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Arnold: Heeeeeello everybody and welcome to another exciting round of fanfiction fun! Arnold the Pygmy Puff here to show you the best stories is cyberspace!

Director: Aaaaaand cut.

Arnold: Did I do it right?

Director: Well, the good news is, you got the lines.

Cameramen/Camerawomen: (sighs of relief) Finally!

Director: The bad news is...

Everyone on set: (groan)

Director: (ignores everyone) You can't just lie to your readers!

Arnold: Whaddi say?

Director: (flips through notebook) "...the best stories in cyberspace"?

Arnold: Aw, c'mon, I'm trying to sell my stuff!

Director: You're not even getting paid!

Arnold: (glares, and everyone swoons at the cuteness) You know what I mean!!

Director: Yes, but the fact still remains that there are better authors out there. Now here, fill out this survey with truthful answers. Not those ridiculous made up ones. (hands over survey) Now let's do it again!

Everyone on set: (groans)

~PPP~

Here's where I tell you who I am as an author. I love writing oneshots. Tiny ideas pop into my head that I can't incorporate anywhere (not that I really try-- I don't have very many chapter fics), but I like them as they are. Especially songfics. There was a time where I couldn't listen to my ipod without thinking, "Wow! That song would work perfectly with this book or that movie!" Lemme just make this clear-- I. Love. Oneshots.

Don't get me wrong, I do love chapter fics. I'm just not as good at writing them. They're a lot more work that just a throwaway idea you splatter out onto the computer. I know that because my first real chapter fic where I know most of what's going on beforehand took me months to work out before I even started writing. I had to think of characters and names and a plot and... maybe it's just me, but I wanted to get everything right. That's another thing-- I'm learning that I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my art.

I'm also (as much as I hate to admit it) sort of flighty. I'll start a fic and be really excited about it, and then I'll lose interest and stop posting chapters. I had to force myself to finish my best (in my opinion) chapter fic to date. I just had to get the ball rolling again. The thing it, I get obsessed with something, and then two weeks later I don't care about it anymore. And then I read the book or see the movie or listen to the song again and I'm obsessed all over. And when I'm obsessed, I really know of only two things to do- write fanfics or sing. So that's what I do, and when I'm not obsessed with it anymore, I don't want to write the story anymore. Simple as that. But I've found that if I put more work into a story, I'm more committed to it. So hopefully my fickleness is a disease I can cure.

The Survey

What is on your bed right now? A lot of pillows and stuffed animals. And sheets. And blankets. There used to be billions of Beanie babies everywhere, but now they’re in a box in the corner.

When was the last time you threw up? I think it was when I was twelve. I just had this bug, and I threw up about ten or twelve times in one night. Everything I ate just came up again. Even this tiny bit of toothpaste I swallowed after brushing my teeth. So I couldn’t even get the taste out of my mouth with anything. It was awful. (Enjoy your dinner!)

What's your favorite word or phrase? Today it’s fwickey. It’s a word my friend made up, and it’s for those little lines that you draw around a word to make it look like it’s bright or glowing. It’s also an adjective, but I’m not quite sure how.

Name 3 people who made you smile today. Oh, lord. EVERYONE makes me smile. Hmmmm… Well 3 people on fanfiction who made me smile today (so I don’t have to write their real names) are POC2 (aka my beta), TheWackedOne, and Issak. But seriously, barely anyone DOESN’T make me smile.

What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Probably cursing whomever makes me get up that early in the morning. Either that or singing whatever was on the radio in carpool.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Checking my email. I think. I haven’t been keeping track.

What is your favorite holiday? Ooh, that’s a tough one. Well, one of my friends has found a website that tells her a holiday every day. It’s weird things like ‘Mark Spitz Day’ and ‘National Pastry Day’. Today was ‘Blame Somebody Else Day.’ So if every day is a holiday, every day can be my favorite holiday, can’t it? But I pick… The holiday on which I was born. If you’re Jewish, it’s Simchat Torah. If you’re not, it’s a holiday after Succot (Succoth? I don’t know how to spell it in English) that’s sort of like a continuation of it. ‘Cept we don’t have to eat in huts.

Have you ever been to another country? Yessir. Israel, Canada, and… nothing else. I’ve been to many states in the U.S., though.

What is the last thing you said aloud? Probably something relatively normal, because it was said to my mother. Not me at all.

What is the best ice cream flavor? This is even harder than holidays. But in Florida over winter break, my family and I went to a Coldstone Creamery and I made THE BEST ice cream. It was pumpkin and chocolate ice cream with the graham cracker pie crust mixed in, and it was INCREDIBLE.

