All over, he's not what's expected in a writer. His dark blonde (almost brown) hair is long and absurdly shaggy; he's clearly not had it cut it in over a year (maybe he's just lazy, one may note, observing his scruffy facial hair, which lacks the thickness to be called a beard). His hazel eyes are lopsided, one only slightly closer to his nose than the other, and hidden behind glasses with square black frames, which reflect the light from the ceiling. His nose is broad and slightly misshapen, and a long, narrow jaw makes his jutting chin look even more pronounced, though it conversely takes the focus of a slightly plump mouth, which is puckered in confusion at the intense observation currently focused on him.

He has narrow shoulders, one may decide, and an all-around skinny (almost unnaturally so) body hidden beneath a loose-fitting shirt. His pants hang low around his bony waist, though a pale set of feet poke out from under the cuffs, nails badly trimmed, mirroring the nails on his pale, short-fingered hands, attached to a bony wrist.

He's a skeleton, one could decide. Even his almost unnaturally pale skin (which he's attributed to his European ancestry) only lends to the comparison.

Soon, his confused pucker fades to an irritated furrowing of the brow.

"What are you waiting for?" he asks, annoyed. "A story?"

l...l...l...l...l...l...l

Early Years/"First Sight"

Lord Cargyle was born 2 December, 1988, in Lakenheath, Suffolk, in England, while his parents were serving the U.S. Air Force in the nearby RAF Mildenhall. Shortly thereafter, his family moved back to the United States to raise their child. He was first introduced to the Harry Potter series at the tender age of eleven, when his mother bought him the Chamber of Secrets not knowing that it was in fact the second book in the series. Confused but intrigued by this magical world, he quickly beseeched his mother to buy him the other three books so he could read them properly. Upon finishing the only four currently published, he began to obsessively reread them while waiting for the fifth, completely ignoring all other literature in favor of the Harry Potter books. When the fifth came out, he purchased it and finished it that same day, resuming his obsessive rereading schedule, only now with a new book.

Fandom/Fan Fiction

By the time the sixth book came out, Cargyle was old enough to realize that maybe Harry Potter and Hermione Granger would be better suited for each other than Harry and Ginny, despite popular opinion favoring the latter pairing. Thus, it was with bemused shock that he read the infamous "Quidditch Kiss" scene, which dashed any hopes of Harry and Hermione ever getting together. It was in high school that he discovered fan fiction at a website known as Mugglenet. Soon, though, he found his way to FanFiction.net, where he read every Harry/Hermione story he could find. After months of this, he finally decided to publish his first fan fiction, "Voldemort's Help", which received generally positive reviews. Emboldened by this, he began work on "The Chamber of Secrets: With a Twist", a story starring his own OC, Leon Mason.

The WaT Saga/Hiatus

"Chamber of Secrets: With a Twist" was a generally positive success, and Leon Mason was well-liked by readers. For two years, Cargyle dedicated his time completely to the WaT Saga, as he'd come to call it, taking time only to publish three small one-shots, "First Date", "The Lamentable Tale of Terry Boot", and "Revelations on a Stairwell". "Chamber of Secrets: With a Twist" was soon finished, and "Prisoner of Azkaban: With a Twist" soon followed and was finished as well. It was halfway through "Goblet of Fire: With a Twist" that real-life demands called his attention away from fan fiction. Cargyle had already been letting the story stagnate due lack of inspiration and drive, and this was the final straw. He left the site indefinitely, leaving his story unfinished and quite a few unhappy readers who soon abandoned hope that he would finish what he started.

WDWYCSTD?/Return

Years later, while working the late shift at Walmart, an older, wiser Cargyle experienced a flash of inspiration. It had been a while since his last fan fiction, but a simple one-shot would be almost no trouble at all. Thus, when he got home that night, he began work on "Why Dance When You Can Slay the Dragon?", the title of which is derived from the Yule Ball setting of the story (dance) and the perilous task Harry would have just completed in the story (slay the dragon). The story, originally intended to be a one to two chapter story, was met with tremendous approval and demands for more. Midway through writing the second (and supposedly final) chapter, Cargyle experienced yet another flash of inspiration which quickly expanded into a lengthy plot-line for the story, including international wizards, the use of robots and muggle/magic hybrid technology, and well-executed OCs, including the return of a redesigned Leon Mason. While working on "WDWYCSTD?", Cargyle looked back on his WaT saga contemplatively one night and after much thought, decided to dispose of the stories, which he decided on retrospect were not his best work and, indeed, below average. Satisfied with his newest work, he rid himself of his former failure. He soon finished with WDWYCSTD? and sat back, looking on the story with satisfaction. Seven hundred reviews, he decided, was worth the effort.

