Hold on to me, love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was, "I love you and I'm not afraid."
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?

Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light

It ends here tonight

I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest

Hiding in a hollow tree (Come find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears

Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light

It ends here tonight

Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there

Say goodnight
Don't be afraid
Calling me, calling me

As you fade to black (say good night)

Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

~ My Last Breath; Evanescence

Not So Daily Diary:

08.04.09

Don't worry, it's still .Lost-Blue-Phnatom. I changed my penname for . . . an interesting reason. Stop by The Domain (the number one forum in general) and come find out why.

"Sometimes good command decisions are compromised by bad emotional responses."~ Ben Linus; Episode 4.13- There's No Place Like Home Part 2

"Lie to them, Jack. If you do it half as well as you lie to yourself, they’ll believe you."~ John Locke; Episode 4.13- There's No Place Like Home Part 2

"But you'll understand soon enough that there are consequences to being chosen. Because destiny, John, is a fickle bitch."~ Ben Linus; Episode 4.11- Cabin Fever

"I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning?But if I'm not the same, the next question is, 'who in the world am I?' Aha, that's the great puzzle." ~Alice in Wonderland

"He changed the rules."~ Ben Linus; Episode 4.09; In the Shape of Things To Come

"I ask for no forgiveness, Father, for I have not sinned. I have only done what I needed to do to survive. A small boy once asked me if I was a bad man. If I could answer him now, I would tell him that when I was a young boy, I killed a man to save my brother's life. I am not sorry for this. I am proud of this. I did not ask for the life I was given, but it was given nonetheless, and with it, I did my best. "~ Mr. Eko; Episode 3.5- The Cost of Living

"A guy goes nuts if he ain't got nobody. It don't make no difference who the guy is, as long as he's with ya. I tell ya, I tell ya a guy gets too lonely and he gets sick. "~ Of Mice and Men

Fic List (You don't have to pay attention to this, unless you're curious. I just need somewhere to organize my thoughts):

Damaged to be succeeded by Atonement (rightfully so, as Atonement is Damaged's sequel).

One Day More to be succeeded by Rienzi (prequel to Poet and Peasant).

Poet and Peasant to be succeeded by multi-chaptered Lost Fic?

Win One for the Reaper to be succeeded by Potential Sequel?

Hometown Glory to be succeeded by multi-chaptered Moonlight fic?

I enjoy writing about the following characters and here is why:

Eponine (Les Miserables): In stark contrast to Hugo's 'ugly' portrayl of her, I prefer my Eponine to be dark and beautiful, as she is in the musical. Shallow? Maybe. But I always thought that she should be shown as having as much 'potential' as Cosette. I do not believe that Marius and Eponine should end up together. Why? Because it wasn't meant to be. And MariusxCosette is win. Not my point. Anyway, any MariusxEponine I do write will always be unrequited. Any requited pairings will probably involve Enjoras. She was the first to die at the barricade, he was the first to die in the final seige. It works. Besides, once they're in the afterlife, anything goes.

Cosette (Les Miserables): I don't hate Cosette as much as I used to. There is a child-like fragility that is expressed a lot in the musical. It is this child-like fragility that allows for some very sappy MariusxCosette, and some very interesting and surreal bonding moments for Cosette and Fantine. Insane Cosette, Iw ould love

Fantine (Les Miserables): If you haven't noticed by now, I don't like writing about any of the guys in Les Mis. I can't help it. In the musical, Marius is the only one of the Revolutionary students given a real personality, and I feel everyone writes about Valijean and Javert. I haven't read the book. I'm sorry if I misled you. Anyway, I like writing about Fantine because she can be portrayed in the 'purest' light. She will always be the angel figure in anything I write involving Les Mis, although I really want to explore a more vengeful side of Fantine one day . . .

Any obscure character in Harry Potter: Just because the more obscure characters, the ones that disappear and never return are always the most fun to write about.

Stonefur (Warriors): I like cracking that personality of his wide open.

Featherfail (Warriors): She died. That made me sad. But at the same time, I feel like perhaps there was more to the gentle, kind Feathertail we saw on the journey? Vengeful StarClan cat. I think so.

