Anyways, I would like to know what directions you would think the main characters in my fan fic should go. And I can't tell you what ahppaned to them so far - I'd have to summarive 4000 somethign words!

Depends on the story you want to tell, I guess. I could answer a more specific question but I'm not sure what to tell you now.

I find your story very interesting, but since we're talking about the characters - probably what I find the most problematic are the number of original characters that can make the text a little incoherent at times. Ferin and Alladra are probably the most problematic of the lot - 'Ferin' just seems like he usurps the text a lot of the time. He is the 'wolf' to Squall's lion, he overtakes Seifer as Squall's number one rival, he's forgiven unconditionally by Kadowaki for killing Edea and Cid - also he has a trenchcoat and a katana, which are kind of giveaway signs that a character is meant to be 'cool'. He also has a tragic backstory and pretty much turns Squall into a bumbling fool who can't handle him easily. There are some good ideas with the character, but when he starts to overshadow the rest of the cast, you're in danger of making him a Gary Stu.

I write some OCs myself so I know how difficult it can be to slip them into the cast seamlessly.

http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm

Here's a good test to take to ask yourself questions about Ferin's character.

Actually, taht was not the reason I did taht symbolism for Ferin. You see, the wolf is not only seen as a symbol of honor in many cultures, but because wolves are in a pack, which is what essentially Ferin deep down inside of him is looking for. A pack; a faimily.

he overtakes Seifer as Squall's number one rival

It may seem that way by Chapter II, but by Three and Four, and maybe even Five, I assure you things will change.

he's forgiven unconditionally by Kadowaki for killing Edea and Cid

Who says she's forgiven him unconditionally? She loves Ferin, and she wanted Squall and the rest to know his nature, the REASON why he did it, to show them he's no simple minded lunatic.

Unfortunately, and I've used it myself - the statement "wait until chapter XYZ" doesn't really work, because it doesn't take away the facts you've already laid down for Ferin. You'd have to do one heck of a turnaround for Ferin to make him, well, less of a Gary Stu. He'd have to end up a humpbacked lesbian crone with a house filled with cats, as the saying goes.

But teh fact that I've already releashed Chapters 3, 4 and 5 kind do help my argument however. :D

But I see you point, I see now that I unintentionally made Ferin on some levels a little bit too similiar to Squall, and his rival (that was somewhat intended when I started writing this fan fiction, but I am now changing that). I'll keep your points in mind when I work on Chapter Six.

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