Dear cuntpuppet who is most likely to grow up living in her parents' basement until she's forty,
No one wants to sit with you during lunch and no one ever will because no one cares for a wanktard like you. Yes I'm talking to you, PotDumbfukk. May -insert whatever deity here- have mercy on your idiotic soul because Omnipotent One B and the rest of us sure as hell won't.
Amen.
See you in hell,
Notorious
I am not affiliated with Avatarsues. I am merely in awe of their profound skills in skewering Avatar Sues and wish to follow the path they have taken to rid the world of useless Mary Sues. They are gods like The Pantheons, The Omnipotent Ones and all the other anti-Suethors in The Pit. If you want to improve, you should follow their tips.
I am a proud member of Pantheon of Intelligent People who are sorely against Mary-Sues and abuse of the fandom(s). Copyright, all rights and trademark goes to Teh Panda and her amazing sense of humour. If you ask her nicely, she might allow you to join or put this in your profile. If you're not afraid to leave criticism on badfics or spork sues, feel free to announce yourself a Pantheon. It is not a collective or league, I just ganked the title from her because I liked it. Intelligent people do not need to huddle in groups to feel protected from Suethors. One of us is enough to handle a thousand sparklypoos. The main requirement is intelligence. Dumbasses make her an angry panda and you don't want to deal with an angry panda.
I am Omnipotent. I been inducted into the Hall of Omnipotency ... gained Omnipotence... Omnipotent One-d... or made into an Omnipotent One, whichever you prefer or whichever word is easier on your tongue, on September 24, 2006. We like to laugh at wanksters while practicing our accents. We are watching you, your sues, your grammar and your sockpuppets carefully. We will not coddle or hold your hand; we will burn your sues if you insist on throwing them in our fandoms.
Mary Sues pollute the fandoms. The most polluted fandoms are Avatar, Naruto and Prince of Tennis. It is possible to write GREAT QUALITY FANFICTION without using stupid original characters. If you want to read real fanfiction, go read Link and Luigi's stories right now and learn from them!
There are only FOUR elements to bend in Avatar: Earth, Water, Fire and Air. There is no such thing as tree-bending, shadow-bending, love-bending, dark-bending, wisdom-bending or any other bending aside from the four already mentioned. METAL BENDING IS FUCKING DIFFICULT AND IT IS A VARIATION OF EARTHBENDING! Toph was only able to metal bend after concentrating hard on the earth particles inside the metal. YOUR SUE SUCKS ASS IF SHE'S A METALBENDER BECAUSE IT TOOK TOPH, "The Greatest Earth Bender Ever", A LOT OF TRAINING AND A DANGEROUS SITUATION TO EARTH BEND.
Think, suethor. If GREAT Earthbenders such as the Dai Li can't even fucking metal bend, why should your sucky sue be able to?
Lightning is a variation of Fire and Sand is a variation of Earth just like how Ice is a variation of Water. Water benders will be able to bend plants if there is water in them, like in The Swamp. That wasn't nature-bending, sockpuppet-suethors. There can only be one Avatar. That's why he's the Avatar. He's the only one in the Avatar world to be able to bend more than one element. Do not rewrite canon into lamebrain proportions to make way for your busty blonde girl Avatar, please. Zuko would rather willingly marry Katara than fall in love with your Sue. That or he would willingly kiss Azula's feet and proclaim her best sister of the year.
ALL the Uchihas except for Itachi and Sasuke are dead. Sasuke will not fall in love with your original creation. He has to kill Itachi first and then revive his clan if he could ever get rid of that angst cloud over his head. Fangirls transported into the Naruto universe should become test subjects for Orochimaru's forbidden jutsus or be fed to Kisame.
There are YOUNG GIRLS to ship in Prince of Tennis: Tomoka, An and Sakuno. Hating them because "they get in the way of yaoi pairings" is STUPID. Yes, you heard me right. If you hate them for such reasons, then you're stupid. Just because there are a lot of boys in that fandom doesn't mean that they're all gay. Hating heterosexual pairings because they get in the way of your yuri and yaoi pairings is dumb. You exist because of a heterosexual pairing, so stop being such a hypocrite. Live and let live, you moron. Het-haters are just as bad as yaoi and yuri haters. There is no difference. It would be more believable for Tachibana An to suddenly fall head over heels in love with Atobe rather than have a new girl join the BOYS TENNIS TEAM and have her be the best at it while the boys suddenly trip head over feet over her.
