Hi! I am new here and don't know if I'll have any stories for you in the future or not. I can, however, assure you that when I review I will give you my honest regards to your fanfics. I am friendly towards most anyone and don't want to insult any of you tallanted writers and I don't do flames. I just don't want constructive criticism to be mistaken for insults. Also, I have a few ideas buzzing around in my head that I would be more than happy to share with you. Feal free to tap my mind for insperation.

Have a nice day and God bless you.

P.S.

I like to listen to these while I read and I highly recomend them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2zSNOWpI9s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egM_jQVsfxI&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcXYOoUBG3Y&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAckfn8yiAQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30zlCcUfZfc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3LUc78vbDk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRN1tIPjs9I&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmQf2uRrfoo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVNDDQtvmg8&search=rock20lee20goofy20movie20stand20out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl82qXTlkQQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBn8kPO7yaM&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn_RVh6XxNI&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYPPxu3h1SY&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBl9UJGJyOQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29gwxKD_fqc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LOZMFADlpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yo6K2t-BDI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WR5qcXcxac

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXobPPRmzEU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rACJMVAyuxM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE01XQ2fDdg&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQsZN7kGkJc&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9MQggPfTPg&NR=1

IDEAS

I have some ideas for stories. I would love to read some like this and ask only that if someone uses one of these that they tell me so that I can read it and offer up constructive criticism. If anyone wants to use an idea of mine I would prefer it have a happy ending, though it is the writers choice. Of course, there is nothing wrong with a little comical stress. Heh-he-heh. If you want to see some of the shows that are the center of some of my ideas you can see some of them on youtube and toonsurfer. Modify if needed/desired. Overall, I would just like to see justice done to some of these ideas. One more thing. If you use my ideas, don't use evolution and keep it UNDER M. That means no sex scenes. Now, if you rate it M due to violence and gore that is OK.

On to the brainstorms.

What if the multiagent developed by Jeremy and Franz Hopper(from "Code Lyoko") successfully destroyed all of the Replicas in the Vertual Sea, but that was only the lower levels of the Vertual World? What if the TMNT from "TMNT Back to the Sewers" accedentally activated a back up on one of the higher levels and, as a result, had to track down and warn the Lyoko Warriors, now in thier early twenties?

A crossover between Danny Phantom and Syphon Filter where Gabrial Logan comes to Amity Park to personally deliver the news of the death of Imani Gray, Valerie's aunt. He meats Danny and figures out that he is Danny Phantom. He then inlist Danny's help in dealing with the Syphon filter virus. Valerie is suspicious of Gabe and follows, causing caos to ensue, etc. etc.

A crossover where Danny Phantom, Valerie Grey, Static Shock, Gear, Rubber Band Man, She Bang, Hot Streak and the Night Breed join the Justice Leauge or the Titans.

A crossover between the Left Behind series and Rugrats All Grown Up where the AGU crew join the Young Trib Force.

A crossover where, years down the line, X.A.N.A. from Code Lyoko posesses remains of the destroyed androids that were created by Dr. Gero and Dr. Mew from the DBZ and DBGT sagas.

A crossover where X.A.N.A. terorizes the net and the real world and it is up to Lan and Megaman to stop him, with a little help from thier friends and Dr. Hikari's latest invention, Portable scanners. But can they stand up to the combined powers of X.A.N.A., Nebula AND Megaman's Dark Soul?

What if a sario rip pulled the Animorphs, Ax, and the morphing cube into the world of Ben 10 Alien Force? What if Ship inadvertantly touched it and the Omnitrix at the same time, combining the best aspects of both and Kevin, Cooper and Ax worked together to reproduce the Omni-Cube?

A crossover where Neo pulls the Syphon Filter crew from the Matix to help in the war.

A crossover called "Freddy in Dreamland: Kirby vs. Kruger".

A crossover where Danny finds out that a company in Dakota has been developing purple ectoplasm that acts as a mutagine and has resulted in an explosion called 'The Big Bang' and created many a halfa with varying powers called 'Bang Babies'. What happens when he meets three bang babies by the names of Static, Gear and Rubberband Man?