What was the last thing you had to drink? Boring Diet Coke. But right before that, I had this pomegranate 7-UP. It was good. But it didn’t taste very much like pomegranate.

What are you wearing right now? Blue rocket dogs, socks with pale pink on the heels and toe, a brown skirt with bits of grayish blue in it, a white shirt, a grey beater, a thumb ring with cool swirlies on it, dolphin earrings, and blue rhinestone studs. Yes, I have a double pierce. Yes, I am awesome.

What was the last thing you ate? A stolen fingerful of spaghetti squash. That stuff ROCKS.

Have you bought any new clothing items this week? And when would I have had time for shopping?

When was the last time you ran? I’m going to run in like, five minutes. After stretching, of course.

What's the last sporting event you watched? The Lady Aces (school basketball team- female version) totally CREAM Beren Academy online!!

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Right now? India. I just watched Bride and Prejudice, and I really want to go there. But this answer would probably change daily. The most consistent would be Israel, probably.

Ever go camping? Yep. Good times. Most recently at sleep away camp this past summer. I miss that.

Do you have a tan? A little, but since it’s the dead of winter, I’m a lot lighter than I could be. But I have this really pale friend, right? And for winter break, we both went to Florida for the same amount of time, and when I saw her again, she was DARKER than me!! It was SO unfair!!

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? Thank God, I don’t think so.

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot? Yes, when words cannot express my CRAZY EMOTIONAL EMOTIONS ;D !!

Do you drink your soda from a straw? Well, we don’t have any straws at home anymore, but if we did, probably. At restaurants, when they give you straws, I always use the straw.

What did your last text message say? Don’t have a phone, can’t text. So all you adoring fans who’ve been hoping to call me… you must wait! (throws up a hand dramatically in front of her and turns her face away)

Are you someone's best friend? I’m everyone’s best friend. …ok, fine, maybe I’m not, but we’re a little old to be like, “Do you wanna be friends?” “Uh-huh! Best friends!” (two children hold hands and skip off into the sunset)

What are you doing tomorrow? Hmmmm… let’s see… Homework, homework, homework, PLAY, homework. But that last ‘homework’ is iffy. And maybe SOCCER!!

Where is your mom right now? Somewhere over the rainbow…

Look to your left, what do you see? A lot of books. The computer room in my house is mostly my dad’s study, so he has a lot of stuff in here.

What color is your watch? Light green with little four leaf clovers. Not that I believe in luck, or anything like that, but it was just so darned pretty!

What do you think of when you think of Australians? Immediately? Hamish and Andy. If any of you know who they are, kudos. They host this talk show in Austrailia. I also think of kangaroos.

Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Yes. I’ve been afraid of them for a really long time, and I’ve just recently tried to get over that a little. The truth is, I just freak myself out while waiting, then chicken right before. Long waits suck.

What is your birthstone? The opal, the prettiest gemstone there is!

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Hate fast food, can’t drive. I usually just have leftovers…

Do you have a dog? Hah! I wish.

Do you have a cat? Ditto above.

Do you have any goldfishes? Sadly, yes. But he is neither gold nor remotely pretty. And I actually think he might be a girl. His/her name is Fred. He/she is grey, and very, very fat.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Hmmm… I think my friend Michale. (and NO that is NOT Michael. She’s a girl. And her name isn’t Michelle either. It’s a Jewish thing.)

Do you have any plans today? Well, I did… it’s nighttime now, you see. I guess my plan is… finish this. It’s taken me like, three days. Pretty sad. And maybe I’ll write some more.

Are you listening to anything? The sound of silence. And the whirring of my computer.

Where are you right now? Computer room/dad’s study. My house. Chicago. Illinois. The United States. North America. The world. The Milky Way. The universe. All of the above.

Biggest annoyance in your life right now? You should probably ask me when I’m annoyed. I feel pretty chill right now. But… I guess right now… One of my teachers gave us this huge assignment that we have to prepare, and I didn’t know about it in its entirety… and it’s due when I go back to school on Tuesday.

What was the last song you listened to? Blah Blah Blah by Rockapella. Great song.

Last movie you saw? Bride and Prejudice, spinoff of Pride and Prejudice, which happens to be one of my favorite books of all time. Cute, but you can’t compare to Jane Austen.

Allergic to anything? Not that I know of.

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Who has a favorite pair of shoes? Since it’s winter right now, I guess… my fake Uggs rock. They’re fuzzy and they keep my toeses warm.

Are you jealous of anyone? I'm pretty content with who I am.

Are you married? (gestures to self) High school!

Are you single? Yup.

Are you happy to be single? Truth is, I don’t really care either way. If someone who I don’t hate asks me out, I’d go out with him. Or maybe not. I don't really know.