Portkey Foray/New Works

While taking a break from fan fiction following the completion of WDWYCSTD?, Cargyle decided it was time to expand his audience and took up with Portkey.org, a Harry Potter exclusive fan fiction site that accepted only four "ships", one of which was Cargyle's specialty, Harry/Hermione. Reception to WDWYCSTD? was mixed, and after a few scathing reviews, Cargyle lost his enthusiasm for the site and his new sequel "A Disparate Set of Events With Coinciding Elements" (the title of which is nothing more than an incredibly elaborate definition for the word "sequel"). Not to be deterred, he instead devoted his time to a story he'd originally conceived during the writing of WDWYCSTD?, at the time known only as "Wax Hand". Digging the first four chapters out of his archives, he quickly set to work revising and editing them, retitling them as "An Effortless Display of Segue Prowess", a title nodding at his shift from WDWYCSTD? and "Disparate" to his new works (a segue). Currently, he is devoting nearly all his time to this new story.

Bibliography:

In Progress:

An Effortless Display of Segue Prowess

Cargyle: This little idea occurred to me ages ago while I was working, and I'd written a few chapters, but I lost steam and filed it away to devote my time to WDWYCSTD?. Now, though, with that story finished and the sequel on a break (the muse has left me), I can work on this one. In the story, I explore what would happen if Hermione was in second year while Harry was in first. How much would change now that our favorite bushy-haired know-it-all has a year's experience on Harry?

A Disparate Set of Events with Coinciding Elements

Cargyle: Due to semi-popular demand, I've decided to make a sequel to WDWYCSTD?. Why? 'Cause. Riddle's been defeated, but Harry's still got four years of school left. Join Harry and Co. as they return to Hogwarts and meet new professors, forge unusual friendships, and uncover a dark secret within the stone walls of Hogwarts... DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUNNNNN!

Due to a severe lack of willpower, production of this story has ground to a slow crawl.

Complete:

Why Dance When You Can Slay The Dragon?

Cargyle: I had seriously considered quitting fan fiction entirely and had been on a permanent hiatus, but I had this little idea out of nowhere while alone at work late one night. What if Harry had decided to take his friend Hermione to the Yule Ball? Just as friends, you know? And I got to thinking, how would that happen? Then, it was off, and I couldn't rest until I'd written this story. Thus, I had a little one-shot that would involve Hermione and Harry getting together while preparing for the ball through dancing lessons. And you guys ate it up. I swear, the next morning, I had like fifty reviews clamoring for more. So, I gave you more. And it took off from there. Now WDWYCSTD, as a reviewer acronym'd it, is a nice epic, multi-chapter fic. I blame you all.

Compulsion

Cargyle: Again, I was struck with an idea at work. What would be the absolute quickest method for Harry and Hermione to get together. Why, a compulsion charm, of course, courtesy of the Weasley twins. But who is the charm on, and at what cost will the pair realize they're meant for each other?

The Romance of Neville Longbottom

Cargyle: Part of my "Pre-Hiatus" stories. A Victory Ball is thrown immediately following Riddle's defeat, and Neville finds himself invited by a most unique girl. Will he get the girl? And if so, which one?

Revelations on a Stairwell

Cargyle: My first Yule Ball fic, and maybe not my best, as it's Pre-Hi (Pre-Hiatus). I was walking through the kitchen while my mom was watching the GoF movie. It was on the Yule Ball scene, and I saw the two boys leave Hermione crying on a stairway, and I thought to myself, "Maybe Ron, but surely Harry wouldn't leave his best friend crying on a staircase, even if he is a little socially inept." So, I set to fix that in the world of fanon.

The Lamentable Tale of Terry Boot

Cargyle: Ah, Terry Boot. I swear, I have nothing against him, and he's completely OOC in this story, but I felt like picking on him a little. Terry Boot conspires to bed Hermione and will go to any lengths to do so. Harry disagrees. Pre-Hi.

First Date

Cargyle: Written in silly second-person perspective, so it sounds like one of those written RPGs, but other than that, I don't think it's too bad. Ron dares Harry and Hermione to go on a date, putting their relationship into new perspective. Pre-Hi.

Voldemort's Help

Cargyle: Ah, my maiden voyage into the realm of fan fiction. I can't quite remember how the idea came about, but I'm pretty sure I thought to myself, "If Harry feels what Voldemort feels during fifth year, would he feel...amorous urges? And what if he felt these around a certain bushy-haired friend of his?" Well, the possibilities were too much, so I dove into the stormy waters of this site.