The Ninja Turtles have faced aliens before, but never anything like these... slugs? Thats right, people, the Animorphs are on the move. Watch and be amazed as they add some Ninjutsu action to morphs old and new alike while the Turtles take stealth combat to a whole new level with the aid of morphing. Do the yeerks stand a chance? I highly doubt it.

The Runaways go to Amity Park and team up with Danny Phantom.

An AU to animorphs where Tobias becomes a nothlit in his human form then uses the morphing cube to regain his morphing powers.

A crossover between W.I.T.C.H., Casper, and Danny Phantom where Danny is is put in charge of protecting Casper, the heart of the Ghost Zone.

A crossover between Danny Phantom and Animorphs where the Yeerks want to make an army of halfa controlers, including Hork-Bajir.

A crossover between The Cronicles of Riddic and DBZ where Riddic learns of the ancestors of the Furions, the Sayans.

A fic where Dan escapes and tries to absorbe Danny only to have the Danny that is already in him turn it around so that the two Dannys over power the Vlad in Dan, thus turning him good and making an upgraded verion of him Danny's new ghost half. Yes, I realise that this is a run on sentence, but it is funnier that way.

Jeremy discovers a vertual world where humans don't know that they are in a vertual world. This strange world is none other than Legia. They free Vahn, Noa, Gala, Meta, Tera and Ozma and save the Seru-World. Each of the lyoko gang also get Seru of thier own. But there is a problem. X.A.N.A. follows them to legia and becomes the ultimant Sim-Seru, atatching himself to Willam. Can the Lyoko Gang and the Ra-Seru Warriors of Legia stop him.

A crossover where the TMNT buy J. Jonah Jameson's lies about Spider-Man, track him, learn his true identity, confront him, learn the truth and team up with him.

An Inuyasha crossover where Danny Phantom is exposed and he has to flee to the feudal era and helps fight Naraku.

A crossover with W.I.T.C.H. where Aelita is The Heart of Lyoko.

A crossover where the Lyoko Gang play a quiet roll in fighting the yeerks when the invasion is exposed to the general public.

A Code Lyoko and Runaways crossover where Jeremy discovers a way for the Lyoko Gang to use thier powers in the real world and the Runaways discover Lyoko through Victor being X.A.N.A.fied for a short time.

A crossover where Shao Kahn from Mortal Kombat atempts to asimulate the worlds of Street Fighter and Tekken into Outworld and the villans fight against or along side him while the heroes unite, after a few misunderstandings, of course.

Most of the following is cut and pasted, so please bear with the missmached font and formating.

"That's My King"

The late Dr. Shadrach Meshach Lockeridge, a preacher from San Diego, California said
these words in a sermon in Detroit in 1976

My King was born King. The Bible says He's a Seven Way King. He's the King of the Jews - that's an Ethnic King. He's the King of Israel - that's a National King. He's the King of righteousness. He's the King of the ages. He's the King of Heaven. He's the King of glory. He's the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords. Now that's my King.

Well, I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him? Don't try to mislead me. Do you know my King? David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork. My King is the only one of whom there are no means of measure that can define His limitless love. No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of the shore of His supplies. No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing. He's enduringly strong. He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast. He's immortally graceful.
He's imperially powerful. He's impartially merciful. That's my King.

He's God's Son. He's the sinner's saviour. He's the centrepiece of civilization. He stands alone in Himself. He's honest. He's unique. He's
unparalleled. He's unprecedented. He's supreme. He's pre-eminent. He's the grandest idea in literature. He's the highest personality in philosophy. He's the supreme problem in higher criticism. He's the fundamental doctrine of historic theology. He's the carnal necessity of spiritual religion. That's my King.

He's the miracle of the age. He's the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him. He's the only one able to supply all our needs simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak. He's available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He's the Almighty God who guides and keeps all his people. He heals the sick. He cleanses the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharged debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek. That's my King.

Do you know Him? Well, my King is a King of knowledge. He's the wellspring of wisdom. He's the doorway of deliverance. He's the pathway of peace. He's the roadway of righteousness. He's the highway of holiness. He's the gateway of glory. He's the master of the mighty. He's the captain of the conquerors. He's the head of the heroes. He's the leader of the legislatures. He's the overseer
of the overcomers. He's the governor of governors. He's the prince of princes. He's the King of kings and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King.