Any kind of "Mysterious girl gets transported into the (insert fandom here) world. Chaos ensues!" or anything that contains "new girl..." kind of summary is a red flag for a Mary Sue so don't bother schooling me on how your Mary Sue isn't a real Mary Sue. A Mary Sue is a Mary Sue even if you name her Anna Marie Presley Sharr Jackson Spears Aguilera Timberlake or hide her behind a veil of angst. All you thirteen year old band geeks need to stop writing crappy Suefics.
The moral of this profile is that everytime you create a Sue, Ozai kills a penguin after forcing them to drink Inui's hyper remix deluxe plus juice.
STOP THE SPREAD OF MARY SUES IN ALL THE FANDOMS.
Cartoon and anime characters belong with their fellow cartoon and anime characters, not your Sues. Ryoma is not meant for the animated version of your loser bandgeek self. He belongs with Tezuka, Atobe, Fuji or even Sakuno. Anyone in Prince of Tennis or another anime character. Zuko belongs with Toph, Aang, Sokka or even Katara. He does not belong to your bitch-angst Mary Sue. Sasuke doesn't belong to a mysterious girl raised in the Village Hidden Under Your Bed. He belongs with Orochimaru, Naruto, Kakashi or even Sakura. Get that through your thick head.
If I enraged you with a very frank review of your fiction, don't bother to flame me because I will only laugh at your pathetic attempts to make yourselves feel better. Your sorry attempts at responding and justifying your pitiful Sues are only mildly amusing. Just do us all a favor and STOP writing Suefics.
Attempts at "flaming me back to get even" with my honest review of fics have patterns. In this section, I shall attempt to answer all your questions and moronic attempts to "flame me back" with the generic replies all you Suethors tell me time and time again:
Who are you?
I am a disillusioned ninja platypus with laser-beam-eyes (Teh Panda has approved it) who is taking up arms against all the Mary Sues I could find. I love to give band geeks wedgies or feed them to my pet sharks for lunch, and friends call me Awesome Sauce (courtesy of tsukikagehime-chan!)
Why do you do this?
I'm sick of little fanpoodles throwing their counterparts into a fandom so they can be with their favorite characters. Fanpoodles can't handle very honest reviews that they like to call "flames". They prefer to read reviews that praise their Sues and tell them how perfect they are.
What is a Mary Sue?
A Mary Sue or an "original character" is a new character inserted by the fan into their fandom via a really bad fanfic. The Mary Sue is how the author most likely would like to become and they get the guys, no matter if the character is the most unromantic person in the universe. Long-lost Uchihas, twin sisters of Echizen or additional Avatars aside from Aang or Shadow Benders who snag the guys are prime examples. Giving your Sue angst and a "dark past" will not make her less of a Mary Sue.
To paraphrase ZF, Mary Sues are public soft-core masturbation with a keyboard. No one wants to read them and will enjoy reading them aside from your fellow bandgeeks who can't get laid in the real world.
OMGyouweremeaninyourreviewyoubytch!22!111111111!
You write a crappy fic and upload it to Fanfiction.net, your crap!fic is free for me to skewer. Not everyone will agree that your horribly written new angst-bucket character is perfect even if she has multi-colored hair. I'm just being brutally honest.
But I'm only _ years old!
So what? I don't care if you're 10 or 50. A bad!fic is a bad fic just like how a Mary Sue is awful.
I'm gonna flame u!11!
Go ahead. Make my day. I love reading angry emails from suethors. I love skewering your sues and then watch as angry suethors burst a blood vessel because of it. I find lamebrain flames mildly amusing and sometimes when I'm feeling generous, I even take time to point out the misspelled words and grammatical errors in your flame. I don't feel like wasting my time to respond to all your comments and most of the things I listed here are sufficient enough to answer you Suethors out there. Count yourself blessed if I give you a second glance. Cuntpuppets who can't spell right and messages typed with capslock of rage are funny, in a sad way.
You're a bitch!
Thank you. It's better to be a bitch than to be a Suethor.
Go get a life!
I have one and enjoy it but I also enjoy torturing band geeks who insert themselves into fanfiction. Fanpoodles who write Sue Stories are the ones with no lives.
If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!
If you don't have any good, non-Mary Sue stories, then don't upload any stories on Fanfiction.net at all! You're just ruining the fandoms with your trash!
Are you nice to anybody?
I leave good reviews to good!fics. I don't like people, so the people that I don't hate are special. See those authors listed on my favorites? Those non-Suethors are intelligent and they deserve respect.