Is anyone jealous of you? Everyone’s jealous of me. (...) What kind of stupid question is that?? Who would tell you that they’re jealous of you? And who’s conceited enough to assume people are jealous of them?? (Okay, I know I just did, but that was a joke, okay? A JOKE!!)

Do any of your friends have children? None of my close ones… But my sisters’ friends are, and I’m kind of close to them…

Do you eat healthy? Yes. Ohhh, yes. My mom’s a bit of a health nut and my family is notorious for liking food too much, so we’re all eating healthfully. I don’t hate it or anything. I’m content with who I am, but I admit I could lose a few pounds. THERE! I said it. I feel better for it.

Do you hate anyone right now? I hate you right now. Just kidding. I don’t really hate anyone except for… fictional characters and Palestinians. And Nazis. And those people who’re murdering everybody in Darfur. Okay, I hate a lot of people, but those people suck! And I don’t know them personally!

What do you usually do during the day? Hmm, lemme think about this… NOT! School, rehearsal, and homework. Working out if I can work it in. I like to read and write (which is why I’m on this site and have like, forty stories posted), so I get that in on weekends or whenever I can.

How many kids do want when you're older? I don’t know! I’m fifteen! I don’t want to think about college yet, let alone children!

How old will you be on your next birthday? I wasn’t planning on telling, but I just gave it away. A sugar sweet sixteen.

How many scars do you have? Several. That’s a bit of a weird question.

How did you get one of your scars? Well, most of my scars are very uninteresting, I-was-picking-at-a-scab sort of thing. But I have a very, very, very faded one on my chin from when I fell on it (yes I know, it kind of grosses me out, too) while skating backwards in an ice skating lesson when I was six. I leaned too far forward and WHAM! I was in the office with a butterfly bandage and they were calling my parents and telling me to hope I wouldn’t have to get stitches. My parents were jut getting home from a trip, but they took me right to the hospital where-- you guessed it!- I got stitched back together. Only I fought them so much they had to strap me down and my mom could barely slip her hand in to hold mine and… it’s one of my scariest memories. That and the time where some seventh grader sat on me when I was sitting in his seat and was a puny first grader. I’m still afraid of needles and that kid, so there you go. I know it’s not an amazing sort of thing like, you know… I threw myself in front of her just as the knife was being thrown… They said that it was a miracle that they could save my arm… But I guess that story isn’t very me.

Ever been to six flags? Yessiree. … wow, that was anticlimactic.

~PPP~

In case you need further proof that the human race is
doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods:

On a Myer hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...?)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause
drowsiness.
(And I am taking this...because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(Riiight...)

On packet of Nobbys'
Peanuts:-
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a newsflash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On disappearing-ink pen for marking fabric.
"The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing any legal documents."
(Awww but that's how I sign contracts...works every time ;D)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

~PPP~

Number your 12 favourite Harry Potter characters, in no particular
order, and answer the questions below the cut! No peeking.

1. Ginny Weasley

2. Fred Weasley

3. George Weasley

4. Sirius Black

5. Remus Lupin

6. James Potter

7. Lily Evans/Potter

8. Ron Weasley

9. Harry Potter

10. Hermione Granger

11. Luna Lovegood

12. Neville Longbottom

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? Ummmm… no. Although considering that he’s dead before she turns one, it’s not that surprising. I mean, who has an affair with an embryo?

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Yes. At least, when he was younger. Before the Azkaban thing and all that. I don’t think I’d date him, though.

3) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? I’d have to study Biology again to see if that was anatomically possible. I do not believe that it is.

4) Do you recall any fics about Nine? Nah… Never even heard of him…

5) Would Two and Six make a good couple? BAD mental images!! What is it with James and having affairs with children??

6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Neither. I didn’t put Tonks on this list, but still… Although, if I absolutely had to choose, Five/Ten. Harry and Remus are SO not gay. ESPECIALLY not with each other.

7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve in an awkward situation? I don’t think that Fred and Neville would expect that, actually… they’d probably both scream, because a woman who’s been dead a decade and a half has just come back to life. Okay, at least both Lily and James are weirdo stalkers. Maybe they made some sort of agreement when they got married.

8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten Fanfic. George/Hermione? Hm… Ron breaks Hermione’s heart one too many times, so to get back at him, she runs off with his sexhay older brother…

Just kidding. That would be the fangirly, let’s-murder-canon story.

