Meet the Author

First of all: the pen name. In no way am I photogenic. Neither in any way am I Frodo, although I am almost short enough. Further in not any way whatsoever do I read/write LOTR fiction, although I love all things Tolkien. Basically, I just thought it would make a suitably witty pen name. It's sort of like football—the name is completely irrelevant to what actually happens. :)

I am a college grad trying to pay off student loans (therefore you should expect slow updates). Specialties are the Middle East and Biblical Literature. I have never lived in any one home longer than four years, I paint and draw, I play classical piano (don’t hold your breath for my upcoming appearance at Carnegie Hall), and I studied Ancient Hebrew FOR FUN. You heard me. Furthermore, I play a wicked game of foosball.

My writing tends toward the humorous, with a healthy dose of drama/action/adventure, and the occasional foray into the poetic (see At the End). I'd say my strengths center on dialogue and character. You are guaranteed that I will show proper respect to the English language, observing all standards of correct spelling and grammar, even if I occasionally take deliberate artistic liberties. :)

I'm criminally lazy, so I'm putting my general disclaimer of non-ownership here. I am not George Lucas. I bear no discernible resemblance to George Lucas. I did not even dress up as George Lucas for Halloween. It is entirely possible that I am allergic to flannel. I am a nut spending my time writing stories that will make me nothing. Terribly sorry to disappoint you all...

Meet What She Authored

Completed

At The End: A oneshot set during the climactic scene of ROTJ. This piece is very different from my usual writing style, and is intentionally ambiguous. Just to clarify--At the End is told from Vader/Anakin's point of view, although hopefully for most of the first half or so you can also read it as being from Luke's POV. That's the intent, because what inspired this piece was my perception that Palpatine's words could be spoken just as accurately to Anakin as to Luke Skywalker. That's why I avoided using any proper names. But to help make things clearer, any time "he" or "him" is in italics, it's referring to Luke.

Red’s the New Black: This is a short Harry Potter humor fic set during GOF, canon-compliant, involving Harry, Snape, an assortment of mischievous Weasleys, Hermione, DH spoilers, and a frenetic talking bracelet. If it isn't hilarious, well, I tried.

The Harrowing of Hermione Granger: On permanent hiatus.

Have a Nice Trip: My second oneshot, also inspired by the last part of ROTJ. Whereas At the End is aspiring art, this is shameless slapstick. The Emperor is overthrown by the most unlikely opponent imaginable--and Luke Skywalker thought it had to be hard... Wrote it more or less in one sitting and thought, well, why not post it? Somebody might get a kick out of it...

Imperial Edict No. 1138: A humor longshot. You know all those things you love to hate about fan fiction? Bad grammar, mangled names, Mary Sue? If you've ever detested any of those, this story is for you. This guide to writing Imperially-approved fan fiction was inspired by the wonderfully therapeutic rant we had on the L/V Writers Board about the most annoying things in fan fiction, as well as Mathematica's "A Letter From the Force."

To Turn to the Dark Side, Press Three: A five-chapter humor story about Anakin's health insurance woes following the loss of his arm in AOTC. Written because if anything is guaranteed to make you turn to the Dark Side, it's HMOs. If you've ever listened to an automated phone menu and hated it, this story is dedicated to you. Inspired by real-life experiences trying to get my shoulders fixed.

The Care and Handling of Professor Snape: A Twenty-Five Point Guide for First Years: The title is almost longer than the actual story...and, basically, the title says it all. This was a part of another plot bunny that was too convoluted to ever merit publication. Essentially, it's another one of those "ways to annoy" lists, dressed up with a little more class, I hope. Nothing spectacular, but you should get at least a snicker from it, plus it only takes maybe a minute of your time.

Lord Vader’s Limpet: Vader survives ROTJ and subsequently gets lost in the Unknown Regions for twenty-five years. When he returns, the Empire has fallen, the New Republic is in swing, and he has a new role to play: Grandpa. A fluffily humorous longshot involving Vader and two-year-old Ben Skywalker, with cameos from several of the usual suspects. L/V fans will probably enjoy.

We Happy Few: Of twelve pilots in Red Squadron, two survived the Battle of Yavin. Luke Skywalker and Wedge Antilles get to know one another a bit better in the aftermath. Mostly just my own musing about what Luke and Wedge might have experienced immediately after ANH, once the jubilation wore off. Title taken from Shakespeare's play Henry V. Unlike most of what I write, there's little to no humor here. My favorite piece.