Tawnypelt (Warriors): As one of the remaining unSue-ified cats in the series, I like writing about her because it is a challenge to write out her distinctive personality.

Erik (Phantom of the Opera): Monseiur le Fantome! Erik . . . he has been portrayed so many different ways, so many different times. It's really hard to pick one personality for him. My Erik is usually Gerik. He's really the only Erik I know, as I didn't care for Lerik. Although, Lerik is probably more challenged to write. Has more of a dementia about him.

Madame Giry (Phantom of the Opera): I love this old lady. Madame Giry will always be 2004 ALW, Miranda Richardson Madame Giry. That Madame Giry is calm, collected, yet has her fair share of dark secrets. Yum.

Meg Giry (Phantom of the Opera): Everyone forgets about Meg! It's all about Christine! Meg is a lot like Eponine in this regard.

Christine (Phantom of the Opera): Talk about "plays a virgin in the light, but needs no urging in the night"! Christine, can be portrayed a number of ways. Sweet and innocent? Deranged (my favorite Christine, by far)? Manipulative and seductive? If I ever write something else about Christine, I will just put a bunch of personalities in a hat, and pick one.

Tony Almeida (24): Not so much anymore, as the writers have abandoned his altruistic nature and turned him into a legit villain. I like Season 1-4 Tony. Anything after that never happened. We couldn't have let Jack walk off into the sunset and leave ToChelle be?

Michelle Dessler (24): The kick-ass angel. 'nuff said.

Elle (Heroes): What's not to love about Elle fucking Bishop? She's extremely twisted, but is extremely broken on the inside, even she tries to hide it.

Sylar (Heroes): You love writing about him too.

Any Lost character: Seriously, you can ask me to write something about almost any Lost character and I will do it. Except for Stewart. He fucked everything up.

Quotes:

"I TYPED IN WHORE AND YOUR PENGUIN LOOKED AT ME SUGGESTIVELY!"- Me to Hannah about her Super Buddy on AIM.

"It’s about communication between people. Emotional communication. Not like, “Oh, what’d joo have for lunch? Pancakes? That’s odd . . .”- Me to a friend as we were discussing a song.

"Spiritual empowerment. FOR THE WIN."- Me on Celine Dion's A New Day Has Come.

“A PEN THAT ERASES! THE 80’S ARE GONNA ROCK!”- Stephanie D'Abruzzo on I Love the 80's 3D.

“Do you feel like a man when you push her around?”
“I’ll let you know when I start feeling like a man.”~ My friend and I, respectively.

"What the...SOMEONE VOTED FOR ME! And it wasn't me.."- Flameh

"FLAMIE IS GUILTY! BE-HEAD HIM!

WTF? You said I was a guy again! -stab-"~ Lia and Flameh

"ShadowClan isn't mean, people. If anything, Lia's been kidnapped by THUNDERCLAN."

"Oh no! The Clan of Mary Sues and Gary Stus would never steal Lia. They wouldnt even steal a measely feather off a dieing bird. ShadowClan did it!"

"It CAN'T be ShadowClan. ShadowClan is not EVIL."

"It was Starclan. They make the most retarded, easy to decipher prochecies."~ Me, Kelly, Me (again), and Annie

"Word, playa."

"You forgot the turquoise hat."~ Rayne and Jenny

"Peole, this is LostBluePhantom who agrees with me about stuff like ThunderClan always being sparkly and good and ShadowClan being OMGEVUL. As displayed in her fic Damaged. Which you should all go read. Now."~ Flameh

"Tonight we dine one ghosts! IN HELL!"~Duxa

"AHHHHHH! I LOVE THIS! I be a meddy cat."~ Rayne

"Flameh thinks we're retarded. Don't you Flameh? She's too good to associate with us...little snob..." ~Aly

"ZOMG STALKER AND ANOTHER CONSPIRACY! -rushes to conspiracy thread-"

"Now I'm the evil plotter? How rude... "~ Aly and Flameh

"Screw reality checks." ~ Flameh

"ROFL. I don't kill anyone, don't worry. I just come haunt you with my uber Phantomness. EVANESCENCE IS THE SHIZZ. Sorry, I had to get that out of my system."