9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff? I sure as hell hope not. Mrs. Weasley would probably die. Not to mention Hermione, Harry, and the rest of the Weasleys. “Wow, Ron, I knew you and Ginny were close, but not that close…”

10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic. The Night of the Living Dead. Lily seems to like rising from her grave a little too much…

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to go out with One? The sad thing is, I’ve seen things like this… I can’t think of a plot. Probably because I DON’T want Sirius to go out with Ginny.

12) Does anyone on your friends list read Three slash? Maybe. I don’t really keep up with what my friends read… Does George slash even exist?

13) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? Luna? … well, write? Definitely. Draw? I know someone who probably could, but she’s not on fanfiction.

14) Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Fred/Sirius/Remus? I’d probably stop being friends with them, so no.

15) What might ten scream at a moment of great passion? “I LOVE BOOKS!!” Either that, or something about Ron.

16) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? Ron… Um… Are there any songs about awesome sidekicks? I’d actually have to think about this one…

17) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? Ginny/James/Neville. WARNING: James Potter rapes little children.

18) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? Hermione to Fred? I don’t know… “Hey, if I’d have been thinking straight when you died, I could have totally saved you. I’m just that smart.”

19.) When was the last time you read a fic about Five? Not that long ago. I’m reading this really awesome fic from his perspective that takes place during the fourth book and on. I actually wrote a oneshot about him, that I have yet to post.

20.) What is Six's biggest secret? James can’t keep secrets…

21.) Three and Seven got together. Your reaction? (vomits) Okay, so Lily comes back from the dead very often to get together with/stalk underage wizards, and James rapes babies! I think that’s a very dysfunctional relationship. They need counseling!

22.) “One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, goes out on a date with Eleven and then, with Twelve. After this, One follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." Fill in the blanks. What title would you give this fic? Yes! A canon relationship! “Ginny and Harry are in a happy relationship until…” Oh, no. End of canon. “… until Harry runs off with Sirius. Ginny, broken hearted, goes on a date with Luna, then with Neville. After this, Ginny follows the advice of Remus and finds true love with George.”

The Day Canon Took A Nosedive, Hit It’s Head, And Promptly Dropped Dead. I even made it rhyme. Aren’t you proud of me?

23.) How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon? Lily/Ron? Well, depressed, because then there’d be no Harry… and even if there was, Ron would be his dad, not his best friend… and… well, everything would be messed up, that’s what!

Copy and Paste

If you've ever pushed on a door marked pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up stairs, copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get hit by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you are one of the two percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have spent more than two hours on the phone in one day, copy this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, why aren't two mooses meese? Or if two foots are feet, why arn't two footballs feetball? People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy this and put it in your profile.

HARRY IS NOT A HOROCRUX!! Neither is his scar! Why would Voldemort put a bit of his soul in someone he had destined to kill?? If you believe this, copy this into your profile. (I stand corrected... but it wasn't intentional, so it doesn't count...)

If you've ever run up the 'down' escalator or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you annoy people just for the fun of it, copy and paste this into your profile. (can you say... ALL the time??)

My best friend is insane. If you agree or if you have at least one insane friend copy this into your profile.

On pg. 116 of the American version of Order of the Pheonix (last paragraph) it states that there was 'a heavy locket none of them could open'. Ring a bell? It's proof of the R.A.B. is Regulus Black theory. Of you were smart enough to figure this out or you believe it, copy this into your profile.

Ninty-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with fitting in and being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy and paste this into you profile, and add your name to the list: AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crayzy Billie Joel Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, watching-waiting-wishing, 100-percent-Harry-Potter-obsessed, arnoldtehefemalepurplepygmypuff

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the eight percent laughing your arse off.

If you saw the Eragon movie and you think that FOX should NOT be allowed to make and Eldest, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann-- Disney's PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN-- are made for each other and no matter how awesomely awesome Captain Jack Sparrow may be, he should never, under any circumstances, be with Elizabeth, (or Will, for that matter) COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE.

If you think those stupid kids should give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you have no problem with homosexuality, copy and paste this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you haste those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!!

If you believe that the government should make levees and not war, copy & paste this in your profile.

If George W. Bush is getting on your nerves for various reasons, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV... Copy and paste this into your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a tree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Edward Cullen/Jacob Black or the Jonas Brothers told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing like a loon.

SAVE DARFUR! BUY A WRISTBAND AT www.SaveDarfur.org. TELL YOUR FRIENDS. CREATE A SAVE DARFUR GROUP! WHAT IS GOING ON IS GENOCIDE! STOP IT NOW! YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE! DONATE TO THE CAUSE! SAFE DARFUR!

If you support the cause, paste this in your bio and add your name to the list. armageddon-incarnate, rhapsodyflower, arnoldthefemalepurplepygmypuff

;),

Arnoldthefemalepurplepygmypuff