I hope to have my story updated soon so don't worry.

Quotes

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

"I don't like you, you don't like me...we're on even grounds..."

"Love and war are the same. One minute you are winning it and the next your dying because of it..."

"WARNING! Please stay 10 feet away. May be dangerous."

"The aliens have landed and they're eating all the skinny blondes first."

"I'm the man of the house and I have my wife's permission to say so."

"I could be nicer to you but what fun will that be?"

"You'd think they'd be at least one smart person on the Earth other than the ones who have filed for insanity..."

"If Tylenol, Duck Tape, and a Band Aid can't fix it, then you have a serious problem."

"Always remember- when a guy sweeps you off you're feet, he is in the perfect position to drop you on your ass."

"A wise man once said, "I don't know - go ask a woman."

"I like to visit reality, but I wouldn't want to live there."

"Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astraire did, only she did it backwards, and in high heels."

"A woman is like a tea bag... you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water."

"Coffee, chocolate, men... some things are just better rich!"

"All stressed out and no one to choke."

"I can be one of those bad things that happen to bad people."

"IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN!"

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” -Bryan White

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” -unknown

“I won’t be surprised to find that when the world goes crazy I’ll be considered sane. Until then, fuck you.” -Mary Seif

“…I’ve heard similar things from fools whose memories I keep alive by dancing on their tombstones!” -Inu-Yasha

“I gonna slit your stomach, take out your guts, and put them in a bowl!” -Inu-Yasha

“Give me coffee and no one gets hurt!”

“Here’s to you, Here’s to me, Best friends we’ll always be, And if somehow we disagree, To hell with you, here’s to me!”

“Ah shit, you’re gonna try to cheer me up, aren’t you?”

“Try not to let your mind wander. It’s too small to be outside on its own.” -T-shirt

"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?" -Dennis Leary

“Holy Shit! My House is on fire! Hmmm…Marshmallows…” -Comedian on Comedy Central

“Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.”

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." -- Emo Philips

"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual." -- Patrick Moore

"I'd watch out Elli...She's 'coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs." - Eric; Cursed

"Women are really scary..." - Shippo; Inuyasha

"I'm here to kiss ass and chew bubble gum, but it seems I'm all out of bubble gum." - Seto Kaiba; YuGiOh!

"Something to protect, you say? I, Sesshomaru...protect no one!" - Sesshomaru; Inuyasha The Movie: Swords of an Honorable Ruler

"Alas, the dismal fate of Jaken..." - Jaken; Inuyasha The Movie: Affections Across Time

"Mother was right, I should have become a ferry man." - Jaken; Inuyasha

"Your stupidity knows no bounds." Sesshomaru; Inuyasha

"Hey Shippo, your village called! They're missing their idiot!" - Inuyasha; Inuyasha

"Know your place! Inuyasha,a hanyou should act like a hanyou and lick the ground!" - Sesshomaru; Inuyasha

"This Sesshomaru bows to no one!" - Sesshomaru; Inuyasha