Far More Than Rubies: For all of you who, like me, loved the Force Bond series to death, and wished there was a similar story about Luke and Padme, look no further. Padme survives ROTS and six years later is reunited with Luke in a general mishmash of humor, drama, tragedy, angst, fluff, and action/adventure. It's a more tightly and intentionally written story than The Father. Possible sequels lurk in the wings (see my list of future fics), but are waiting their turn.

The House That Harry Built: A longshot, beginning shortly after DH and covering about seven or eight years. Harry and his houses discover that life exists after all the death; it just takes some time to start growing again. If ff.net had a genre called "reads like a violin sounds" this would go in that category. It is canon-compliant as best I could make it off the top of my head (yes, yes, I know Ginny's birthday is wrong, but give me a little artistic license, guys...).

A Dream Deferred: A brief oneshot in honor of Valentine's Day. In the four years between the two Death Star battles, Luke Skywalker saw a lot of his pilots and friends die. She was only one of them, but she was almost more. A sad almost-was fic, not quite a romance.

Sibling Revelry: Darth Vader discovers he is the father of twins a bit sooner than in the OT. Darth Vader also receives an intelligence report claiming that Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa are a bit, erm, closer than previously suspected. Obviously, this does not go over well. A humor short story starring the usual OT canon suspects, as well as a few OCs in supporting comic roles.

RESUME FOR: Vader, Lord Darth: This fic is what happens when a snarky Vader-loving writing type applies for several dozen too many jobs in the course of six months. Sooner or later, she will sit back after poring over her resume for the billionth time and wonder to herself, "Suppose Darth Vader had a resume?" Well, now he does.

Inbox: A humor collaboration fic, co-edited/written with my never-to-be-sufficiently-praised beta Mathematica, which you will find posted on her profile (check my favorite authors tab for the link). The chapters featuring Palpatine, Boba Fett, and Jabba are from yours truly.

The Father: It's sort of Star Wars Remixed--you'll find many of the same themes, events, characters, and so on, put together in different and hopefully creative ways. Features Luke, Vader, Han, and Leia, with nearly everyone else jumping in along the way: the Lars, Obi-Wan, Lando Calrissian, Wedge Antilles, Bail and Breha Organa, Yoda, Boba Fett, the Emperor, Captain Piett, Artoo, Threepio, Ferus Olin, and so on, with cameos from Grand Admiral Thrawn, Mara Jade, Admiral Ozzel, Jan Dodonna, and any number of others, not to mention a handful of original characters. AU, obviously. My first fic and my longest.

Driving Lord Vader: A humor longshot set in the same AU as Lord Vader's Limpet. Features Vader, a 16-year-old Anakin Solo, and the manly quest for a space flight license.

Future Attractions

Malfoys, Muggles, and Mayhem: During the summer before fourth year, Draco discovers that he has been signed up for Muggle Studies. Summer assignment: a one-week visit in the Muggle home of a fellow Hogwarts student. And if Draco is unhappy about this, that's nothing compared to how the Dursleys feel... A humor short story solidly in progress.

I Won’t Leave You: Yet another end-of-ROTJ oneshot. This is an older plot bunny, intended to be a complementary piece to At The End, from Luke's point of view. Nothing to it yet except a synopsis and some jotted-down ruminations.

Children of the Desolate: a sequel to Far More Than Rubies. A detailed outline has been drafted and I have begun work on the fic itself, but it will not be posted until it is finished so we may be talking in years still. Six years after escaping Vader in Kuat, Padme struggles to protect an extremely curious twelve-year-old Skywalker boy from the Empire, from her dark secrets, and - most dauntingly of all - from himself. The Rebel movements are on the brink of forming a unified Alliance to Restore the Republic, but a single act of treachery could destroy everything...and treachery is Darth Vader's specialty. Padme finds herself walking on the edge of a knife as she tries to evade Imperial agents, inconvenient questions, accusing nightmares, and the not-entirely-undesirable attentions of war veteran and widower Captain Lorcan Dharane...

Lord Vader and the Tramp: a proposed companion piece to Lord Vader's Limpet and Driving Lord Vader. Vader thought Ben was the most devious of his grandchildren. Jaina Solo intends to prove otherwise. In development.

The In-Laws: A oneshot from the same AU as Far More Than Rubies and Children of the Desolate. Luke, the slimeball, takes a trip away from Yavin IV - leaving his bride of 18 months to fly solo when Padme shows up for a visit. What exactly do you say to a woman whose son you tried to kill and then married instead?

The OOC Murders: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the untimely death of Anakin Skywalker, otherwise known as Darth Vader, whose character was literally torn apart by fanfic authors. And he won't be the last... Humor oneshot, and a kindred spirit to Imperial Edict No. 1138, assuming I can finish it.