"Right...do you wanna help me take over the world?"

"Are you serious? Because I've always wanted to take over the world." ~ Rayne and I, not respectively

"The words "hard on" are censored. Methinks that somes sheer WTFery right there."~ Flameh

"I'M NOT ALONE IN THE WORLD!"

"No duh. It's the world. You can never be alone."

"Well, you can if you get put in a rubber room!"~ Rayne and I, respectively

"Yay! Icons are the shizzle."

"0_o Dont ever say that again..."~ Aly and I, err not respectively

Icecream is edible. Unless you're Tawneypelt. Because that, my dear children, would be canibalism.

JOHNNY DEPP FTW! Why is the rum ALWAYS gone? ~ Rayne and I, respectively

"IDK. Can I eat Bob when he's fully cooked?"~ Rayne

"Seeing a cute/strong/interesting/battle-worn tom/she-cat during a Gathering/patrol/battle/medicine cat journey/Pizza Hut trip." ~ Jenny

"AMPs. I missed them. I just spent twenty seconds giggling because of the golden shield by my name."~ Jenny

"Uhh, don't be afraid to join us, even though we're pretty tight? I don't know. I'm writing Damaged."
"You are? -drool- "~Jenny and I

"Good. Don't you fucking dare feel guilty, okay? -is tempted to say sweetheart-"~ Viv

"My emotional side? Oh, I stabbed it to death a few years back. -nod- It was a lot of fun. -nod-"~ AD

"OK, what the hell am I? A fortune cookie?"
"Don't make me eat you. I really will."~ Golde and Viv, respectively

"So You Think You Can Dance related quotes."
"MY NEW BEST FRIEND."~ Viv and I, respectively

"...I was just remembering that time when we were reading old posts and found the Goldfish bag thing, and then the expiration date that I complained about then was the day that it was, and...now I'm rambling about it. -misty eyes-"~ Jenny

"-nod- Well, it's not like I could come out and tell you that I'm actually Britney Sp -- ...Oops. I'll leave that there because the backspace button doesn't exist. ;)"~ Ky

"Fuck that rule. If mods can't be trusted not to delete everything, they shouldn't be mods."
"XDDD That was a very Jenny moment."~ Jenny and Golde, respectively

“Flameh! I just realized... I have never, ever once accused you of being a hippie! XDD”~AD

“My dream promoted ellipse abuse? D8” ~ Flameh

“Kyota. Yota. Yoda. OK, you’re Yoda now. Deal with it.”~ Golde

“Your nickname is KyKy. That is a very sexy name, and nobody had better mess with it or I'll sick Golde on you.”
“What am I? A dog?”~ Cinder and Golde, respectively

“This...coming from you, Silver. XDDD”
“...And that's supposed to mean...?”
“-stare- Not in front of the kids, Silver. XD”
“I am capable of a clean conversation. XD” ~ AD and Silve, respectively

“Hey, we have over one-thousand posts! 8DDDD”
“I know. Take that, Cst. It took you days.”
“Cst is gone now, so there's no point in talking to it, but...in yo' face, Cst~!” ~ Ky and Jenny, respectively

“Yeah. Especially you, 'cause when I was writing your bio, I was like "Golde is...Golde is...hmm. Golde is female." XDDDD”
“Or am I... XDDD”
“-gasp-“
“Yes. It's true. I'm secretly a fat 57-year-old bald guy with a pot belly who lives in the basement of his mother's shack and hasn't seen daylight for 50 years. XDDDD”
“-gasp- I KNEW IT!”
“Now that my secrets blown I will have to create a new identity! I shall become BATMAN Version 2.0!!”~ Ky, Golde, Jenny and I.

“Did I really say that?... -sighs- But I like hugging people... it's hard not to hug my friends...”
“Cass, this is why you've been getting-- and spreading-- STDs. XDDD”~ Cass and Silve, respectively.