PEOPLE WHO WIN AT LIFE AND THE INTERNET
Zuko's Flamethrower PWNS j00
You PWN everyb0dy. You PWN life. You PWN the internet and its babies. I want to be re-named N0T0RI0US PWNS j00 in honor of your greatness. Every time you leave a review, a sockpuppet comes and tells the suethor to ignore your review and continue their gr8 storee to make them feel better.
Teh Panda
Her IQ surpasses that of a million suethors combined. I am her first groupie, so take that mothertruckers! She was the one who coined "The Pantheon", but The Pantheon is never a collective or group to bully suethors. We're just individuals who are sick of suefics, suethors and sues. For more information on The Pantheon, read her profile.
General Iroh
You are awesome. I laugh at every review you make.
SerpentArmour
The coolest pirate (arr!) Defender of the Fourth Wall to ever walk the halls of The Pantheon.. but where is the rum?
He 'as 'n accent, 'kay? Ye 'ave te be intelligent to understand his dialect, so everyone (yes you, suethors and sockpuppets) who makes fun of his accent are Stoopid with a bolded, capital S. Serpent wouldn't be Serpent without his accent and he still has better spelling and grammar than all you suethors combined so stfu about his accent already. He does it on purpose. Making fun of something he does on purpose has no point. He knows how to spell teh wordz. Insulting it because you think he has atrocious grammar and spelling shows how intellectually impaired you are.
All the Omnipotent Ones, Omnipotent One B, Defenders of the Fourth Wall and Pantheons
I salute you!
tsukikagehime-chan
Your profile is FUCKING HILARIOUS. You win the Funniest Person on the Internetz award. Too bad you missed the wankfest. Don't worry, PotD is fixated on ZF so if you check her works, you'll see PotD sniffing around.
Fr0g
She is made of all kinds of awesome.
Link and Luigi
Read one of their fanfics to see evidence that you don't need Mary Sues to write REALLY GREAT fanfiction. They are geniuses.
Kyoko Makashiro, SakuraWolf11, merissala and Lovenelie because they're not afraid of constructive criticism.
Suethors I won't recommend as human beings:
a.k.a. "You - get out of the gene pool!"
aniime.crazii
PM-ing me repeatedly with useless bullcrap is considered harassment in FFN's TOS. My eyes bleed from reading your PMs. I can't handle too much stupidity. Denial will not make your sues better. Go away. After dealing with POTD, I can say that you're not the worst suethor out there, but you certainly top the 'OMFG-YOU-CALLED-MY-PRECIOUS-OC-A-SUE!tehone!11! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT AND I'M GOING TO UNLEASH MY SCREAMING CAPSLOCK OF RAGE UPON YOU222!' suethor list. I wouldn't have made you cry so much if only you weren't so demented.
Air Bending Dragon35 and her band of sockpuppets
Does your mommy know you're on teh internetz? You should wait until you've finished puberty first before taking on people like ZF.
PreyOfTheDemons
I know ZF is awesome. She owns the internet and its babies, but do you really have to stalk her that much? I sometimes want to feel sorry for you but when you insist that masturbation kills, I laugh hilariously at you instead. No little girl, masturbation doesn't kill you and I'm sure you're not Pocahontas's descendant. STOP BASHING HOMOSEXUALITY! You claim to not hate gays but you insult their lifestyle. Don't you see the hypocrisy of that? People like you make a mockery of Christianity. Your level of wank is out of this world. Go back to Centauria or whatever your planet is called. Freak.
Serpent isn't attracted to you. None of The Pantheons or Omnipotent
Ones are. He's way beyond your league and spreading lies about him only makes you look even dumber than you already are. I would never reply to any of your messages nor will I send
you a message on my own. WE didn't rape fandoms and canon, YOU did. And just to make it clear - WE WIN!
Stop claiming you're
intelligent. You can't spell your way out of a box. Stop claiming you're smarter than everybody else. Stop
writing suefics. Stop trying to shove peace treaties down our throats. Stop using the holocaust, rape and other devastating events lightly. Stop being a racist. Stop being homophobic. Stop being in denial. Stop, just stop! Or go away. Preferably both.
Go back to school, emo kid.
bund destroyer
No girlie, you'll never be as cool as Omni B so what ever you say about her does not matter. Omni B is a better woman than you'll ever be, but I'd like to see you try and fail to take her (and the rest of us) on. She has intelligence, strength of character, good grammar, spelling skills, taste, a life, friends and everything that you don't. Your jealousy is kind of cute. No, no it's not. It's pitiful. No one can save you from B's wrath now. You poor, poor sockpuppet. Not. I'll enjoy watching B tear you a new one. It was nice laughin' at ya!
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