didn't argue with the hulking Bean when he politely
requested that he didn't phone the police. This, and a further hundred to pay
for the damages meant that he was happy to oblige. Exiting the shop, Rally
smiled up at her companion.
"So, only giving him a broken wrist and sending them away with more money
than they'd have got out of the register. You mellowing in your old age
"Heh, guess I'm feeling festive. They were only kids trying to get by. They
ain't gonna try anything dumb like this again."
"But one of them shot you, I know your jacket stopped it, but they weren't
exactly 'good' kids..."
"Well, what'd you do if you just told some guy to freeze and he made like he
was gonna pop ya one? You'd put a bullet in him. And they don't got the
luxury of being a shit hot shot like yerself."
They walked up to Rally's Cobra, and there was an awkward moment of
"Say, Bean...are you, y'know, busy for Christmas?" She sheepishly looked up
at him, but was surprised to see a little twinge of apprehension on his face.
"Err...well...err...kinda..." He wasn't very good at avoiding such conversation.
"Well, if you want to, you could come round and have dinner with us." She
didn't know why she was asking him, but everyone there would probably like
him to be there, Misty especially. She couldn't help but feel a little twinge of
jealousy; right in the back of her head that someone would like Bean that way.
Or was that someone *else* like him that way. Naw, course not.
"That's real nice of ya Rally but you'll probably have your cop friend
around...me and cops don't mix..." She replied in a soothing voice.
"He'll just be Roy, not Detective Coleman. And his wife'll be there to keep him
in check. And he knows about how you saved me, and May, and Misty before
now." Was that a little bit of a blush creeping onto those granite cheeks of
"Well...I gotta go...shit to do...people to see..." And with that he went to his car
and sped off.
The next few days passed without incident, only a couple of minor cases for
Rally to deal with, and they'd all come along quietly. May had been busy,
looking after Junior and getting everything ready for Christmas. The tree was
trimmed, the decorations were hung, the food was ready to be cooked the
following day, and they'd even laid out the sitting room to be an ad-hoc dining
room. It was Christmas morning, and May was up early, again re-living her
childhood excitement of Christmas. Although she, herself, had arranged the
presents under the tree, she cooed to her tiny son.
"Oooh, lookie Junior, what's Santa brought for you?" He giggled and gurgled
in her arms. Soon, the rest of the house was in the front room. Misty brewed
some gratefully received coffee, while Ken fed Junior from a bottle. It was
time to open the presents.
"Okay, Rally, open yours!" May hopped and skipped around the tree, as Rally
delicately unwrapped the flat, green-papered box. Inside was what looked
like folded material, but upon removing it from the box it turned out to be a
sheer black evening gown.
"Oh God May! How could you afford this?"
"Well, it's kind of a combined gift from me and Misty" Rally smiled at her as
she took out her second present. It was small, only a few centimetres square.
Unwrapping it, all she found in the small black box was a date, about a week
"What's this all about, Ken?" Rally eyed him quizzically.
"Oh that's the delivery date" He beamed at her
"Well, I met a guy in LA who runs a classic car dealership. He had this old
junked GT500 in the back, but the engine was still good. So he sold it to me."
Rally stood back, flabbergasted.
"A whole Shelby 426 block?" All original parts, enough to keep her baby
running indefinitely. She jumped up and hugged her friends in turn.
May was next, tearing the wrapping paper on her gifts. There were assorted
baby clothes for Junior, some chocolates and a new sweater, but the final gift,
from Ken, was a massive surprise.
"Ooh, is it jewellery?" She opened the small box.
"A key? What's it for?" Ken, again cryptic with his gift giving, explained.
"Well, with the money I made on the consultations I've been doing, I put down
the first payment on an apartment in the block down the street, two bedrooms,
bathroom, kitchen, dining area and sitting room." May almost knocked him
over, as he'd put Junior in his baby chair.
"Our very own place?! In Sunrise Apartments?" She just kept hugging him.
Misty a sweater also, herbal salts from Granny Hao, a few romance novels
and some cookery books. Everyone felt extremely festive, and they whiled
away the day singing carols, watching the Christmas movie (Harry Potter) and
playing a hard fought game of Monopoly. A chime signalled the arrival of the
first of the dinner guests. It was Mr Smart and the kids, and they all came
bounding in, the girls immediately cooing over the baby, while Tom chatted
with May and Rally about their adventures.