His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His Word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you.

He's indescribable. He's incomprehensible. He's invincible. He's irresistible. I'm coming to tell you this, that the heavens of heavens can't contain Him, let alone some man explain Him. You can't get Him out of your mind. You can't get Him off of your hands. You can't outlive Him and you can't live without Him. The Pharisees couldn't stand Him, but they found out they couldn't stop Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. The witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree about Him. Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him and the grave couldn't hold Him. That's my King.

He always has been and He always will be. I'm talking about the fact that He had no predecessor and He'll have no successor. There's nobody before Him and there'll be nobody after Him. You can't impeach Him and He's not going to resign. That's my King! That's my King!

Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory. Well, all the power belongs to my King. We're around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but in the end all that matters is God's power. Thine is the power. Yeah. And the glory. We try to get prestige and honour and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory, forever and ever and ever and ever. How long is that? And ever and ever and ever and ever. And when you get through with all of the 'ever's Then Amen. Good God Almighty. Amen.

I would like to write a tribute poem to the troops that flows well. I'm thinking of openning by basically saying that I am sick of the grief that our troops get. From there I am thinking of listing off all the sacrifices they make and then all the ways they get grief. At some point I would like to work in something along the lines of "If you don't like the politics, fine, but don't atack men and women whoare willing to lay thier lives on the line to protect YOUR rite to protest." and "To say that you don't want to see our troops killed is one thing, but to say to stop funding the war, to esentaily say to cut off thier LIFE LINE, you might as well be pulling the triger your self." I would like to finnish with something like "So who are you to mock a hero's choice to endure a warior's pain." That would be fitting, because the title I have in mind is "A Hero's Choice: A Warrior's Pain".

Here is a little poem I thought up.

Gone gone is the former man, the sinful, selfish man I've been.

I repent now of my sins. I lay me down, my heart to mend.

Now on Christ I shall depend, for He is with me to the end.

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get in to a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark takes his aspirin, gets over his headache, and is able to concentrate on his classes.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspape r articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway, but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in state prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Do people over react or what?

I am not a father myself, but I love the humer in this and, being a loving uncle, can somewhat relate.

Last week, I walked into my office to find a sandwich bag on my desk containing three chewy, tasty, homemade chocolate brownies. Some thoughtful and anonymous person who knew my love for tasty homemade brownies had placed them there, along with a hand written short story.

I immediately sat down and began eating the first chewy, tasty, homemade brownie as I read the following story:

Two teenagers asked their father if they could go the theater to watch a movie that all their friends had seen.
After reading some reviews about the movie on the Internet , he denied their request.

"Aw dad, why not?" they complained. "It's rated PG-13, and we're both older than thirteen!"

Dad replied: "Because that movie contains nudity and portrays immorality as being normal and acceptable behavior.

"But dad, those are just very small parts of the movie! That's what our friends who've seen it have told us.
The movie is two hours long and those scenes are just a few minutes of the total film! It's based on a true story and good triumphs over evil, and there are other redeeming themes like courage and self-sacrifice.
Even the movie review websites say that!"

"My answer is 'no,' and that is my final answer. You are welcome to stay home tonight, invite some of your friends over,
and watch one of the good videos we have in our home collection. But you will not go and watch that film.
End of discussion."

The two teenagers walked dejectedly into the family room and slumped down on the couch. As they sulked, they were surprised to hear the sounds of their Father preparing something in the kitchen. They soon recognized the wonderful aroma of brownies baking in the oven, and one of the teenagers said to the other, "Dad must be feeling guilty, and now he's going to try to make it up to us with some fresh brownies. Maybe we can soften him with lots of praise when he brings them out to us and persuade him to let us go to that movie after all."

About that time I began eating the second brownie from the sandwich bag and wondered if there was some connection
to the brownies I was eating and the brownies in the story. I kept reading...

The teens were not disappointed. Soon their father appeared with a plate of warm brownies, which he offered to his kids. They each took one. Then their father said, "Before you eat, I want to tell you something: I love you both so much.
"The teenagers smiled at each other with knowing glances. Dad was softening. "That is why I've made these brownies with the very best ingredients. I've made them from scratch. Most of the ingredients are even organic. The best organic flour. The best free-range eggs. The best organic sugar. Premium Vanilla and chocolate."