"And for a moment, I couldn't breathe because I realized it was gone."~ Me

“Cyn, no one's a bigger screw up than George W. Bush. Don't fail as much as him, and life is good. XD”~ Silve

“We're talking about having sex with fruit? How could I miss this?!”~ Stream

“I swear, this flipping bug in my room wants me to eat it. It keeps hovering around my mouth going "Eat me, eat me!"”
“Well, that would be a tip-off. -nod-“~ Cyn and Jenny, respectively.

“Jenny, I just realized I had your profile opened in two windows. I think I've become a creeper.
o.o''~ Jenny and I, not respectively.

“JENNY IS MY TWIN FOR LIFE AND NOBODY WILL EVER REPLACE HER! Do I win, Jenny?”
“Yes, Bluey. You win~”- Me and Jenny, respectively

Carlos Bernard (in a really bad Australian accent): Hello, I'm Sarah Wynter and I play Kate Warner.

Sarah Wynter (in some kind of odd gangster accent): My name is Carlos Bernard and I play Tony Almei-DUH

Michelle Forbes (brightly): My name is Joan and I play the bomb!

- Day 2 11:00 am to 12:00 pm commentary done by the aforementioned three actors.

"don't eat me! though, i am undoubtedly rather tasty..."- The Hero Sis

"TV fuzz alone can save our forum."~ Aly

"Did I miss something? Kelly is doing humor?" ~Rayne

"'No, it's just Rayne doing everybody again. Amber and Piglet are...yeah. Carry on,' Birchstar informed in. Next clearing over, the show Tainted's Domain was playing on satellite TV."~ Rayne’s humor fic

"Now, you must have a name," Birchstar said as he pulled his nose back from Starflame's forehead. "The current ideas are Starstar, Flamestar, Star, and...Freak. Someone mentioned Flamesprit, but that's not a leader name. Though it does have a nice ring to it... Anyways, choose your name."

Starflame stared at him incredulously. "You cannot be serious! They're all fucking retarded names!" Birchstar stared at her as cries erupted from one clearing over.

"No! Rayne sacrificed her self to save Losteh!"

"NO! Amber and Jayde killed Rayne after she killed Losteh!"

"NO! You're all wrong! WonderC password protected the computer!"~ Rayne’s story that may actually be up still.

“Hey . . . if StonexFeather, why not MistyxStorm?”
“Because she's DEAD. DEADSIES. DEADWOOD. DEAD LIKE DEADFOOT'S DEAD FOOT.”~ Annie and Jenny, respectively

"'Stonefur's a wimp, BloodClan wins, and NP gets fucked up the arse, and - oh, hells, is that a Twoleg monster?'"~ Jenny

"Dude, that'd be ass kickin'. If Stonefur were the father of Sandstorm's kits. Although that's kinda pedophile-ish. Because in Into The Wild, they say that Stonefur is already, "A great warrior." Unless Stonefur is the RiverClan version of Fireheart/star/Ihateyou,youmuthafuckin'garystusodie." ~ Losteh

"The tortoiseshell she-cat rolled her eyes. 'YOU FUCKED A STICK, MORON!' she snapped. 'GAWD~'"~ Jenny

“My life aspiration: write the first Warriors over-300k-word fic. :D”
“ Apparently, Im going to do that before you if I would learn to update WTWH at reasonable times.” ~ Jenny and Aly

"'Anyone else'? Hmm...maybe you should've used selective phrasing... -grin- But I'm not naming names coughBlueycough?”
"What about me now? You want me to join this crazy quest? Imma get my my arse kicked down to New Mexico."
"Well, they have nice weather. -grin-"~ Jenny and I, respectively.

"Losteh, you dropped something."~Aky

“Are.you.SERIOUS?”
“ Oh, yes, Lost, I am joking. In fact, this whole forum has been a lie. It was never here.”
“XD I love how Bluey gets it AFTER I've gone through the "WTF?" process. WAIT, WHAT! ALY, NO~ Now I don't want to wake up in the morning. DDDD=” ~ Me, Aly and Jenny, respectively.

"OMIGAW WONDERC WE'REA RISE UP AND DESTROY YOUUUUUUU~

...I don't know WTF that was."-Jenny

"Roofman, the world's gayest superhero! -plays Candy Man as theme music-" -Jenny

"OMIGAW! YOU KILLED ROOFMAN! Kelly-man, you haff defeated him=O"~ Jenny

"I would never kill an innocent gay super-hero!"~Kelly

"OMGIKNO. WTF. Am I on crack?"