"So, this is your new partner?" Rally extended her hand to the brunette
woman. She was a little younger than Smart, and very pretty, and she held
herself with an air of elegance.
"Delighted to meet you, dear, I'm Fiona" she said, a lilting Irish tone in her
"We met a while ago, she's one of my stage assistants." Smart beamed.
"Well, it's nice to meet you Fiona, and congratulations for landing her,
Michael. Would you like a drink?" Another chime on the door, a little later,
signalled the arrival of Mr and Mrs Coleman. Rally opened the door and
greeted them warmly.
"Roy, come in, come in. And this must be Mrs Coleman, I've heard so much
about you." Rally beamed at them. Roy's wife, a happy looking woman in her
forties, with long brown hair, shook Rally's hand heartily.
"Ooh, do call me Clara, I've heard a lot about you too, Rally dear. So you're
the 'other' woman I've always been so worried about. Between you and me, I
think he's being a bit fatherly, worrying about you like he does." She
chuckled, a pleasant sound, like a babbling brook. Roy blushed a little.
They all retreated to the dining area, where all the seats were laid out. There
was a noticeable lack of a chair at the bottom end of the table, leaving the
space free. May went to get the food, and the diners all sat, anticipating quite
It was a very strange feeling, loneliness. He'd thrived on the "lone wolf" bit for
years now. No allies, strict rules, do the job, get paid. But now he was
running around doing favours left, right and centre, refusing drugs runs and
now he was feeling lonely. And it was all her fault. But, if he was honest with
himself, he'd not have it any other way. His place was so incognito, that not
even carollers bothered to knock the door. And for the first time, he felt like
he wanted to be somewhere else. He tore open another beer and took a bite
out of the fried chicken he'd bought. Some Christmas dinner...Christmas
dinner, he'd never had one. What was he thinking? Would he seriously
consider sitting himself down at a dinner table with Rally and everyone else?
However ridiculous trying to eat in a polite manner would be, Bean still
couldn't help getting out of his seat, pulling on his best suit, smoothing his hair
back and walking out of the door.
Just as May was about to serve the vegetable soup, a rumble sounded from
outside. Not of thunder, but of a powerful car coming to a halt. Rally looked
up instinctively. A thought tapped at the back of her head, and she stood up
from the table, walking through to the front door. May, who'd finished ladling
the soup, went to the front window to see what Rally was looking at. To her
surprise, she saw the huge frame of Bean Bandit, looking a lot more nervous
than he usually did, walking slowly toward the door. Rally met him on the
"Heya Rally...I just thought I'd come over and say Merry Christmas...y'know."
"Aww, that's sweet Bean, why don't you come in? There's plenty for
"Naw...I'd just embarrass ya. But I did wanna give you something." He
reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, placing it in her upturned
"I just saw it in a store and it reminded me of you, just thought it'd be cool to
get into the festive spirit...pretty lame huh?" Rally opened the box to find a
delicate gold chain. The pendant attached looked like a butterfly, but upon
closer inspection it was evident that it was a bullet. A bullet with butterfly
"Oh...my...it's beautiful, Bean...thank you." She turned her face up to look at
him, a large smile over her face, which almost broke into laughter when she
saw the 'fish out of water', look on Bean's face. It was then she noticed
something hanging from the porch awning. It was a sprig of mistletoe. Bean
noticed where her eyes were directed, and took a look up himself. It was the
first time she'd ever seen Bean look worried. His nose started to go crimson
and he looked like he was about to run away. Now this was a fun situation.
For the very first time she felt confident, in control and on familiar ground,
while Bean was confused and tenuous. The role reversal itself was
something to savour. But this little trinket posed a problem to her. Was it OK
to give him a little peck? Surely it was, it's not like she was going to jump him
or anything. But a tiny little slice of her brain kept telling her "Don't be so sure,
"Well, Bean, it *is* Christmas."
Authors note - You can decide the ending for yourself, or you could cajole me
into writing a bit more at the end. Well, reviews are gratefully received, as
ever. I'd also like to dedicate this fiction to Madame Manga, whose amazing
Gunsmith Cats fiction has spurred me to attempt my own.