The brownies looked mouthwatering, and the teens began to become a little impatient with their dad's long speech. "But I want to be perfectly honest with you. There is one ingredient I added that is not usually found in brownies. I got that ingredient from our own back yard. But you needn't worry, because I only added the tiniest bit of that ingredient to your brownies. The amount of the portion is practically insignificant. So go ahead, take a bite and let me know what you think."

"Dad, would you mind telling us what that mystery ingredient is before we eat?" "Why? The portion I added was so small. Just a teaspoonful. You won't even taste it." "Come on, dad; just tell us what that ingredient is."

"Don't worry! It is organic, just like the other ingredients. "

"Dad!"

"Well, OK, if you insist. That secret ingredient is fresh organic...dog poop."

I immediately stopped chewing that second brownie and I spit it out into the wastebasket by my desk. I continued reading, now fearful of the paragraphs that still remained. Both teens instantly dropped their brownies back on the plate and began inspecting their fingers with horror.

"DAD! Why did you do that? You've tortured us by making us smell those brownies cooking for the last half hour, and now you tell us that you added dog poop! We can't eat these brownies!"

"Why not? The amount of dog poop is very small compared to the rest of the ingredients. It won't hurt you. It's been cooked right along with the other ingredients. You won't even taste it. It has the same consistency as the brownies. Go ahead and eat!"

"No, Dad...NEVER! "

"And that is the same reason I won't allow you to go watch that movie. You won't tolerate a little dog poop in your brownies, so why should you tolerate a little immorality in your movies?

I discarded what remained of the second brownie as well as the entire untouched third brownie. What had been irresistible a minute ago had become detestable! And only because of the very slim chance that what I was eating was slightly polluted. (Surely it wasn't . . . but I couldn't convince myself.)

What a good lesson about purity!
Why do we tolerate any sin?

License

A boy had just gotten his driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."

The son thought about that for a moment, decided he'd take the offer and they agreed on it.

About six weeks later his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut."

The son paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair.

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

Daddy's Daughter

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camoflaged face at the window is mine.

Dysfunctional Hallmark Cards

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love, and now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably
need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time ..
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you .. . ...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy . .
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there
was only one life jacket . ...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your Birthday
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Inside card)... Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas and
Kentucky

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day! .
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

Names have been removed to protect the stupid!
An actual letter from someone who writes and farms.

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first
step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me
when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it
should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home. I filled
the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not
having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my
rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer
still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it
took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just
stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head, almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit
me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect
it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there
crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when
people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey.

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine, but i will have a lot of it
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

'Before you take the life of your baby, really consider all your option. Would you rather be fat for a while, or kill your child?

If you're against abortion, re-post this

16 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses On And Point
A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want
Fries With That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten
Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

7. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

8. Order A Diet Water Whenever You Go Out To Eat, With A serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical
Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won, I Won!"

14. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,
Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!"

15 Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going
To Have To Let One Of You Go."

16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
Send This As An E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called Therapy.

This is good !

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama Bin Laden and a Texan
are all working together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes
in total", says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will
also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in
Canada ."

POOF! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in
Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no
infidels, Americans or
Canadians can come in our precious land."

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there
was a huge wall around those countries.

The Texan says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high,
5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the country.
Nothing can get
in or out; it's virtually impenetrable."

The Texan sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and
says, "Fill it with water."

While "flying" down the road yesterday (15 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot butt hole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket 95.00

Court Costs. 45.00

The Look on Cop's Face... PRICELESS ...

If you have ever run into a door, copy this and paste it on your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this and paste it on your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a tree, copy this and past it on your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy this and paste it on your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this and paste it on your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this and paste it on your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this and paste it on your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, copy this and paste it on your profile.

If you have ever shut a car door on your own leg, copy this and past it on your profile.

If you have ever UNINTINTINALLY broken a stick over your OWN head, copy this and paste it on your profile.

If you have ever accidentally electrocuted yourself, copy this and post it on your profile.