"No, you're on SWEATER, stupid~"Jenny and I, not respectively.

"Fuck."~ Jenny

"FUCK~"~ Jenny

"Who can make our roofs shine?
Sprinkle them with glue?
The Roofman can~"~ Jenny

"ARGH! The lack of capital letters - it's eating away at my so-o-o-o-u-u-ul! DDD8"~ Jenny

"OMIGAW~ I thought that was just a myth! FLAMEH DOES EXIST~ ...Because she's a figment of...of...RAYNE's imagination!"~ Jenny

"I might take more pictures next time I go walking. (I just HAVE to show you what an alligator in the WILD, not in a FRICKIN zoo looks like. I like to play around with them...until they come back for revenge. Then, your run. And if running doesn't work, run some more.)"~ Aly

"About the Santa has AIDS thing, my brother used to say that if I wasn't good Santa would rape me. I thought it meant tickle."~ Rave

"Annie still here?"
"No, I'm gone."
"Oh, good."~Ferny and Rayne!

"Ah, screw quotes! They're nothing but words! I'm getting out of here."~ Mem

"I heart Rent."
"I love you. xDDD"~ Markie and I, not respectively.

"Oh well. I rather like this new title of 'asshole'. It makes me feel distinguished."~ Me

"Don't snap at me for being concerned. Every mother is concerned about their children. Although, you're not my child and it'd be kind of disturbing if you were."~ Me

"They're not morons; they just want to help."
"Yeah. When I want to help, I march right over to the person in charge and take a piss on their shoes." ~Rayne and Piglet, respectively.

"BlackClan – The cats of this Clan all have some black on their pelt. WhiteClan – The cats of this Clan all have some white on their pelt. GrayClan – The cats of this Clan all have some silver or gray on their pelt. RedClan – The cats of this Clan all have some ginger or red on their pelt. "
"--so what happens when a SILVER KIT is born in each clan? The Apocalypse." ~ Kelly and Aly, respectively.

"Have you ever met me?!"
"Yeah, actually. I'm that nerdy boy with the glasses and acne who sits across from you in Health; didn't you know? Let's get together some time." ~ Tawny and Ferny, respectively.

"Piglet's back!"
"Yeah, she got raped...it's strange." ~Rayne and I, not respectively.

"Yeah, Rayne does everybody; didn't you know?"
"I dunno. Bad habit?" ~Piglet and Rayne, respectively.

"WHO RAPED ME? I kind of want to know."
"Uuuh, me because I do everybody? XDDD"
"-sarcasm- Oh, I raped you, even though I've never seen you in real life"
"NO! I raped her! ...We're fighting over who raped Tawny...XDD" ~Tawny, Rayne,and Memo.

"Yes, you have amazing taste, Bluey~"
"You're just in awe of my tastiness, right?"
"-licks lips- You're so delicious...it's absurd." ~ Ferny, I, and then Ferny again.

JS (Jon Stewart): Thank you. Thank you very much, it's great to be here tonight.

SC (Stephen Colbert): Good evening godless sodomites.

JS: What-what are you doing?

SC: I'm bringing the truth Jon. We're in Hollywood, the belly of the beast.

JS: Can't just- you can't just read the prompter?

SC: I'm reading the prompter in here. -Points to heart-You can read that pablem.

JS:Award show banter is not pablem. Reality televsion celebrates the human condition, by ellimanating what's -starts to mumble-extrodanary and the ordinary.

SC: It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies. -audiance cheers-

JS: The results are often dramatic and always unexpected. We're here to honor achievement in that category.

SC: By giving you a golden idol to worship. KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD BABYLON!

JS:This is-uh-this is about the Manilow thing?

SC:I lost to Barry Manilow! Barry Manilow! I lost to the Copacabana! Singing and dancing is not preforming! Wolverine I could've lost to! He's got claws for hands!

JS: Alright

SC: Can I hold some of yours?

JS: NO!